My Fiance have four children. One adult, one teen, one tween, and one 7 year old girl What do I have to look forward to?

Christina - posted on 01/01/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have been dating a good friend for three years. He proposed on Christmas day. His kids are loving children. In saying that, that also act super spoiled. All they want to do is play on the electronic games. They do not eat veggies. The youngest boy and girl, will sit at the table till all hours, having to eat their dinner (small amount) all because there might be a few peas in the food. It is atrocious. Then when it comes time to sit down to eat, there is always chaos and arguing over who asked for what first. This leads to the eleven year old pouting, the little girl deciding her brothers aren't being fair and it all goes downhill. I do not think I have ever sat down at their dinner table when there was an incident free occasion. I tell my fiance his kids are so rude to him, and he lets them walk all over him. He is beginning to listen to my gentle guidance, and has a long way to go. The little girl manipulates her daddy something horrible. He finally resorted to the soap in the mouth. Deciding she did not like the flavor of the ivory soap bar, her behavior has not been quite as bad. So, is it really good to simply send them to their rooms when being little meanies? I just do not know. I have heard of positive positive action. Like, a negative should have a punishment that is not a negative more of a positive, with positive outcomes in their lives, down the line. There are so many questions and everyday scenarios, I could go on. But I will begin with this one. Thanks, any books and helpful advice welcomed here.

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Jodi - posted on 01/01/2012

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Ok, well I guess the good thing is you are asking all of this BEFORE you get married and not after. Because it seems like you and he are not on the same page with it all. And it may well be a problem for you. Taking on someone else's children can be difficult, and you really need to be able to work this out before you take the next step.

You need to sit down and discuss this with your fiance. If you can't talk about it with him now, then it isn't going to get better. You need to both discuss the house rules, what behaviour will and will not be acceptable, and BOTH of you have to agree to that. Only if you are both clear on the rules and consequences of breaking them will you both be happy. I don't know if you have children yourself, or if you are planning on having them together, but either of these scenarios further complicates things and makes it absolutely necessary that you set these ground rules early on, or it WILL strain your marriage. Why not even consider pre-marital counselling to help your resolve some of these things?

Anyway, just my thoughts, from one mother and step-mother to another. My husband and I have been married now for 8 years, but blended families are hard work. Good luck!

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