My husband asked me for a divorce 2 weeks ago, changed his mind and now is asking for one again. I feel completely blind sided because everything was going great after he decided to not go through with it the first time. Can I talk to his first shirt about counseling? Should I file custody and child support papers?? I don't want a divorce because I do love him with all I have, I just don't want to be unprepared I guess are the choice words... HELP oh and he is Air Force

Brittney - posted on 01/28/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband asked me for a divorce 2 weeks ago, changed his mind and now is asking for one again. I feel completely blind sided because everything was going great after he decided to not go through with it the first time. He is in the air force Can I talk to his first shirt about counseling? Should I file custody and child support papers?? I don't want a divorce because I do love him with all I have, I just don't want to be unprepared I guess are the choice words... HELP

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Brittney - posted on 01/28/2013

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I am in the US, and no he says he doesn't have money but bought a new gecko tank today. And one that is by far not cheap. I'm irritated with this as well because not only does he want a divorce but also got mad because I "feel entitled" to the kids living with me. I don't feel anymore entitled than any other parent would, however considering he can't hear our son when he wakes up at night, won't feed him food because its "too messy", and won't give our daughter a bath because the idea of her being naked in front of him he thinks is just wrong, I think their best interest would be to live with me.

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2013

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I only ask about the country because in Australia, you have to file if you want to also file for any parenting payments to help you out, which you should do ASAP.

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2013

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He should be paying you now. Is he being co-operative and paying you anything voluntarily now? If not, I'd file. If so, then you could wait and see. What country are you in?

Brittney - posted on 01/28/2013

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The last thing I want to do is be unfair in anyway. Thank you for the advice,since we are seperated should I file for child support now, or wait til the divorce is filed?

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2013

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I agree, I can understand why you would want that. I think the counselling is important. If, at worst case, it becomes exit counselling, then not only do you need some answers, you guys also need to sort out how this needs to work for the kids. The last thing either of you want is anger between one another, because this never works well for the kids in this situation.

Just remember, it takes two people to work on a marriage. If he is not prepared to work on it or work towards fixing the problem, then you have very little choice. If this ends up being the case, make sure you look after the interests of the children, and look after yourself. But make sure you are also fair to the relationship between him and the kids :) I hate to jump the gun and suggest it may be time to talk to a lawyer, but it just may be. However, don't let the lawyer bully you into a long drawn out battle over custody/visitation or financial settlement. Decide what you think is best for you, not what the lawyer thinks is best for you all. I say this someone who decided to just go 50/50 split on the financial issues just to avoid the massive court battle (and the costs associated with that - only the lawyers would have won there). As much as it may pain you, try to be fair in your decisions :)

Brittney - posted on 01/28/2013

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The last time I asked he said he don't think it will change anything and that was the end of it, and even if it does become exit counseling I just want legitimate answers instead of I don't knows or it's not you it's me.

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2013

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Would he be open to counselling? I can totally understand you would be devastated and not understanding what is going on. I think if there are children involved, the least he should do is go to a couple of counselling sessions with you to either determine any issues there may be or at least offer some level of closure on the issue (i.e. it may become some exit counselling).

Brittney - posted on 01/28/2013

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He said he don't feel like he can put his heart into it anymore and our relationship should have never gone this far....I'm completely heart broken

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