My current boyfriend's ex girlfriend is expecting a child should he go to the babyshower

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009 ( 175 moms have responded )

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about 3 months into our relationship my boyfriends ex told him she was 6 months pregnant and it was his,he's not positive if he is the father but he doesn't want to miss anything just in case the baby is his. I don't think he should go i think after the baby is born and determined to be his then he can have a babyshower himself for all of his family to come and celebrate the addition to the family but he thinks im being selfish,i just don't want him getting so attached to a baby that may not be his.

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Brandy - posted on 11/09/2009

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This sounds like it is more about your trust issues than it is about him or the baby. Agree to it, go with him. She will be more likely to get over it if she sees a supportive woman standing beside him through this than if she sees a jealous gf who is scared to let them be around each other. You need to understand that this is an emotional time for him and if you don't let him do what he feels necessary, you are going to push him away. Also, she is pregnant so she is being emotional and irrational and I'm sure her comments about not letting him see the baby will pass once she has the baby. Even if they don't, there are laws to prevent that from ever happening. Don't fight fire with fire. Be the bigger woman and let it pass or it's always going to be a fight.

Sharon - posted on 11/09/2009

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I think this is a seriously fkd up situation. Bed hopping sucks.



DNA tests are relatively inexpensive now.



I think to prove he is not going there for her, he should hold off on the shower. The others are right. He can have a "Welcome Baby" party after the baby is born and its proven to be his.



And I think he needs to stop taking her calls. He has no responsibility to her. His responsibility is to the baby if its his.



She's not trying to foster a relationship between him and the baby. She's trying to drag him back to her side. Get his feelings even if they are only temporary pity. And what sucks is that he won't recognise that until its to late.



IF I were in your shoes - and I was once. I would run for the hills and tell him to come find me after its all said and done. He's not strong enough to get rid of her phone calls - how much worse will this get after the baby is born? "OOHHH the baby is sick and I need help." "OOOHHHH the baby got hurt, please come see him." Gah friggen nightmare.

Trinita - posted on 11/09/2009

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I have never seen a man go to a baby shower anyhow. But to answer your question: What would YOU want him to do if you were HER? He should definitely be there. Not knowing whether the child is his doesn't free him of the responsibility. What if the baby is his? He will spend the rest of his life with regrets because he wasn't there. Actually, it's none of your business either way. If you plan to be with him, you need to be supportive and plan to treat the child as if it were your own. If you are not prepared to do that, move on.

Neli - posted on 11/09/2009

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If I were you, I'd get out of the relationship ASAP. You do not need the drama and chaos that will come from him having fathered a child with an ex-girlfriend. Not worth it. You deserve better. If he indeed is the father, he needs to focus on raising that baby, rather than focus on dating!!!

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ andrea...the thing that bothers me is that she cheated on him thats why they broke up and 6 months later she's pregnant and its his?!? I just think he should wait until he knows for sure before he gets so attached

Brittaney - posted on 11/09/2009

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i agree with you... he should wait if there is a chance it's not his. i mean, right now the baby's not here so he not really bonding with it... he would just be bonding with her, then that will make it even harder if he's not the dad. i mean, by no means am i saying to not "let" him go, i just think he should know how you feel and why you feel the way you do... then he can decide for himself

Christine - posted on 11/09/2009

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she waited until she was 6 months pregnant to tell him-----and he's not sure it's his???? something is fishy here----however, he sounds like he wants to be responsible. this is a good sign for you if you two are serious. is this a co-ed baby shower? i think that every baby shower i've ever been to was only women---but times have change and people do things differently.



i don't think you are being selfish, i think you probably feel a little threatened---at least that's how i think i would feel in this kind of situation.



i think if the baby shower is co-ed, then the two of you can go together----if she doesn't want you there, than he shouldn't be there, either. if it is just females at the shower and he is only wanting to go "just in case" it's his baby, so he doesn't miss out on a thing------i think he is being rediculous-----he can look at pictures from the shower later if it turns out to be his.

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ melissa...the thing is she hates me,she thinks i stole him from her when i actually was with him before when we were teenagers. I think until she understands that they aren't getting back together they should keep their celebrations seperate. The baby can have 2 seperate baby showers

Andrea - posted on 11/09/2009

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My hubby was at our Son Harley's Baby shower and he had more fun then I did.. We also di it after our son was born.. he was 2 weeks old when i had my shower..

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ september...he really is wonderful and he's a great father figure for my child who is not biologically his but with his ex she uses the baby to get his attention constantly and he seems oblivious to it

Andrea - posted on 11/09/2009

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Erika,

She can not keep the child from it dad, no matter what she thinks.. Trust me I know.. I have a friend that she tried all of that. By law he has rights to the child too.. Then she is just be selfish and not thinking of whats best for her child.. Sorry not trying to be rude.. Just have went through this.. Not with my own husband, but with many of my friends...

Tera - posted on 11/09/2009

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It most likely is his.. If she is that far along. Let him determine what he wants to do.. it will work out for you both Im sure

Mona - posted on 11/09/2009

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I think you are completely right. What if the child is NOT his, then he would have made a fool of you and himself by attending. Isn't a baby shower something for the girls anyway?
also, you may want to rethink your relationship, if this is something you are not willing to take on. Rememeber you can't "fix" him, you can only be apart of 'his' life and he apart of yours but he has to respect your wishes. This is not a jeaslously rant, you are trying to protect him.

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ candice...she makes any excuse to call him or get him to visit because she still wants to be with him. I told him men don't go to babyshowers usually but she wants him there so he's going

Talia - posted on 11/09/2009

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Is this a co-ed shower? Most showers that I have been to, the guys don't want to stick around. If you do let him go, go with him because its not appropriate for him go with out you, it will only cause problems with the two of you. If you don't let him go and the baby is his, he might have feelings of resentment. I think its weird for him to go to a baby shower unless its a co-ed and there are going to be other guys there. I definately think he should do a paternity after the baby is born, and don't sign an affidavit or birth certificate at the time of birth because the red tape to get it fixed it much harder than to amend the birth certificate later...trust me, I work with this stuff all the time.

Andrea - posted on 11/09/2009

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I understad what you are going through. I think that you both should be able to go. Not only will it show that you a being the adult but it will show that u support him. In the long run if the baby is his you are going to have to welcome the child in to your life to. You are also going to have to be able to speak with the other woman "baby Mom." Trust me you will get very jealous of him and the child and him and babies mama realtionship also.. Cuz they will be bonded for life.. The most important thing to remeber is just be a supportive girlfriend.. Let him know that you two can get through this together. You need to decide Why u really don't want him to go.. Is it that u don't want him to get attached or is there some thing else that is bothering you.. I hope this helps.. But you have to show her that you are an adult and the three of you can be some what friends for the child if it is his.. take care..

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ nathalia...She has already made it quite clear that I would have nothing to do with her child and because me and my boyfriend live together she has also made it clear the child will not be visiting.

Candra - posted on 11/09/2009

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I dig how you feel Erika! I think he should wait too. And if his "BM" is any type of grown woman she will understand how her timing may be bad and she may have to prove why her margin for error (3 months) is so large! But he needs 2 understand that u have his best interests @ heart.

Melissa - posted on 11/09/2009

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I feel that the baby shower is for the woman and not the man anyways. But if he thinks that the baby is his, and he wants to be a part of the baby's life, then you shouldn't hold him back. He is one of the few men who want to take care of a child even though he is no longer with his ex. I would talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Ask him if he still has feelings for his ex, and if the baby would make him want to get back together with her. If he loves you and wants to be with only you, then you should feel safe that he isn't going anywhere. I think that you should accompany him to the baby shower. My son's father got married and I really like his wife. We get long great. And that makes it so much easier to raise our child when we get along. He also really gets along with my boyfriend. You can't have any animosity towards his ex because this was probably not planned, but just happened. Give him the chance to be a great father if it is his child. If you do not let him go and the child is his, he will resent you and ultimatly you guys will break up, because he will feel that it is your fault that he missed out. Just be the bigger person and go with. But try to get along with her. That shows alot. Best of luck!!

September - posted on 11/09/2009

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In my opinion I think that you're being selfish. It should be about the baby and nothing more! If indeed it is his child then why should he miss out? If it's not his child you should be proud of the kind of man that you have in your life. He sounds like a great man who is wanting to do the right thing and if you love him then you would support him. We are taking about a baby here.

Erika - posted on 11/09/2009

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@ sade...I guess if she excepted that there relationship was over and that i was going to be apart of his life then it wouldn't be so bad but she is in such a state of denial

Candice - posted on 11/09/2009

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since when do men go to showers? weird. anyway, if he wants to go, you need to step back. if this is his child, and he misses parts because of you, he will resent you FOREVER for it. if it's not his child, you can be there to support him if he is disappointed. Unfortunately, it's not your decision to make. I think you need to support him if this is the choice he wants to make.

Nathalia - posted on 11/09/2009

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i think you should be able to accompany him without a problem,that will show that you are being an adult about the situation and supportive for him as well.

Lori - posted on 11/09/2009

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you are right he should not go not known if the baby is his.. if it is he will have a life time with the baby...

Sade - posted on 11/09/2009

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I think you are being selfish too. If he wants to be there for her let him do just that. Because if he doesn't go because you don't want him too and the baby is surely his, he will resent you for holding him back from his baby.

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