My ex wont give my son back :(

Dearne - posted on 06/10/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I had my son on the 7th of april and wen he was 5 weeks him and my 2 yr old daughter were diagnosed with scabies so my then mother in law took my son to treat him well its now been 4 weeks and both my kids hav been clear for 2 weeks.

So everytime i aorganise for my now ex mother in law to drop him off she would make an excuse like the dr said to keep him for another week or hes got a cold i cant bring him over. So now my ex and his mother refuse to give him to me even though my ex lives with his new gf but my son lives with the ex mother in law. so legally i hav the right to go get him but i am so scared of the mother as she can be very nasty.

I hav spoken to the police & to Docs (i live in australia) they say they cant do anything as its a legal matter, even though my ex smokes pot everyday & his father drinks alcohol everyday & can sometimes get violent. But its not enough to intervene.

So now im waiting to see a solicitor. Im just wondering if there is anything else I can do while im waiting to see my solicitor. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle - posted on 06/10/2011

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What the hell?
Go get your kids!
If there is no reason why you can not have your children (custody issues).
I don't understand.. do you live far away? Jump on a bus and get your children.

By letting your ex-MIL have this kind of control it seems like you are not entirely motivated to get your kids back.
You are the mother. If she refuses then call the cops. As the legal guardian, they have to give you your children.

Personally, I don't understand what has taken so long for this to become an issue. As soon as she started using excuses you should have been on top of this situation.
Call the doctor. As the parent you could have confirmed her allegations.

Jodi - posted on 06/10/2011

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The police are right, they won't get involved because there is evidently no court orders in place with respect to the custody/visitation of the children. Obviously I don't have the full story, but it was a mistake to allow them to take them for that period of time.

You actually have every right to go over there and collect your children. If they deny you ANY visitation at all, it doesn't look good on them.

Your ex DOES have every legal right to 50% custody of your children, but does not have the right to deny you access totally.

When is your appointment, and where (approximately) in Australia are you?

Before a court hears it, you have to go through mediation. So it may be worth contacting Relationships Australia (or equivalent mediation service) and starting the ball rolling with booking a free mediation. In some places it can be quite a wait, and you are required to do this before it goes to court anyway, so get it booked while you wait.

Please feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions - been through the wringer with the court system in Aus.

[deleted account]

Honestly, I would find a way to force the police to get involved. For example, go to her house and before going in call the police and say you need help that this woman is threatening bodily harm to you and your child. That way they are there to help you whether they like it or not and you can get your son out. Or, take other people with you, some friends or family, more than one, take everyone and ask for help. Intimidate HER and get your son. In understand that by law your ex, his father, had 50% rights but the boy isnt with him, he's with his grandmother. Technically she is nobody. You owe her nothing. I cant even imagine being in this situation.

Jessi - posted on 06/12/2011

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put your feelings of your ex-in-laws aside and go get YOUR child; that is false imprisonment. the cops CAN do something they are just choosing not to.

[deleted account]

If your ex does not live w/ his mother and your baby is w/ HER.... that's kidnapping and it's crap that the police won't help you. If you legally have the right to get your son.... go get him. NOW! Bring someone w/ you if you need to, but go get him right now. NOT getting him back when he's not even w/ his own father is going to make you look really bad in court..... Just my opinion though.

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31 Comments

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Chasity - posted on 06/14/2011

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Get a good friend to go with you over there and get your children, if she wont bring them to you then you go to them. Its bullshit just go get them.

Angela - posted on 06/14/2011

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Apply for interim custody and tell them you are afraid he is going to take off with them as he won't give them back. He may be applying for custody so have one up on him. Like everyone says, just go get your kids but make sure you have someone with you as they may make accusations that are not true and you will have a witness. Make sure you have a phone in case you need to call 911. Best of luck! Now go get your little darlings : )

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2011

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U are his mother u have legal gardianship over him ur exmotherinlaw doesn't so there is nothing she can do to keep u from him u r keeping your self from him if u truely lovedyour son u would go up there an push ur way in an take him an if ur truely scared of her go get a lawyer an get the lawyer to go with u an go an get ur baby an get the lawyer to tell the exmotherinlaw there's nothin she can do u have gardianship an he is our baby an not hers an by law she can not keep u from him that's actually kidnapping snice the father isn't living there....go fight for ur baby he needs u!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2011

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U are his mother u have legal gardianship over him ur exmotherinlaw doesn't so there is nothing she can do to keep u from him u r keeping your self from him if u truely lovedyour son u would go up there an push ur way in an take him an if ur truely scared of her go get a lawyer an get the lawyer to go with u an go an get ur baby an get the lawyer to tell the exmotherinlaw there's nothin she can do u have gardianship an he is our baby an not hers an by law she can not keep u from him that's actually kidnapping snice the father isn't living there....go fight for ur baby he needs u!!!

Barbahrokah - posted on 06/13/2011

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go see social worker and tell them whats going on. alot of scabies and she could have told you what to do. but please get your kids before your right are gone. the longer you leave them there the more right the mother in law will have. keep papers on you to prove they are your kids and car seat in the car when they are at the store and you see them they take them right there and then,

Krista - posted on 06/13/2011

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That is utter shite that the police say they can't do anything -- this is basically kidnapping! Who cares if your MIL can get nasty? Go get your kids -- bring someone with you if you have to. It is not illegal to go and retrieve your own children.

Noelle - posted on 06/13/2011

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I agree...take someone with you, remain calm, and if she gets nasty, go to your car and call the cops quietly. You are being really careful for the courts, which is smart, but someone said it...it's going to look like your'e abandoning your child.

Angela - posted on 06/12/2011

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WHHHAAAAT!! you need to go and get your child. i wont even send my child off with her father b/c he has threatened to steal her from me and never return. we have a court date coming up. not to mention the fact that your child is so young! he shouldnt have been away from you at all. if you had to separate the kids, the 2 yr old should have gone and you kept the baby. the bond between you and baby is the most important! i am sorry you're going through this, but this is just plain ridiculous. i would be pounding on doors to get my child back.

Cynthia - posted on 06/12/2011

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did you get your son back today? it strange to me that you are able to sleep at night. keep us posted. just get your baby.

Sheena - posted on 06/12/2011

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And why are you scared of your ex mother in law? There is nothing that would keep my from getting my son back.

Angela - posted on 06/11/2011

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Were you legally married to this child's father?
Does his mother "judge" you because the children got scabies (one of my children had scabies a few years ago and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but some old-fashioned people are unfortunately judgemental about it).
Do you not have any relatives (or friends) of your own who can accompany you in going to get your baby back? Because if you don't, and she's aware of this she will be quite confident she's keeping that baby.
Get on over there and get your kid!

Becky - posted on 06/11/2011

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hi dearne
i have been in the same sittuation except my ex was only meant to have our daughter for a weekend and decided to keep her at his sisters luckily he decided after 2 weeks that he could not cope and just gave her back but with your sittuation i think that what you can do is go to your mother in laws house to say that you want to see him and as soon as you have him in your arms you can walk out with him and there is nothing that she can do at all or your ex i understand just how heartbreaking it is and i hope that you get your son back soon

Elfrieda - posted on 06/11/2011

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What does your ex MIL do that's so scary for you? Is she violent? If so, bring a cousin or uncle who is big but gentle, just in case you need someone to hold her off if she starts beating you.
Is she going to say mean things? Just go get your baby, and don't worry about it. Wear earplugs!
Do you know where she lives? Go there, please. You don't need to call first. This is way past etiquette rules.

Frieda - posted on 06/11/2011

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go with a friend dont go alone get them kids before they claim you desserted them

Cynthia - posted on 06/11/2011

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so did you go get your baby today? he needs you, be brave for him. keep us posted.

Cynthia - posted on 06/11/2011

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sorry. your right. but i honestly didn't mean to literally buy a gun, kinda a way of saying do what u have to do to intimidate her. this just struck a nerve with me because i was in about the same situation. i had to steal my son from his grandma too. but i did it with out even hesitating. i'm sorry for asking if you were on drugs you are right, it was rude and wasn't called for. we are just very different people and i really am sorry.

Dearne - posted on 06/11/2011

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I took both my kids to the hospital and the doctor said it would be best to seperate them to treat them. so thats why my ex- mil has my son.
As for buying a gun, umm no thankyou. first of all im against guns, i cant stand them and secondly im only 21. and how could you even ask if im on drugs, that is just rude!!
ive asked the police to come with me and they wont. ive spoken to docs and there isnt anything they can do. so now im waiting to see a solicitor. i wanna do everything legally so they hav nothing to use against me but i also wanna go over there and get my son.

Cynthia - posted on 06/10/2011

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wow is my 1st thought. Your ex mother in law has your baby and you are to scared to go get him. is that really what you are saying or maybe there is more.



i can not wrap my mind around the idea that you are allowing your fear to keep you from doing whatever you have to do to get you kid back.



maybe i'm missing something and if so i'm sorry. do you have custody?



so what if she is very nasty. buy a gun, take a friend, to me this is outrageous. your the mother. as a mother we do what we have to do for our kids.



no nasty women is going to keep my son. wow!!! is this one of those fake post or something? are you on drugs??

Neva - posted on 06/10/2011

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I would call the local police department to have them accompany you to pick up your children. I would also contact a lawyer to make sure that your custody rights stay intact.

Knequay - posted on 06/10/2011

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Please hurry up and get them back! If you have sole custody that should be enough. I went through a very similiar situation, still am. Timing is very crucial. The courts don't seem to care about how scared you are. Trust me.

Kasie - posted on 06/10/2011

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Was there a reason why you couldent give your son the treatment and had to give him to her? You do have every right to go and get your child. But if I was you I would have kept him with me and done the treatment. I dont let my kids go with anyone but I may be strange for not taking any help with taking care of the kids. Not trying to be mean or anything just saying untill there are court orders and stuff in place you need to be really careful with who has the kids.

Cory - posted on 06/10/2011

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Why are you giving your ex-MIL so much control over you & your family? That is YOUR child- he's not even w/ your EX. So, you politely call her & set-up a time to pick up YOUR child. You arrive ON-TIME say "thank you" for your help but, I can handle it now & you LEAVE w/ YOUR child ! There's no need to argue or make a scene just be a mother... Good Luck

Lissa - posted on 06/10/2011

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Are you saying the police will not accompany you to collect your child? If the police will not help you how about social services?

Tarah - posted on 06/10/2011

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i would just go to the ex mother in laws house and demand to see your kids. then i would take them when it is time to leave. by law you are the mother and custody has not been given to anyone else so you should be able to take them once you are there.

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