My daughter is a lesbian...I am losing my mind!!!!

Esther - posted on 05/04/2009

Quoting Stephanie:

Oh my God... thruffully being in your situation is what i fear the most... I have a only child and she is 3 years old i can't even imagine me in your shoes... And im deeply sorry but i think you should talk 2 your daughter and find out whether its true or not... Conversate with her.

Really - THIS is what you fear the most? Not your child getting hurt or getting some illness or even something somewhat less dreadful like get pregnant at age 16? THIS is it? We should all be so lucky as to have this be the worst that ever happens in our children's lives. Her daughter just happens to be wired to like people of the same sex. So what? I hope she find someone who respects her and loves her and supports her for just who she is. If that's someone of the same sex, big deal!

Esther - posted on 05/04/2009

Quoting Stephanie:

Oh my God... thruffully being in your situation is what i fear the most... I have a only child and she is 3 years old i can't even imagine me in your shoes... And im deeply sorry but i think you should talk 2 your daughter and find out whether its true or not... Conversate with her.

Really - THIS is what you fear the most? Not your child getting hurt or getting some illness or even something somewhat less dreadful like get pregnant at age 16? THIS is it? We should all be so lucky as to have this be the worst that ever happens in our children's lives. Her daughter just happens to be wired to like people of the same sex. So what? I hope she find someone who respects her and loves her and supports her for just who she is. If that's someone of the same sex, big deal!

Esther - posted on 05/04/2009

Quoting Stephanie:

Oh my God... thruffully being in your situation is what i fear the most... I have a only child and she is 3 years old i can't even imagine me in your shoes... And im deeply sorry but i think you should talk 2 your daughter and find out whether its true or not... Conversate with her.

Really - THIS is what you fear the most? Not your child getting hurt or getting some illness or even something somewhat less dreadful like get pregnant at age 16? THIS is it? We should all be so lucky as to have this be the worst that ever happens in our children's lives. Her daughter just happens to be wired to like people of the same sex. So what? I hope she find someone who respects her and loves her and supports her for just who she is. If that's someone of the same sex, big deal!

Angela - posted on 05/04/2009

i know it can be a bit of a shock but she is your daughter and it should not matter weather she is gay, straight or neither i think you should support her know matter what, if she is gay it does not change who she is and you should stand by her and love her uncondinally

Angela - posted on 05/04/2009

i know it can be a bit of a shock but she is your daughter and it should not matter weather she is gay, straight or neither i think you should support her know matter what, if she is gay it does not change who she is and you should stand by her and love her uncondinally

Rhian - posted on 05/04/2009

you shoul also be very greatful that she came to you, this shows how much she trusts you as a mother but how would she feel if you turn her away????

Rhian - posted on 05/04/2009

she is what she is and no one can change that, its best to know and to love her for who and what she is than to know and have nothing to do with her, it really shouldnt matter what she is as long as she is happy and has her mothers support is the most important thing as she is probably stressing over how you feel to!! i have four boys and if any of them or all of them came to me and told me they were gay it wouldnt matter they are still my children and i love them no matter what, just try to see where she is coming from and give her as much support and understanding as you can, she is still your child.

Rhian - posted on 05/04/2009

she is what she is and no one can change that, its best to know and to love her for who and what she is than to know and have nothing to do with her, it really shouldnt matter what she is as long as she is happy and has her mothers support is the most important thing as she is probably stressing over how you feel to!! i have four boys and if any of them or all of them came to me and told me they were gay it wouldnt matter they are still my children and i love them no matter what, just try to see where she is coming from and give her as much support and understanding as you can, she is still your child.

Rebecca - posted on 05/04/2009

I know you may be going through a difficult time and I couldn't imagine going through it. I think though, that it's not about you. It's about you daughter. If she came to you and told you that she is a lesbian...than she just wanted to confide in you, to get your support. Regardless if you disgusted, hate her action or whatever...it is what it is and I think that you should take some action to understand or even support your daughter because if you don't... you will only push her away. If you really love your daughter....you should love her unconditionally. No matter what...she is your flesh and blood and if she wants to be a lesbian....it shouldn't matter what other people think.

Esther - posted on 05/04/2009

Quoting Angela:

[ ] This lesbianism is mostly a strong faze that is going around right now.....let us pray our daughters are just going to treat it as such a faze and grow past it.

It's most definitely not a phase or something that's "going around" like some contagious disease. It is how you were built. It's in your genes. You can't catch it anymore than you can catch having blue eyes. It's not something anyone would choose if they had such a choice. It is no coincidence that suicide among gay teens is FAR higher than it is among straight teens. The reason more people are openly gay these days is that more people are coming to realize that there is nothing wrong with it and more and more people are finding the courage to come out to their friends and fmaily, which in turn inspires others to come out as well. There is safety in numbers. But it's not like someone who is straight looks at a gay person and thinks "oh, that's so cool, let me be gay too!". That's just not how it works. My brother-in-law is gay. His family is VERY open minded (thank god) and he was born in the country that was the first in the world to legalize gay marriage so a pretty tolerant country too. He should have had absolutely no doubt that anyone in his family would accept him for who he was. And yet it STILL took him 18 years to come to terms with it. This is not something that is easy for people. Nobody wants to be "different" or the odd one out. Nobody who is straight has to "come out" to their family and tell them they are straight. But people who are gay do have to do that. It's difficult. And they need support, not judgment.

Esther - posted on 05/04/2009

Being gay is not a phase. It's not a choice. It's not an impulse. It's defnitely not disgusting. It's not wrong. It's not a belief nor a lifestyle. It's just something you are. It's also not about sex. It's about love. When you fall in love with a man, is it solely about wanting to get laid? No. It's about a connection you feel with someone. An attraction. Emotions. Sex comes with the territory but it's not at the center of it at all. It's no different when a gay person falls in love with a person of the same sex. The emotions are identical. The only difference is the gender. And it's not something they have any control over. Please allow people to be who they are and find happiness with another person. We wouldn't want to be denied that right either would we?

Angela - posted on 05/04/2009

there is nothing rong in being a lesbian or being Gay this could just be a faze for your daughter that she going thorth at her age how old is she. I know how you fill womdering what is she doing with her partner and the digusting thing there geting up to . well look good side of it all having she whont be coming home in rush and saying mum im pregnant If she happy let her be for the time keep you head up hight and give your daughter all the love and back up she need speck with her ark her questions whats it like to be a lesbian tell how you fill about it but dont get mad with her she love sill love you more then what you think

Angela - posted on 05/04/2009

there is nothing rong in being a lesbian or being Gay this could just be a faze for your daughter that she going thorth at her age how old is she. I know how you fill womdering what is she doing with her partner and the digusting thing there geting up to . well look good side of it all having she whont be coming home in rush and saying mum im pregnant If she happy let her be for the time keep you head up hight and give your daughter all the love and back up she need speck with her ark her questions whats it like to be a lesbian tell how you fill about it but dont get mad with her she love sill love you more then what you think

Angela - posted on 05/04/2009

I have just recently had the same experience and it is truly something you don't know how you will respond to until it actually happens. The important thing is to be supportive to her. Don't punish her for being what she feels at this time in life that she is. If you make her feel bad about it she will pull away from you then so even if you are confused and hurting don't let it show. Try to be the rock that she needs right now. This lesbianism is mostly a strong faze that is going around right now.....let us pray our daughters are just going to treat it as such a faze and grow past it.

. - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Samantha:

Your daughter must have picked this up from somewhere because you dont just wake up one morning and say "i think im going to be a lesbian". I would talk to her about why she thinks she is a lesbian and why she wants to be one. Explain to her that God did not create her that way but if she makes the choice to be gay theres not much you can do. Hate the sin not the sinner.

WHAT!!! FOR GOD SAKES!!!!! PEOPLE ARE BORN GAY!  ITS IN THEIR GENETIC MAKE-UP!!

WHEN ARE IGNORANT PEOPLE LIKE YOU  GOING TO REALISE THAT AND STOP SAYING THAT IT IS A SIN!! IF GOD CREATED HER,THEN GOD CREATED HER GAY!!!

Samantha - posted on 05/03/2009

Your daughter must have picked this up from somewhere because you dont just wake up one morning and say "i think im going to be a lesbian". I would talk to her about why she thinks she is a lesbian and why she wants to be one. Explain to her that God did not create her that way but if she makes the choice to be gay theres not much you can do. Hate the sin not the sinner.

Nelda - posted on 05/03/2009

This is such a touchy subject. I can imagine how you must feel. But truthfully,she is still your daughter and she needs to know that she can count on you for love and support in whatever decision she makes. As moms we wont always agree 100% with our children and the choices they make in life, I know I havent mine. But sometimes we have to let our kids make their own mistakes, if that is what this turns out to be. Either way, I know you wont stop loving her and just give it some time, it might just be a phase she is going through. I once counseled with a young lady who was 17 at the time and she swore up and down she was a lesbian, I just let her talk and let her know that i was there for her. Today she is married with a child and another one on the way. I wish you all the best!

Nelda - posted on 05/03/2009

This is such a touchy subject. I can imagine how you must feel. But truthfully,she is still your daughter and she needs to know that she can count on you for love and support in whatever decision she makes. As moms we wont always agree 100% with our children and the choices they make in life, I know I havent mine. But sometimes we have to let our kids make their own mistakes, if that is what this turns out to be. Either way, I know you wont stop loving her and just give it some time, it might just be a phase she is going through. I once counseled with a young lady who was 17 at the time and she swore up and down she was a lesbian, I just let her talk and let her know that i was there for her. Today she is married with a child and another one on the way. I wish you all the best!

Courtney - posted on 05/03/2009

Me as a mom I wouldn't judge her if she was. I'd want her to be herself and not be worried about me judging her

Courtney - posted on 05/03/2009

Me as a mom I wouldn't judge her if she was. I'd want her to be herself and not be worried about me judging her

Courtney - posted on 05/03/2009

Me as a mom I wouldn't judge her if she was. I'd want her to be herself and not be worried about me judging her

Courtney - posted on 05/03/2009

Me as a mom I wouldn't judge her if she was. I'd want her to be herself and not be worried about me judging her

Courtney - posted on 05/03/2009

Me as a mom I wouldn't judge her if she was. I'd want her to be herself and not be worried about me judging her

Rebecca - posted on 05/03/2009

I have a daughter and if one day she told me she was a lesbian i would support her in anyway possible,i have loved her unconditionally since the moment she came into the world i would never stop because of the person she becomes.Your daughter could be messing in the law,failing at school,drugs etc etc instead shes just maturing and is attracted to the same sex unlike us!...I am not doubting it would be hard and a shock, and i myself might be a little confused... if she is a lesbian just know she is not just doing it to get at you its just who she is and noone wants to be disliked because of that!

Jaamy - posted on 05/03/2009

she's still your daughter no matter what her choices, (some would say she didn't choose) our children's choices are sometimes hard to accept but as long as the partners they choose treat them well make them happy and love them what more can a parent hope for. this is regardless of sex all the best I know this is not your choice but it is hers and does she not have a right to feel happy and loved no matter whether she's in a hetrosexual or homosexual relationship

Juliette - posted on 05/03/2009

Your daughter is not taking an action. I mean think about it...Did you ever have to choose to be gay or straight? I didn't have to chose to be straight. I just am. Your daughter didn't chose to be gay. She just is. The question is, Is she a good person? That is the bottom line. She is your daughter weather she is black, white, straight, gay good or bad in school. She is only human just like all of us. Open your heart to her, she is struggling and please also know that the highest rate of teen suicide are gay teens because their parents are not compassionate, along with the rest of the world. It is hard our there, show her how to deal with adversity and how to be a strong young woman.

Timecia - posted on 05/03/2009

I am upset at you for being so judgmental and bias!! U are so concerned about your feelings, you are missing out on your daughter's feelings. You have to talk to your daughter, and only that will answer many questions you have. You must not be judgmental and speak to your daughter in a manner that she will be able to open up and relate to you. I am a middle child myself and bisexual, because I was unable to be open with my mother when I was younger I had to hide and find out things from my peers or the streets. Some information were wrong and I had to experience alot before finding out the correct information. Do not allow your daughter to go though this alone, be ther efor her and stop being a whiny ass baby.

Sonia - posted on 05/03/2009

I just want to say one thing...my heart goes out to both machelle and her daughter. Machelle I think you are incredibly brave to share your opinion here and I apologise for some of the remarks you've recieved. I applaud you for recognizing you need help and are reaching out for advice. I think our hugest challenge is still holding to our beliefs and still being able to show love to those who have differing opinions. The issue is not whether homosexuality is right or wrong. Even from a christian perspective thinking homosexuality is a sin or whether it isn't is a non-issue. I think we all agree that we need to love people where they are. I am a christian and it breaks my heart that we turn gays away because we believe its a sin. Where would we be if we could reach out and just learn to love people where they are. Machelle if you want someone to talk to and to pray with message me.

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2009

I definately think that open communication and an open mind is necessary. I think that passing no judgment is also key. I'm not sure how old she is, but I know that the teen years were really difficult for me to get along with my mother. I'm hoping that history is not repeated with my own daughter.



My brother is gay and came out when he was 18. I always knew but he didn't feel comfortable coming out. Its been over 10 years and my mom still things that he will switch back "one of these days". It kills me and my brother to know that she still does not accept him. For that reason, I have never came out to my mother that I am bi and have been for years. Instead, I have two failed marriages under my belt because I tried to conform to "society's standards".



I think that as a parent though you need to address it like any other relationship. If she is dating someone then the same rules apply that would occur if she was straight. Whether that is curfews on dates, no sleepovers, etc.



I wish you luck. Just know that from being in the situation and witnessing it first hand, no one chooses to be this way and pretending to be something that your not endes up hurting everyone more. She must have trusted you to come out and values your relationship. Just love her for who she is!

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2009

I definately think that open communication and an open mind is necessary. I think that passing no judgment is also key. I'm not sure how old she is, but I know that the teen years were really difficult for me to get along with my mother. I'm hoping that history is not repeated with my own daughter.



My brother is gay and came out when he was 18. I always knew but he didn't feel comfortable coming out. Its been over 10 years and my mom still things that he will switch back "one of these days". It kills me and my brother to know that she still does not accept him. For that reason, I have never came out to my mother that I am bi and have been for years. Instead, I have two failed marriages under my belt because I tried to conform to "society's standards".



I think that as a parent though you need to address it like any other relationship. If she is dating someone then the same rules apply that would occur if she was straight. Whether that is curfews on dates, no sleepovers, etc.



I wish you luck. Just know that from being in the situation and witnessing it first hand, no one chooses to be this way and pretending to be something that your not endes up hurting everyone more. She must have trusted you to come out and values your relationship. Just love her for who she is!

Rachel - posted on 05/03/2009

I think you're disgusting for even thinking your daughters disgusting. I'm personally not a lesbian but I could understand why I could be. Maybe a male figure in her life has hurt her. Woman are more trusting and lovable. She could just be experimenting, and thinks she's a lesbian. Some girls just go thru a phase. I would support her no matter what. It's only natural to like women. These days there are too many people against gay rights. Don't be one of those people.

Bridget - posted on 05/03/2009

It disgusts me the people who judge others "in the eyes of God". Gay people are not monsters, victims of incest or rape or child molesters...they are just human beings like everyone else. They did NOT decide one day to be gay...they just are...like others are attracted to the opposite sex ...they are attracted to people of the same sex. I think it was really brave of your daughter to tell you. You must have a very special relationship with her. Just love her like you already do. She needs your support. Don't allow others to condemn her or judge her. Those type of people need to judge their own lives before others. I work with gay people, have friends that are gay as well as straight...they are just people and there is more to people than their sexuality.

Debbie - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Melanie:

I don't have a kid that is a lesbian but I have alot of friends and a younger cousin (that i was real close to) That chose that life style. My aunt and uncle felt the same way and it pushed there daughter away. She left and didn't come back and excepted that she was who she was and if her own mother and father couldn't except that then she wasn't going to be apart of there life! I can amagine that it is hard for you to except but If you show her love and respect her ways with a little bit of space you may find that it was a faze or you will get to know her in a different way. My aunt and uncle couldn't bare to lose there daughter and are still trying to get used to it. they met there daughters girlfriend and have grown to like her. I also was a little wierd at first but when i saw the two together i can see that it is the real thing and that it makes them happy. I would rather see her happy than stuck in a life style that was not right for her... Good luck and I hope you find peace with the new ideas.

The lifestyle is not a choice people.  When will the ignorance end?

Ann-Louise - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Esther:

Thank you Ann-Louise!! This is a subject really close to my heart. I am not personally gay but I have seen so many lives destroyed because people were born gay and yet they, or their families, just couldn't or wouldn't accept that biological fact. Nobody should have to live with that kind of pain. Machelle - please open your heart & mind and read some of the articles Ann-Louise linked too before you judge your daughter.

You're welcome, Esther.  I also have a female friend who is bi.  She would never tell her mum that she's not straight because of her mum's beliefs.  She never felt she could tell her dad and he's now passed away.  It is so sad.  I hope that their relationship becomes stronger so that she can tell her mum before it's too late.

P.S. Everyone--I looked at Machelle's page and her middle daughter is 18 so that puts a different perspective than if she were 13.

Ann-Louise - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Esther:

Thank you Ann-Louise!! This is a subject really close to my heart. I am not personally gay but I have seen so many lives destroyed because people were born gay and yet they, or their families, just couldn't or wouldn't accept that biological fact. Nobody should have to live with that kind of pain. Machelle - please open your heart & mind and read some of the articles Ann-Louise linked too before you judge your daughter.

You're welcome, Esther.  I also have a female friend who is bi.  She would never tell her mum that she's not straight because of her mum's beliefs.  She never felt she could tell her dad and he's now passed away.  It is so sad.  I hope that their relationship becomes stronger so that she can tell her mum before it's too late.

P.S. Everyone--I looked at Machelle's page and her middle daughter is 18 so that puts a different perspective than if she were 13.

Ann-Louise - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Esther:

Thank you Ann-Louise!! This is a subject really close to my heart. I am not personally gay but I have seen so many lives destroyed because people were born gay and yet they, or their families, just couldn't or wouldn't accept that biological fact. Nobody should have to live with that kind of pain. Machelle - please open your heart & mind and read some of the articles Ann-Louise linked too before you judge your daughter.

You're welcome, Esther.  I also have a female friend who is bi.  She would never tell her mum that she's not straight because of her mum's beliefs.  She never felt she could tell her dad and he's now passed away.  It is so sad.  I hope that their relationship becomes stronger so that she can tell her mum before it's too late.

P.S. Everyone--I looked at Machelle's page and her middle daughter is 18 so that puts a different perspective than if she were 13.

Esther - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Ann-Louise:

[ ] Can Therapy Change Sexual Orientation?

No; even though most homosexuals live successful, happy lives, some homosexual or bisexual people may seek to change their sexual orientation through therapy, often coerced by family members or religious groups to try and do so. The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable. However, not all gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who seek assistance from a mental health professional want to change their sexual orientation. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may seek psychological help with the coming out process or for strategies to deal with prejudice, but most go into therapy for the same reasons and life issues that bring straight people to mental health professionals.

Thank you Ann-Louise!! This is a subject really close to my heart. I am not personally gay but I have seen so many lives destroyed because people were born gay and yet they, or their families, just couldn't or wouldn't accept that biological fact. Nobody should have to live with that kind of pain. Machelle - please open your heart & mind and read some of the articles Ann-Louise linked too before you judge your daughter.

Esther - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Ann-Louise:

[ ] Can Therapy Change Sexual Orientation?

No; even though most homosexuals live successful, happy lives, some homosexual or bisexual people may seek to change their sexual orientation through therapy, often coerced by family members or religious groups to try and do so. The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable. However, not all gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who seek assistance from a mental health professional want to change their sexual orientation. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may seek psychological help with the coming out process or for strategies to deal with prejudice, but most go into therapy for the same reasons and life issues that bring straight people to mental health professionals.

Thank you Ann-Louise!! This is a subject really close to my heart. I am not personally gay but I have seen so many lives destroyed because people were born gay and yet they, or their families, just couldn't or wouldn't accept that biological fact. Nobody should have to live with that kind of pain. Machelle - please open your heart & mind and read some of the articles Ann-Louise linked too before you judge your daughter.

Ann-Louise - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Tyrian:

Please don't take offense to this ANYONE! Speaking from the biblical perspective, you have to love uncondtionally. That is #1 concern. She has to know that you love and care about her. Sodom & Ghomorah were destroyed for this reason and God doesn't approve of it. So why does she feel God made her that way? God didn't create her that way...we are spiritual beings and He allows certain demonic influences into our lives to see how we are going to handle it. Contact Donnie McKlurkin and see how he was able to be delivered from homosexuality. God can change her but she has to want to change first. Get her into a Bible based church and it can happen through the laying on of hands and casting out demons. Be Blessed and Keep on letting her know that she is Loved no matter what.

No, people don't truly get delivered from homosexuality.  I have looked into this and found that while gays who have tried this program have claimed to have been delivered, what happens is that they are unhappy in their "straight" relationships and 'revert' to a gay lifestyle.  (See quoted article below from the American Psychological Association.)  God created all of us the way we are.  If a preteen child feels 'different' from others of their sex in interests and attraction, that is not peer or society influence--it is in-born.  I have 2 gay friends who went through this.  Both felt attracted to other boys, rather than girls.  One came from a strongly Christian family and had a horrible time.  His brother accepts him but his mother still doesn't want to discuss it and he's now in his 40's!  My other friend's family supported him and he has a happy, successful life (he's a professional) and is comfortable with himself the way he is.  He also has a great relationship with his family.  I agree with those who said to get in touch with PFLAG to connect with others in the same situation.  I also agree with those who said it's important how old your daughter is.  If she's 20 or so, I'd say she is a lesbian.  If she's 13, maybe, maybe she's exploring.  Gender is a range.  Some people are totally straight, others totally gay/lesbian.  Most of us make up the range in between.  Look up these websites for more information: 

http://www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.h...

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/ta...

http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/ar...

Can Therapy Change Sexual Orientation?

No; even though most homosexuals live successful, happy lives, some homosexual or bisexual people may seek to change their sexual orientation through therapy, often coerced by family members or religious groups to try and do so. The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable. However, not all gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who seek assistance from a mental health professional want to change their sexual orientation. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may seek psychological help with the coming out process or for strategies to deal with prejudice, but most go into therapy for the same reasons and life issues that bring straight people to mental health professionals.

What About So-Called "Conversion Therapies"?

Some therapists who undertake so-called conversion therapy report that they have been able to change their clients' sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Close scrutiny of these reports, however. show several factors that cast doubt on their claims. For example, many of these claims come from organizations with an ideological perspective that condemns homosexuality. Furthermore, their claims are poorly documented; for example, treatment outcome is not followed and reported over time, as would be the standard to test the validity of any mental health intervention.

The American Psychological Association is concerned about such therapies and their potential harm to patients. In 1997, the Association's Council of Representatives passed a resolution reaffirming psychology's opposition to homophobia in treatment and spelling out a client's right to unbiased treatment and self-determination. Any person who enters into therapy to deal with issues of sexual orientation has a right to expect that such therapy will take place in a professionally neutral environment, without any social bias.

Julie - posted on 05/03/2009

hi there,my mum and myself have just found out recently that my younger sister is a lesbian also,my mum is heartbroken and disgusted,but at the end of the day she is stil my sister and i dont want 2 lose her,not sure mum feels like that which makes me sad...my aunt n uncle lost their only daughter 2 leaukemia recently dont think they would have worried bout that would be nice just 2 have her back....take care hope it works out for u.best wishes julie stuart

Julie - posted on 05/03/2009

hi there,my mum and myself have just found out recently that my younger sister is a lesbian also,my mum is heartbroken and disgusted,but at the end of the day she is stil my sister and i dont want 2 lose her,not sure mum feels like that which makes me sad...my aunt n uncle lost their only daughter 2 leaukemia recently dont think they would have worried bout that would be nice just 2 have her back....take care hope it works out for u.best wishes julie stuart

Esther - posted on 05/03/2009

Quoting Lacey:

we are not animals and we do make choices hetero or homosexual we ca rise above our impulses and live chastly. If you believe something to be wrong you shouldn't deny that belief. In many belief systems and cultures homosexuality is wrong and people have the right to that opinion and the obligation to raise thier children in the way they think is right. [ ]

Being straight or gay is NOT a choice, let alone an "impulse". It is no more a choice than being straight, black or green-eyed is a choice and condemning someone for their genetic make-up is wrong. Trying to shame, push, or even "encourage" someone to go against who they are in such a fundamental way can only lead to disfunction and unhappiness and nobody should want that for their child or anyone else. Many belief systems also thought interracial relationships were wrong. Many belief systems thought (and think) men & women being equal was wrong. But we learn and then we do better. We have to learn & do better on homosexuality too. IT IS NOT A CHOICE.

Jessica - posted on 05/02/2009

i understand that it must be hard for you, but think of how hard it is for her. shes the one that has to deal with it on a daily basis, shes the one that has to be looked at differently by some people. your her mom, your who she can trust, your the person she looks to for support not anger, not selfishness, not hurt. your the last person your daughter wants to hear that from. accept it. move on. she loves who she loves and you cant change her. there are soooo many narrowminded people out there, she shouldnt have to deal with you being one of them. i have lots of girlfriends that are gay and they are who they are, and thats why they are my friends. & the truth is, its usually the hardest for them to tell their parents for exactly this reason. did you not teach her to be herself growing up? more than likely you did. and shes doing it. shes who she wants to be and she should never ever feel ashamed or feel like shes less of a person. she needs your support not your hurt. put your feeling aside, and think of your daughter.

do you want her to be happy? to find true love? to grow old with the person she wants to grow old with? you do. everybody wants that for their child and by you saying your ashamed... its making it harder on her than you could ever imagine.

shes happy. let her be. dont stand in her way, no parent should. its her choice and its her life. not yours.

i have two final things to say.

Homophobia is a social disease.

and a famous quote by our favorite author....

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Dr. Seuss

Liseandra - posted on 05/02/2009

I've spent the good last hour and a bit reading alot of these posts, and i've come to the conclusion that:

First and foremost she is your daughter, you loved her before she came to you and said that she was a lesbian, what changed in that little moment of time? (don't get me wrong I'm NOT saying that you don't love your daughter anymore/anyless)

2- You want her to have a happy and fullfilling life that she is comfortable in who she is and what she is doing in her life, and if being a lesbian means that she will be happy what is the problem with that?

As alot of people have said, you have to support HER, not necessarily what shes doing, but HER. She has to know that you still love her and that you will be there for her no matter what. You have to accept her for who she is and what will make her happy, who knows maybe this is just a phase, maybe not? She HAS to know that you are there and will be there for her and still love and care for her because she will eventually pull away. Would you rather not have her in your life at ALL, because you werent willing to accept her for who she is.... , or have her in your life, HAPPY?

The way I see it, being gay isnt that big of a deal in my eyes, whats stopping a straight person from loving anyone he/she wants to... but just because someone is loving a person of the same sex, its frowned and looked down apon. what makes their rights any different than straight peoples?

It kinda bothers me in your post where it says "I am so upset and to be honest, disgusted....... It is just fine for other women to be lesbians, but not my little girl!!!" I can understand in a way where your coming from, I'm sure no mother of a young woman would want to hear that, but your making it sound like shes done something so awful and wrong. She hasn't done ANYTHING wrong one bit. Shes being herself, and if thats wrong in your eyes, and apparently in some peoples eyes from the posts on here, then I'm saddened to hear that. You are her mother, she needs you now and always will, and now probably more then ever. Again you want her to be happy, and if this makes her happy, then be supportive.

Becky - posted on 05/02/2009

Love her. Unconditionally. You may find, as I have, that Gay Pride parades and Drag Shows and involvement in Queer Student Unions is nothing but a blast! Acceptance goes a very long way toward making them open, honest and at ease.....something that I am very proud to say my daughter is. Something that I'm able to truly feel and take part in because she is such an important part of my life.

User - posted on 05/02/2009

WE WILL ALWAYS BE MOTHERS NO MATTER WHAT IS THROWN AT US. LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER AND WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO AGREE JUST BE SUPPORTIVE. NO-ONE SAID BEING A MOM WAS EASY OR THAT IT GETS EASIER AS THEY GROW UP. ALL YOU CAN DO IS CONTINUE BEING WHAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. AND THATS MOM. NOTHING CHANGES THAT. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. ROBIN

Ashley - posted on 05/02/2009

as i read all the comments apologizing to u for your daughter choosing this road i feel bad...for everyone but her. ther is nothing wrong with this. everyone is different. everyone loves differently. whether it be a man or woman, let her be happy. a couple people made smart statements tho, it may just be a phase, or it may not. you must be supportive of her either way. every child needs the unconditional love of her parents and if you are disgusted with her over this then that is gona show her that she doesnt have it. i have two girls and it wudnt bother me one bit if that was the life they chose. i just want nothing but happiness for my kids. its not a horrible mess. it could be a complete blessing. let her be happy. support her and be there for her. you dont have to like it. but keep that to yourself.

. - posted on 05/02/2009

Quoting Lacey:

we are not animals and we do make choices hetero or homosexual we ca rise above our impulses and live chastly. If you believe something to be wrong you shouldn't deny that belief. In many belief systems and cultures homosexuality is wrong and people have the right to that opinion and the obligation to raise thier children in the way they think is right. However you can love someone with out suporting thier behaviors. I have friends that are homosexual and I accept them they know i do not agree with thier choice but it doesn't affect how i treat them or what i think of them its like any other issue that is in disagreement. I also think that the government should be required to grant them all the rights of heterosexual coulples. Its between the person and thier belief system not the government. I also believe religious institutions should have the right to decline performing ceromonies though, just as they have the right to decline divorcees such as my self. I think its sad that no matter your belief gay rights or traditional marraige you cannot express your own beliefs and opinions with out fear of hate and retribution. I don't understand it either way no one is being hurt so whats the big deal? If it were my daughter i would explain my position i might even cry i might be totally cool its not something you can know until it happens but i know i would always be sure she knew i loved her my son too.

I agree with you. If a heterosexual couple can marry and also divorce (even though that is frowend upon), then why can't homosexual couples marry? live their lives like we do?

Lacey - posted on 05/02/2009

we are not animals and we do make choices hetero or homosexual we ca rise above our impulses and live chastly. If you believe something to be wrong you shouldn't deny that belief. In many belief systems and cultures homosexuality is wrong and people have the right to that opinion and the obligation to raise thier children in the way they think is right. However you can love someone with out suporting thier behaviors. I have friends that are homosexual and I accept them they know i do not agree with thier choice but it doesn't affect how i treat them or what i think of them its like any other issue that is in disagreement. I also think that the government should be required to grant them all the rights of heterosexual coulples. Its between the person and thier belief system not the government. I also believe religious institutions should have the right to decline performing ceromonies though, just as they have the right to decline divorcees such as my self. I think its sad that no matter your belief gay rights or traditional marraige you cannot express your own beliefs and opinions with out fear of hate and retribution. I don't understand it either way no one is being hurt so whats the big deal? If it were my daughter i would explain my position i might even cry i might be totally cool its not something you can know until it happens but i know i would always be sure she knew i loved her my son too.

Shelley - posted on 05/02/2009

You know as a mother we think about all the things we dont want our kids to experience. My girls are heterosexual .. Raising kids is so stressful now these days.. I have thought if something like this happened to me what would I do? They are our children and all we can do is love them but not accept their way of living but I would not risk losing my kids over their choices they make in life.. I know girls that date boys that are so abusive to them physcially and verbally.. Who knows what the real comforting answer is the truth is there is not one.. Just love you child .. you dont have to accept what she is doing but the hardest thing about being a mom is watching them fall and make mistakes but that is part of the learning process..