my daughter is 3 and ahalf and she has been fresh for 2 and ahalf years.. I cant take it anymore, I have tried everything with her.. please help

Vicki - posted on 03/11/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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She hits, yells back at you, doesnt lishen to anything, it's her way or no way.. I am losing my mind.. I have tried everything with her, I have taken things away, grounded her (yes she knows what grounded means), I have done the time out.. I dont know what to do anymore.. suggestions please

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Tina - posted on 03/11/2009

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Being a mother of 2 20 somethings and a gramma to 1 little one and having run a private day care for 9 children for 8 years, I have come to realize that " once is a habit" in that what ever you did yesterday is what the child expects today, but don't expect instant results. It may take a few days. I'm just saying that consistancy is the key. ie. don't give in, don't back down. What ever you do, do it with love in your heart and calm in your hand. Hope this helps.

Abbey - posted on 03/11/2009

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Consistency is HUGE with kids. They're VERY smart. If you let them get away with something once they'll forever remember it and push and push until they're always getting away with it. Make sure that you're punishing for the same things every single time she does it. Also, something that I find has really worked with my kids is to make sure that I stay calm. Kids tend to do what they see being done. I'm NOT saying that you yell at her and hit her, and that's why she's doing it so please don't take what I'm saying the wrong way. :) She's old enough that she can listen to reason. Sit her down and explain to her why what she did/said was wrong, and explain the punishment to her. Make sure that she knows what she's being punished for and why.

I hope this helps and that you're able to figure something out so that you can enjoy her to the fullest.

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Kimheng - posted on 03/12/2009

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My son did not go through that extreme. When he was starting that phase all I did was pull up a chair or lean against a wall. I talk calmly explaining to him that I will listen to him once he can talk. I told him he can be upset but I was not going to talk until he's done. I told him to let me know when he's done. It might take a while for you since the habit is there already and you are so used to reacting. Once she calms down, calmly explain your expectation once you thank her for being able to clam herself.

Belinda - posted on 03/12/2009

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my son was diagnosed with ODD, and yes, it certainly has been a challenge. I am diploma trained in childcare, worked in disabilities and childcare since 1992, and have worked with children with such severe behaviour challenges, and yet, I have a little boys who is now 6yrs, and I was lost, as i tried everything. All I can say, is hang in there, talk to them, listen to them. These children as you may already know with your child, are extremely intellignet, highly independant, and need structure. I run family day care, and have done for years now, and made sure my son always had a bit more structure, and kept his mind busy. Get an old sewing machine, give them some screw drivers, and a bucket, let them take it apart, they love to see how things work. This kept him busy for hours! (supervision of coarse!) The other thing I did, was change his diet, get your hands on the book FED UP WITH ADDITIVES, and cut our the crap preservatives that are added to our foods these days! Many of my day care children marvel at the difference in their behaviour.  (that means get back to good old fashioned cooking) Avoid foods with colourings and flavourings too.



Be consistent, turn the tables around and really praise them and reward them for good behaviour, and please, choose your battles. Lots of physical exercise is also great, both my boys do hip hop dancing each week, high energy, and all choreographed to stimulate their active minds. Remember, do not fight aggression with aggression! It is typical age behaviour, if you are concerned, get them checked out by a paediatrician.



make up some easy social stories about situations to read to your child each night. EG: Hitting: point out in the story how it makes the child feels so sad, get them to give you the answers, and they probably will!



take care, hang in there, give her plenty of cuddles, and praise, and keep up the consistency. You are a good mum!



Belinda

Wendy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Try fish oil capsules available in fruit flavours and chewable. My 7yr son takes one every morning and is a different child. Use to have mulitple tantrums each day - would't listen and was very agressive and just impossible to control. I swear by these and so does many of our friends. Give it about a week but I am sure will be impressed with the difference.



 



Wendy

Cheryll - posted on 03/11/2009

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You have to stop it NOW while she is still young. If you don't it will only get worse. You do know that time out should only be one minute for each year of their age. I don't believe in abusing your child by no means, but I do believe that sometimes, you have to give them a light spanking on their bottoms. When she goes to hit at you, I would grab her hands and hold them there for a couple of minutes and make her look you in the eyes while you speak with her about it. i.e. you do not hit, do you hear me? And make her acknowledge that she does understand. You have to do this everytime though or you will be defeating your purpose. BE FIRM and don't give in... You are the mother and she is the child. You have to show her that. Good Luck! I always said in raising my two now grown children that it was terrible two's and worser three's.

Paulette - posted on 03/11/2009

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Quoting Paulette:



Hi Vicki, Oh how I feel for you. It can be exhausting to go through this kind of stress. Has she gone through any kind of reaction to immunizations shots? Some types of conditions that come to mind are OCD: Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Sensory Processing/Sensory Integration Disorder. I would look into those conditions to see if she fits one of them. I would look at www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html. I am currently doing the checklist myself for my son. I hope this helps a little, take care.






Sorry, that should have bee ODD not OCD.

Wendy - posted on 03/11/2009

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Try is focus on her good behaviour nd reward her for that.  With my daughter who is nearly 5 and is still having tantrums, I talk to her after to find out why she did that and 9 times out of 10 its because she as scared or afraid that something was going to happen. We have not had a tantrums for a few months now as I am now avoid situations that could spark something off.  Good luck, I always found a good cry to myself got rid of the stress.

Paulette - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi Vicki, Oh how I feel for you. It can be exhausting to go through this kind of stress. Has she gone through any kind of reaction to immunizations shots? Some types of conditions that come to mind are OCD: Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Sensory Processing/Sensory Integration Disorder. I would look into those conditions to see if she fits one of them. I would look at www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-processing-disorder-checklist.html. I am currently doing the checklist myself for my son. I hope this helps a little, take care.

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2009

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I have heard taking everything away except for necessities and letting her earn them back piece by piece works, never had to try it though. Charts for good behaviour really work because they can visually see how well they are doing and a big fun list of rules helps so she has a written out (even if sh can't read) visual reminder of what is expected in her house. good luck, hope it gets better soon!

Mandy - posted on 03/11/2009

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if shes naughty a good idea is to ground her to the naughty chair or the stairs,stairs are better cos she will throw a tantrum and cry and scream for a few minutes, when u dont respond to her demands, she wil know that u mean buisness, and each time shes naughty she will know that this is her punishment, and her tantrums will not be tolerated.this works with my 4 year old.hope this helps.

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