My husband is an officer and I am a paramedic. Therefore i was outraged when i saw a conversation about involving police in your childs discipline. Such as an out of control, disrespectful teenager whos parents use the local police as a scare tactic to make up for their lack of parental responsability. I am so angered over such abuse of our system that I felt strongly about sharing my opinion.

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Such as an out of control, disrespectful teenager whos parents use the local police as a scare tactic to make up for their lack of parental responsability. I am so angered over such abuse of our system that I felt strongly about sharing my opinion.



So my children will miss dinners with both mommy and daddy, will have either parent absent from most activities, holidays with grandma, and missing bedtime stories and kisses while their daddy is out babysitting a spoiled result of poor parenting. I guess in a way, thats better then the unknown of a home invasion or fear of being shot during a traffic stop. In all seriousness, the men and women of public saftey spend years on training, education and make so many sacrifices so that people that feel (and I quote) "we pay their salaries with our tax dollars so I have every right to use them as an avaliable resource" can enjoy those same moments that we wish we could have with our kids.



My children use this phrase when asked where mommy or daddy are..."someone needs my mommy and daddy to keep them safe tonight because they are scared so for that I will share mommy and daddy with them because I know they love me no matter where they are tonight.

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Jane - posted on 01/18/2012

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Ya know, it would be a wise thing for you to consider walking in the shoes of those of us with problem children before you get into a state of outrage about everyone with a difficult child. True, some parents do a bad job, but other parents are blessed with children who have a mental illness.



My son first tried to commit suicide at age 7 - this was a serious attempt, not a cry for help. He has destroyed property, set fires, threatened to kill me more than once, had long conversations with people who are not there, taken a baseball bat to the family car, and physically attacked other members of the family and teachers at school. No punishment has ever worked on him other than physical restraint, which simply prevents him from continuing as long as he is restrained. Yet we, the same two parents, raised two other kids who wouldn't think of behaving like that.



He was different from birth in disturbing ways and was a real problem in pre-school. Even when he was only three he would get so angry that he would shake. We have discovered over the years that he does have organic damage to two parts of his brain (lack of oxygen at birth), and that it doesn't work right in a couple of other ways. He is on multiple medications, has undergone a number of psych admissions and residential treatment, and sees a psychiatrist and a psychologist regularly.



In my son's case the local police are not a "scare tactic." He has already been cited for abuse to a disabled person. He has broken my foot as well. He is over 6 feet tall and weighs 228 pounds so if he decides to attack I will have no recourse but to call for help.



I do my best to keep him on an even keel, but sometimes his illness sends him out of control. In order to protect myself and the other members of the family I have told him that I will call the police and charge him with assault if he tries to hurt anyone. Since he is a minor but larger than I, I may also have to call the police so that they can take him to the local psych hospital for treatment.



Sure, there are those that cry wolf and those that don't want to parent or don't know how to parent. But there are also folks with mental illness, and inevitably they end up involved with police and paramedics. Unfortunately, dealing with mentally-ill people is part of the job description for emergency workers. And some of these mentally ill people start out as mentally ill children.



Pardon the phrase but you knew the job was dangerous when you took it.



And it is not helpful when folks who do not know what life is like with a child like mine tell me that if I would only discipline him he would be fine. One woman for a long time considered me to be a bad parent. But then she had her third child who is every bit as difficult as my son and she realized that some children just don't respond to standard parenting. She is now my friend and often asks my advice.



Oh, and by the way, when our insurance refused to pay for his residential treatment it was because we "hadn't taken full advantage of community resources." This translated to we had never had him arrested. Apparently the insurance industry at least considers the police to be an allowable resource. And so do the psych hospital, the docs and counselors we see, and even Child Protective Services.

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In the future, if my son goes down a path I don't like (knock wood) like drugs, skipping school, stealing, etc....and I'm at my wit's end as to how to get him to stop? You bet your butt I'll be using the local resources available to me. If that means asking a police officer to come scare the crap out of my son? That's what I'd do. You would think a police officer would WANT to help a mother who is at the end of her rope. It's "to serve and protect" right? Serve your community. You get where I'm going. Besides, if a cop was here scaring my son straight and a true emergency came in, I bet you dollars to donuts (pun intended lol) he'd be GONE soon as the call came over the radio. I don't see what the big deal is.



ETA: I would arrange to have an officer come scare my son. I would not call 911.

Jane - posted on 01/19/2012

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If I call the police on my son it is because he has assaulted me or someone else and I expect them to arrest him and take him away to either jail or a psych hospital. I don't expect him to just get a "talking to."



And I was a city employee for many years so I also was paid by tax revenue. And I also missed events with my kids and family dinners. I even missed church because I worked on Sundays. The source of the money to pay someone is not a consideration when I call the police. I call them because there is an emergency situation. Ditto the paramedics.



I do see an advantage to calling the cops if your child is simply out of control for whatever reason. It lets the cops have a good look at someone they may be arresting in the future. At the same time, it may give the kid a wake up call and get him/her to mend his/her ways so that they don't end up being arrested in the future. Either way there is an advantage. If I were a cop I would take it as a teachable moment, to get the parents and/or the kid straightened out so they won't become my business in the future.



Why aren't you complaining about the folks who call for a paramedic but don't really need one? What about the folks who are just drunk and not ill at all? What about the "frequent flyers"? The folks without insurance who use emergency personnel instead of simply going to a clinic? The GOMERs?



And then there is the guy with multiple DUIs and no driver's license who is driving anyway. And the domestics, one of the most dangerous calls a cop can make.



Police fight crime in two ways: by arresting the bad guys but also by educating people. That is why we have McGruff, and DARE, and the police athletic league programs for kids, and Officer Friendly, and the guy who comes to your house to do a security check, and so on. If a call to help parent a child is made, then the police should take full advantage of it to prevent worse situations in the future. Otherwise, the cops become simply a ticket-writing body, not a part of the village at all.



Fire fighters do the same thing. Sure, they fight fires, but they also teach "Stop, Drop and Roll," and remind folks about smoke detectors and making family escape plans.



As I said before, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it. If you don't like it, then quit. As a paramedic you could transition into some other aspect of medical care and your husband could become a PI or run a security company.



BTW, paragraphs are your friends. :-)

Denikka - posted on 01/19/2012

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I have known the parents who threaten to call the cops on a child that's talking back or refusing to do chores or homework. I have know a couple who actually DID call because of arguments over things like chores or homework. Not physical altercations, but extremely typical, teenage *I don't want to, you're not the boss of me, you can't make me *slam the door* type of arguments.

I have also known a couple of parents who have called the cops to report their child missing, when the kid is 15-30 minutes late (not small children, 16yrs+)



In those cases, I absolutely agree with Shannon. It's abuse of the system and completely lazy parenting. It is taking time and resources away from other people who need it.



Same with paramedic services. I have known people who have called in and demanded an ambulance because their kid just spiked a fever of 100* and threw up. With no existing medical conditions to be concerned about, no risk of injuries, and no reason they couldn't drive themselves, waste of resources. I will say that particular couple got a stern talking to by the paramedics when they arrived (the parents had GREATLY exaggerated the child's condition).



In those situations, it is absolutely taking advantage of a system that is not in place to deal with those particular problems.



For a child who is doing something illegal (like drugs, vandalism etc), who is a danger to themselves or others (especially as they get older and bigger than their caretaker), for those situations, absolutely. Cops are there to make people safe and to prevent illegal activity. Nothing wrong with that.



For a child who refuses to do their chores or homework? Or who is disrespectful and mouthy? I don't think so. Okay, maybe take them down to the local precinct or for a walk through a jail if you feel that it's getting out of hand. But there's really no need to call the cops in on your daughter because she called you a bitch and slammed her door.

Jane - posted on 01/19/2012

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@Shannon - if you are that ill and you are in close contact with an elderly person you run the risk of infecting them. Their immune systems are not good so a virus that gives you that fever can easily kill an elderly patient. If I EVER catch an EMT who is sick but caring for my elderly father or another elderly person I will report that person ASAP for putting the patient at risk. If your service cannot understand that they are liable to be sued.



So much for your "soft spot" for the elderly.

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Rachel - posted on 06/17/2012

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As the wife of a firefighter/paramedic I understand medicmom's frustration. I really don't understand your response though. I am very understanding of your situation and need to call the police sometimes, I have witnessed the same need with some of my friends. That was not what she complained about, she complained about people abusing the system for their ease so that they don't have to be proper parents. By reading your comments I think it is safe to say you do not fall in that group. But just so you understand just because emergency personnel have worked their shifts that does not mean that they can't be called right back in because of overwhelming need. I have seen my husbands 24 hour shift turn into a 72 hour shift more than once. I am proud of his work as are my children. We fully support the importance of his work perhaps that is why when we see the abuse of the system we tend to get a little worked up.

Sal - posted on 03/23/2012

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here here i can't agree with the op more...we are a police family, and nothing annoys me more than the threat 'if you keep bieng naughy the police will come and get you!!!' police aren't to be feared respected but not feared, heaven forbid the child needs the police but are too scrared to call them, my kids just love men in uniform, they even thought the salvaion army guy collecting money was a cop too...

Christie - posted on 03/22/2012

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I want to say thank you for taking the training and doing your service for the communities! My husband is a volunteer firefighter and is on call 24/7 365 days a year, there are many important moments we miss with him to for calls, some very important and others that are prank!

But as for our family our eldest son has a drug, alcohol problem at the age of 15 the last year and half has been just awful, also in this time frame I gave birth to a very premature baby boy who is now mentally and physically handicapped and needs medical attention at all times which I provide when he is at home! Just in a 2 week period last

Spring our 15 year ran away thru his bedroom window while using stole a quad, we searched for 2 days my husband and I and friends before we called him in missing we still continued to search

And just updated the police of things we heard as we search when we finally got a tip on third day we called in police they went in to get him and he jumped on stollen quad

And took off into the back wooded swamp it took 2 more days of my husband and I and friends and search and rescue to find him, the judge let him off with parole, a few days latter my 13 year son was playing football coach called me and said he pulled a muscle when I got to field I found him laying there in shock, coach said he had to go and left! I stepped in and started to send the older footballe players to do things for me get blankets, a phone, after a quick check I found a Brocken femur left leg had a student stabilize it while I talked to my son and 911 was being called, they arrived 35 minutes latter, after loaded I followed them as they left field I turned right and followed paved roads around school and ambulance turned left and went dirt roads all back behind schools and business district talking them a full 15 minutes out of the way, it took me less then 10 minutes to get to hospital going my route and it took ambulance 25 minutes! We got a bill for $975.00 that we have to pay for them going the wrong way! 3 days latter my husband was called to an appartment blowing due to a meth lab while they were battling that blaze I got a call that my 9 year was hit by a car! The ambulance driver actually witnessed the accident and was on scene immediatly he and his partner said they saw him biking down the walking trail beside the highway saw him stop at corner where trail crosses over a free flow lane off the highway, he sat on his bike and walked it across 3/4 of the way across a lady speed off highway and hit him with the right corner bumper of her car, be aware it is a wide open area and the cross walk is visible for 1/2 a km before you get to turn off! Because my son was sitting on his bike he is at fault for the accident and we are being sued by the driver for damage to her vehicle and her mental instability from the accident! Just after accident that night I know have a child in hospital recovering from surgery on femur, child in hospital under observation from being hit, older child run off again and my youngest son's shunt stops working that night we are air lifted 3 hours away for immediate brain surgery he has a brain infection! After

Our third day in intensive care I get a call from my father inlaw my 6 year old daughter is being ambulanced to the city for immediate surgery on her arm she fell off the monkey bars and broke her arm just above the elbow and dislocated the elbow and broke her wrist! In the matter of 2 weeks all but 1 of my children have used the medical or police system and I would not hesitate to keep using it as I am at my wits end with my oldest who has only gotten worse and is only getting slaps on the wrist by the judges and my youngest who we just never know when his ventilator may not work or something malfunctions for his life support or he just gets sick!

Everyone needs the systems at some time and all parents with out of control teens don't call just because we call for a reason

Katherine - posted on 03/19/2012

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Police should NEVER be used as a scare tactic IMO. Parents have a legal obligation to teach their kids right from wrong. I honestly am shocked at how many officers condone this!

Alicia - posted on 03/18/2012

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I clicked on this post to read becasue it interesed me, and after reading and skimming some of the posts it seems some people have gotten off topic, which I'm not going to touch on since they have been touched on all ready. Here's my deal, I DID use the police as a "scare tactic" when my step-son was 6 & I dont regret it for a min!!! He stole from a store & after his dad & I talked to him and disciplined him he still did not care. We told him his dad could get in trouble for his actions and he still didnt care. So we took him to the police dept, because officers are also a voice of authority and respect. Kids are not generally going to back talk an officer or deputy. He is now 19 & we have NEVER had any kind of problems. 1) He heard from someone of authority (not just dad and step-mom) tell him what he did was wrong. 2) He learned early on we will follow through w/ any kind of punishment. We also took my step-son back to the store and made him hand over the stolen item to the mgr who also talked to him.



My kids do not have any kind of mental illness or anything like that & if need-be I will call police again. I will not call them because they are not doing chores or homework or anything like that. Now that step-son is 19 and in college but living w/ us he tells us where he is going and when he'll be back because if he's not home by then he knows we are going to call & if I cant get ahold of him you better bet I'm going to call and have someone looking for him because we KNOW him. Isnt that what the police are for?



I now work as a 911 dispatcher so I understand some of the calls that come in, my husband is a firefighter and knows about the first responder/fire calls that come in. Some yes are just "frequent flyers" but still need and will be treated the same.



I do not for a second regret having an officer to talk to my step-son about what he did wrong. I dont think it makes me a "bad parent" at all.

Shawn - posted on 03/18/2012

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Wow, I understand you're frustrated but you chose your path. You chose your career, your husband chose his, and you both chose to marry someone in the public service industry. Yes, medicine and law enforcement are public service, in your husband's case he took an oath as such, I know this because I have 3 uncles who are officers, 2 cousins and a son who are officers, and they took the same oath to Protect and Serve, not only when convenient, when needed. I chose a path that puts me in much the same position and as a mental health care provider for adolescents I have missed 4 family vacations to provide care for new patients and their intake. I miss many meals that I cook but don't get to enjoy because being on call means that I go when I am needed even when I don't want to. You get to make your choice, if you don't want to be put in the position of missing a meal, family time or what ever else, then change your career. No one can force to to stay on your path, same for your husband.

Mary - posted on 03/16/2012

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I don't think asking for police intervention when a child who is the size of an adult and WAY old enough to know better is behaving in a violent way. When a teen is violent toward another person, that is a CRIME. I am a mother of five. I try to be consistent, reasonable, and kind with all my kids, however, when my teenaged daughter got physically out of control, I called our local police to report her. They offered to charge her with "minor out of control" and the DAs office agreed. Ultimately, I asked them not to charge her because by the time the DA was involved, her behaviors had improved RADICALLY due to the fact that she understood there would be CONSEQUENCES. If teens learn this lesson as teens, maybe far fewer would have to learn it as adult, in adult jails and prisons.

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

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im not making this post to offend anyone at all by anything i post on here. i do understand the dumb things ppl call the police for. but on the other hand i have a 8 year old adhd son. so when he decides to put things in his pocket at the grocery store i think they should call so that he understands what will happen. i have tried taking him to the detention home to see what will happen to him and they will not allow him to tour til he is 10. when my son throws my 2 year old daughter down i believe this is something that they should be involved in. i refuse to let my son become like his father. but when you call for stuff like that the cops say to take him to a doctor. well guess what hes been going to a shrink for 3 years and they are not doing anything either. so who should those of us turn to if not our police officers if we want our children to grow up the way they should. if we are willing to get this under control at the age of 8 to prevent your husband or someone elses husband from arresting our kids in 10 years for doing something so stupid, then i would love to hear suggestions on how to keep from making that call.

Angela - posted on 03/12/2012

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I agree with you ,my mother is in law enforcement and we have had this disccusion many times.I just want to say alot of these children and teens will be the future criminals and may already be breaking the law.If someone doesn't step in and do something.I always felt so strongly about this until I had children of my own and met parents with out of control teens.I think if parents have a lack of care or parenting they are not the ones calling the police .They are the ones simply ignoring the situation.When our children don't uphold the law we as parents are than responsible ourselves ,and I can tell you I know good Christian parents that have gone above and beyond and still have no control over there teens.So when your 14-16 year old won't go to school and he now is taller than you and out weighs you by 50 lbs what is one to do?If they are truent to many times the parents somehow break the law.Well if the law states a child under a cetain age has to attend school or parent has to answer for it , than yes the police need to come and enforce the law! I'm not going to jail or pay a fine because my teenage son has lost his mind do to a sudden rush of testoerone called puberty and refuses to go to school I am gonna seek help.Now I have a 11 year old son that is actually going through this right now he is a big kid.I will add that it is kinda different because he has a mental illness .We had to call the police on him 2 days ago because he became out of control ,but it was to baker act him not for discipline ,but I can still relate a little for the need of police to help with an out of control child.But it should only be done in the most desperate of situations.My mom often tell me that she and other officers or CSA 'S give the info of local recources for parents to seek help to avoid using police time.I know and thank many city and federal works such as police, emt's ,fireman,ect you do sacrifice alot for the public .But please remember you chose this carrer just like the military God Bless Them and it is the sacrifice you made .Please just remmeber some of us parents are truly desperate and we are at our darkest moment of pain when we call the police for our kids,we are almosr in mourning for our child as they are not who they once were ,and we have no where else to turn .We didn't choose this life for ourselves or our children no matter the mistakes some have made while raising these kids it doesn't matter what brought them to that moment just the fact that it did.I hope your children grow up well behaived and with out mental illness.You are absent from there lives just like some of the other parents are from there children.My mother worked nights in law enforcement in a very well known police dept. and while she was working to help the and protect the public my brother and I were those out of control teens simply because she wasn't there with us and our grandmother couldn't handle us anymore!Just something to think about!

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

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Angie- I might not be able to predict the future but I sure can make the effort of being a good parent and hope for the best and be there if things go awry.

I am sorry for going off rude.

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

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I have to agree with Joy. If my kids to get on the wrong path I certianly would call the police and give them a wake up call. Lord forbid my kids end up like their uncle.

Angie - posted on 02/01/2012

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Katherine ~ you actually came across as very judgemental and your statement of the apple not falling far from the tree insinuates the parents are exhibiting the same behavior choices or are condoning or contributing to the child's bad behavior choice when in actuality most are exhausting every last resource to get help for our child. I tell my kids...never say never...because you can't predict the future and I sincerely hope you never have to call the cops on your children and I hope you never have to go through the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of raising a child with difficulties.

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

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Angie



I was not offending anyone on purpose. I didnt mention the part where my parents have called the police because of my brother gettting out of control and being abusive towards my other brother and trying to kill him. I didnt mention the parts where my brother threw a heavy object towards my sister and it landed her inthe hospital on Thanksgiving day. Believe me I can go on Like him having to spend to sentences in prison for his out of control behavior. I would sit here and say it was my parents fault but he made his own choices and my parents did try for many years to seek help for him and nothing was helping.

If I can off rude its probably because I am beyond happy to have kids that do not have issues like my brother did. I appreciate not having to go through what my parents did and my siblings did for so may years.

Angie - posted on 02/01/2012

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Katherine...feel blessed that you haven't had to deal with a child with difficulties....to make the statement that you have never used the cops to control my kids nor will you..that you can do that on your own. And it extremely offends me that if they were that bad off, the parents should seek help for the whole family considering the apple never falls far from the tree. Why my 14 year old chooses the behavior he does, I don't know, because he was not raised in a home where lying, stealing, drug use, & property damage was tolerated...and I by no means condone or tolerate that behavior, never have, & certainly don't participate in it myself. I have had to accept the fact this is way beyond my parental capabilities and seek professional help to help him get through this. This has included psychiatrists, psychologists, individual therapy, group therapy & sometimes it involves calling the police & having my son arrested because I don't utilize to "scare", I use it to enforce his breaking of the law. My son is currently in a pyschiatric hospital by a judge's court order being med detoxed from the meds the "professionals" put him on...even in a stablized environment, his being sent to bed early for an infraction escalated into an outburst, yelling, cussing screaming, punching fit ending with him being restrained, harnessed to a bed, & given 2 shot injections to get calmed down...so hug your kids and be glad you don't know what it is to have children with difficulties.

Valerie - posted on 02/01/2012

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@ medicmom- thanks for the last post- I think maybe the first one wasn't as clear to me as the second.. to clarify- I have not had to call 911 for them, I always call the non-emergency number.. and I hope to god I never do have to use the 911 emergency number. @ Katherine Richardson- good luck and I hope your kids are perfect and well behaved and you never have to find out what it's like to have kids that are not... it's VERY easy to say that "I can control my kids, I don't need the police or others help" when your kids are younger.. when they are teens/young adults- and decide to run with a bad crowd and make some very bad choices- it isn't always the apple staying close to the tree- again, those types of judgements are so naive... as they say "the preachers daughter is usually the worst of the bunch"- an out of control child comes from all walks of life. These teens/young adults actually DO have minds of their own, make decisions without you helping, or without your knowledge often... so be careful what you say and how you judge.. maybe you should go sit through some of these classes that us parents of out of control kids go to voluntarily, not court mandated.. go to a teen rehab "family session"- see the families.. sure, there are a few that you can clearly see the problems go back generations, but I think you would be unpleasantly surprised at how many of the parents are hard working, career having, college/university graduates with jobs in health care, law enforcement, churches, schools, etc., and have provided a loving, caring home for their children all to no avail.. Again, I wish you luck-- and hope you don't find out the hard way that the apple can fall from any tree.. my girls were sweet innocent children like yours look in your profile pic too, not that long ago... cherish it!

Katherine - posted on 02/01/2012

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When I was about 8 or 9 my brother was told by my dad to go pull weeds the back yard along with me and my other 2 siblings. Well my older brother thought this was child abuse- even though he had done it about a billion times befroe that day. He went in the house and called the police on my parents for having him pull weeds. The cops showed up- my parents were friends with the cops. My brother explained to Greg that my dad told him to pull weeds. Greg was angry for having to be called out and sat in our back yard and watched my brother pull weeds and explainded to him that there is nothing wrong with pulling weeds. Afterall my father owned his own gardening and alandscaping business. My parents were livid with him and he grew up to become a gardner and landscaaper- took over the family business along with my other brother.



I would honestly be extrememly angry if my kids thought of doing such a thing.



I have never used the cops to control my kids nor will I. I can do that on my own. and if they were that bad off the parents should seek help for the whole family considering the apple never falls far from the tree. You there is also the chance that the child is being abusive towards the siblings or the parents then ya I would call to have the child taken away or whatever needed to be done.

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As I have said, any time you feel that the safety of anyone is threatened of course you should call the police. I understand there are kids with disabilities that cause uncontrollable, and dangerous behaviors. I understand the frustrations that childs mother feels and the stress those disabilities create. Again, if the situation becomes unsafe then call the police.



My frustration is with the 911 calls for the child that is simply "acting out" and "disobeying". Situations that do not involve physical violence or threats of physical violence. I cant begin to count the number of "my child yelled at me and refuses to do the dishes, can an officer come and set him straight" calls that come in. Those are the calls I am referring to when I say "abuse of the system" and "a waste of time". Never would I say that a parent who's child is uncontrollable and threatening harm (disability or not) is wasting our time or abusing the system. That is what the police are for, that is the job. I have never known an officer to complain about having to do their job. In fact even with the above "acting out" call, any officer would be nothing but professional and willing to help when called.



What I am trying to say is that chronic abuse of the system as I described above stretches our systems thin financially, causes resources to become strained, causes "burn out" in those first responders (police, fire, ems) and in the long run could put the safety of the entire community at risk.

Angie - posted on 01/30/2012

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oh Valerie...I so feel your pain & wish I could get the support of the police officers and the probation officer. The judge has been my savior...I just continue to pray that the medication detox will be the answer, although I know it puts us back to when the oppositional defiance began so praying also that the family therapy has helped get us to the point that he realizes he is not the parent, he's not in charge, he is 14 & drugs, lying, theft, property damage will not be tolerated in my house...he does not get to choose what he wants to do and when & if he does there will be repercussions ...hopefuly without the fight...prayers to you for continued strength and faith :)

Valerie - posted on 01/30/2012

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I have skimmed over some of the replies.. and have seen a wide array of different replies from young kids with serious mental issues to out of control teens.. I think 99% of us agree that you don't call the police for a child of any age refusing to do homework or chores.. but being a mom of twin 16 year old "out of control" girls- I will be the first person to step up and say that you better believe I will call the police on my kids when it is appropriate. They are chronic runaways- they runaway, I call the police. Did they do it on their own free will? Obviously yes, and that is very clear when I call and say "I am making run away reports"- not "missing children/amber alert reports"- I have had to give pictures, dentists and doctors names in case x-rays are needed to identify their bodies.. I have now had to answer yes to the new question on the new law that asks if I have a piece of their hair or anything with DNA on it.. it's dangerous out there- whether they make the choice to be out there or not, it is my duty as a mother to follow through, make sure I have done everything in my power to keep them safe, and that they know their are serious REAL consequences to the lifestyles and behaviors they are choosing.. it's taken time and therapy to realize that they are choosing this, and that it isn't me that is causing them to continue down this destructive path. They are addicted to drugs, they steal, they run away, they cut school, they have been to in-patient and out-patient therapy and drug rehabilitation- all BEFORE the police ever got involved as I found out about it all before they started getting busted all the time and I tried to stop their behavior before it escalated to what it has escalated to. Unfortunately, for them and for me, it hasn't worked.. all the counselors, all the police officers, all the probation officers, and all the judges continue to tell me that I need to call the police every time they do something to even threaten to harm me. They are involved with gang members.. I went so far as to relocate them to the best area around here paying almost double in rent as what my house payment was- left my husband- all to no avail.. I agree, if you think that being a paramedic and police officer is not directly involved with problem kids- maybe you should look at other careers.. would you choose to not save the drug addict that overdosed? If so, I wouldn't want you making those life or death choices in my neighborhood.. once you walk a mile in a parent of troubled teens shoes, you really shouldn't judge, especially with the job you have. There is nothing more heart breaking and painful than watching your own children destroy themselves in front of you.. knowing I can only do so much and have to watch them fall hard into a very bad way of life.. not knowing if they will come out alive or not-- while I still must get up everyday, carry on with my career and my second job so I can take care of us financially still.. there's a lot I think you should take into consideration before judging.. Just my opinion, but a very strong one for me right now as this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through... I am glad the police officers I work with continually are supportive of me and of my kids- they remind me that I can't give up- because if I give up, my girls have no one giving them hope.. if the officers can still see hope, then so can I!

Darlene - posted on 01/30/2012

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I agree with what you have said but it does sound like in this situation she has tried other things. The 3 year old should not be allowed to wander around and that should be a parent issue. However, would you rather your husband respond to this or to a call of the toddler being injured or worse killed?

Angie - posted on 01/30/2012

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It is absolutely the worst feeling in the world as a parent to call the police on your own child, but sometimes you have to. In fact, it was EXTREMELY frustrating that the police didn't do anything all 3 times I called...they told him you don't behave that way, apologize to your mom, & if we have to come out again, we'll take you to juvenile. He found out fast they weren't going to do anything and as he's throwing tables, throwing things at me, knocking pictures off the wall, kicking holes in my wall, etc, etc...he keeps saying call the cops, they're not going to do anything. The anguish of waiting that hour or so for the police to arrive because I do NOT call it into 911; I try to keep it under control as much as I can without him endangering himself or me. There is a disorder called oppositional defiant disorder that leads into conduct disorder...there are no magic pills & therapy is not effective because they don't feel they have a problem. I don't use the police as a "scare tactic", I completely intend to follow through and have with him facing the repercussions of breaking the law..it's too bad it took that many calls for them to take it seriously as well...the 4th time he was finally taken into custody for property damage & drug paraphanalia..only because I had filed an out of control with juvenile so he was on probation & this was the 4th time he had violated the probation & I insisted they follow through...

Kim - posted on 01/28/2012

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My oldest son is 6 years old he's add and ADHD. Now when he was 2 he was at a babysitters and I received a phone call at work telling me I had to come get my son and that I would never be able to pay them enough money to watch him again. When I got there to pick him up I foun out that somehow my son managed to get a knife and was stabbing at their baby while he was in a playpen taking a nap. Mind you apparently they weren't actually watching him for him to be able to get this knife. But a couple years later I went to the bathroom and he climbed on my counter got a knife and stabbed and cut up my couch. A year later while my husband was in Afghanistan... I was pregnant with my youngest son and I was so sick I couldn't keep water down having to go to the hospital for Ivs and yeah anyways I was in my room getting dressed came out and my laptop was stabbed with a knife because he wanted to talk to daddy and daddy wasn't there to answer him on Skype and then later on that same day was in the bathroom beyond nauseated and he caught my bedroom on fire with a grill lighter... Thankfully I didn't lose anything in they fire it wasn't bad caught it in time but once again he wanted his daddy and he wasn't there... Yes I know there is medicine for his diagnosis but everything his dr tried did not work at all and so I finally gave up hope on that and stopped going from medicine to medicine before it messed with him. Now I do believe in spanking my child only in major circumstances but when he is taking his anger out with knives or fire you better believe I will bring in someone in uniform to help me out at the same time. Granted he was 5 he's 6 now and I believe that having a cop come talk to him and bringing him down to the police station has helped a little bit. And don't sit there and think why would she leave the grill lighter in his reach it was on a shelf above my fridge my son has always been a climber and it doesn't matter where I put things if he wants something or wants to see whats up "there" he will find a way to climb there... I have always been my sons mother first but I am also his best friend I have shown him that no matter what he can come talk to me even at such a young age. We just had to pcs due to the army and new school new surroundings and kids at his school are being bullies to him and his school has corporal punishment so trying to explain how my son is to the school is difficult because I don't raise a bully but I won't let him sit there and take it either. I just don't want him to retaliate in anyway that will harm others knowing his past when he's mad and things have been destroyed and he's been keeping his cool thus far since the police have talked to him. So don't tell me I am a bad parent for not being able to control my kid or that I can't handle him and pushing him off on others to deal with because that's not it all. It's me asking for help not only for my child but for me to also learn something to where next time (hopefully there won't be) I will know how to handle it. You and your husband both knew what jobs you were getting into but just think what military families have to go through be thankful you two can go home and be there picture you or your husband in a foreign land not being able to come home every night stuck in pretty much a jail cell with one or two other people no family or friends can't go out to watch that new movie have to watch everything constantly cause you are unaware of what could be dangerous or the spouse thats at home while their spouse is deployed trying to take care of the kids the house and everything else on top of worring allday and night if their loved one is safe if they have everyhing they need if they are warm enough if they are gonna make it home I knew what to expect when I married my husband I knew all the dangers thank god he made it home safe but guess what he gets up at 230 every day and goes to work and doesn't get home until 630 7 if not later works 6 days a week I'm not complaining about it I am proud of my husband for what he does and I thank god everyday for men and women like him people like you that whine and complain over petty little things is why I don't like people and don't associate with people anymore I don't whine and complain over it because when he is home we make every second count with the kids and still try to have some us time so next time you want to whine and complain think of our military men and women over seas away from their loved ones send a care package donate to a vets funding or even thank a vet cause without them you wouldn't have your freedom cause it isn't free

Belinda - posted on 01/27/2012

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I agree that some people do abuse services but to say somthing like





"I have cardiac issues therefore I need to monitor certian activities So instead of using tools provided to me in order to be productive and accomplish things with pride I am to tired today. I just dont want to get all bundled up, stand out in the cold and well, i just dont want to. I figure I pay my medical bills and copays so one of my "avaliable resources" is my cardiologist. After all I pay him to provide me with a service so i have the right to use this "resource" to make my life easier.Even though he is not trained nor educated in this task i want the easiest way that works for me.So I have my cardiologist come shovel my sidewalk. As long as it gets done and i didnt have to do anything I feel fine with that. But as the doctor is shoveling my sidewalk a sweet little elderly lady begins to feel ill. She goes to the doctor (same doc) since he is the best. Years of training, education and dedictation to the service he worked so hard to offer only to find that he is not in today. So instead of taking up a bed in the ER that a more critical person may need she goes home to wait. She dies while waiting for that one person with the training and knowledge capable of helping her.





Is wrong and abuse of the system.(while I agree)

is exactly the same as saying



"frequent flyers" are elderly patients that are confused or lonely simply wanting 20 minutes of human interaction. I am more then willing to change a lightbulb or empty a garbage can but I love having the time to sit and talk to them. Never do I consider them annoying or abusing the system."



Meanwhile a person regardless of age, sex, race or medical problem may be having an emergency but has to wait while you change a light bulb.



Sorry but that just plain hypocritical.



What if your supposed 20 something patient did overdose on drugs. What if it was their first time they used? I have dealt with people who have been addicts. Some are waste of space people. Some are people that have been abused in life or felt lonely and unloved, unwanted. Have disabilites and try and escape from the pain of this world by using drugs.

Some have also been brought up in the most wonderful caring environment and have gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd. Their parents have done everything possible to stop this from happening. I have seen this myself.

What if one day while you ignore a call because you are busy changing a light bulb and keeping someone (regardless of age) company. One of your children or someone you knows has taken a few steps off the right track and tries a drug or has a drink spiked at a party dies.

Will you be so judgemental.



I in no way agree with taking drugs but I have learnt not to judge those that do. If you dont know the story, dont judge the book by its cover.

Melysa - posted on 01/27/2012

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my father is an officer and when my son started to take things he told us to brin him down to be spoken to before it got too far because we alone could not get the message through sometimes the child hearing the message from a person in uniform helps to get the message through to them while they are still young enough to hear it!! they told me that if more parents were more proactive in addressing the issue early before the child did something more serious they were sure that crime rates would be reduced so therefore I will continue to involve police in the way I parent my children because I would like to say that I have done everything to ensure that I am raising well behaved respectful and obedient children that will grow to be respectful and productive members of society instead of ignoring there petty typical behavior and allow it too escalate into more stupidity! that is not too say I will be at the copshop every time they need to be told off but if I can't get through then I will find a way to do so!!!

Megan - posted on 01/25/2012

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My son's father is a police officer as well. We are not together anymore but I can guarantee you he would be more than happy to arrive at a door where parents need help with their children. It's probably a call he would rather get. Maybe you and your husband should look into different jobs.

Megan - posted on 01/25/2012

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I don't want to repeat anything anyone else has said, and I will admit that I have not read every post. But I feel that both sides of the argument have a point to an extent.



To threaten to call the police over infractions like refusing to do homework or what ever are a little extreme, but doing so without actually calling shouldn't be an issue. But calling the police every time they refuse to clean their room or do homework is ridiculous. I am not sure that I even know anyone who has done this. I know if I did, I have six kids and the police would just have to have a car parked outside. I am constantly having one kid or the other refuse to do something.



On the other hand a truly out of hand child, whether with a psychological or other issue medically or not, should be the exception as long as it's not abused. Say an "average" teenager who is out of control to the extent that they are disrupting daily life to an extreme. If a parent has tried every possible route to control their child and say one day the child leaves without permission, physically harms another family member, even if it's only minor and no injuries, finding drugs in their possession, etc.



They say it takes a community to raise a child and we all need help of some extent as some time or another. Yes I have threatened to call the Sheriff on my oldest two daughters, once for one of them threatening to leave after dark, and a couple of times when they hit me or my husband. While I have never actually done so, because I felt like they would consider my call to be ridiculous. And I do agree that there are more pressing issues out there than my child throwing a fit. But had my daughter really left that night I would have called, and not cared if they considered it ridiculous or a waste of their time, because she is only 15 and it is not safe for her to be out alone. When I was growing up, that was a known part of law enforcement, and was considered an unruly child.



Yes money is an issue, it always is, but perhaps more law enforcement agencies should consider a small department dedicated to Juvenile issues. Kind of like DARE, that could go into schools and teach kids about issues, and to handle issues parents have. Also, maybe they should consider making available on their websites or print out, lists of other resources that parents can use in situations they feel out of control. That way officers won't feel burdened by calls of unruliness.



So while parents, who either choose not to parent, or just want to scare their kids, shouldn't abuse the privilege, parents who truly feel as they have no other choice shouldn't be made to feel bad. Also communities need to offer more outlets, or access to outlets available to parents if calling the cops on kids is really a problem for the officials.





Just trying to walk in both sets of shoes here.... :)

Lori - posted on 01/24/2012

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I dont think, for the most part, that parents use the police as a scare tactic. More a lifes lesson. The officers that I have seen in action, ( and I have at least 12 police offices in my family circle) come to advise and explain what will happen if they do not straighten up. Some children need to learn by hard knocks. Some parents want to stop it before it gets that far. I personally called the authorities once. It helped some but that was all it was meant to do. It helped her to see and understand that her action will have a consequence. And not always a good one. My children never had any contact with the police so they did not realize how real it truely is. I never had another issue.

Bec - posted on 01/23/2012

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i read through some of this and have a couple of debates one is that some people are in genrations of crap where they havent learnt parenting from their parents etc and the lack of parenting skills are past down the line a sit is intuition and also what your mum and dad showed you as a kid that one draws upon to raise ones own kids and someone has to intervine and help and why not the police if that breaks the cycle and helps the kids get a gauge of what is acceptable and what isnt if not getting it from home why not get it from the community? I rekon it takes more than a village to raise a child lol!! and i feel everyone should beable to get help be it mentally ill on the streets or an out of control teenager. I would rather have a child sorted in the teenage years rather than wait for the adult years in and out of the system if someone can intersect and save a child from that fete than thats a job well done and something to be proud of!!! its a bit like teaching someone said to me teachers are to educate on classes not behaviours and i thought what? again if they are not getting it from home why cant we as a community pull together and intervine? and if thats the case what about the docs programme is that a waste of time to as the kids in that system have in some cases maybe not the best parents? I still think those kids have every right to community help and recouses to help them as much as possable to give them guidance and a scence of belongging everyone needs that!! i myself have rounded up a few rough nut kids with parents permission and taken them to art galleries and out to nice places(local kids to me). I dont think they knew what a gallery was till I introduced them to a bit a cullture and hey Im just a neighbour to a few kids that have poor guidance and I feel someone has to give them a hand. you know they will prob. remember that experience for ever me taking them out instead of people shunning them and bagging out their family situation to me thats what community is about helping each other esspecially those who cant help themselves.

[deleted account]

Tori,



I can understand to a degree how you feel. My 11 year old sons anger turns violent at times. It’s like a light switch, he just snaps. And as in the case of your son he cannot control it. He is a very strong 11 year old and I am no longer able to restrain him. One of us will end up hurt. I can hold down a 300 lb drunk man but for some reason I cannot physically control my son anymore. Once these episodes started becoming more frequent and him getting stronger I needed a "plan B".



I do not use medication for my son but not against any parent who does medicate a child. It is a wonderful tool when used correctly. I talked to his pediatrician who referred me to some behavior therapists and mental health professionals. Doctors, counselors, therapists, ect... It took ALOT of work and It was time consuming (which is hard to come by for us) and mentally draining but worth it. I was desperate to provide my child with relief. He did not want to behave like this. With behavior modification and therapy we were able to teach him ways to keep his behaviors in control. We had therapists visit at home, join us in our daily activities being shopping, dining out, and visiting friends. They would constantly be teaching him and us techniques to use to avoid losing control. We are not temper free and it’s not perfect but PHEW we are able to go to the store without a meltdown...it is so much better.



That being said. Try talking to his doctors, create a support system of professionals and create a plan that fits. Be prepared work hard and use up every bit of patience you have. I also drank a lot of wine. LOL (within in reason of course) Nothing is an immediate fix, things for us got worse before better. There will still be violent outbursts, and unpredictable behaviors but they will get fewer and easier to handle.

Again this is what worked for us. I understand that everyone has a different situation and that not every child benefits from treatment that was successful for another. There are varying degrees of mental illness and behavior disorders. Those teams of professionals are trained in these disorders and can create the plan appropriate to a specific child. I feel that this method is so much more effective for long term development then bringing in a police officer for a few minutes to tell a child what’s right and wrong then leave. It’s just not teaching anything, it’s intimidating. Of course at any time if you feel that the safety of you and your child or anyone in the home are in danger and the situation is out of your control then YES, call 911. They will control the immediate danger but the parent needs to be responsible for finding a way to provide a long term solution.

I hope you are able to find a solution that will bring your son home. I don’t have experience with CPS but I would think that if they see you with a plan for the future and improvement then they will work with you. They want your child to succeed just as you do. They may even be a first step in where to find a therapist or doctor. Hang in there and stay strong.

Jane - posted on 01/21/2012

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@Tori - When your son comes home tell him that the next time he tries to hurt anyone you will call the police and have him arrested. Then do it. That is the only way I can control my son, who is larger than I and who has multiple diagnoses and medications.



He got CPS involved, too, but all I could do was keep telling the truth until CPS figured out that he was the problem, not me. He ended up being cited for abusing his disabled father.

Rosie - posted on 01/21/2012

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i have to ask, has this situation ever actually happened to you? and if so, does it happen often? i don't know where you live, but i just don't see this type of thing being a problem where it would cause stressors all the time.

Tori - posted on 01/20/2012

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Hi Shannon,



I actually appreciate this response and since you agree that calling the police on an out of control child is not the best option, I thought I would drop you a line and ask for some advice.

Last Sunday my 10 y/o son (who has ADHD and is on medication) attacked me and shoved me down trying to get to a laptop I had taken from him. He has occasional outbursts of physical anger (1-2 times every 3-4 years). I tried to restrain him to keep him from getting at the computer and he was injured (large scratch across chest & on arm) in the process. I was also bit. I had been watching the football game earlier in the day and had been drinking but would not say I was drunk. The next morning while I was asleep he packed a bag and took the new bike I had bought him at Christmas and tried riding to his dad's house (several miles a way). At some point he must have realized it was too far and stopped at a store to ask someone for a ride to his dad's. The adult took him to the police station (thank God), where he proceeded to tell them I attacked him. CPS is now involved and the kids have been removed from my care. They are now at their dad's (who doesn't own a car, have a permanent job, or residence). When I spoke to an officer during the day in question (I drove quickly over to their dad's house as soon as I found out my son had left), I was told that if my son attacks me, I should call the cops on him, since he IS the minor. I am trying to raise my child to not get in trouble with the law, and I don't think calling the police is the right lesson but am at a loss as to what to do. I do not feel I should let me son shove me (I have been punched and kicked too) and get his way. When he gets violent, I restrain him. Now he is unfortunately hurt. We have taken him to counseling over his anger issues and he just gets mad at the counselor (b/c she sides with me). I think the main issue is that he wants to live with his dad and will say/do whatever he can to try and get that. I am sure CPS won't let him live with his father, but now I wonder if b/c of his claims they will let him live with me or if he (and my daughter) will now just become some poor kids taken out of their home and shoved into the system until I complete whatever CPS asks me to do (still waiting to hear any decision or outcome, but am worried as any mother would be). My question and advice I would like, is how I should deal with a violent child aside from doing what the police told me to do (call them). When he storms off, I let him cool down and then deal with it. But when he is directly attacking me to get what he wants...I can't just let him get his way, it solves nothing. Any advice as to how I can better deal with this situation in the future (when CPS lets my children come home)? Thank you for your time.

[deleted account]

And DARE programs are a great community tool to keep

our kids away from ILEGAL activities and make food choices. No officer I know would ignore an inquisitive child and throw in a "you listen to your mom, you hear me?" They do that for the same reason I spend 20 minutes trying to reach the daughter of my patient simply to tell her mom needs socks in the er. Its to provide a sense of security and trust and because we really do care. But it's not my job to arrange a patients overnight bag. I'm tryin to get across is that it is not their "job" to teach a child to respect mom. It is their duty to keep the streets free of drugs and illegal activities for the greater good of the community they protect. What we see more and more of are people with the "you are a public service so I am going to exhaust the given resources and take advantage of system.

[deleted account]

The priority system is a great effective tool. However one of our "regular" out of control 5 year old caller has figured out how to choose certain words in response to dispatchors questions that will gain a slighty high priority. No obviously dispatch, EMS and police use our common sense along with our training to take the true priority call. It's situations like the above and people with that attitude that cause us to at times wonder if it's all worth it. That's when we vent

[deleted account]

We are not heartless people and we would never ignore a call no matter what our personal opinion is. We have a job to do and we give every patient, victim, caller 110% and voice our frustration away from the job. As Im sure everyone has done at some point after a miserable day at work. I won't expect anyone who has never done the job we do and felt the many emotions we go through in one shift to understand. We are not superheroes with no emotion. We wear uniforms not capes. There is this misunderstaning from the public in what the job of public safety is. I can guarantee you without knowing your local area that you will have a dedicated, trained and ready to do anything to ensure the safety of their town because that is the job.







And your right it is not a cardiologists job to shovel my snow. It is his job to treat patients with his education and experience. It is not a police officers job to discipline anyone's child. He will however do what he can but because this world is so apt to place blame he chooses his words carefully because he is not licensed or trained to act as a behavior therapist. And he does not wear that uniform to "scare" children into behaving. That's indimadation and it makes him uncomfortable in a scene situation. Find a class at a library where it is done the right way. With an officer who most likely if teaching has some education in that field.



I love my job and I am good at what I do. We in public safety are a rare breed that can feel every emotions in a brief 10 minute ride back to the base. Ready to do it again and again. You all have the right to express your opinion however if you plan to criticize the desicions we make on how our job gets done then I hope you are able to say you have worn that uniform and have seen the things that we see. Venting like many an employee has done . We just have more sensitive material I guess.

Amy - posted on 01/19/2012

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My husband is a police officer and I do believe the majority of the parents that call are truly at their whits end and it's their last resort. My husband has missed more family time because he arrested someone who just crashed their car into a telephone pole because they were too wasted to drive to begin with.



I will also add that when a call comes in it's given a priority based on the need a child who isn't listening to his parents isn't getting the same reaction time as a stabbing that just took place.

Christy - posted on 01/19/2012

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I think these frustrations come out when people abuse the Police and Ambulance departments. I can see someone calling the police on their kids, without pressing charges, to "scare them." (the scenarios are endless), and for the poor/homeless/uninsured to call 911 to get an ambulance to go to the hospital. It's part of the job, but I imagine those that do abuse it irritate the police/EMTs etc when they could be out assisting a legitimate emergency. If I want to care my kid, I will take them to the police station to talk to an officer, not waste tax payers money and the cop's time having them come out to "talk" to my troublesome kid! So I say let her vent. It's Ok. We are here to support each other, right?

[deleted account]

Guess it's a waste to have cops doing the DARE program in schools too then. I mean... it's 100% the parent's job to educate their kids about drugs, so DARE is just a complete waste of time and money... I DO educate my kids, but I'm sure glad the DARE program exists too.



Crime prevention starts in childhood and if an officer talking to a child about the dangers of them continuing a certain behavior WORKS... wouldn't you rather that then that same kid as an adult going on a shooting spree (as one extreme example)?



I don't foresee it ever happening, but if my child gets bigger (they're already stronger) than me and decides to assault me.... you'd better believe I'm calling the cops on their butt whether they're 18... or 12.



Don't like it. Don't be a cop.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2012

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You are kidding right? You just compared a doctor shoveling a sidewalk, to a parent requesting a police man to use scare tractics on their child??



Seriouslly?



Im so confused, first off its NEVER a doctors job to shovel a sidewalk, but it IS a police mans job to teach a child/teenager what can land them in jail. I spent a lot of time in school listening to police coming in and talking to us about drugs, violance, and crimes in general.





The only thing you were right about is fighting crime is a cycle, but the first part of this cycle is EDUCATION, which starts in childhood.



If you and your husband dont like what your jobs entitle, then quit. Id much rather a police man who actually enjoys all that his job entitles then one who just cares about catching criminals instead of trying to preventing crime.

[deleted account]

I will post a picture of your last sentence on the crew refrigerator. Lol. Reason being Small service with the majority being part time with full time employment at a larger neighboring service. That makes it hard for me as the only full time daylight medic to find coverage. I have been blessed with great partners who bear the brunt of the load when I am under the weather.





In my 5 years with this service I can not recall any homeless people. Suburb just north of Pittsburgh so it's not common. What we do have is 6 senior living facilities that basically own us. Lol.





Sorry about the circumstances with a home and your husband. One thing I have recently considered in furthering my education to become an advocate for nursing home patients. I have a soft spot for the elderly and a passion to see they get proper care. I was an LPN in numerous facilities for years and what I left behind still angers me.

[deleted account]

And I apologize for any spelling and grammatical errors. I am typing all this on an iPhone that is being temperamental today. Lol :-)

Jane - posted on 01/19/2012

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Some frequent fliers are the elderly, but others are the homeless who self-medicate with alcohol. They smell, they are mean, and they will do it again and again until someone finds them dead.



Don't talk to me about skilled nursing facilities. My husband died because of negligence in one.



And if you are that ill, you should not be at work.

[deleted account]

The majority of our "frequent flyers" are elderly patients that are confused or lonely simply wanting 20 minutes of human interaction. I am more then willing to change a lightbulb or empty a garbage can but I love having the time to sit and talk to them. Never do I consider them annoying or abusing the system. However those moments are usually interrupted by the 20 something drug seeker that thinks we wont remember the same complaint 3 days prior while i am so ill that I can heat the unit from my fever and my body aches do much every bump makes me tear up. yet he says his hangnail is a 10 out of 10 pain scale. the sprained wrist that goes by ambulance because she thinks that will get her through the er faster. That would start a whole new topic. Lol And I won't even get started on Skilled Nursing Facilities. O my ;) I would be able to write for days about the highs and lows of EMS . :-)





I think my thoughts and frustrations come from choosing this job to make a difference in someone's chance at survival and in the past 6 years slowly transitioned into a geriatric "taxi service" . The Fire, police and EMS systems are not as community involved as they used to be. Not sure why that his but i will guess that lack of funds and no officer to teach because they are overworked due to department cutbacks. I could be wrong but that is what I see happening. Society has shifted to needing assistance to requiring it be done with least involvement on their part. That exact feeling is what upset me over the police topic.





Parents (not referring to anyone I have interacted with here) are so busy that giving a pill or using the police is a better option then using their time to do what is usually the best fix. Time to teach your child and that's better then any pill or "scare" tactic out there. It makes me sad to see the problems at the same time seeing the soulution but knowing we will be back next week on replay because that's our job.



No matter how a parent choses how to discipline a child I hope they reach the common goal of a well rounded well behaved kid..

[deleted account]

That cycle is effective use of the "it takes a village to raise a child" method. Everyone as a certian place and each role is important in its own way. Start messing with those roles and the whole system becomes usless and chaotic.

[deleted account]

my family is working just fine for us. My frustration is not in the missed dance recitals and bedtime stories. We chose our jobs knowing the struggles it would bring. We get through those struggles, we work hard, we are dedicated to our children as well as our community.



Ok, lets go this route. I have cardiac issues therefore I need to monitor certian activities So instead of using tools provided to me in order to be productive and accomplish things with pride I am to tired today. I just dont want to get all bundled up, stand out in the cold and well, i just dont want to. I figure I pay my medical bills and copays so one of my "avaliable resources" is my cardiologist. After all I pay him to provide me with a service so i have the right to use this "resource" to make my life easier.Even though he is not trained nor educated in this task i want the easiest way that works for me.So I have my cardiologist come shovel my sidewalk. As long as it gets done and i didnt have to do anything I feel fine with that. But as the doctor is shoveling my sidewalk a sweet little elderly lady begins to feel ill. She goes to the doctor (same doc) since he is the best. Years of training, education and dedictation to the service he worked so hard to offer only to find that he is not in today. So instead of taking up a bed in the ER that a more critical person may need she goes home to wait. She dies while waiting for that one person with the training and knowledge capable of helping her. Because I paid my money so I had the right to takethis womans chance at life away. My task was completed, i didnt not put in any effort, but because I pay for a service i can use it in which ever way benifits me. Wait, maybe if i had just taken 5 minutes to look up snow plow companies that are skilled and tranined in snow removal and called them that doctor could have been in his office utilizing his skills and trainging on the ill lady. In the end I would have a clean sidewalk and a sense of accomplishment in using appropriate resources avaliable to me and that little old lady would be in her house enjoying the rewards of years of hard hard work because she deserves it.



Same concept just takes it away from the defensive mother child topic. There are systems in place to teach a parent skills in disciplining a "unique" child.And to teach a child coping skills to have the chance at a less stressful environment. There are 24 hour hotlines with crisis counslers to go through steps needed immedietly to end a situation. (Now, this is for a "normal" yet stubborn and challenging child. When mental illness is a factor a stressfull situation can become unsafe very quickly. When true mental illness and diesease is on board and you feel unsafe in any way, yes use the police. they are trained in defusing dangorous situations safely and effectivily. ) These counslers, doctors and behavioral teams are trained in talking to and knowing the right tools to provide you with parenting skills that will help create a less volitile home. and a better realationship with parent and child.



Its a cycle. You Let the police fight the crime and catch the bad guys giving your child a safe environment to grow up in with out negitive influances to stray him off the path that the behavioral teams and you have worked so hard in putting him on. Just by that one tiny decisson to use the proper resource you have given your child a chance to suceed in a safe secure environment. A much better feeling then 3 minutes of a giant man with a gun in a stern voice telling your child to get it together when the child has no tools or support to do so. Then leaves and life takes a whole different turn.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2012

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Excuse me but your children are missing those things with their parents because you have to work. It has nothing to do with parents using police to help them scare their out of control teenagers. Your husband works shifts and must work the whole shift even if nothing is going on so dont try to guilt parents who are at their wits end with their children and using the police to correct their childrens behaviour as an excuse why your family isnt working the way you would like it too.

[deleted account]

in fact my 11 year old is autistic with severe anxiety and anger problems. He is an extremely difficult child. Many nights have i sat in the car in the driveway crying due to the exaustion of trying to parent him. This is because I take him to every appointement, follow up on every recomendation, educate myself on how to parent him down the right path, worry about the should i or should i not medicate him, act as his advocate when doctors or teachers want to push him along in a "system". As I am sure you did. So I know how hard it is.That being said.... If you read my post it says..out of control disrespectful.I have nothing but respect for those parents and children who fight the mental illness battle daily.I was refering to more or less defient kids with no mental illness. I understand the extreme situations that arise in mental illness and in those cases if a parent of family member feels in danger then of course call 911. Those officers will control the chaos and regain control so everyone is safe. They will not however provide parenting lessons on how to control your child. Its just not their job. I will in a heartbeat help you if you are suffering excrutiating chest pain and having a massive MI and my husband will miss time with his daughter to put the man who assulted your family member behind bars or take the unpredictable drunk walking down your street with a gun off the street so you are safe. Because that is what we are trained to do. We are not trained as mental health professionals. I work EMERGENCY medicine. Life threatning conditions being treated in the back of an ambulance. I unfortunetly see the worst case senerio in these situations. I am to do what i need to do to stabalize a patient from a medical standpoint..How they control or handle the illness is not my concern. my concern is keeping them alive for them to seek proper care down the road.I am a very patient and understanding person so I can provide some sort of "shoulder to lean on" to a tired frustrated parent. I will listen but I am not qualified to give advice on a subject I am unfamilier with. I am not one bit trained on how to communicate with a mentally disabled child I am trained to control imediate life threatining medical emergencies. My husband is trained to protect. He spends hours of training on tactics and use of force. He carries a gun not tissues. In fact he is the worst at giving calm logical advice. He will start discussing football scores before giving adivice in a subject that he is clueless about. He can control a chaotic situation and do what needs to be done so no one gets harmed. My issue with the post is the idea that a police officer will come to your door, and in a big scary voice and a gun on his belt very sternly tell a child to respect the parents and do his homework. Thats not teaching anything other then law enforcement is big and scary. And then to say "I pay his salary" is teaching the child to disrespect authority and give them a supiorior complex. Normal discipline in the "normal" setting (without mental or physical disabilities) is the job of the parent not the police. Let the officers chase the bad guys so the kids can feel safe. I wish you and your son nothing but brighter days ahead. And I admire your strength in a difficult situation.

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