My daughter is will soon be entering her teenager stage and i would really appreciate the help of you fbf on how to talk to my daughter of the importance of peer pressure of sex and other bad habits the that i know are going to come out at her as i did me. I don't want to confine her to home, but neither do i want her run with the wrong crowd.

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2009

Thank you guys sooooooooooo much the advice you gave was very helpful. Thank you

Casey - posted on 04/09/2009

hi, my daughter is in her teenage years and i was petrified and i sat my daughter down and spoke to her about everything and not to scare you but she done everything she went out drinking with her friend when i thought she was with this friend but at home with her parents,she also started smoking fags and rollies with a bit of something in and she lost her virginity at 15 which from what i can gather is quite old nowadays,it was my worst nightmare come true but because of what i said to her and she went out and done it she felt guilty and just let it all out one night and told me everything so the next day i had her down the doctors to be put on the pill, and the other stuff no matter how much you talk to them i think they just have to find it out for them selves and find the right path for them no matter what that may be and weather you agree with it or not they have to make their own mistakes you cant live their life for them and wrap them in cotton wool forever i know from personal experience and its very haed to let go

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

I feel there is not enough education about self respect and abstinance.

we need to be teaching our kids about abstinance as well as the emotional side of sex and the consequnces that can come from it. babies, STDS, poor self esteme and the list continues. Della was right about the male role model thing. have a father or uncle  talk to her, it may mean more coming from the other side of the fence.

Also another thing I wanted to mention is that if she has any special intrests, like gymnastics, art, photography or anything like that. Get her involved in extraciricular activities where she can build healthy friendships with friends that are not into things like sex, drugs and alchohal. there are plenty of young adults out there with strong morals and good beliefs that do well in school and make healthy choices, typically these are the kids that have good family relationships and are involved in good pursuits.

Della - posted on 04/09/2009

I have two girls of my own, 10 and almost 9, and the tween emotional drama has already started so I have been seeking the same advice. The best I have heard so far comes from a father that had the talk with his girls. He explained, in appropriate language, what boys really think about and how they work on girls to get what they want as well as what the boys say to each other about those girls. He also explained that most boys don't really want a long term relationship with girls who do certain things, they just want those certain things. He explained that the boys then look for a "good girl" to marry after they have sown their wild oats. It seems to me to be a bit more credible coming from a man that the girl respects rather than a mother, so if there is a male role model that is near and dear and willing to help, that may be a great angle. We all remember trying to figure out what boys were thinking, and we remember how poorly we understood their thinking. Your daughter is in the same place, likely. I was lucky to have a good bunch of friends that were boys when I was young, so I had the inside track, so to speak. Not all girls are so lucky.



As everyone else said, honesty is the best policy, and we have been taking baby steps since they were able to ask the first questions.

Kim - posted on 04/09/2009

The best advice I can give you is be totally honest with her and yourself. You can’t be one of these moms that acts like “my child would never do that” You have to talk to her and let her know that you know what she is going through and sometimes you have to stand back and let her fall but no matter what you have to let her know you are always there for her and you have to keep telling her she is beautiful, smart and you love her. In my family our moto is “SAFTY FIRST” no matter what safty first. If you are drinking then you don’t drive and if it’s sex you have to use a condom because it’s not about just getting pregnant anymore, you can get something penicillin won’t cure and even with the pill you still need to use a condom. I know a lot of parents are going to say you need to teach her not to have sex but come on did any of us listen????? I’m not saying a 14 or a 15 year old needs to be having sex, but when kids start car dating then you need to be the grown up and let her know she needs to protect herself. My daughter is a college student and she played high school softball and she played travel ball and she was valedictorian of her class, so I know what I’m talkig about. SAFTY FIRST!!!!!! That is the best advice I can give anyone.

Tiffany - posted on 04/09/2009

My stepdaughter is 10yrs, started puberty about 3mo ago and has spoken to me about her period,sex and many other things, (we always told her that she is her own person and not to follow other people and everyone thinks differently, we still remind her of that from time to time). at first I didnt know what to say but I took a moment and looked back on the things I wish I would have known and went with it, I have to say she trusts me and knows I am there for her and she knows that I will do my best to be there for her and answer ANY questions she has, so honesty and openness is the best thing I think, when you are honest about yourself as well and let ur guard down a bit they know that u have been through the same type of things and that you really do understand how she feels. I think that was one of the things I thought about my mom is that she didnt understand my emotions and feeling, cause she didnt speak to me about things like that. any other questions let me know!

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2009

Be honest with her about your views and feelings on the subject and give her time to ask questions. Let her know that she can always talk to you and doesn't have to fear being judged. Make sure she knows how proud you are of her and how smart you think she is. Tell her that you trust her to make the right decisions but also know that people make mistakes so you will always be there to talk to her and help her if she needs it. I always resented the lectures I would get from my father. I would have much preferred a two-way conversation. I think it's important for girls to feel confident in themselves. I plan to tell my children that true friends are people you can say no to and they'll understand and respect you for it. If they don't, then maybe they are not your friend.

Cathy - posted on 04/09/2009

Just talk openly and honestly and try not to dictate or preach at her - encourage her to talk to you about any and everything, without negativity.  Assure her that she is a smart girl, with lots of great qualities, and surround her with positive attention and encouragement.  A strong male role model is also really important to teenagers, so that they don't go looking for male attachment or attention from boys. 

Good luck !!

Liz - posted on 04/09/2009

The best advice i have (im only 21, and my girls are only three months old so all i have is my experiance) is too be honest about your mistakes. Give her basic details of what you went through and tell her how it made you feel, and how it affected those around you.

If I had known that my mom was pressured into sex from her boyfriend, then i would have had a better idea of what to do when my boyfriend did it. Once my girls are old enough I'll be telling them about how i wished i had waited until i met my husband, and about how at my age i lacked the maturity to understand what i was doing and what could come out of it.

I hope that helps, and good luck!!!