Bell - posted on 06/15/2010 ( 71 moms have responded )
Ok well my husband and I have been married for 3 years and have two young girls together. Most of the time we have a wonderful relationship, almost seems to good to be true perhaps it is. He always sends me sms during the day saying how much he loves me, always surprises me with romantic gifts or gestures and we have lots of wonderful times together by ourselves and as a family. But over the space of one weekend it all changed. He had three days off work and the first day we had to drive to a friends about an hour away, he wanted to service the car before we left so he did it while I got kids and myself ready, I was ready an hour before him, so I offered help but couldn’t do much so went inside to play with girls. When he finished he came inside to get ready but I didn’t want to put the kids in the car until just before we left because it was a long drive and didn’t want them to be in there longer then needed. So I waited for him to get ready then when he came out he started screaming at me because the kids weren’t in the car yet, so I started to put them in and he just stood there screaming at me saying it was all my fault we were going to be late, didn’t help me put them in. He screamed at me for 15 minutes after we started driving saying I was a lazy bitch in front of the kids, All I kept saying was “where did this come from, what is this all about” because I was so confused and I also kept saying please don’t swear in front of the kids so just to piss me off he starts saying things like “Don’t f##king tell me what to f##king do you f##king bitch!” Eventually I just said nothing and let him finish yelling thinking maybe he just needed to vent.
The next day I asked him to spend some time with the family, just have a game or watch dvd or go for walk, just for a few hours spend some time with the girls because we have not spent much time together lately so we decided after I cook breakfast and clean up quickly we would spend some time together. While he was waiting for breaky he got out the laptop and sat on the couch. After breaky and cleaning I came and sat next to him but he didn’t respond so I started to play with the girls in front of him but still no response, I asked if he wanted to go for a walk and he said no so I asked if he wanted to watch dvd and he said when he finished he would only be a few minutes. Me and the girls waited and waited and it wasn’t until 5 pm that he got off comp and by then I had given up and gone to play teaparty with the girls in their bedroom. (He only got up once during the day to use toilet). Then he called me to the couch and I thought finally he wants some time together but when I get there he starts screaming again. Saying it’s because of me he wasted the whole day. I tried to explain to him that I wanted family time and sitting on comp looking at cars is not family time but he just kept saying horrible things like I’m a waste of his time and I’m a bitch, mole, slut, whore (I’ve never done anything to act like a whore, always been 100% faithful and he knows it) and even went as far as to say I was a waste of a life. Eventually I just went to walk off and he threw a log of wood at me from the fire place! Wasn’t burning or anything and thankfully he missed. I pretended not to notice (as if you can’t notice a log flying past your head, haha) I went into the girl’s room and tried to comfort them because we could hear him screaming and throwing things and overturning coffee tables ect. Tried not to cry in front of them, but couldn’t hold it back. Eventually he went outside and I went out to quickly cook the girls some finger food for dinner and have it in their room like a teaparty. When I went back with food to bedroom I heard him calling me so I had to go out because I thought it was better to go to him rather then him come to where the girls are. I went out and he told me to make him something to eat. Usually I do whatever he asks without any hesitation, but I was upset with him so I said to him, “You have legs don’t you”. He started screaming at me saying I was a useless wife and lazy bitch and cant’ do anything right. I just went to reheat him some dinner from the night before because I wanted him to stop screaming, it took a few minutes and then I took it and put it in front of him and then he said; “I’m not hungry.” And he left it there to go cold. What the hell! Later that night he said he was just stressed out and had a migraine, that’s why he did it, but I can’t understand what. He loves his job, no money problems, nothing else has changed and he usually tells me everything. Anyway the next day he was in the shed and one of our girls was in the backyard playing with her friend from next door and I was watching them and my husbands dogs kept chasing the kids which they didn’t like because it kept knocking them down and stole their lollipops. I went to my husband to ask if I could lock the dogs in the pool area (which has plenty of room and shade and somewhere to lay) for about half hour while the kids are playing. He said that the kids should get out of the yard not the dogs, I said that the dogs don’t own the yard, he said yes they do it is their yard, I said humans come before dogs and then he screamed, “Don’t f##king argue with me bitch or I’ll give you a f##king backhand.” Loud enough for the kids to hear so the boy got up and left. But he said goodbye before he left and then my husband called him a dirty hippy! How can you tease a 4 year old boy like that just because he walks around with no shoes on. I haven’t seen the boy since or his mother and am a bit worried about what she will say. Anyway it’s been two days since then and he’s been working and staying late then when he gets home he ignores everyone, won’t even say goodnight to the girls. I’ve tried asking him whats wrong and he either says nothing or tells me to shut up and go to bed. I’m heart broken. Anyway I was wondering if anyone could shed some light maybe. I don’t understand where all this came from, he has never acted like this or been angry or violent like this. As far as I know nothing has happened, just the day before all this started he was saying how happy he was with everything in his life and his job and was even talking about expanding our family. I haven’t done anything behind his back so it’s not like he’s ‘found something out’. I just don’t understand. I guess this is part vent and part cry for help, What should I do, I still love him and don’t want to give up and leave after just a few days of this, but what should I do? I can’t really leave anyway as I have no family here and I don’t want to involve my friends in this as I don’t really know anyone well enough to ask for help. And just a small town so no refuge for women or anything and only have one car and already know he would not let me have it even if I had the girls. Sorry it’s so long, but please help.