My ex husband stopped visiting my sons in Feb . He never called to asked how they were and didint care if we had othing o eat. My son's were 3 and th last was 11months.He than had his house repossessd so w could move out then he paid is arrears and rented out his house to a family. We slept on my friends floor until th council helped me with a home. In Dec 2010 He then tried to get my kids taken into care claiming I left them alone ad travelled. When that dint work he applied or cntactin jan 2010. I met my fiancee in Feb 2010 and he has been a brillant dad to my kids. Hepays for the beatifl home they hav and spends every penny he has for his children. The case has been going on for 3 years now as I dont think he has a right to walk bac into thier lives after i had to help my 3 year old deal with his father's disappearance. When he faild to show up after fur months my so stoped asking for himand i promised im a new dad which he now has and they love him to bits. The problem is ths ldy from cafcas wants to inform my children of thier biological father. i want to wait until they are mature and ca handle disruption better but she thinks they have a right to know the an they have bonded with is not their father. Pleaseell me what you think. Remember he left my kids and i nver asked him notto call and visit and he made them homeless. A loving mn came along and took up the responsibility of being a father to them. Should they stabillity be taken away for the satifaction of a selfish man

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Holly - posted on 02/05/2013

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in one minute you claim he had tried to get them taken away then you claim he never tried to see them, then you claim he wants to come back into their lives... you are even inconsistent in your story... then now you decide to tell us that he's been violent... which you may turn around and say he's not later on... in this short amount of time your kids have gone to sleeping on floors to moving from one place to another, then you are now engaged and living in a nice home, until this doesn't work out... not once have you stated how inconsistent the father is...he seems to consistently try to get into their lives only to be shut out by you.

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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The lady is right. Your kids do have a right to know the truth and have some sort of relationship with their biological father. The man raising them is their DADDY and nothing should ever have to change that, but they do have a father as well and have a right to know him and develop their own relationship with him... whatever that may look like.

It's not about your ex's rights. He's a jerk and doesn't deserve diddly squat. It's about your kids though and the truth is important. Half of their DNA came from that man. If they CAN know him and make up their own minds about him.... that is better. Even if it's hard on everyone.

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Holly - posted on 02/06/2013

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i think seeing a family counselor all together INCLUDING your ex would be a good place to start. even if your ex doesn't come at first just take you and your kids...

"If only men think of the harm they can do to children in the long run and not of themselves society would have less problems with children from broken homes"
i could say the exact same thing about you... you are purposefully trying to keep their father out of their lives THIS is intentionally trying to hurt your children... and if you didn't do this, your children would not come from a broken home.

Patricia - posted on 02/05/2013

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Thank you Dove I will do my best to keep my family as happy as we are whatever happens. when he walked away my son was devasted and I keep having flashback of these days i had to comfort him. It broke my heart. I never want to see him go through this again. If he begins to see them and walks away again I dont know if i have the strength to help them cope again although it wont be like before because they have a man who is their role model and loves them. If only men think of the harm they can do to children in the long run and not of themselves society would have less problems with children from broken homes.

Patricia - posted on 02/05/2013

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I understand where you are coming from I guess this is too complicated to expect people to understand by giving bits of what happen and is happening. Everything is documented the violence towards myself and the children and since u mentioned it there are unanswered questions involving abuse of boys in another household. hence the reason this has gone on so long. One report has stated he should have no contact. the reason i am sharing this today is because a new person from cafcass has taken over the case and all documents have not been passed on to her so she does not really know what is going on here however she wants to jump to make the decision that my kids should be told. I think the court must make a decision first based on the evidence. A decision that will be in my children's best interest. I dont see the point in disrupting their lives if he will not be a part of it until they are older to make their own decisions about him. If you think I am not being a good mom because i am trying not to hurt my children unecessarily that;s ok. your opinion is valued.

Patricia - posted on 02/05/2013

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Holly yes i said he tried having social services to take them away when he heard i was away. the police visited my house spoke to me over the telephone and found that my kids were left in good care and it was just the act of a man trying to cause trouble for us. I was away for a week due to a family member passing on my dad's side and had my sister staying with my kids at my house. Where is the inconsistency. Yes as i mentioned i only gave the surface of the facts not a story dear. yes the past three years for whatever reason he has attended court not asked how they were or offerred maintenance. As a matter of fact when I contacted CSA for maintenance in June 2009 he claimed to be unemployed which is not the case. CSA said i had to get photos of him going to work and leaving work to provide them with the evidence. He deliberately registered as self employed so he didnt have to pay tax so there was no evidence of him working. the point is i am not sure this man really wants to have a relationship with my children. It is my job to protect them so I am trying to put all of his actions together to do the right thing for my kids. I am sharing it with strangers to hear different opinions. also the social worker appointed by the court in 2010 to prepare a report concluded that there should be no contact until they are old enough. Dove yes the domestic violence which stated in 2006 is documented. Holly I am not here to deceive anyone. the father was inconsistent during the time we were on speaking terms and then he disappeared for a entire year before he resurfaced when i got court papers.

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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I think she did say the police had been involved.... In which case, if there is documentation of police reports I would totally suggest pursuing supervised visitation.

Shawnn - posted on 02/05/2013

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Patricia, the facts of the matter are that, if he's requested access to his children, and he has no record of violence against them, has no drug charges, etc, he has every right to have access to his children!

Whether or not the alleged events occurred, he still has the right to request access to his children.

Do you have any documentation of your claims? Any documentation of the abuse, the neglect, anything? Because if you don't, but he has documentation of your refusal to allow him to visit his biological children, then he's got the right to request visitation. You said that you didn't fight with him about "your share" of the house, etc, but that's your fault. You should have fought for your share, along with support orders.

You cannot claim lack of support without support orders having been in place, which you sound like you didn't have. You cannot claim abandonment if the man has been trying to contact you, and you've been refusing.

And, honey, I'm not judging. HOWEVER, I look at both sides, having been on the "other" side, and I'll advocate for BOTH parents rights before I'll say that you have the right to keep those kids from their biological father, as long as he's not a drug addict or a pedophile. And, right now, IMO, you have no right to keep those kids from their father. I'm not saying give him full custody, but you really don't have the right to make that decision.

Patricia - posted on 02/05/2013

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Shawn please read my reply as i can see u got the wrong end of the stick. That could be because I had it all jumbled up and lots of typing errors. Also I was trying not to write too much. I said 2 children not 3 and I certainly did not choose to sleep on my friend's floor we were made homeless by their biological father. Thank God my friend opened her door to us which means that i did not have to find emergency shelter for the homeless. My kids knew this family so they were still happy unaware of my pain. That was harsh as i suffered with my kids and had to be strong to see them through the worst time of our lives. I vowed and promised them that i would give them a good life which they deserve and they would never have to cry (especially my son who was 3) because this man abondon's them. All i am doing is keeping my promise to my children. I have given them a stable life. A family

Patricia - posted on 02/05/2013

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sorry about the errors noticed them after I posted. He stopped visiting in feb 2009 after I had to call the police to my house about five times between January and Feb 2009. He was adviced to visit accompanied by a friend or a police officer because he was being violent towards both myself and the children. We continued to stay at the matrimonial home ( we were divorced by then). My last son was born in March 2008 so my ex disappeared a month before he turned one. I never expected him to walk away and never look back so I kept saying to my then 3 year old daddy will be back soon when he asked for his daddy. After four months I gave up hope and expalined to him I dont think daddy is coming back and he said ok mummy. Since then he never asked about him. July that same year 2009 while I was away on vacation with the kids the house was repossesed and locks changed. When I returned I was allowed to take some of the things I could carry with me by my friend and the rest chucked away. I spent two weeks on my friends floor with my two kids until I got help by the government. We were given a two bedroom house. I was a full time university student at that time so I was unemployed. My ex husband then paid off the arrears on his house and rented it out. He had it repossessed for us to be thrown out. The mortgage company allows someone to get the house back if they pay the arrears which he knew. It was not his house we purchased this house before we got married but I chose not to fight in court for my share. Keeping my kids safe and happy was my priority. Please read the details correctly before judging me as I was the one left to look after my kids on my own with no financial contribution from him to this day 4 years since he left. He then decided he wants contact in 2010. He went to the court to apply for contact which I contested as i have no way of knowing that my kids wont be abandoned again. Now about my fiancee. I knew him two years in before we started a relationship february 2010.It will be three years since he has been a father to my children. My life was unstable when I was in a relationship with my ex and since sept2009 when we were helped by the government my kids have had the best life ever. I dont have to worry about bills or not enough money to provide for them. We travel around the country and outside the country. They have grandparents on both sides who care about them. We are happy and we leave a comfortable life because of my fiancee. As I said read my words and i am only giving the main points of my situation. Holly a great father would not be violent towards his children where the police has to be called and he was arrested several times. A great father would not choose to have no contact with his children for a year not even a birthday present or christmas present. A great father would not have his kids be homeless in order to earn more money by renting out his house. When my fiancee came into their lives there was no father. I did not stop contact he did. Holly I live in a beautiful 3 bedroom house with my fiancee and I have my own business. My finacee has a good job too. Please I joined for friendly advice from moms who may have been in a similar situation. Our kids come first.

Shawnn - posted on 02/05/2013

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Well, I'm having a hard time reading this, but what I'm reading is that you've had issues with your ex since you left him, and you'd rather not have him around your kids.

But, here's the deal, whether you like it or not, and that is: The man is their biological father. And the "lady from cafcas(whatever that is)" is quite correct. The children have the right to know that the man that you are married to is not their father. And, since you've been obviously withholding contact between these children and their father, he's asked for intervention. Should you continue to withhold contact, then, yes, the children can rightfully be removed from your care and into his.

You ask if their "stability can be taken away for the satisfaction of a selfish man"...but I fail to see stability in the lives of 3 children under the age of 4 who have been jumped around on friend's floors just to keep them away from their father. And, furthermore, they can't be too overly attached to a man that they've known for less than a year. You, yourself stated that the youngest was 11 months old. So, you can't have been with this other guy all THAT long for him to have formed a permanent bond with another man's children.

Holly - posted on 02/05/2013

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sorry i think that you are in the wrong... you said he stopped seeing his children in feb... it is only feb 5th... so it's been 5 days... big woop. many father's go 2 weeks inbetween visitations... if you are one of those mother's who insist the father come visit you on daily basis to see his kids, i think you are sick. he had his house reposessed, it is HIS HOUSE... get a job and go find your own place to live. you are sleeping on your friends floor because you refuse to get a job.... that is not his problem, and then you say he is trying to get the kids away from you, yes, because he doesn't want them living on your friends floor... in MY eyes, this makes him a GREAT father...

you ask should their stability be taken away??? WHAT STABILITY?!?!?! you live a VERY unstable life! they would most definitely be better off with their father.

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