Shelly - posted on 05/02/2012 ( 270 moms have responded )
I have been in my relationship for almost 5 years, we have an almost 4 year old son together! After a few resent incidents i have come to learn that he is addicted to crack! The worst part is it's not just crack it's also cocaine and other things "i think"! It has gotten to the point that we currently live in a hotel room known for drugs and prostitutes we have nothing to our names but some clothes and a few toys for our son! He is never home he honestly works all day but then will drop us off and leave at 9, 10, 11 pm or even sometimes later and be gone most of the night! If he wants money from me (i absolutly hide it in a large range of places), the only limit to what he will do to get is he has never hit me! Now thats not to say he wouldn't because there have been a few times where i have felt them "fight or flight" instincs kick into gear! I feel trapped i have no idea what he does for the drugs but i do know he is doing somewhere around $150-$200 worth a night! He has told me he hates me, wishes i would leave (only to tell me 20 minutes later that he will kill himself if i leave), he cant stand the sight of me, my voice just pisses him off, i physicaly make him ill, and so on it could go! He says he will not do rehab or therapy or even a 12 step program because some one with no expierence ready something out of a book couldn't possibly know anything about what he has to deal with! He continues to tell me i'm the only one who can help him by taking him to score and letting him have the money when he asks and be nonjugmental as well as understanding and sympathetic! I know thats a bunch of crap but the problem is i do not use drugs i have never used drugs and i have never had an addiction. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I do love him i have tried to leave him 2 times now just being honest! Nothing has changed and i honestly feel that it probably wont! But i can't help it i'm a fighter i don't really know how to give up! The last thing i really have to add is it's been almost 2 months sense we have been intimate, and almost 3 weeks sense he's even given me a simple kiss! I think i'm at my breaking point right now i've tried yelling, cusing, screaming, leaving, threatening, loving, not judging, ignoring, ratting him out, and lying for him! Is there anything i've missed or havent tried? IM BEGGING ANYONE FOR ADVICE, HELP, SUPPORT, WISDOM, CONDIMING, JUST GIVE IT TO STRAIGHT TO THE POINT DON'T TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER IF IT'S NOT YOUR FIRST INSTINCT!!!!!