My daugther is 20 months old and cannot (or will not) fall asleep on her own. Ideas?

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2010

I had a great plan with my son, and it worked beautifully. After the nighttime routine he goes down pretty well, and has for years. Unfortunately my daughter is a lot more high strung (surprise surprise) so it has been harder for me to let her cry. The problem is I still nurse her at night and if she doesn't fall asleep she falls apart. Esp irritating is the fact that at one point she did fall asleep on her own and now refuses to. I know we'll work it out and maybe she just needs a routine geared more for her personally. Yes she is still in a crib. Thanks everyone

Marci - posted on 01/30/2010

Try sitting in the room when you put her to sleep; just sit in the middle of the floor and even if she is crying and calling you, don't make eye contact. This worked for me with both my girls, the first time took about half an hour for sleep to come. Is she still in a crib? It is a lot easier if she is, but you can improvise, just keep putting her back into her bed and sit back down on the floor. The first day or two of this will be the hardest, but the kids do get used to it and eventually you don't need to sit in the room anymore. Make bedtime winding down time, read a story, hugs and kisses then tucking in. Doing something like this every night will help her to get into a routine and knowing what to expect. My girls are older; I fell out of this routine and it got really hard for me and they are still handful to get to bed. I wish I would've kept it up!

Natasha - posted on 01/30/2010

Unfortunaltly, you created a monster!! lol Just teasing, but true. It's very hard to change a habit like that. The biggest thing is consistancy!! It might be rough for a little bit, but even at that young age, they know how to get what they want!! When she starts to get the idea that your not going to take her out of the crib when she cries, things will get easier. I know it's hard but it is better to just get it done now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be! Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 01/30/2010

My doctor told me to put my son to sleep while he was drowsey. not fully a sleep. He cried so hard the first few times he threw up. Now he cries for about a min and falls right to sleep. My other son cried for 4 hours straight and finally fell asleep. We were in the room the whole time but he did not pick him up or touch him we laid on the floor and every now and then told him he would be alright. now he goes right to sleep. it is hard to listen to your baby cry i have gone through it 3 times. but now they all fall asleep on there own.

Julie - posted on 01/30/2010

LOL. My son is 7 years old and I still lay down with him to read a book, tell stories, talk about his day and say prayers. Neither one of us wants to let go of this time together. Before you know it they will be too old to cuddle with, so I just enjoy it for now. No suggestions other than if she wants the cuddle time I would give it to her.

Heather - posted on 01/30/2010

What i did was nurse my dauther to sleep, rovk her for 30 min then lay her down. Eash night I laid her down 5 min earlier in her crib. My theory was she would be sleeping slightly less soundly each progressive night and settle herself down- it worked like a charm!

Laura - posted on 01/30/2010

Both my daughter don't and there going to 3 and 5. But I'm ok with that, my 3 year old did the other day go to sleep on her own in here own bed for the first time. I've tried everything to get them to fall asleep on there own and to me and my girls it just works better when I lay with them until they fall asleep. They no once they fall asleep I leave and there ok with that. You just have to try different things and see what works best for you. My three year old still doesn't sleep throught the night never has so every child is different and it can be hard at times, but just stick with what you feel good doing. Good luck

Helen - posted on 01/30/2010

try and make sure she is really tiredbefore bed. i make sure i have a big rough and tumble session with my son at about 6 then from 7 onwards is quiet time and bed. i would wean her as soon as possible as it sounds like she is over reliant on you being there to sleep. it is hard but remember she doesn't know that it is for her own good

Kelly - posted on 01/30/2010

We had done the family bed when my childern were little. This was a done fall for my son. He never slept good and refused to go to sleep on his own. At 11, he still has a hard time sleeping. My daughter, I learned to have quiet time 45 minutes before bed. We would listen to soft music, read books and such. SHe is a great sleeper. Good Luck!

Amber - posted on 01/30/2010

you could wait untill she is almost asleep (but still awake!!) and put her in her crib so she is concious of it but too tired to care. :) worked for me!

Cathy - posted on 01/30/2010

My daughter doesn't go to sleep on her own. She is 21/2 now. She did go to sleep on her own for about 4 weeks 6months ago! I also nursed until 15months (until she lost interest). Does she go to sleep with you around? I find it horrible to leave my daughter to cry so I spend the hour before I want her to go to sleep with her - getting her ready for bed, clean teeth, wash, milk and stories. Then I lay with her until she goes off to sleep. It works for me and I am quite happy to spend this time with her as it seems to make her happy and she is getting me all to herself for that whole hour. If you can spare the time try it. It sounds like she justs wants her mummy. Don't be hard on yourself - she is still very young. Good luck and do what feels best for the two of you