My daughter is turning 18 in March,plans on moving out with her boyfriend

Melissa - posted on 02/08/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Not only moving out but moving to Phoenix Arizona from Indiana, My big problem is she still has a year of school and her boyfriend is an idiot,his parents will be moving too They are some kind of gypsy's or something they move around the country every 3 years. My question is, Is there ANYTHING I can do to keep her home until she graduates, I know she will be 18 but she is not mature enough to be on her own, I know her better than anyone and Im afraid "HE" will hold her back and he's very jealous and wont let her around her friends and I am just afraid for her. I know how these relationships can end all to well

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Karen - posted on 02/11/2010

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I would explain to her how important school/ education is to you and help her research schools in your area as well as in AZ. Find an area that interests her. Then fill out FAFSA with her. This would give her financial aid but she can't get it without your signature since she is under 23 and unmarried. A college education can be such an eye opener. Plus she may meet a better guy there! Don't try to stop her from going but provide guidance for a path that would be more acceptable. Don't know if this helps. Best of luck!

Linda - posted on 02/08/2010

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I agree with some of what Sharon has said, but she will remember that in this day and age, 18 is considered an adult and if you do get her a car, IN your name, whats not to stop her from driving as far as she can to Phoenix to be with him?

Dont get her a car......... Its going to cause you more trouble.
If she takes it, youd have to report it stolen. more money out of your pocket to tow it home, court costs since it was reported stolen......... See where this is leading?

Ive always told my kids, Yes at 18 you are considered an adult, BUT..... you will have a steady job, have money put aside to get your own place, BEFORE you move out...... I dont want you all out there dependent on someone else to take care of you........

Dunno if this helped any!

Sharon - posted on 02/08/2010

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Damn. Phoenix is a rough city. Especially for the poor.



Offer her something better. A car, IN YOUR NAME but for her to drive. Dig up any one who is cuter and better than he is.



Seriously - I know those are shallow offers, but here's the thing. She's moving for a shallow reason. Shallow appeals to her.



After she accepts and after he leaves - (which is what is hoped for) point out that it must not have been true love after all. NOT with a sneer either, or a "i was right and you were wrong" tone either.



I hope you find a way to stop her. More than one girl has been lured to phoenix and turned into a sex slave. Kept there or dragged to mexico.

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Tammy - posted on 02/10/2010

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have an honest open non judgemental discussion about the situation and find out what the real 'draw' is for her to him and his family....is it the freedom adventure etc?
find a way she can have adventure without going in that direction...maybe she could find a study program somewhere overseas for six months, art classes, cooking school? maybe a vaction with some other motivated friends....
its hard to watch your kids make tough decisions when you already know how it will end up....stay strong and stay connected, if she decides to do this, then always make sure you have a way of staying in touch, cell phone, email etc. and let her know no matter what that you will come flying across country in a heart beat to come help if needed or to guide her back home....

Marissa - posted on 02/10/2010

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I guess I understand where your daughter stands. I was still a senior in high school and 18 when I moved out of my mother's and in with my boyfriend. I didn't move a couple states away though. My mother and I sat down and had a really good long talk before I left so she could voice her concerns and I could explain myself. That was less than 2 years ago. I am still with my boyfriend, we are now engaged, and expecting our first child, a boy, in March. It made all the difference in the world to know that my mom supported me though and to know that if I needed her she would still be there for me. One thing you have to learn as your children grow older is you have to let go, whether you think its right or you think its the biggest mistake of her life, just support her and let her know that you love her and just want the best for her.
Marissa

Sherrolyn - posted on 02/09/2010

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I think the worse thing a parent can do in a situation like this is rant, rave, scream, put down the boyfriend, threat and all the horrible things that can be said. Do not say hurtful things or degrad the boyfriend because this would only give her fuel to decide to leave. I would just have a heart to heart talk with her leaving out anything negative unless it was given as a caution. Show her and tell her how much you love her and are proud of her. Tell her of your concerns and your hopes for her to have a good life that may include college. Don't make demands or expect a response from her at that moment. Just tell her you want to present both sides to her so she can make an informed decision. Also, tell her if she decides to go that you will always be there when she needs you. Its ok to tell her your heart would break if she left and you would miss her terribly, but you would respect her decision. If you have had a good relationship in the past this might be all it takes for her to realize what she would be giving up and hope she makes the right decision. I feel a parent shouldn't say or do anything that would push a child away, but use words and actions to pull them closer.

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I got pregnant and married as 16 - I wish my mom cared more. Anyway, that is 23years ago, and my third child just turned 18. You seem to be a cautious mom - keep up that good work. Always tell her how much you care for her, and tell her that you worry. If she really wants to go, is up to her - but for you to tell her that you will always be there for her - that's on you.

[deleted account]

I really hope she will choose to finish school first. With only one year left that is a lot of work she has put out to give up now. Maybe she would be willing to stay and go visit him during a vacation time? Either way, keep the doors open to her and let her know you will be there for her. Everyone makes their own mistakes, some worse than others, but what is most important is that they have someone they can truly count on when it happens.

Linda - posted on 02/08/2010

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No not over the top at all........ I know if my kid stole my car I would want it back....... and them bing 18, I would let them figure it out on thier own, but you never know whats going to happen with kids nowadays....

Let her go and see if she can make out there..... I bet she comes back home soon, and you cant get a good job with just a GED anymore....... She'll be back......

Sharon - posted on 02/08/2010

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I thought about her stealing the car. If it were me? I'd have her arrested and the car sold. Never mind towing it home.

I don't think the mother would have any court costs. Unless she fought to keep her kid out of jail. Which I wouldn't. She's the big bad "18 yr old adult" let her figure out her issues.

I dunno. Maybe that is over the top.

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