my daughter is 11 and she loves her father but everytime she sees him she wants to hug him and sit on his lap and be held, why is that?

Bianca - posted on 12/27/2011 ( 68 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 11 and loves her father very much. She wants hug him every time she sees him, or she wants to sit on his lap and be rocked and held. Why is that?

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CHRISTINE - posted on 12/28/2011

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Little girls look for a male figure for affection and at age 11 that is naturally their father. This is a healthy way of showing affection and she should not be told that it is wrong. As she gets older and has more friends peer pressure will cause her to back away. Tell her Dad to enjoy it while she is still young, these years pass quickly. As a young girl I wanted to hug my father and sit on his lap and was told by him and my Mother that is was inappropriate. As a result I always craved affection and ended up marrying a man much older then myself at age 18 looking for the affection that I craved from my father. Only after 10 years of therapy did I find out that this was the reason for some of my unhealthy relationships with men. I am now married to my high school sweetheart and encourage him to love and hug on our children all he can.

DEESHA - posted on 12/28/2011

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I am almost 33 years old with two children and a husband. And I still act like that with my dad.. It's our comfort zone.. Let her get all of his love without any questions. Therefore she won't be in the streets later on in life looking for that type of affection..

Kate CP - posted on 12/28/2011

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I agree, Sherri. I think not showing ANY affection for fear of it being the "wrong kind" is not a good way to handle good touching vs. bad touching. If you can teach your kids that certain methods of affection are okay, (even encouraged) and others are not, then I think you'll have a much healthier kid emotionally. And that child will be better equipped to deal with the potential issue of "bad touching" if, god forbid, it ever arises.

Jane - posted on 12/31/2011

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I used to sit on my dad's lap even when I was 15! I was never abused - just a daddy's girl. He wouldn't rock me, but we would always hug, etc. So long as there is nothing untoward and just a healthy dad/daughter love, I don't see a problem at all. I was only 17 when my dad died and I advise everyone to make the most of every moment you have with your dad!

T. Maenad - posted on 12/29/2011

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Eleven is still very much a little girl, even if she doesn't fit on his lap very well. If this is a new thing -- I would be curious, but if this is something she has always done -- not worries -- it will fade somewhat in the teenage years, but my daughter still likes to snuggle with her Dad and watch a movie -- she just doesn't fit on his lap anymore :)

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Jennifer Louise - posted on 10/03/2013

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its important to keep that love between them both going because a fathers love is kind of love that a daughter will learn from.

Jennifer Louise - posted on 10/03/2013

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the first and most important man in girls life is her daddy. he is the man to whom will hold her as baby in his arms and will promise to take of her like a king. she looks at her daddy like he is god. so please don't come down to heavy on their bond coz no matter how old the girl is, she will always be her daddies little princess. why get in between that special bond.

Barbara - posted on 10/23/2012

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Just reading this question I wonder why you have a problem with your daughter no matter how old she is wanting to hug and sit on his lap after all he is her dad. As long as there is no sexual abuse or a hint of it what's up? I always hugged my dad up to the day he died and I was an adult. I always hugged my grandfather so I do not understand your question.

Shawnn - posted on 10/22/2012

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Oh, stop, already, Bianca.



Your daughter loves her father. Period. She is not able to spend full time with him because you are divorced, and you've introduced a different man into her life in the "father" position. Sounds like you may be slightly hurt that your daughter wants love and affection from her biological father over her step father.



BTW, I'm 42, I STILL sit on my daddy's lap. I STILL hug on my daddy. I STILL value that contact. Probably because for 10 years (between the time my parents divorced, and the time I got married) I heard nothing from my mother except how daddy was going to molest me now that they were divorced. What a twisted crock of shit, in my opinion.

Fatima - posted on 01/17/2012

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I think history say girls are more close to their dads and vice-versa, but if you can tell your daughter that daddy loves her but as you are growing they are limits, she is a big girl now so tell her she can give daddy a hug but not to sit on his lap.



Hope this help.

Tracie - posted on 01/14/2012

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A girl who is treasured by her father is a girl who grows up to treasure herself. When girls become women, they look for men who treat them the way their father did. Your daughter is lucky that she will be looking for someone who values her.

Shirlene - posted on 01/07/2012

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I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. As long as daddy does not mind. I was daddy s girl & I loved to hug, kiss & sit on my dad s lap until I was about 16. My dad would sing Glenn Miller songs to me. My dad is great man.

Stephanie - posted on 01/07/2012

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I feel like it may just be normal, but I agree with the other post that she may want to receive counseling and find out ways to find out if there is anything to truly worry about and what the signs of abuse/neglect are.

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2012

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What's your problem? She loves her father? She wants to be near him? She wants to hug him? She sits on him? This sounds like a perfectly normal, healthy, daughter-father relationship.

Kelly - posted on 01/05/2012

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She loves her dad.
When my sister and I were little girls, our dad had a big '2 person' recliner.
Nearly every night after dinner and bath time, one or both of us crawled up into the chair next to him to watch some TV and fell asleep.
Nothing strange about it, we were both just serious Daddy's girls. We loved him and cuddling with him felt safe and comfortable.
Those are actually some of my very favourite memories of my dad. My mum has about a million pictures of one or all three of us sound asleep.

Maybe she needs to spend some more time with him, just one on one. Does he take her out on 'dates'?
Again something our dad did. He regularly took my sister or I or both of us out to dinner and a movie or dinner and some shopping to give my mum some quiet time. It was out father-daughter bonding time. lol

Since when is it a bad thing for a child to WANT to spend time with and show affection to their parents?
Maybe I am just strange, but both of my parents always hugged us, and showed us lots of affection.

Hannah - posted on 01/04/2012

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I am 27 and I still sit in my mom and dads lap! HA. My family was always very affectionate growing up. People always comment to my mom and dad about me and brother (30 yrs old), we're always giving them hugs in passing while at family get togethers. I will say though, I think it is important to always ask your kids "can I have a hug, kiss, ect." and if they say "no" respect that. Model to them that no one should ever try these things with them unless they have given permission. Do not guilt your kids into it.

Shahida - posted on 01/04/2012

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Does she see him everyday? If not she may just want the attention he gives her. Maybe he makes her feel like his "baby." Nothing is wrong with it... Better for her to get the right kind of attention from daddy than the wrong kind of attention from boys. If he was doing something to her, she would be distant from him.

Jodie - posted on 01/04/2012

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I would hold on to that, if she's a typical pre-teen most of the time, let her have her cuddle time. Some of eleven year olds are out getting into trouble, drinking or smoking.

Angie - posted on 01/03/2012

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Some of the very best memories I have of my dad were sitting on his lap. I'd still sit on it if he were alive and he'd let me. I'm 50!

Ann - posted on 01/02/2012

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he i dont like the sound of that!!! talk to her about her body and how lovely it is and tell her that if any one even your self ,teacher man woman child friends family dad too dont matter who touch her in any way she feel is not right. tell some one any one x

Bridget - posted on 01/02/2012

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There is nothing wrong with showing love either from a parent or from a child. This world needs a lot more love instead of skepticism.

Nelly - posted on 01/02/2012

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Shes just very cuddley and affectionate all my 4 children still enjoy sitting on our laps and curling up with us

Shelly - posted on 01/02/2012

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The more male attention and affection she gets from her father, the less she will be seeking it elsewhere!

Ekta - posted on 01/01/2012

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Theres no other reason of her doin than wat Amy just said...do not worry ..its the special thing that the father shares with her daughter...

Tammy - posted on 01/01/2012

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well i think its just fine .. she finds cumfort in him an dhey shes lucky .. i was daddys lil girl but he passed when i was 5 .. so let her be.. its all fine..

[deleted account]

Girls at that age need acceptance and love from a male...if they don't get it from a father they will soon start trying to find it in others. Don't discourage it unless she gets a little older and it starts to be inappropriate for her to sit on his lap...

Jill - posted on 01/01/2012

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i'm sure it's just for the extra attention. kids go through phases at different ages where kids will favor one parent over the other. enjoy it now while you can b/c once she gets older, she'll go through the phase where her parents know nothing about life and friends are more important. if you're concerned as to why your daughter is wanting to be near her dad so much, ask her why. maybe it's a simple answer. do you baby her at all? maybe she just wants the extra attention and daddy is there to give it to her easily. i tend to not "baby" my children but my husband does. so i can see why a child would want to be around the one parent who gives them extra attention. many kids that age are not very affectionate towards their parents so i would consider it precious.

Mona - posted on 01/01/2012

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I was a Daddy's girl and I see nothing wrong with your daughter wanting to express her love for her father. In today's society there are a lot of negative things that can make us wonder about this but a father deserves the right to have the love of his children to. My father made me feel safe and he was always there for me. I sat on his lap and hugged him and I am glad I did. I wish he was here today so I could sit on his lap and love him everyday.

Kelly - posted on 01/01/2012

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Remember that in this world..we as adults have the sin and perversion, our children, unless exposed to molestation, are inocent. Just like a child psychologist would do, role play with your child. Don't ask specific questions that 'lead a child to the thoughts.'
I was molested for years and I never wanted to be alone with the step dad. The important part here is that you 'are' in fact being a protective parent and you are on guard, my mother was rather emotionally absent from my sis and I. Kudos to you, but you should read a bit from child psychologists regarding warning signs and how to get to the truth.
God Bless,

Kellz

Jessica - posted on 01/01/2012

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My 11 year old loves to be rocked still by me or her dad. It is very soothing. ♥ Your daughter loves her dada just like we all love ours :):)

Stephanie - posted on 12/31/2011

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I hate to say it, and perhaps I'm jaded from the field I've been working in, but 11 and being rocked??? I would never want to do that as an 11 year old.

Stephanie - posted on 12/31/2011

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I agree with that statement but you have to understand that from a professional standpoint. My daughter's preschool teacher does give her students hugs at private school... but... I work in Mental health with kids who are abused/molested and there are A LOT OF them, and it's often someone you wouldn't suspect, it's not really professional in most cases for older children to be hugging teachers of the opposite sex and etc. now because their is a heightened awareness of reality, kids do get exploited and molested... and it's normal to fear and protect your child from that as a mother. It sounds like in this case it's just a daughter showing normal affection toward dad, but, if the mom's worried she also may have a sense of intuition.... it's not always normal even if it appears normal! It's also just as normal for mom's to have an instinct to protect their young so to speak.... she's not wrong just because she posted this.

Jessica - posted on 12/30/2011

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Agreed Francesca I was raised by my dad mostly and I have a realllly good self esteem. Always have.

Christine - posted on 12/30/2011

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I also grew up being told that sitting on a mans lap, any man, was inappropriate. This is a broad question though, not knowing whether or not she lives with him, seeing him regularly or only sees him so often. I think 11 is a little to old to be rocked. I agree with Sherry in that I trust very FEW men, thinking back to my childhood and don't put much past anybody. Take a step back and really observe things. Pray for clarity and listen to your gut. It is very rarely wrong!

Angelita - posted on 12/30/2011

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I don't think there is any problem with a child seeking attention and affection from a father. If you are worried, I suggest you contact WOAR(Women Organized Against Rape) or some other advocay organization and find out what the signs of sexual abuse are.

Jennifer - posted on 12/30/2011

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There is a measure of security she can only get from her daddy. At this age their hormones are out of whack and they start the process of puberty. She is still her daddy's little girl and looks to him for comfort and safety. My eleven year old loves her dad so much, sometimes I am jealous:) However, I am glad she has him. My dad died in a car accident when I was 12 and not having a father close and in my life caused me to reach out to older boys and head down a road I otherwise would have not traveled. Embrace it for her sake:)

Sara - posted on 12/30/2011

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I am 35 and my dad passed when I was 19. One of my fondest memories of him was sitting on the love seat and curling up under his arm. I am glad to have that memory - as I did this with him until he died. I just loved being held by him, I felt safe and secure at times when nothing else seemed right and when I couldn't stand my mom. I hope my girls do the same with their dad.

Karli - posted on 12/30/2011

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I think its sweet. I don't know the situation, however it seems that if there were some sort of abuse going on, she would be afraid of him. In this case hugging and cuddling seems to make her feel secure. If he hasn't been around in a while, she probably just misses him, and is afraid of not seeing him again. 11 and 12 (the preteen stage) is hard time for girls. I personally feel that the more "good touching" like hugs and cuddling more often actually make it easier for kids to understand when there is "bad touching". If you make it where all touching seems bad, she will get confused.

Dorothy - posted on 12/30/2011

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as natural as it is to have a child and parent be close, in this crazy world we live in i think it is okay to seek answers if you have gut feelings you're not comfortable with~ as we know (from dr.phil) and others , lots of molestation has taken place right under a mothers care.

Flo - posted on 12/30/2011

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I have a 12 year old she loves her father and likes to hug him alot one day they will have nothing to do with them because they will be to old to want to do that

Cassie - posted on 12/29/2011

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Congratulations! Your daughter has a very natural and healthy affection for her father. Now Daddy just needs to understand that everything he does and how he treats her will affect how she chooses her future husband. He has an amazing opportunity to teach her how to respect herself and expect the very best from a husband. My daughter is almost 17 and still loves to hug her daddy (and mommy). Embrace it and encourage Daddy to reciprocate the affection.

Bernadette - posted on 12/29/2011

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you said that she doesn't see him very much. It is not surprising then, that when she does see him, she wants to be as close to him and spend as much time with him as she can! She probably misses him like crazy when he's not around.

Christina - posted on 12/29/2011

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My daughter is 10 and exactly the same way. He is warm and she feels safe and loved...that is all, she just loves him.

Rashell - posted on 12/29/2011

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she is daddies girl, no problems, no matter the age :-) its a girls love for her dad.....she has years to come but on her wedding day play Butterfly Kisses...I love that song and admire a fater and daughter relationship because I didnt have it...cherish it when she start dating it may come to an end...hope not though

Tine - posted on 12/29/2011

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Kids need affection!!
She may need affection and reassurance from him more at the moment for a host of reasons, not least that she is entering adolescence, a time of huge and unsettling change.

If it makes you feel better, research shows that girls who have a strong relationship with their father are more emotionally healthy and on average start being sexually active later!

The thing with kids is that they have emotional needs. It's really really important to trust that the child knows what those needs are, and to go with her on filling them so that she can be reassured and feel secure and safe, and ready to take on that big world!!

It might also be good for her dad to chat with her to make sure that nothing is bothering her, possibly she may be worried about something (maybe bullying, or hassles with friends) that she needs help with.

Keri - posted on 12/29/2011

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I think you answered your question with your first statement. She loves him very much. I think many little girls admire their fathers and want to be around them as much as possible. Is she ignoring you?

Briony - posted on 12/29/2011

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I'm 19 and have a daughter and a fiancé. Everytime I see my dad I give him a cuddle and a kiss. I have always been a daddy's girl (prob because he always gave in and let me do anything I wanted lol) my niece is ten and she is a daddy's girl too she very much like ur daughter likes her cuddles and to play around with their dads the way most of us used to do. It's a normal thing to do to ur parents

Audrey - posted on 12/29/2011

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LIke everyone else was saying, Why is this odd? Im 24 and still like to hug on my daddy and sit with him(though not on his lap as im a little old lol). i would be concerened if she wanted nothing to do with him. as for the step-father/ father part... i see nothing wrong with her prefering her biological father to her step dad.

Debi - posted on 12/29/2011

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she wants male attention. better from her father than another boy or man. her father probably helps her feel secure.

Kelly - posted on 12/29/2011

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Bianca, I think you would benefit from speaking to a counselor about what your thinking/feeling. Many state and local programs are in place to help women with a range of issues. It was the only way I was able to learn to live with my past and understand what a healthy relationship is.
Best of luck to you.

Francesca - posted on 12/29/2011

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Because girls get their self esteem from their dads. I think if this continues in a healthy way, that you'll see a young woman who has a lot of confidence and who won't derive it from boys. I saw this in my own daughter's relationship with her dad. I think its healthy.

Merry - posted on 12/29/2011

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I always felt like I couldn't hug and cuddle my parents. Especially my dad. I would lay in bed at night daydreaming of my future husband who I could finally have someone to hug and cuddle me. In fact when we started datingwe would sometimes just sit in silence holding eachother. It was so healing from feeling my dad didn't love me.

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