My daughter is REALLY scared of the toilet

Carolina - posted on 05/28/2012

Hello. I came across your post and just wanted to see if and how you resolved your issue with your daughter being scared of the potty? My daughter is almost 3 and is definitely physically ready for training, she can HOLD it really well, but is scared to death of sitting on the potty. We bought a toilet seat, potty chair, have done rewards, all of that, to no avail. She won't just sit on it to watch tv or anything and when she has to go she just PACES the living room/kitchen until finally she can't hold it anymore and it dribbles down her leg. She held it overnight the first night we tried for 17 hours until it just came out, so we KNOW she can hold it and she can be sitting on the couch or in her booster seat at the table without us worrying if she has to go, bc when she does have to go she starts pacing nervously. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!!

Amanda - posted on 01/21/2009

The absolute worse thing you can do is push her into using the potty.  My daughter is now 3 1/2 and is still in the process of potty training.   She has been peeing in the potty for a while now, but that didn't happen until a year after I started potty training.   What worked for me is to buy her favorite candy and the only time I allowed her to have that candy was after she peed in the potty or at least attempt it.  Even if she just sat there for a minute without peeing, I still gave her candy for trying. 

She did and still does however, have issues with pooing in the potty.  I found myself pushing her too hard to go in the potty to the point that her bowels became messed up because she would hold it in until she couldn't hold any longer and then she would only let small amounts out.  This would cause her bowels to get backed up and become enlarged and that resulted in her rectum becoming raw.  It is extremely painful to a child and very stressful as a parent.  I have to give her medicine to make her poo now and I don't push her to going to the potty.  She will tell me she needs to poo and I will give her a choice of the pull up or potty.  Although she still choosen the pull up most times, she's not afraid of the potty anymore.  I now make it an option for her and not a demand.  All children are different and they will do it when they are ready.   It doesn't make you a bad parent nor does it make the child less intelligent because they are not trained at a certain age.

Sueanne - posted on 01/21/2009

i often leave my little girl without a nappy on n her potty out but that doesn't seem 2 work either...she will sit on it from time 2 time but does nothin i try 2 encourage her praise her we;ve made it into a game..lik i say we've tryed all sorts

Shannon - posted on 01/21/2009

ok- go to toys r us and get the potty that sings songs and has a little red light that lights when you press the seat down. then try to put her in a dress with nothing else on underneath when you know you won't be going anywhere - just staying home. When they have nothing on, they recognize that the diaper won't be there to stop the wetness! Put it in the room where she spends the most time for a while, then eventually move it to the bathroom. when she sits on it and it starts to sing, praise her for sitting on it and clap w/ the song. GET EXCITED!!! when she sees the enthusiasm from you, she'll want to sit on it and if she potties down her leg, clean her up and then take her to the little toilet and say let's try to make it to the potty next time. keep talking to her about potty stuff for a while and continually ask her if she wants to try.

hope this helps!

Sueanne - posted on 01/21/2009

hi connie bunner, just wanted to say thanks for your advise i will have to got out and get some stuff and try it out and hopefully it might work coz she luvs makin,drawin,stickers etc thanks again

Shannon - posted on 01/21/2009

Quoting Andrea:

My daughter is REALLY scared of the toilet

My daughter will be 2 1/2 in late february. She is very afraid of the potty (screams, cries, throws a fit). If it weren't fo this, I feel she'd be ready to potty train. We tried the thick training underwear and she held her potty when it was off and waited until we put the underwear on to go potty.
We have tried fun book (Everyone Poops, etc.), a song and dance, praise, just talking about how everyone uses the potty. While she responds to this, when it comes time to actually go potty, she tells me she is scared and wants to go in her diaper.
My only fear in delaying her potty training is that we will just come accross the same issue later, and then she will be close to three, and unable to attend pre-school in the fall.
I feel like I have failed as a parent somehow. Please help!
Andrea

Connie - posted on 01/21/2009

Hi Vanessa, I seen your post and wanted to tell you what I did to potty train my kids... I bought a medium sized poster board and a pack of star stickers. I put their name at the top of the poster board too.. when my kids went pee or poop in the potty they got to pick which ever sticker they wanted and stick it where ever they wanted on the poster board.. my kids loved doing this and this actually potty trained them. I tried this on the 3 year old girl I babysit and it broke her too. Good luck and hope this helps

Connie - posted on 01/21/2009

Hi Sueanne, I seen your post and wanted to tell you what I did to potty train my kids... I bought a medium sized poster board and a pack of star stickers. I put their name at the top of the poster board too.. when my kids went pee or poop in the potty they got to pick which ever sticker they wanted and stick it where ever they wanted on the poster board.. my kids loved doing this and this actually potty trained them. I tried this on the 3 year old girl I babysit and it broke her too. Good luck and hope this helps.

Connie - posted on 01/21/2009

Hi, its me again.. I forgot to tell you this.. When I potty trained my kids I bought a medium sized poster board and a pack of star stickers. I put their name at the top of the poster board.. when they went pee or poop on the potty they got to pick which ever star sticker they wanted and stick it where ever they wanted to on the poster board. this broke both my kids... they loved sticking that sticker on the poster board.. maybe this will work for you.. good luck

Sueanne - posted on 01/21/2009

hi...my little girl is 2 on valentines day, I'm having the same problem,I've also tryed everything like yourself and keep getting told shes wont be ready yet and not to worry to much but i worry as i think the same about playschool and wouldn't want her to end up behind because of it.....i suppose we just have to keep on trying and try to be patient...i no its eazyer said than done...we'll get there in the end luv

Connie - posted on 01/21/2009

I had to use a child potty ring that sits on the toilet seat. this is the only way she would go potty because she didnt feel like she was falling in. hope this helps.

Tanya - posted on 01/21/2009

Hello! My daughter had rejected potty training after she was so called "trained" at 2.5 yrs old. My very best suggestion is to hold off on the training and start again later. When I pressured my daughter, she'd refuse more and more. It was stressful for all of us... Blah!! The more I pressured my daughter, the more she connected potty training as a terrible experience. When she saw other "older" children using the potty..she began to show interest. I only assisted her after that point and I resisted my temptation of...Look Susan uses the potty..chat. Children will eventually become trained and you are not a terrible parent because of her lack of interest. The average age is about three years old anyway! Before you know it, you'll be hosting a "we're finally out of diapers" party with your girlfriends! LOL I think the suggestions Lisa posted prior to mine is bang on!! :)

Molly - posted on 01/21/2009

I have a 2.5 yr old too (was 2.5 in Dec.), and in our playgroup of 5 toddlers, same age, no one is really showing interest yet...which I know seems odd, but our kiddos just aren't quite ready. Do you have a little potty chair on the floor? You might see if she'd like to pick out her own potty chair? We bought "Elmo's Potty Time", a DVD, which my little one loves to watch. Honestly, I think the best way to deal is to not worry about it, just let her do her thing. She'll do it when she's ready, and I think it has a ton to do with control. If she sees you making a big deal about it, and she sees that you are wanting to control the whole thing, she's going to put the breaks on. I ask my daughter if she wants to go when I go, and if she does, she will, and if not, I say "ok" and forget the whole thing. I might add that learning to get her own pants and diaper off was a step in the right direction for us, because sometimes now she goes in and pees all by herself...she's all about being independent and doesn't want my help AT ALL. Anyway, hope that helps, try not to worry too much. =)

Molly - posted on 01/21/2009

I have a 2.5 yr old too (was 2.5 in Dec.), and in our playgroup of 5 toddlers, same age, no one is really showing interest yet...which I know seems odd, but our kiddos just aren't quite ready. Do you have a little potty chair on the floor? You might see if she'd like to pick out her own potty chair? We bought "Elmo's Potty Time", a DVD, which my little one loves to watch. Honestly, I think the best way to deal is to not worry about it, just let her do her thing. She'll do it when she's ready, and I think it has a ton to do with control. If she sees you making a big deal about it, and she sees that you are wanting to control the whole thing, she's going to put the breaks on. I ask my daughter if she wants to go when I go, and if she does, she will, and if not, I say "ok" and forget the whole thing. I might add that learning to get her own pants and diaper off was a step in the right direction for us, because sometimes now she goes in and pees all by herself...she's all about being independent and doesn't want my help AT ALL. Anyway, hope that helps, try not to worry too much. =)

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2009

Do you have a child sized potty or are you trying to put her on the adult toilet? Get her a child's one if you don't have one. Children sometimes don't like their feet dangling.

Try putting the child sized potty in the the middle of the family room and treat it like a chair. Let her sit on it clothes and all. Let her favorite stuffed animal go potty. She is on the young side for training and may be letting you know she's not ready. Children often train when they are ready and any preschool who is putting that much pressure on a new 3 year old is not developmentally appropriate. My own daughter who was extremely bright and articulate just couldn't pull it together til she was 3 years and a few months old.By the way I also work with toddlers all day long and many are just not ready at 2 1/2.

Vanessa - posted on 01/21/2009

any help on this issue would be great! my daughter is the same!!!