My husband and I cannot agree on who to select as godparents! Any ideas on how to choose or come to an agreement??

Hanna - posted on 01/07/2009

I agree with Hanan about picking people who have the same spiritual and moral values as you guys do because they should be the ones that the child can turn to with problems, questions, etc. when for whatever reason he/she feels that you are not the right person to turn to. From myself, i will add that it should also be people that are willing to do it and people who understand what your expectations are. I am not very religious (though I do believe in God and will definitely baptize my baby because we believe that baptism is when a guardian-angel is assigned to the baby), however, depending on how religious you are you may or may not take their religious beliefs into account. In my family's case, we did not -- my brother's god father is muslim and his godmother is catholic (we were brought up russian orthodox), however they are both good people with strong positive moral and spiritual standards and they continue to be in my brother's life both as advisers and as support system. So in my opinion, you should look for people that would be willing to do it as well as those who, in your opinion, will be most beneficial to your baby's upbringing. good luck!

Amber - posted on 01/07/2009

Godparents are supposed to be there in your absence to help with the religious upbringing of your children. So, I would choose people that were both close to you and would not have issues with supporting the religion you chose right now for your child.

Maria - posted on 01/07/2009

Although we are christian orthodox and therefore have different rituals we too had difficulties in deciding who our daughter's godparents should be. In order to avoid misunderstandings therefore we decided on the two friends that married us (what you call best man and maid of honor). It is a typical choice in Greece which saves the trouble and heart-ache (and fights on who would be a good example for your child) Maria, Greece

Karen - posted on 01/07/2009

Why do you have to decide on one? Each of you choose 1 person. It is ok to have godparents who are not married or even related. My niece has an uncle for a god parent and a friend of her mother as a godparent

Elizabeth - posted on 01/07/2009

IN my family, we take that decision very seriously.  For both of my children, we have chosen 'blood' relatives (not in-laws)...reason? Because we want their Godparents to be in their lives for as long as they live. For my son, I chose the godmother and my husband the godfather...for my daughter...I chose the godfather and he the godmother.  I was unfortunate to have Godparents that were my parent's friends...needless to say...once they moved...we lost contact.  We have a wonderful family, and we know that if something were to happen to us, my children would be in very good hands (spiritually) with their Godparents. As far, as legal Guardians...my sister is my children's and I am her children's Guardian.  Best of luck in deciding...tough choice!

Brandi - posted on 01/07/2009

This is obviously just my onw thoughts but I hope it helps - Remind your husband that this decision is about your daughter and her future if anything should happen to you.  You need to find a combo, of financial stability, loving nature - you need to find someone who will raise your child(ren) they way you would.  If he has personal issues with your decision ask him why and if he is unable to come up with reasons or an alternative, then he doesn't have room to complain.  Good luck.

Kirsten - posted on 01/07/2009

Did you husbadn give the reasons why he doesn't want that couple?  I think it's important to find out why he's uncomfortable with them and maybe find out what he thinks is important in a Godparent and then maybe the two of you can come with a list of candidates.  I will pray that God guides you in this decision.

Kirsten - posted on 01/07/2009

Did you husbadn give the reasons why he doesn't want that couple?  I think it's important to find out why he's uncomfortable with them and maybe find out what he thinks is important in a Godparent and then maybe the two of you can come with a list of candidates.  I will pray that God guides you in this decision.

Cynthia - posted on 01/07/2009

First they should have the same beliefs as you and I believe Godparents should have the qualities that you would look for if they were to take care of your children. If something happened to you they would be there for your children but not necessarilly have to take them in. They would love your children unconditionally and be in their life as they grow.

Nina - posted on 01/07/2009

The way I picked out mine for my kids was not due to who I liked the most, it was who would really take care of my kids should something happened to myself or their father. So don't pick someone because they are your best friends, pick because you know they will truly be responsible with your childrens future... Hope this helps!

Jessica - posted on 01/07/2009

My husband and I argued about this as well.  We finally talked about what we were looking for in godparents instead of who we wanted.  We both agreed that what was most important was that the people have the same religious beliefs that we do, and that they practice those beliefs.  For my son, we ended up comprimising- I chose one and he chose the other.  For my daughter we agreed pretty easily. 

Karen - posted on 01/07/2009

When i looked for God Parents i looked for a couple or two seperate individuals amongst our friends and family that were like minded in the way we raised our kids as well as people who would care and love my kids should something ever happen to my husband and i.

Maryanne - posted on 01/07/2009

This was a tough decision for us. I have twins so we decided on 2 sets, one for each child. My brother & sister were my one daughters and my husbands best friend and my cousin were supposed to be the other. Well we finally asked them right before the birth and let the church know. Everything was set, or so I thought. My husband changed his mind while I was still in the hospital and called my cousin to tell her his sister would be the god mother. A decison that was not made by me or welcomed by me at all since we do not get along and we are not close. My point is make sure it is meaningful to Both of you so no one feels bad about it later on. I am Catholic also and agree with Maryellen that the God Parents play an important role in the religious upbringing of the child like a Spiritual Advisor.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2009

The point of a godparent is to choose someone who will help your child stay commited to their religion. When we chose our child's godparents we picked the two people who were most commited to their religion.

Diana - posted on 01/07/2009

If they are really close and long time friends, I would explain to your husband that it would mean so much to them if they were chosen as god parents.  If you both disagree, I would suggest writing out people that are important to you including family members like cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters etc from each side.  Pick someone that you both can agree on.  God parents do not have to be a couple.  Maybe he has a sister and you have a brother that you both can agree on and would like them to be god parents.

In the past, picking god parents was a very big deal because generally if anything happened to you, the child would go to the god parents.  These days, that does not happen.  If anything were to happen, the child would go to whomever is outlined in your will.  These days, picking god parents is more of a religious tradition for the baptism.  It has spiritual meaning, which is important.  But if your husband can't think of any one as a substitue, maybe give him some other choices.  If  nothing prevails, as him why he doesn't want your friends as god parents.  He might have a good reason.

Tina - posted on 01/07/2009

We chose my husband's younger brother and his wife. Do you have any siblings to ask?
Good luck.

Carrie - posted on 01/07/2009

My husband insisted it be family only... and that didn't work so well in some cases.  Although the religion part is important, I wanted my childrens godparents to be someone that would always have a special relationship with the child we chose for. (I have 3 kids) Someone they would be able to turn to with tough questions and someone that would respect our rules and beliefs. Good Luck... Carrie

Naomi - posted on 01/07/2009

I think the godparents should be people who have always been there for you and will continue to do so. They have to be responsible individuals who have good morals and can step in and help with the parenting if need be, hence the name "godparent". And they have to be very close to you like family, if you don't pick a relative. They wouldn't be raising your child, but think about when they get older and they have a secret that they can't tell you but they want to tell their godparent(s)... who would you trust to talk to them and not give them horrible advice? I don't have any relatives that I felt would really and truly be there for me and my daughter, so it was important to me that my best friend and her fiance be my daughter's godparents. They've always been there for me through thick and thin and they have twin boys so they're also good parents themselves. I don't have a godfather and my godmother has never been a part of my life. My friends tell me stories about growing up with their godparents and I don't have anything to tell. I think it's important for the individuals you chose to have all the qualities I mentioned before.

Natasha - posted on 01/07/2009

We did the thing where my husband picked the godfather and I picked the godmother.  But if he can not decide on an alternative, then he is pretty much loding the battle!  Stick to your guns!

Hanan - posted on 01/07/2009

I always recommend that you choose someone from your family...as close as you are to your friends you never know how long they can be in your life!  Whomever you choose is not necessarily their job to care for your child if something happens to you..Its who you put in your will that will care for your child! But it's always important to choose godparents who can be a great example for your children and someone they could turn to if they have any problems that they feel they can't share with you....they have to have the same values and beliefs as you do!! It is a very hard decision good luck to you

Clarissa - posted on 01/07/2009

The way I have always done it was.. I choose the godmother and he chose the godfather. I didnt neccassarily use couples.

Sharla - posted on 01/07/2009

I guess I have two things to say. 1. I agree with Maryellen, Godparent is a spiritual term. The person chosen is responsible with assisting you in the 'spiritual' upbringing of your child, and to pray for your baby. 2. This person should be someone who LOVES God and you unconditionally, and will therefore LOVE your child.

My husband and I 'thought' we had chosen wonderfully three, and we had not. Our current Godmother is wonderful and we love her, but she is really more like an aunt that Godparent.......But like Maryellen, our guardian is not the same person. Our guardian is my husbands sister and my bestfriend...she will love and treat my children as her own. Good luck!

Maryellen - posted on 01/07/2009

Godparent is not a legal term, its a spiritual one...I'm Catholic and my childrens godmother will not have custody and will not be responsible for the physical care of my children if something should happen to me and my husband, but she is, in our opinions responsible for the spiritual care of them...we chose someone who is strong in their beliefs, faith and morals, someone who is a practicing Catholic and lives her life the right way...we have a different set of people chosen in our will to take custody of our children, who are not Catholic, but with a clause that states that their Godmother is fully responsible for their souls, taking them to obligation days and for communion on Sundays...Godmother to us is such a deep term, and creates a deep relationship between her and my children, shes not just "Aunt" (shes not related to me) shes not just a family friend, she is their Godmother, I know through her, whether my husband and I are here or not, she will always been the beacon that guides them to their Catholic faith just as she did for me...good luck!

Becky - posted on 01/07/2009

Oh that is hard.  We ended up choosing my dh's sister and a set of our friends.   Just remember, a Godparents job will be to pray for your daugher and to keep her on track.....and often times if something were to happen to you, that would be the person/people to take your child. make a list of what you would like in a godparent! Good luck! We had ours picked way before our daugther was born, just so it would be set and we couldn't argue!

Shana - posted on 01/07/2009

I don't know where you are but here Godparents are meaningless and the church recommends not having them, at least that is what our church did.  It used to be whoever you picked to be your child's godparents took the responsibility of raising the child if something were to happen to her parents but legally that is no longer recognized and your children would go to the next of kin usually their grandparents ... at least that is what happens here.  If you would like to have them symbolically then really you can reassure your husband that it doesn't neccessarily mean that they will be who will raise your daughter should something happen to you.  Or you can pick to have whoever you would want to raise your child for you if something were to happen to you and your husband such as your parents or siblings either of you may have.

Lori - posted on 01/07/2009

When we were making this tough choice, we asked ourselves two questions, "Who would we want to raise our kids if something happened to us"  (not that they WILL be raising your kids, but the question helps) and "Who has the qualities and morals we want our children to have when they grow up?"  We used these questions for all three of our children and their Godparents.  Godparents are an opportunity to extend your family, so good luck, and I hope your daughter and your family are blessed beyond your expectations.  Best, Lori