my husband is out of control and im out of my realm of comfort

Pat - posted on 05/06/2012

You should go to a Safe House... I think you are afraid and no one should live in that type of Fear especially with a child... It's not a safe place for you or the child... I can help find names for you to contact to seee if they can help you but you must be strong...

Deanna - posted on 05/06/2012

My advice, you CAN NOT CHANGE an addict. Unfortunately, I'm sure many spouses wish they could. So my advice is to help you cope with the situation. While you said he would not go to a 12 step, which is sad, NA would be great, you can help your coping, by going to Al-Anon. You need help in dealing with living with an addiction, even if it's not your own addiction. You may decide you need to leave for your own serenity, perhaps with recovery on his part, you can repair things, perhaps not, but you need to do whats right, and healthy for you and your son.

Kimberly - posted on 05/06/2012

Your story just made me physically SICK. U talk about you and how u can't leave and you you you WHAT ABOUT YOUR SON??!!!! Leave your husband at once or someone should call child services on you as well bc your KNOWINGLY ENDANGERING YOUR CHILD! Your living in a hotel for God sake! Go to a shelter or with family or anything? I hope u didn't post this looking for sympathy bc this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard I love my husband too but if I ever found out he was doing drugs and refused to get help and we lost everything and I had to have my daughter live in a hotel KNOWN FOR DRUGS I would get the help
Out of there and make sure my baby is safe.

Bryndís - posted on 05/06/2012

L E A V E ! ! !
This life (if you want to call this situation a life) is not good for you and most definetly NOT good for your son. Leave, get help for you and your boy and start a new life.
I wish you all the best and if you want to hear it from me I will say it: God is able, in every situation, to help those who seek help from him :)
Leave this mess and start a new life ♥
ps. Try to find an Al-Anon meeting, it saved my mental health :)
http://www.al-anon.org/

Stacey - posted on 05/06/2012

I have to agree with the other ladies as well. Leave and find a safe place for you and your son. Your son has only you to think of him and his safety. He only tells you what he thinks you want to hear so you will stay. He will never change and the only way he will get help is if he is in jail.

Krista - posted on 05/06/2012

I think you have to leave, if not for you, for your child. He is refusing treatment or help of any kind, there is nothing else you can do. Maybe if you go and he has nobody to help him continue his addiction he will get to a point where he will want to quit, but until then, you have to take care of yourself & your son. Somewhere in there is the man you love but until he decides he's done you need to be somewhere else.

Tonjula - posted on 05/06/2012

Sweet pea, my mom endured my father's crack addition. As the oldest of 4 other siblings, looking back, I really wished my mom would have left. We each have issues (not drug related) and to me, you are allowing your son to develop issues just so you can say you have a husband.

Crystal - posted on 05/06/2012

why do you have to ask....leave and take your son, it'll be the best thing you've ever done!

Ann - posted on 05/06/2012

Leave!

Mary - posted on 05/06/2012

If you won't leave for your own well-being...know that your husband is teaching your son how men are supposed to treat women. Do you want your son to be a man who treats his wife this way?

Jessica - posted on 05/06/2012

This situation is not about how you feel about this man anymore. Whether you love him or not means nothing. You need to leave and go to a shelter for your child. End of story. Even if he threatens suicide. Just go and get the help you need FOR YOUR CHILD! That is your only priority at this point and you are putting both of you at risk by staying there. Your "man" will have to hit rock bottom and seek help on his own, but you can't help him right now and by staying there, you are basically saying that his behaviour is o.k. And since addicts are selfish and sick, he is probably sleeping with someone else for drugs or because he is out of his mind. GET OUT FOR YOUR CHILD! I'm not trying to sound cold, but when children are involved they are the priority in your life because they need to be taken care of and it's your job to protect them. If CPS finds out what conditions you are allowing your child to live in, they will TAKE HIM AWAY! And then you have lost everything.

Margaret - posted on 05/06/2012

Shelly, ever heard this? "you cannot be everything to someone else if you are not taking care of YOU" (this includes your partner or your son. Make a decision before you and/or your son become a newspaper headline! I would NOT go to friends or family - he'll know where to look and why endanger THEM? Make a new life for you and your son - that precious child deserves it and so do you. It won't be easy at first but you will be surprised how much total strangers can be the most supportive and heloful at times like these (and they won't judge you) please know I've witnessed this many times and it WORKS! I feel for you all the way from here in Australia,
love and best wishes - Margaret in Brisbane, Queensland :)

Edna - posted on 05/06/2012

Christine I don't think that your words put that way will help Shelley.....while it is true that some people will have the perception that she is a horrible mother, you do not know what it is like to be the person right in the middle of this horrible situation. Shelley I really do hope you find a woman's shelter to stay with your son ASAP. You and your son need to get away from this insanity, so you can think clearly with your mind. Don't listen to that part of you that tells you you are not showing love to your husband by leaving him.....it is love, TOUGH LOVE. IT'S what he needs but most important it is what you and your son need. I hope to hear from you soon ♥ .

Deanna - posted on 05/06/2012

Leave. You are in a dangerous situation. If you love your son and your husband you will leave. You can not be the enabler. Your son WILL live this life and you will watch him do this to himself. Leave!!!

Anita - posted on 05/06/2012

I just want to know are you crazy leave his ass take your child and hit the road he's only doing what you allow him to do put your foot down don't be no fool get it together nothing is keeping you there but you.........

Cindy - posted on 05/06/2012

You do need to get away. Maybe you don't know where to go or how to get help. List your city and state then maybe on here someone can give addresses and phone numbers for you.

Nykee - posted on 05/06/2012

If not for yourself, get out of there for your son. You both deserve better. These other moms have offered wonderful advice - if you can't escape to friends or family, find a shelter to help you get back on you feet. Leave without a trace, and don't let him talk you into coming back to that life. If he leaves, and gets help, you can revisit the idea - but you're putting yourself and your child in danger.

And, just because he's not physically hurting you doesn't mean he's not abusing you. Stop threatening, you don't have to live that life.

Best of luck to you!

Annette - posted on 05/06/2012

Get the hell out of there with your Precious Blessing.God trusted" YOU with" He trusted you to bring him up the best you can. This i can tel,l is not "your best"... Go to a shelter, family or anywhere away from him. His decision to use, and continue down that distructive path has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU... Its his inability to deal with life!! So sorry to have to say it like that, but please take care of that beautiful baby boy of yours.

Jo - posted on 05/06/2012

Leave - for the sake of your child. If he refuses to get help nothing you do will help & the threat of killing himself - he is doing it everyday in front of you and his son. You need to find the strength to survive on your own and offer your child the best life possible. It is unfortunate that your husband is ill but only he can control whether or not he chooses to get help and recover. Your love for him will not fix the problem only the love he has for himself can do that. Let him know when he is clean and back on track you will allow him back into your life but that even then that will take time for him to earn back your trust. You need to act in the best interest for your child.

Candice - posted on 05/06/2012

Go to AA please! There are amazing programs for the spouses of addicts. Narcotics Anonomous might be the right place but I don't know enough of their programs to advise that. I know many still trapped or recovered I can honestly say that without support from the right knowledgable, experienced people I dont see how you will take control of your life. You are a mother now and your child is your responsibility. Reach out. There are groups to help you. You will be with people who truly 'get it'.

YOU DESERVE BETTER, but it is up to YOU to make it happen.

Leonie - posted on 05/06/2012

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who had a drug and alcohol addiction problem. He kept this hidden from me for a long time before I realized what was going on. It took me too long to understand that no matter how supportive or understanding or how much you love them YOU cannot save them from themselves. It would be different if he wanted help and was reAdy to start his journey to recovery BUT YOU cannot make him do this. The most important element here is your little boy, he is seeing all this, hearing all this and not being provided with the stable and secure environment that children deserve (just the fact of his dad coming and going randomly). You need to look after your son and leave. You are living in a hotel room, you deserve better and you can make your life better. Your boyfriend with his serious issues is only going to bring you down. He may not be hitting you but verbal and mental abuse are just as terrible. Get the strength sweetie and run with your son. God bless

Deborah - posted on 05/05/2012

Well, I will be straight forward with you. Ican't say I know what you're going through because everyone has their own story and deal with things differently however I do know what it's like to love someone who you can't rely on, one way or another. I have also, when I was younger, been around people who took drugs and know the lengths they will go to, to get what they need.
Ask yourself....Is he a good husband/provider?.....Is he a good role model for your son?
There are so many other questions, but why go any further.
Get the bloody hell out of there, you may up to this point been able to 'control' a situation before it gets out of control but one day you won't.
If you leave him he'll kill hiself? No, he won't ! Don't try one more time, don't give him another chance. Pack up and go while he's at work. Leave him a note, if you want to, tell him you love him but LEAVE. Don't be alone if you see him afterwards and for god sake don't give in and go back if he cries and begs you or promises to get help.Don't let your son see his Dad like that anymore. Don't let him see his Dad treat his Mum like that anymore. He will end up believing this is normal behavior. You say that you are strong, it takes so much strength to leave, this I do know, do it as soon as possible and don't let him know your going.He will not get help while you are there and may not when you leave but it might be enough of a shock and he might get help when he realises what he's lost. If he does, take your time, go to a councellor together a few times, don't believe what he says, you have to know in your gut that he is clean before considering going back. If you go back too soon it will all happen again. Be sure!
I really feel for you mate and I fear for you and your son. You cannot help him by staying. He will not kill himself, that's only a threat to keep you there. Get out and make a good life for you and your son and when your husband has earned the right to be a part of your life, then you can decide. You are the person to show your son you love his father enough to make the hard decisions so all your lives can be better.
I wish you a happy and safe life, be strong, you can do it!

Vanessa - posted on 05/05/2012

Yes! Exactly! He will help her! I dont know why someone thought your comment was funny :( He is the Light, He will guide her!

Vanessa - posted on 05/05/2012

Addiction is a disease, it's like hoping he will recover from diabetes, it's not a poor choice a good person made and all they have to do is make a new choice, it controls him, he no longer has control over anything he does, but you do! You have control over your life and your sons! Your son is counting on you, you are all he's got! You know what to do, you know what is right, just do it! I'll be praying for you and your son......

Angela - posted on 05/05/2012

I am very concerned about the safety of you and your son. Please get to a safe place. Shelter staff will help you to find safe housing, work, Child care, etc. You will not convince your husband to change. Continue to love him and pray for him from afar. Your son's safety comes first. Get him to safety before child Protective services does it for you. I'm very sorry for the predicament your husband has put you in. May God guide you through this.

Nicole - posted on 05/05/2012

Leave. I know it is hard but you have to do what is best for your child. My mother left. My father after she found out about his drug problem.I was 2. My father and I now have a relationship. It is not safe for you or your child. You have to worry about you and your little one. T

Angie - posted on 05/05/2012

Now what exactly is it that you love about him?
You are putting your life and the life of your son at risk.
It's a matter of time before he does hit you - he's abusive in every other way.
I'm hoping that you will realize that you and your son deserve more than what this "man" is giving you.
You need to get out of that relationship and don't look back.
There are resources to help you get on your feet. I would contact the women's shelter.
I wish you and your son well.

Debbie - posted on 05/05/2012

YOU NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATLEY!!!!! I agree with everyones comments here. I would like you to read your post again but this time pretend its your best friend writing it to you. what would you tell her to do???? The threats to kill himself are an absolute joke because basically he is already dancing in the face of death doing the drugs he's doing anyway. The best thing is to leave and STOP all contact. He connot control you if he cant see you or speak to you. you will have to go through all the emotions of grief so get yourself a councilor and one for your son. You'll get there and possibly alot quicker than most since you say your a fighter. Well fight for your sons future not some selfish man that used to be your husband. I made the choice this time last year to leave my Narsasitic and Masogynosistic husband whom Ive got 2 girls with and although its been tough at times I know Ive made the right descision. You just need to believe in yourself again. xx

Lisa - posted on 05/05/2012

Shelly,
Please get out. You had better hope that at some point no one calls social services about the conditions your son is living in. I work for a human services agency and I can tell you, I work with children and families who have had their children removed for good for safer situations than your own.
Did you stop and think that he may have drugs in the room you are staying in. If the police ever did a search you would end up and jail and your son in the foster care system. If that is not what you want then get out. I know it is easier said than done to get out.
If you send me an email with your information, I can use my resources and help you get out before it is too late. There are plenty of shelters and programs that help women in your situation.
It sounds like you aren't married to him, which is an added bonus. You can walk away without having to worry about divorcing him first.
Please, Please get out. I work with mom's like you everyday who have gotten out and they are sucessful and their children get to stay with them.
If you want help finding resources to get yourself and your son out of this situation, please email me and I will be happy to guide you through the process.
It is not giving up on him. You have tried and done everything you can. If he doesn't want to admit he has a problem or get help, then there is nothing you can do about it. He has to come to terms with what he needs to do and then get help. Just like no one can force you to get out the situation you are in. You have to be ready and want to get out.
Everyone can give you loads of advice but if you arent' ready to leave then you won't go. YOu will know when you are ready. You are in a domestic violence type situation only it sounds like no physical abuse, just emotional. It is a cycle that only you can break.
I wish you the best of luck and i mean it when I say I can walk you through the process of leaving and getting help.
ltanguay1974@gmail.com

April - posted on 05/05/2012

I agree with mostly everyone who has commented on here. You have to get away from him,especially for the sake of your son. You are a mom now and your child must always come first. I know you love your husband but when you continue to stay with him, allowing him access to you and your son, that's teaching him that it's ok to treat both you and your son poorly. Your husband needs help but he's gotta want to do it. In the meantime,both you and your son deserve security,happiness and love. Right now your husband can't provide you guys with that. You know exactly what to do, you gotta just do it. You're a smart woman and strong to. I know this because you were brave enough to come on here and talk about what was going on. Also, I would like to tell you that if you are currently staying in a motel, known to have prostitutes, etc.... I'm sure the police are looking around that area and you and your husband could already be on there radar, which could result in you losing your son. Please go to a woman's shelter, find somewhere quick, just please get away from that guy.

Bettye - posted on 05/05/2012

get out of there.

Candy - posted on 05/05/2012

he said that some one with no expierence ready something out of a book couldn't possibly know anything about what he has to deal with! well most of the people who work at the rehab places are people who have a the same problem and the people at the 12 step programs have all had a problem or the wouldn't be there, it is a excuse that he tails you, if you believe what he says he will never stop. if he loved you more then the drugs it would show he may love you but it is not enough, you deserve more and so does your son, tell him to go to rehab or you are gone.

Sandra - posted on 05/05/2012

Please go! You cannot help him! I honestly KNOW this........been there. Your child is suffering so much more than you can begin to imagine and THAT is where you can help. Find a family member, friend....someone to go to and HIDE! You clearly love this man so you would be tempted to go back or believe it may be different this time...it won't. When he has completed a rehab program ( a very LONG one ) maybe there will be a chance....but, the drugs he is addicted to are NO JOKE! The people he brings into your relationship are DANGEROUS to you and your son....GO NOW!

Sonya - posted on 05/05/2012

Try Jesus, nothing else works. You are literally fighting a battle that's so much deeper than you can begin to imagine. You are dealing with a spiritual battle. If you have relatives go to them, get you and your child out of that environment. Believe me sweetie, it's only going to get worse. Find a good spiritual church and strong people filled with the Holy Spirit and surround yourself around them. Begin interceeding for your husband and your family, but first and foremost, if you haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your Saviour, please do. He's not judgmental, He wants to help. He truly loves you and your husband, more than you can imagine. I will be praying for you and your family.

Myriam - posted on 05/05/2012

Don't stop being a fighter but refocus what you are fighting for. Fight for you and your son. From experience. You can't change a drug addict by supporting them. If he is not willing to get help and put you and your son first, then there is nothing you can do. Leave now before it's too late. Fight for you and your son. Nothing else should matter now but your son. Go to a women's shelter until you can get on your feet. You will not be doing anything wrong by trying to move on with your life. Please please please get out of this situation before your husband gets into a situation that can end up with someone losing their life.

Marie - posted on 05/05/2012

My instinct is for you to take your child and get the hell away from him. You both deserve better than what you are having to live with. And it's something that you should not be exposing your child to. Does he have brothers or sisters or family of any kind besides you? There are places you can go to live and he can't find you. He needs to be on his own until he gets caught or he decides he's had enough and will go to seek help. He's not going to do it as long as you stay with him. You seem to have a job, could you support yourself and your child? If so, really, you need to get you and your baby away from the seedy hotel and the drug addled husband. You can't change him, nobody can. Only he can do it. I am begging you, as a concerned mother, grandmother to please get out of that situation now. You sound like you can make it on your own. I am going to pray for you to get the strength to do it - now - before something moe tragic
than the situation you are in happens. Good Luck to you and please, God, look after this struggling young woman and her baby.

Christine - posted on 05/05/2012

the truth is she is still talking about leaving. Hopefully her child will survive. Shelly if knew you I would have called CPS myself. You selfish and a horrible mother to allow this as long as you have. At best give your son to someone that really loves him.

Amber - posted on 05/05/2012

For better or worse right? If you still love him and want to be with him and he is not hurting you or your child tell him to get help or you will leave. If he doesn't get help leaving might wake him up. If he truely loves you he will get help. It may take a while to make him realize what he is losing. Good luck, I have been through something similar and its heart breaking but he needs you.

Karen - posted on 05/05/2012

YOU NEED TO GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are being his crutch. Your and the child's safety comes first. Find friends, family, shelter somewhere and GET OUT TODAY!!!!! I have seen this kind of behavior many of times with different family members and you can't help. First, he has to want it for him or else it doesn't help. Please if you don't get out your child or you or both is going to get hurt or worse the cops are going to be involved and take your child. GET OUT NOW!!!! If you don't have anybody I can help. Don't know what state you are in but I will help you get out........

Tiffany - posted on 05/05/2012

There were programs out there to help. Try Fanny mae,,YWCA or Vanessa behan. If they can't help they can guide you to somewhere that can.good luck

Tiffany - posted on 05/05/2012

Leave, leave, leave ! I have delt with alot of addiction in my family..mostly crack and heroin. Mainly my mother. She is 50 and still can't get her shit together. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. They have to be ready and willing to change before anything happens. You and especially your son deserves a better life. Not only is a messed up situation, its dangerous. If anyone reports what's going on around your son you could lose him.is this man, who doesn't love anyone but his addiction worth that? Hell no! Addicts with manipulate till no end. Don't be surprised when you try to leave he promises to change. Don't believe it! He won't change..not now or in the near future. Leave when he's gone so you don't have to worry about having the strength to leave.just remember the man you fell in love no longer exists. Focus on your beautiful child and everything will fall into place soonenough. I wish you well and hope you and your boy have the life you deserve.

Erica - posted on 05/05/2012

The most important question is do you want your son to be like him ... If the answer is no then you know what you need to do. It's not about fightibg for your relationship at this point...its about fighting for the best interest of your child.

Raluca - posted on 05/05/2012

In addiction there is no other way out but through professional help. No matter how much YOU would like him to quit and have a normal behaving husband as your partner, it is HE who should want to change his life. Addiction is a disease and it takes control over a person's life getting to real tragedies, hurting everyone who loves him, and sometimes even death. The only way out is through rehab and therapy, and then a lifetime of continuous battle with temptation. Is it easy? No, it isn't, but it's possible. I can feel your torment, your sorrow, desperation and your wish to help him. I have been there myself, and the only one you should think of in such situation is you and your son. Put your son before ANYONE in this life. You don't want him to grow in such an environment, you don't want him to be exposed to drugs and addicted behavior. There is another way of raising your son and for you to have a normal life. I promise you that once you leave him, you will find peace. I am sure you are strong and a fighter, as you said it yourself. Then fight for your life and your son's future. You need to raise him up into a responsible adult and he has the right to a normal life. I know and fully understand the abusive relationship you are in right now, and all I can say is please, leave. If he is going to decide and look for professional help, and if he is going to actively do something about it (and here I advise you NOT to trust empty words, but keep your distance until you are convinced that he is changing), but move on with your life as you deserve to have your life and your son needs you more than anything.

Lisa - posted on 05/05/2012

Shelly,
While your boyfriend is using drugs, he is a slave to the addiction. He cannot be honest or think of anything but getting high. My husband recently went through drug rehab and is currently clean and sober. He has given me some insight about what he went thrugh while he was using. I attended all the family classes his facility provided and learned a lot about addiction... why it happens to some people and not others, what is happening in the addict's brain and body, how it causes the addict to act and think differently than he would if he was sober, etc... Once your boyfriend gets off and stays off the drugs, he will return to his old self. While he's using he is obsessed with the drugs. The biggest piece of advice the counselors gave us (the family members of the addicts and alcoholics) was to get help for ourselves. Al-Anon is where you can get that help. Go to alanon.org to find help and meetings near you. Some meetings will provide childcare for your son while you attend. There are also a lot of Al-anon books you can read to get an idea of what it's all about. Check them out at the library. This is not your fault! You didn't cause him to be an addict, you can't control his addiction, and you can't cure it. Nothing you are doing or not doing is causing him to use, no matter what he says. You cannot spend your life trying to control this craziness. You have to be a complete and healthy person for yourself and yor child. When an addict is under the influence of drugs/alcohol he will say anything to justify his actions, deny it is a problem, blame anything around him for his situation. He needs professional help. It's not his fault he's an addict either, some people are and some people aren't, but he is responsible for admitting he has a problem, that the problem has gotten out of control, and to get help. He has to want to change or most likely he won't, even if you or the law forces him to go to rehab or jail. Meanwhile, you can get help for yourself through al-anon. It really does provide help and peace of mind, even if your addict is still using. It will help you find some strength to take better care of yourself and your son. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. You can get help and make your life better, even if he doesn't.

T - posted on 05/05/2012

I'm devastated by your story. My husband has spent most of his life smoking pot and drinking socially but drinking socially to the point that every time he had a drink it turned into a drunken stupor. He was not a nice person when he drank. It was as if all of his demons came out and I fear he has a ton of them. He was not being a good father or husband. I gave him and ultimatium and now he has stopped. Now I know that my situation is clearly not the same as yours but I do have an idea of what your are going through. You are a Mother! Your first and foremost priority is your Son. His life and well being depends on you. He is to little to even begin to comprehend what is going on around him and it is your job to protect him. You need to protect yourself as well and in doing so you need to take your Son and walk away fast and never look back. Ask yourself what is this man providing for you and your son that you cannot provide for yourself. What kind of love and support and protection is this man providing for you and your son that you cannot provide for yourself. I beleive 100% that you can give your Son and YOurself much more then that selfish person you call a husband can give you. You need to realize that you are worth more. Your Son is worth more. There are shelters out there that will provide you with food and a warm bed to sleep in without all of the crack whores and drugs. There are people you can contact for support and counciling. Imagine your life without the drugs and uncertainty. Imagine your son playing at the park with other children smiling and thriving. Imagine yourself smiling without worry and concern for your safety and imagine a life that is whole and complete. Remember you do not need a man in your life to complete it. You do not need a man in your life to be a strong beautiful woman. YOu do not need a man in your life to support yourself or your child.. By you staying in this situation and keeping your Son in that environment is only perpetuating your husbands drug habit and a life of uncertainty for you. I have had many friends with drug habits and they only care about themselves and I can assure you that your husband will always choose drugs over you and your Son. He will always choose to provide himself with a high before providing you with food and shelter. You have to ask yourself is this the type of person I want my Son to look up to. This is all your Son knows and he deserves a life free of that. He has you to provide him with the role model he deserves. The only person that can provide that for him is YOU. I would kill for my children and do whatever I needed to do to protect them and provide them with the best that I can give them. HE COMES FIRST!!! Get your ass out of there and find a safe place for you and your Son. Go to the library and use a computer to find a shelter in your neighborhood. Call the police station and let them know he is on drugs. Call the police station for hotline numbers for support. I will tell you this. If you do not get help eventually someone will intervene and take your son from you for child neglect and endangerment. Get over all the insecurities and bullshit. You say your a fighter and that is all you know how to do...then start fighting for yourself and your son. You say your being intimate...Are you F'ing kidding me! He is a drug user... He's probably having unprotected sex for money, he is using needles.... Do you want to get HIV or Hepatitis? You are completelyinsane. Stop having sex and get the hell out of there. Think about this... What is you get pregnant again? What is you get pregnant and find out you and your new baby has HIV. What is you get HIV what about your 4 year old Son. Who is going to take care of him while your sick. You need help and you need to find it fast. Stop being a victim and take charge of your life. It breaks my heart for your Son. He deserves so much better then what you are giving him. So instead of wasting your time trying to change a drug addict you should be focusing your energy into getting yourself some help. I can assure you that if you give yourself the same amount of energy in getting some help you will actually seem some changes in your life. Positive changes for you and your son. I pray that you find the strength to leave and for God sakes... if you cannot do it for yourself the do it for the innocent boy you call your Son.

Edna - posted on 05/05/2012

Your husband is already killing himself(and dragging you and your child down too). LEAVE!!! Drugs, esp. hard drugs like this, is a major deal breaker in my books. If there is anything at all to salvage in this relationship it CANNOT be done while he continues this way. HE has to feel the rock bottom and make a decision HIMSELF to get clean and then determine if he wants to be there for you and your son!! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE PLEASE!!!

Zoe - posted on 05/05/2012

Its so hard for u, I can tell especially as you are so in love with him. But there a few things you need to ask yourself. Would you ever dream of hurting the 1 u love so much? No, of corse not, that's not love. Do you think you deserve to be treated in this way? No of corse you don't.
But putting you both a side who is the 1 most important & innocent & unable & unaware person you both need to put1st? That's right you little boy. Sometimes in life us as adults have to make the worse and hardest decisions simply because our kids carnt do this. 4years old is such a young age but such a impress able age. Try looking through his eyes for a little while. He's going to see his beautiful mummy upset, on edge, crying, hurt. Unable to be relaxed & truly happy. A daddy who's not around, making mummy cry, arguing, unhappy.
If he goes up around this it WILL affect him sooner or later. And if he feels this is normal he might end up being the same to his future partner.
You say you are a fighter, so fight for your son and for yourself to both be happy.
Stay with family or friends or try and get somewhere of your own. It will be very hard but the benifits will be overwhelming, you and your son will be happy, you will be able to give your undivided attention and love and you won't have the uneasy sicky feeling in your tummy or the back of your mind worrying about your husband and what state of mind hell come home in or what trouble will be just round the corner.
Once you've done this ( got yourself and son sorted & settled) you've got two more choices to make, 1do u want your husband back in your life or are you better and happier off without him. If you do want him back you need to tell him that your not leaving him you are making things better for you and you son, and you are giving him a chance to make his life better and happier and that u will try your best to be there for him to help as and when you can but do not do this unless he's prepared to help himself. If you force them there more than likely to fall back on the wagon. Be open, honest but firm with him. He's one chance and one chance to make this work.
I so hope all works out for you all, either together or apart. Just remember its better all round but especially for you son if he's happy and settled without a care in the world. Don't ever be afraid to ask people for help.
I hope this has help even a little for you. Take care and be carefull.

Chidinma - posted on 05/05/2012

PLEASE RUN WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE AND WELL TO TELL THE STORY. LIFE HAS NO DUPLICATES ANYWHERE. IF NOT FOR YOURSELF, THEN FOR YOUR SON. HE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.

Vernita - posted on 05/05/2012

Hi Shelly, although your situation is just that, yours, you are killing yourself and your son. My heart goes out to your husband and I understsand for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. This is worse than you ever should have experienced already, your husband is REALLY SICK RIGHT NOW, and if you and your son stay any longer YOUR HUSBAND OR SOMEONE ELSE IN THAT HOTEL IS GOING TO CAUSE DEATH. I grew up in a housing project in Brooklyn, NY and have heard some horrible stories of what extremes people will go through to get drugs. Men sucking the private parts of other men, women sleeping with the dealer, I saw a childhood friend (who is now dead) prostituting herself. Sweetheart, I don't know what background you come from, where you grew up, what you saw, were taught...YOU SHELLY are here now. YOU SHELLY have a boatload of SISTERS through this site that are here for YOU and YOUR HANDSOME SON. I've often said, I can have a milloin dollars to give you but you'll never be a millonaire until YOU OPEN your hand and take the money. Shelly, the comments are just that comments until YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Precious, you and your son deserve better, get the life you and your son deserve. Here is my cell number and email if you feel the need to talk, pray, or need a listening ear. God Bless you Luke 1:37 say, with God nothing shall be impossible. 917-346-8370 jesus946@gmail.com

Amy-Jayne - posted on 05/05/2012

Im sorry to say it but all these other mums are right, u need to leave! He may not be violent towards you but what you are experiencing is emotional abuse!!! Trust me i know from personal experience and that of my friends this is v v bad! I urge yocontact a relative or friend whom you trust, pack your stuff while he is at work and get out!! If you have no one you can depend on there are specific free numbers in each country that can provide you and your son with safe accomidation while you get yourself sorted!! This is going to sound v harsh but you need to hear it_you as a mum are not doing ryt by your son staying in this relationship! You may think your not putting him in harms way and that he doesnt reaaly know what is goin on but so many children do know what is goin on or at least that something is not right and this can and often does have lasting effects on children! Please please feel free to message me back with where abouts you live and i will try my hardest to provide you with helpful numbers such as women's refuge who will help you get out!you have to do this! You said before that you are a fighter so please fight for yourself and your son now and leave this man for good! This relationship will destroy you and your son if your partner or someone else does not kill you first! Pleae get in contact! X