My four year old acts like a kitty non-stop and husband is always angry with her.

Jenna - posted on 06/26/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My four year old has realized that when she acts like a kitty she will get attention from people. She has been acting this way for a couple of months but her kitty behavior has increased more in the last couple of weeks. I just figure it is a phase and she will grow out of it, but it drives my husband crazy! He is constantly telling her to shut the "f" up and that her voice is getting on his nerves.
On top of that she is very jealous of her baby brother and acts up, yelling at him, taking his toys, pushing him, etc. My husband is always yelling at her at the top of his lungs, usually within 5 minutes of being home. He has even smacked her twice this week. All of this is making me very upset.
I feel like her acting like a kitty is no big deal but my husband is very angry at her for this behavior. He is always angry at our daughter. I try to talk to him about it but he just screams and yells and than the baby starts crying.
There is too much stress going on in our home and I need some advice.
Also... my husband has a ten year old son that lives 3 1/2 hours away. He molested my daughter and he is not allowed around the children. My husband does not talk to his ten year old but every 3-5 weeks for a few minutes. (His ten year old never calls him unless he wants a present). I feel like my husband is angry with our four year old when none of this is her fault.
Thank you.

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Your husband sounds like he has some serious anger issues. I would highly recommend he get into counseling asap. If he refuses to go.... at least get yourself into counseling to figure out the best way to deal w/ this situation. Your daughter does NOT deserve this kind of treatment. I also think a seperation (even if it's only temporary) would be an excellent idea until he learns to control his temper.

As for acting like a kitty.... my 3 year old son doesn't do it constantly (thank goodness cuz it WOULD get annoying), but he has woken up 'meowing' or 'barking' (almost always meowing) every morning for the past 2 years.

Laura - posted on 06/26/2011

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I know it's very easy for others to say, just leave. We don't know your situation, whether or not you have the means to leave or even a place to go. First off, no one should be cursing to a 4 year old, you shouldn't even be cursing in front of your children and slapping a child is in my opinion just completely out of the realm of acceptable behaviour. First have a calm, frank discussion with your husband about how you feel about his behaviour in regard to the children. Don't attack him, just let him know what you feel and be strong about it. Don't back down. They are your kids and you are their voice, even to their dad. Suggest counseling for the both of you so that you can learn to deal with your frustrations and learn how to parent more effectively. Let him know in no uncertain terms that things are obviously not working the way they are now and something has to change immediately. If he can't get a grip on his anger and continues to inappropriately heap it on your daughter you will not hesitate to do whatever it takes to protect her even if it is from her own father. The key thing is to be strong and true to your convictions. Do not let him bully you too. Remember YOU ARE YOUR CHILDRENS VOICE. You are their mother and it is your job first and foremost to protect them. If you feel like he is unwilling to change or get help than you may have no other choice but to leave. If your daughter was molested, she should already be seeing a child psychologist. Perhaps her acting out is related for her need for control.

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Jessica - posted on 06/26/2011

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*Laura* I had a similar situation. I had not the mean to leave either. My husband was yelling a lot and I even caught him telling my 16 month old that mommy didn't love him and similar other things. Their ARE ways to make HIM leave. The next time my husband started his usual abuse toward ME, I had the cops cart him off. Hasn't been back since and I am actually trying to figure out how to file for divorce. NOBODY messes with my little ones.



*everyone else* Ironically, my son also likes kitties but instead of acting like one, he calls everyone kitty names(everyone ends up with "kitty" before, after, or in the middle of their name), gives kitty kisses(nuzzles you like a cat), caries around his Kittie blanket(a homemade quilt someone gave us that has kitties all over it)... oh and he sleeps with one of the cats (sometimes I wonder if it's the other way around though...) so yes. It annoyed my husband and he was informed to NOT treat him like that. In the end, he found something else.

Krista - posted on 06/26/2011

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There is a LOT going on with you guys -- your little girl was molested by her stepbrother, and your husband hardly talks to him. He's constantly angry and taking it out on your daughter. Your daughter is desperate for praise and attention and is getting it however she can.

I really think that if you want to have any hope of your family becoming functional and getting through this, you have GOT to get yourselves to family therapy. There's so much emotion and so many things going on under the surface, that I really do think it'll take an expert to help all of you bring it out into the sunlight, examine it, and work it out so that it's not creating such a toxic environment.

Please, please, please tell your husband that if he wants your marriage to survive, then he has GOT to come with you to family therapy to work this stuff out. I think it's the only chance you have to fix this.

And if he refuses...then you may have a decision to make. I know you love your husband, but as a mom, your first job is to provide a safe and nurturing environment to your children. And if he is being verbally abusive towards your daughter (and yes...that is what he's doing), and is always angry with her, then what is that going to do to her as she grows up?

You're going to need a lot of strength in upcoming days, but that's the only way you're going to change it -- people don't change on their own if they're not given a reason to want to. And right now, your husband has no reason to want to change his ways. Give him one.

Jenn - posted on 06/26/2011

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Desiree - the 10 year old molested the daughter, not the husband - that's why the son isn't allowed around them. I agree with the others though,. that she is mimicking her Dad's yelling, etc. Find as many ways as you can to include her when it come to the baby, and also ensure that she is still getting some sort of alone/cuddle time just the 2 of you. Your husband sounds like he is stressed out and needs to find a way to cool his jets. Telling a 4 year old little girl to shut the fuck up is NOT acceptable - at all - and he needs to stop immediately!

Minnie - posted on 06/26/2011

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I'd be high-tailing it out of there as fast as I could with the little ones in tow.

Jessica - posted on 06/26/2011

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As far as the mean behavior is concerned, sounds like (from your own words I got this) she is merely doing what daddy does when he is mad at her (but instead she is mad at her brother). The kitty thing, is just a phase (probably also her way of coping with the things that go on as well). It will pass. With all due respect though, the current level of abuse (and yes thats what it is) and with the apparent escalation... I would honestly ditch the prick and stick up for my kids... but that is just me.

Desiree - posted on 06/26/2011

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Well there you have answered the question yourself. She is jelous of her brother and thinks that if she acts up, she will get all the attention you husband shouting at her is just making it worse because she is getting exactly what she wants. but it is a very negative form of attention. Your husband has got to ignore her behaviour completely in order for her to adjust to normality. Her needs to treat her like a little girl and also you both need to include her where the baby is concerned. And if I were you I would pick up my children and leave. If he molested her why are you still with him 1 and 2 he is getting very aggressive he may hurt either you and, or your children.

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