My friends daughter always walks out of the house whenever she wants, how do you get a kid in trouble if they just leave when they feel like it?

Ariana - posted on 11/08/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My friends 14 year old daughter will tell her parents 'you can't make me' for a lot of things and if they try to tell her what to do or ground her she will simply walk out of the house. She lives in a small town so all she has to do is go to a friends house and she's almost always out somewhere.



What do you do if you try to give a kid a consequence and they just leave? A lot of ways to keep a kid from misbehaving is to keep them from seeing their friends or something which obviously can't work if the kid just leaves.



I mean you can't barricade them in right? The only thing they have over her really is her cell phone. I know I probably can't help them out but it's just been bothering me since every parenting book and all those things talk about restricting childrens access to friends or keeping them from doing things if they're acting out but what do you do when you can't keep them in? Can you call the cops? Follow them around? I'm just not sure how someone would handle that type of situation.

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Muganda - posted on 11/12/2012

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Take the phone. I had to make major changes with my older son- we moved to the country- if he wanted to get into trouble, he had to walk 6 miles first. Gets old realy quick. Call the police to their friends house while you pick her up- "friends" dont like that sort of attention. But Keri is right- they should've taught her better when she was younger. I see stuff like that daily and then parents wonder where they did wrong- well....duh. Make them listen when they are young and its eaier for them as they grow up- easy as that. I did have to go to the police, expained the situation- sons daddy and stepmom didnt help at all. At the police they told me to discipline as they see everyday what happens when parents are not parents. As long as I dont leave a mark, I can discipline... made me grin- learned enough with military to do just that. Son is doing great now- 20 years old, on his own, being responsible and planing to join the service

Michelle1544 - posted on 11/09/2012

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call the police , shut her phone off , and if she walks out call her friends parents and let them know you are looking for her and have called the police , ask them to send her home or at least call you or your friend ..



Why would anyone put up with this?

Keri - posted on 11/09/2012

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Sorry, but it sounds like this girl's parents are really weak when it comes to discipline and consequences. Either they give in too much now or they did when she was younger so she thinks whatever they say doesn't really mean anything because they will just change their minds later. I'm not suggesting they do a complete 180 on how they discipline her, but she needs hard and fast rules with serious consequences. Teenagers always want to push the envelope, especially with their parents. Your friend might give calling the cops a try (not 911, but the police department phone number) and let them know she's out when she isn't supposed to be - that they (the parents) are punishing her for something but she walked away. Have your friend give the cops permission to "take her in" and give her a taste of what it's like when you break the law (or in her case, he parents' rules). Since it's a small town, the jailhouse probably isn't that big and most of the cops probably know most of the residents, so she shouldn't be in any danger if the parents decided to take that route.

Lisa - posted on 11/08/2012

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Oh my, i have just started going through this problem with my teenage son also! i was told to draw up a contract for us both to sign with rules and consequences on it. Im also going to speak to the local police office for advice - because i agree if you cant show control and discipline over what they do now, then how the hell is one to manage when they are no longer a child at 16/18.

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If you are going to involve the police, you need to talk with them, share what you'd like to do, which is to treat her as a run away, and discuss taking her to jail and see a judge too. All this can be worked out prior to the actual call so she can be taught an "eye opening" experince.

As for her daughter's friends parents, that might backfire on you due to what she has already told them. They'll believe her over you.

Tracy - posted on 11/08/2012

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my daughter was like this. i got the police involved 'they were no help'. i got the school involved 'again no help'. but the biggest no help was social workers. what ever i came up with as a conciquence i was told was abusive or against her rights. This was things like taking her phone away from her when she climbed out the window and i had no idea where she was.

i wish i found something that had worked. my daughter ended up in volentry care as she said she couldnt live with me. we had 6 years of problems 2 of them were a living hell. Shes now 18 and we are now good friend. i just had to ride it through. shes still not someone you can tell what to do. i now give my opinion and say its up to you. she does come back to me sometimes and say she should have taken my advice.

Brittanye - posted on 11/08/2012

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For one thing, of you cannot contain your children, 17 and under, you do have the ability to contact authorities. We as parents have that right as well as children would. If we cannot control the situation, somebody higher end hopefully, steps in and controls the situation by establishing an understanding between both child and parent; nearly as a mediator. Children can be removed from the home upon parental request and of course with legitimate reasoning in support to their condition. A parent on the other hand does in feed have every right to establish a stable home environment to which the child/children must understand that you may not leave when they may please just as when we as parents take care of equally important matters, walking out on a job imbodies consequences as well. Children need to understand that their ads consequences to their actions and according to several state laws...there are laws against run-aways. Hope this helped explain.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/08/2012

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I would personally talk to all of her friends parents and make them aware of what is going on, and ask them to not let her in the house unless it is approved by the parents first. I would be taking that phone away, and all computer access unless it is school related. They can certainly do plenty to prevent the teenager from doing this.....but if they are not doing it already...well it is their business unless they are asking for help. Otherwise, it is non of your business.

Shawnn - posted on 11/08/2012

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Unfortunately, it's their decision, Ariana, and that appears to be the way that they've decided to handle the situation.



You can't do anything. Period. The most you can do is (IF she's doing anything illegal, and you can prove it) is turn her in yourself, but running away isn't necessary illegal.

Ariana - posted on 11/08/2012

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Yeah, if it was my kid I'd probably do the same thing. Plus you can always call where she's at and tell them she left and isn't supposed to be out and then the parents of that house would probably go oh you need to go home etc (at least hopefully).



Sometimes I wish you could swing some sort of magic parenting wand on some people to get them to straighten out. Not even to do every thing you want them to, just to get them motivated or something...



That's good advice, I'll probably try to tell that to her parents but they don't really do anything anyways.

Lacye - posted on 11/08/2012

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I'd call the cops and have her reported as a run away. Like Dove said, after a few times, either she will stop doing it, or the cops are going to tell her to knock it off or she will spend the night in jail.

Dove - posted on 11/08/2012

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On the other side... they could always lock her out so she can't come back. Let her know... fine, you don't want to follow the rules and want to walk out whenever you want... find someplace else to live.



I'd only consider that after trying the things mentioned in my first post though.

Dove - posted on 11/08/2012

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I'd call the police. Report her as a run away. If she gets picked up and brought back home in a police car a couple of times the police are going to tell her to knock it off.



Or if they know where she is... go there and pick her up. Nothing wrong with following her around. She walks out of the house, they walk out right after her.



If they don't start making her follow their rules and consequences... they might as well quit parenting now.

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