My daughter is lying about molestation?

Bridget - posted on 10/27/2012 ( 51 moms have responded )

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So, my daughter came today and she told me that her father sexually abused her since she was about seven. I told her that she shouldn't be lying to get my attention. I know my husband -- he would never do a thing like that! I got ticked off and we argued. I was outraged on how she could hurt me like that. I need advice on how to numb the lies!

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Are you sure she is lying? Why would she make something so serious up?



If she is lying, it could mean that she is protecting an different attacker. I would get her evaluated, to make sure that there isn't any abuse going on.



I am actually shocked that you called her a liar and argued with her about it. This is a serious accusation and should be taken seriously. No matter how much you love your husband, you need to love your daughter more. The last thing you want is for her to hide other forms of abuse from you.



Always treat these things like they are real. If she is lying, it will be found out through a therapist.

Jodi - posted on 10/27/2012

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If a child comes to you with allegations like this, you are absolutely obligated to listen and look into it. It makes no difference what YOU believe. Even if it turns out there WAS no molestation, there are obviously issues of some sort, so perhaps a counsellor should be involved to help you get to the bottom of it. How old is your daughter?

Denise - posted on 10/28/2012

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"I know my husband -- he would never do a thing like that!"



Said the wives of sexual abusers the world over since the beginning of time.



Take your daughter to a therapist. They can determine if she is telling the truth or not. If she is telling the truth and doesn't kill herself before adulthood because of your attitude, she will hate you for the rest of her life. And you'll deserve it.



If she is not telling the truth, something is still going on that's causing the lying that needs to be addressed.



Your ONLY recourse, if you are a GOOD mother, is to seek professional help with your daughter, immediately. If you are a horrible person, however, feel free to shame her and make her feel awful for trusting you.



Good luck with that.

Denikka - posted on 10/27/2012

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You're daughter comes to you with the allegation that someone has done the WORST thing that could ever possibly happen to a child, and your first reaction is to call her a liar??

Have you ever watched the news??? How often is it that when a person is found out, family, friends, neighbors, etc all say something along the lines of *I never would have suspected them* or *I can't believe that person could have possibly done that*.



You have an obligation to call the police, call CPS, call anyone with any authority and get this matter settled. I don't care what YOU believe. Until you have absolute proof, one way or the other, you need to protect your child.



I know if my daughter ever came to me with those kind of accusations, my hubby would be out of the house until it was proved he didn't do it. And then there would be massive counselling to find out why those accusations would have been made in the first place. But until the accusations are proven false, you HAVE to do something about it.



Actually, if it comes out later that he HAS sexually abused your daughter, she told you, and you did nothing, you can be charged with negligence and possibly even placed on the sexual offenders registry yourself. There was a woman on Dr. Phil just this week who went through this same thing. He daughter came to her and told her and she did nothing about it. She got 18mo in prison for negligence and is on the registry for life.



Be a mother and protect your daughter.

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2012

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Have you got proof that she is lying? It doesn't matter how much you think you know someone, sometimes things like this will surface and be true.



In my opinion (based on the little you have told us) is that you should listen to your Daughter and not accuse her of lying straight away. How old is your daughter now? It would have taken her a lot to come to you and tell you.

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Judy - posted on 10/30/2012

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Darlin, first things first You are a Mother! Please affirm her feelings, thank her fotlr coming to you then call the police and let them decide.. your first prioritu is to PROTECT our children.. No matter how escruciating it is to also go through your own feelings in reference to it being Your husband.. if it os a false allegation.. your daughter is needing something from you and doesnt know how or what that maybe.. therapy will help in either situatipn.. good luck to you n yours darlin!

Michelle - posted on 10/30/2012

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Well since the OP hasn't come back I'm going to assume this is a troll post and lock it.



If the OP comes back and wants it unlocked they can contact me directly.



Michelle,

WtCoM Mod.

[deleted account]

Let's hope this isn't real, but I lived with my fiance for two years... Once there was a hand print on my lil son's face. I asked my fiance and he said they were wrestling and it happened (my son was one year old). I had a difficult time believing him, but I gave him the benefit if the doubt-I SHOULDN'T HAVE! One and a half years later I came home from class as my fiance was leaving for work, it was time for my son's bath. I removed his shirt and there were squeeze marks around his shoulders, back and close to his neck. I instantly called family in another state and moved away. I should have seen the problem-my son was 2 and a half and only said please and thank you (he refused to talk otherwise), his tempers were extremely abnormal-he would hurt himself when mad. I had him evaluated and the lady said there was nothing developmentally wrong with him and I should consider there being abuse-I doubted her, because my fiance was NEVER aggressive with my son when I was home... They played all the time, they laughed, they were full of smiles-HE WOULD NEVER HURT MY SON. I WAS WRONG! Turns out within 2 weeks of leaving my fiance, my son started talking as if he was never a quiet child. Even though he was 2.5 yrs he told me what "daddy" would do to him when Mommy was at work... In detail. My heart breaks and tears surface when I think of this. My son is 8 now and is away from the abuse. I'm lucky I learned of the abuse soon otherwise my son could be dead. LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD NO MATTER THEIR AGE. FIND A CHILD ADVOCACY CENTER LOCALLY, LEARN THE SIGNS OF ABUSE AND NEVER CALL THEM LIARS! SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER

Holly - posted on 10/30/2012

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i am so sorry to hear this... what makes me even sorrier is that you would just assume she is lying! why would she lie about that!?

Dena - posted on 10/30/2012

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If a child comes to you and tells you something, he or she has faith in you that you would protect her. I think at this point the best thing to do and to take your daughter for couseling and you join her as well. Yes you may know your husband very well but it's time to know why your daughter said something like that, no one makes up that type of lies.

Karla - posted on 10/29/2012

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You should listen to her and pay more attention dont just think shes lying. When i was 16 my uncle was so close to hurting me, i trusted him so much. He was giving me and my friend a ride back home since my grandparents left early, whe we dropped her off she kept telling me to just stay with her she asked me like 4 times but i was going to get in trouble. We stopped at his apartment because he had to go to the restroom he told me to get down, inside he gave me a can of beer to drink while he went to the restroom but i didnt drink when he got out i was ready to leave he told me to sit down and at first i thought he was just being nice by telling me whenever i need something to tell him, he told me he had a secret to tell me, he said he didnt see me as a girl he sees me as a woman and wants to have a relationship with me, I was so scared he even asked if i wanted to have sex with him right then all i said was " can you please take me home ", he didnt want to i was wearing a dress he put his hand on my leg i was shocked i didnt know what to do then he put his hand inside my dress and i got up so quick he started grabbin my face and was going for y body but i ran to the door i was holding my tears i was shaking i opened the door and was standing under , some guy was outside and he kept looking where i was my uncle was inside telling me to go back and close the door but he finally decided to take me home on my way i was facing down with few tears coming down my eyes while he was telling me to not tell anybody, that it was our secret and nobody was going to believe me. when we got there i got out the truck so fast and busted out crying i was sitting by the stairs crying.. My bestfriend was on her way back to town so she stopped by as soon as she got there. i was extremely scared , i cried all night i dont have a mom she passed away i didnt know how to tell my dad, i didnt know if he was going to believe me, i was going to stay quiet my friends and one of her moms helped me out and even asked me if i wanted for them to be there to support me incase my dad didnt believe me. . the next morning i just walked in my dads room and hugged him i told him what had happened after that he punched everything around even the walls he told my grandparents since they were in the living room. My grandpa hated me after that he always tought i was lying, he wanted to go live somewhere else before i started accusing him too. It happened before tho but they never believed the other chick until i told them thats when they said and when i found out he has done worse things to someone else.



I thank god for being there for me and thank him for having my dad on my side. It hurt when my grandpa didnt believe me and just said i probly ust made it up to have his family fighting. Just please dont assume she's lying ! get to the bottom of things, listen to her, figure out whats going on the thing she is telling you could be true. Be there for your daughter , going through things like that plus not having people believe in you sucks.

Brittany - posted on 10/29/2012

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I will tell you this I was molested by my step dad from the age of 8 to 12 of [witch at the time I only knew he was my real dad]. I never told my mom until I was 19 why do you ask I would wait so long well a couple of reasons I was scared and for the longest time I thought it was 'normal'.she believe me but then in ways she didnt and the times she didnt it tore me apart because one parent had already failed me and she was too.when she didnt believe me it was like the abuse was happening allover again.So I am just saying that this is what you are doing to your very own daughter because more than likely it did happen.She would not lie about something so big and you know that it is a very big thing or else you would not be trying to protect your husband when the one that need the protection is your daughter.

Cassie - posted on 10/29/2012

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You must absolutely take her to a counselor to talk to someone either way!!! If she's lying, why?! And if she's not, there is a world of hurt ahead for both of you as we'll as your relationship since you called her a liar!

DRUSILLAH - posted on 10/28/2012

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I don,t mean to judge her, but this is the worst mother i have ever heard from.rather then just brand her daughter a liar right away,you should take your time and try talk to her and know why she thinks her dad is abusing her. Give her the protection she deserves from you.She trusted you enough to come to you for help.and whay did you give her? A sharp cut direct through her alre4ady young hurting heart.plz be the mum you are meant to be and find more from the baby.Help her for God's sake.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/28/2012

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Honestly unless she's been exposed to molestion or you've talked to her about what it could be you need to believe her because where could she have learned it and why would anybody lie about being molested?

Ann - posted on 10/28/2012

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i know you want to believe that your husband would never do anything like that, but i too was molested by someone that no one would have ever thought would do anything like that so i kept my mouth shut. A lot of the time molesters are those that no one would ever think would ever do anything like that, they are very trusted people in our lives, community etc. that's how they get away with it. perhaps you need to ask yourself why would your daughter say something like this and more than just attn she could have said it was anyone but why her father, why the particular age and still going on, have you ever even thought for a min that she maybe telling the truth? Your job is to protect her!!! to look out for her, she is a child, he is an adult he will be fine, but if what she is saying is the truth she will never completely be fine. Did you ask questions or for details or did you just jump the gun in shock and anger protecting him? You have to remember she is your CHILD your flesh and blood, you gave birth to her and she comes first before your husband. Be calm and talk with your daughter with an open mind about it and if she still insist that he has molested her then you must get her out of the situation. No choice in that legally you will get into trouble as well if you do not you will have to chose your daughter over your husband, get her into counseling and do what ever it is that you need to do to get to the bottom of it, been there done that and found out in the end that he did molest her. First thing i did though was listen to her and kicked him out i did the right thing upfront.Did not mean that i didn't love him i had an obligation to protect my daughter first and foremost!!!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/28/2012

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Jazmyne, I have no idea what was said to you. But don't let one stranger ruin your night. Your story can help many women in need. Don't silence yourself over one ignorant persons comments. You are brave for talking about your experience.

Julie - posted on 10/28/2012

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I work in this area for a living. I do child sexual abuse exams. I will say children rarely make this up. They just don't. If she is saying it happened , it happened. It is devastating and not something you would ever in your life think would happen but it is much more common than you know. You are in shock so it is normal for you to react like this. However, you must put your daughters needs before your own. Seek the help of professionals immediately.

Gerry - posted on 10/28/2012

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I agree, if its not a troll (which it might be based on so little info & she hasnt responded to any posts) i think the Mods should alert the authorities & they xan track her frim the IP address & find out if its true. What if it is & this poor scared little girl gets no help from anyone? Ive seen cases like this (whete the daughter says her father/step-father/Moms bf is sexually abusing her & the mother KICKS the DAUGHTER out bc she thinks she's lying. SOMETHING HAS to be done.

Nancy - posted on 10/28/2012

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I am in tears. Is this mom just trying to get attention? Is she sick? Or just plain dumb. She should be reported to authorities.

Jodi - posted on 10/28/2012

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OK, ladies, enough of the off-topic conversation and the personal attacks. Let's stay on topic. I've already had to delete posts from this conversation, and if I have to delete more, I will lock it.



Thanks

Jodi

WtCoM Moderator

Jazmyne - posted on 10/28/2012

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Wow. I was talking from personal experiance. I never said it was ok. I said there were options. Yes abortion is one of them, adoption is another, Keeping the child is yet another. Why would I need help for sharing my experiences with rape to help another? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? If so, that is sad, and you have succeeded. Congratulations on making me feel like shit. However I in no way need your pity. I am proud that my story has helped MANY children of rape.

Margaret - posted on 10/28/2012

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Insted of getting angry you should take her to a GYN dr and have her examined. Then if he says she has not been molested you need to sit her down and talk to her explaining the Dr.'s findings and not be accusatory but be rational.

Denise - posted on 10/28/2012

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Hearing that someone had a baby at age 10 from rape only makes me feel nothing but pity for them and blinding rage at the people that forced it to happen. That does not, in ANY way, make me go "OH WELL SINCE YOU DID THEN IT'S OKAY LOL"



No. Never, never. It's medically irresponsible to allow a CHILD to give birth to a CHILD.



I'm going to stop derailing this thread now because I don't find it necessary to argue with someone who is delusional enough to think it's acceptable to have a 10 year old give birth. You need help.

Deanna - posted on 10/28/2012

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Are you sure she is lying? Sometimes we think we know someone but realize after that we do not.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/28/2012

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It is really a shame that you dare call your daughter a liar for potentially being molested. how would that make you feel if you were raped and no one believed you, and called you a liar? It is terrible what your child may have gone through, but you owe it to her to take it very seriously and get her the hell away from her father. Get the authorities involved, and find a counselor for her immediately. Get this figured out. It disgusts me that you could possibly think she is a liar. These are very serious accusations, and for a kid to come to you and tell you that? it shows you how much she trusts you and how much she knows it is wrong what is being done to her. You owe it to your child to make sure it stops and getting justice done for her.

Dawn - posted on 10/28/2012

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As a parent and a survivor of abuse I feel you a parent should protect your child at all cost no matter what. I watched for years as my brother was molested and then in turn so was I and nobody believed us and the abuser was our own mother so who was gonna believe us . I survived however my brother didn't so please listen to her it may or not be happening but take her to a doctor to find out for sure because you will never forgive yourself if it's true and you do nothing.

Kayla - posted on 10/28/2012

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You are a sick mother. You disgust me that you would even fight and argue with her about this. Go get her checked by.a doctor and PRAY that she is lying.... Cuz what if she is telling the truth and you YOU had a chance to protect her,.but instead you fail her

User - posted on 10/28/2012

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my step daughter had the same treatment!!!!

she told us her mothers new boyfriend was abusing her and her mother called her a liar to her face. it was true.... the police was the ones who made the judgement of whether it was true or not. it is not up to us as parents to make that judgement our position is to listen to the child, and support them and get the authorities to make the call.

she has not seen her mother for 2 years now because the police told us to not let her mother see her as the mother chose the abuser over her own child!!!!

my step daughter is now 11 and has a lot of issues to deal with but the part she cant get over is that her mum didnt believe her when she needed her to most. she now tells us she hates her mother and never wants anything to do with her again.

children generally dont lie about this stuff. some details may not be the whole truth but there has been something that has happened to your child.

Angela - posted on 10/28/2012

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My hubby would be out the door in 10 seconds flat!!



Think seriously the consequences of your actions.....

Jazmyne - posted on 10/28/2012

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Denise. I had a baby at 10 from a rape. My "father" molested me from age 6. Noone beleived me until I got pregnant (9). I have compassion, sympathy and even empathy. But yes there are other options. I lived it for crying out loud.

Denise - posted on 10/28/2012

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She is seven years old, so it's unlikely she would get pregnant, though she could easily start menstruating at 10 or 11 and then be fertile. And anyone who would force a 10 or 11 year old girl to go through with a pregnancy - which could easily kill her aside from the horrors of the fact that she'd be carrying her own father's child - is insane. There are no other options at that age, not if you have an ounce of compassion in you.

Kareesa - posted on 10/28/2012

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Jazmyne, she might be telling the truth what if she gets pregnant then what.

Sylvia - posted on 10/28/2012

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I can't believe your calling her a lier! My stepfather abused me & my mother didn't believe me either she was blind to it & even put me in a foster home it all came out in the wash so to speak as he eventually admitted it

Treena - posted on 10/28/2012

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I don't think your daughter is lying, of course a man isn't going to own up about molesting his own daughter, get your daughter checked by a physician, they would be able to tell you if your daughter have been sexually abused.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/28/2012

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Does anyone else find it suspicious that she has yet to comment to answer our questions, or to defend herself in any way shape or form?

Heather - posted on 10/28/2012

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You need to call the police. They will take her to a forensic interviewer. You have hurt her now as well and need to immediately apologize to her and begin to repair your relationship. I'm a therapist and I primarily work with sexual assault survivors, often they say the worst part was when they tried to tell no one believed or protected them. Sadly, true sociopaths are able to hide their deviance really well. So well that often its unimaginable they would be perpetrators. Call the police today.

Nicole - posted on 10/28/2012

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i know of someone who accused her 5 year old of lying ... she then had a baby when she was 12.this might hurt u but IT HURTS HER MORE! how can u think of your own pain right now. check IT OUT

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2012

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I agree you owe it to your daughter to check onto it. I would never accuse my child of lying about molestation, regardless of what I thought I knew about the person being accused. Your child comes first before everyone, including your husband. If she came to you with this and you do nothing, she will go to someone else who will do something about it. If it turns out she is lying, then you can take steps to find out why. Either way she needs your help...give it to her.

Carol - posted on 10/28/2012

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Even if you think she is lying, get her somewhere to have someone talk to her about this. You didn't say how old she is, however, get her to a doctor or pediatrician or a crisis center that deals with this type of problem You need to get to the truth for her sake and your peace of mind.

If she had the courage to come to you with this, you owe it to her to have it checked out.

Ashley - posted on 10/28/2012

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you may not know your husband as well as you think you do. if it were my child, i would have gone straight to the authorities, and stayed away from my husband until i knew 100 percent he was innocent. you dont mess around when a child says things like this, you get it taken care of the proper way until you do know for sure. she needs to go get checked out and talk to a therapist, and the police and dfs need to start an investigation. whether you believe her or not, you have to do what is right and protect your daughter. if you dont, and she tells someone else because you didnt do anything about it when she told you, then your husband will go to jail for doing it, and you can be charged with failure to protect your daughter and never see her again. you kid should always come first, and if you cant do that for her, then i hope she does tell someone else who cares enough to help her and will do what is right for her. if she is lying, they will find out, but you will need to figure out why she would do that. but until then, you need to believe your daughter and do what is right, and not make her feel like she is wrong for telling, and dont make her feel like it is her fault. open your eyes already

Nikki - posted on 10/27/2012

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Ditto what everyone else said. I am really disturbed by this post, hoping it is a troll because I cannot imagine any sane mother completely dismissing accusations like this. I hope that your daughter has someone else in her life that she can confide in and rely on to protect her.

Dove - posted on 10/27/2012

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Seriously?! Another post like this?! Do you people read from a script before you make posts?



Believe your daughter and get her help NOW. It 'is' possible that she is lying, but if she is.... she needs help and if she isn't.... she needs help.

Jazmyne - posted on 10/27/2012

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Wow. I would never accuse my child about lying in this type of situation. I know how it feels to be called a lier in this case. I was for nearly 3 years. Until I ended up pregnant. Please listen to your daugter. Take her to get looked at. Please, I'm begging you. If she is lying nothing will show up, however she very well could be telling the truth.

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