My husband just told me he has fallen out of love with me.

Kate - posted on 09/28/2009 ( 392 moms have responded )

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We will be married for 8 yrs. on the 6th of Oct. and we have been together for 10 back in April. He sat me down last night and poured his heart out telling me that the spark is gone and that he has fallen out of love with me. He doesn't know when,why or how. He said it just happened. We are intimate at least on the adverage once a week, which I thought was pretty good for having two girls 7 and 2. He just initiated it last week while I was trying to make dinner. I just don't know what to do. HELP!

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[deleted account]

This must a so ahrd for you. Try to get to see a relationship counsiller. Get him to talk about it, and you. Both together and apart.

Cheryl - posted on 10/01/2009

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sorry to hear this sad news kate ,its hard i was with the father of my son for over 8 yrs and it was much like what has happened to you. but the way im gettingg through it is being strong for jack abnd the surpport of close friends and family.its hard but time is a great healer. you will find it hard when ur on ur own and the chilren are a bed but dont hold it in,call a friend that you know that understands what u are going through.

hun ihope u will be ok .u never know in time u may sort things out..

cherylx

Kimberly - posted on 10/01/2009

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get yourself a makeover and try new things in the bedroom. i know once you have been married 8yrs you have experimented alot in the bedroom but it can be as simple as necking at the movies or skinny dipping. try some new things and try some new things with your look, new hairstyle or color sexier clothes at least at home but it would be great to do when just the 2 of you go out b/c if other men look at you with appreaciation then your husband will also. crazy but true.

Tawanna - posted on 10/01/2009

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I am very sorry to hear this, but the first thing you must do is not fall apart and be strong for your daughters and for yourself, they are going to need you and trust me you are going to need them. I once have been in your shoes and through support within my family and friends I was able to gain strength and get through it, speak with him and see if this is something worth saving, seek counseling and if this does not work then you known you have tried. I wish you the best of luck for you and your family. Your family are in my prayer

Jessie - posted on 10/01/2009

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Sit down together and remind eachother WHY you fell IN love in the first place. My husband and I went through this when our daughter was first born and things are going much better now. We just reminded eachother how we fell in love and pray for God to guide us in the future.

Anna - posted on 10/01/2009

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Been there done that know how you feel. Best thing is to give him his space. If you love him let him know that. Tell him if has someone else it's better to let you know that instead of just saying I fell out of love with you. I hope things work out for you but do what's best for your children, it's not good for them to live where there are differences.

Trish - posted on 10/01/2009

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Be honest. Are you still "In love" with your husband? That "In love" thing takes a constant recreation of the relationship. My hubby and I have fallen in and out of love several times in the last 24 years. We have learned to notice the symptoms when the romance is waning, and we take steps to rekindle and stoke the fire. We just celebrated our anniversary on a cruise ship while my mom watched our two teenage girls, and we came back like newlyweds. In other words, take heart. You are not the first couple to go through this. It is not insurmountable unless you or your husband has already completely given up. Some things that keep my husband and I close are: regular adult dates, whether it's dinner and a movie or a walk with a Starbucks cup; we acknowledge each other for mundane things, like I thank him for being a good dad and he thanks me for doing the laundry (every week!); we talk about dreams, things we'd like to do, and we are each other's best cheerleaders; we snuggle on the couch to watch a little TV about once a week, and I tickle his arm or he runs his fingers through my hair. These little things keep our family unit a strong, stable place for our kids to grow up in, and those extra touches make being married a lot more fun. I hope you and your husband find your own ways recreate your relationship. Feel free to use some of ours, or come up with your own. Hopefully, some day you will be offering your little techniques for keeping the fire burning to another couple in this particular boat. :-)

Debbie - posted on 10/01/2009

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Here's an important thing to consider. 'In love' is chemical. Its excitement and passion and butterflies and the 4th of july! In love will ebb and flow. NO human being can stand the highs of 'in love' every day forever. Just as it does and will ebb, it will also flow with a little patience. What is more important is the 'just love'. The trust, the confidence, the team-work. The sitting in the living room after the kids are down and talking about everything or talking about nothing. The 'best friend' part of the marriage. If any part of THAT is still there, you have a chance to make this work. But you both have to acknowledge that SOMETIMES its ok to not be 'in love'. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be fireworks. Sometimes it nice to just simmer a little, or even sit quietly doing nothing. Best of luck and hang in there. Blessings!!!!!

Tamica - posted on 10/01/2009

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I am sorry to hear that. I will pray that god gives you the strength to deal with that and the patients to deal with that and your kids....HOWEVER..... if he has known that for a while why is he just now telling you that? He knew that last week when he was intimate with you...He is playing games, if you have known him for 10 years and been married for 8 why is it that he has taken so long to tell you. He should have told you in the beginning. It is not like you all are dating you have 2 kids together and each other well. My advice is to keep your eyes open and don't be so naive that you think that it can't happen to you...watch your back and his

Krista - posted on 10/01/2009

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Oh my, that had to be the hardest thing you have ever heard. I am sooo sorry!!



You know, I read once that sometimes couples feel like they have fallen out of love because the so called spark has fizzled, the stress of everyday life has you feeling sucked dry, it being hard to divide your attention between each other and your kids and work, etc...And it doesn't help if another woman has been fawning over him. Men love to hear how wonderful they are and they love attention from a woman. I mean, we all like to hear nice things and get attention but you know men can be such babies about stuff.



I also read that most men never leave their wives unless another woman is involved. They dont like to be alone and they dont like confrontation.



I dont know if another woman is involved in this situation but you definitely need to find out. If he is willing to work on the marriage then going to counseling is really a must for yall and making the time to be alone more and go on dates. Rekindle the spark. I honestly think it can be done if there was true love between you once before.



Good luck sweetie and I hope this all works out for you.

[deleted account]

o-my Sorry to hear, that is something no one wants to hear, cause I've heard it before myself. But I didn't get the chance to try to do any thing about it after he told me, he left and within 3 months he died in a car crash. Maybe councelling would help if hes willing/ just time apart with no one else in pic. to think about things, Good luck... kathy

[deleted account]

o-my Sorry to hear, that is something no one wants to hear, cause I've heard it before myself. But I didn't get the chance to try to do any thing about it after he told me, he left and within 3 months he died in a car crash. Maybe councelling would help if hes willing/ just time apart with no one else in pic. to think about things, Good luck... kathy

Carolyn - posted on 10/01/2009

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If he wants out. You have to ask yourself, what is he being offered that he is not getting with you? I agree sex is not about loving someone. But if he has been talking to someone whom knows he is not happy at home; only trouble can follow. Sounds like to me he thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Did he not even mention the children, they did not get there on their own. That is going to destroy those kids and put doubt in every man they meet from here on out. I do not want him to stay just for the kids though. It has to be what you both want. I agree with talking but, the counsler is only going to have you say; what you should have said to each other to start with. I would rather it be private conversation just the two of you. Send the kids on a night with some one else and you two should hatch it out on your own. Because if you go to counsling and you run into something. The counsler won't be at your house to bail you out. If you two can not talk to one another then the relationship I fear is really going to go south for you .You have to trust, honor, communicate, care, worry, appreciate, respect, and then comes love. If you destroy the puzzle, you destroy the relationship.

Felicia - posted on 10/01/2009

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As hard as it is and as sad as it is I have alot of respect for your husband. He must still have some feelings for you. Alot of guys would of had an affair or started treating you badly. Atleast he came to you and wanted to talk about it. That says alot about you as a couple. Even if he wants out you need to seek counceling for you and the kids. A lomg time ago I told my husband if he felt he needed to move on just tell me and we would move on with out lives.No anger, no fighting. We've been together 35 years.

Donna - posted on 10/01/2009

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I can only say that I am sorry and that I will pray for you. Have you ever seen the movie FireProof? If not rent it or buy it and sit down you and your husband and watch it together. Also there is a song by Warren Barfield called Love is Not a Fight - it is an awesome song and you can look up the meaning behind the song on Warren Barfield's website. May God be with you and your family.

Cyndee - posted on 10/01/2009

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I've often quoted that Love is a choice. It is not a feeling. After the so called "spark" dwindles, it is up to us to make a choice to continue to find ways to love our partners. In the very effort to express love in actions, it sometimes cultivates a new level of love we didn't know previously could ever be with our spouse. I hope your husband will chose to love you without the feelings, and take the effort, (labor of love) to rekindle your relationship together. The sparks can grow into a flame again. Praying for the best for your marriage.

Jo-Ann - posted on 10/01/2009

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To love is a decision - we do not fall in or out of it. I think counseling would be an excellent idea, and also watch a new movie called FireProof. It is about how a couple resolved a problem much like yours. blessings...

Denisse - posted on 10/01/2009

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Im so sorry to hear this.. It's heartbreaking and something we never want to hear. Sometimes we take our relationships for granted (not saying this is your case) but I must say its mine. Thank you for your post because this is even a bigger eye opener for me. My boyfriend of almost 3 yrs tells me yesterday that he needed a break from us because Im selfish, he didn't say it in those words but thats what it comes down to. I think i got too comfortable in our relationship and I thought about "ME" more than him or us.. Im so use to being independent and having control in what goes on and what decisions are made and I haven't let him put his part in.. and when he does i shut him out or convince him otherwise.. He is the man of my dreams, the one i want to grow old with, he is great to my 14 yr old daughter and for any single mothers out there, you know how hard it is to find a good man to bring around your kids. I have nothing to complaint on him.. He gave me a eye opener and now you have even more so, I talked to him yesterday and I hadn't realized how i was behaving. I promised to work on it. I pray you 2 work things out. I wish I could say more but im still learning myself. Much Love Denisse

Big Mama 2 - posted on 10/01/2009

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Dear Kate ---- 10 year is just as bad as 7 year itch He has not fallen out of love with you ------ It is just he is reaching a new phase in his life and does not know how to greet and enjoy it. Believe me 4 husbands and 58 years of life later I finally figured it out with hubby #4 which I have been married to 30 years now.

Maybe the anniversary is making your husband examine his life with you. Sometimes it is a matter of maturity. LOVE is not a feeling to fall in and out of-------Love is a decision. Sorry but there is another Kate at the 10 year mark that could save her marriage but she does not see what Jon's needs are He has been very explict Stop criticizing, start encouraging, do not make decsion on your own. Of course her arguement is ----we are all adults, you should see life is hard on me and just step up and do what needs to be done.

Jon went to counseling that said you need to be happy--- so he is pursueing validation as a person Kate thought counseling would not help.



My advise go to a marriage encounter week end, seek counseling, get help now!!! It really is not that complicated. Unless he is a real douche bag that is so self absorbed that he thinks marriage is suppose to be in the "honeymoon" mode always ---- Or you are so wrapped up with other obligations and issues that he feels left out -----Your marriage can be saved. There are lots of tools Clergyman, counselors, use to build a marriage again---- marriage (like hopefully all of us) evolves. Guess what! IT gets better!! when you learn that it is you two first and all the rest later --- the blessings and rewards for these times is abundant beyond compare. Find a way to communicate your needs and expectations now!!! I do not mean to say your marriage is like Jon and Kate's every marriage is different. But what is really really cool is when you learn to love one another again and again because each phase of marriage love is deeper and more meaningful than the one before. The best thing you can give your children is a solid marriage for those children to hold on to or push off of ---- Make the marriage first priority or earn yourself out of it. .......looks like a lot of people replied that have been there and agree------ if you wanna talk one on one I am here

Courtney - posted on 10/01/2009

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whats love got to do with it???!!! is this his way of asking for the D word?? if so, love is about responsibility and it grows because of the hardships and trying times we go through. what is love??? to most people, its something they have built up in their minds about another person. a lot of people think infatuation is love.. or perhaps an interest..countries that have arranged marriages have a much lesser divorce rate then here in the usa. marriage is supposed to be to help each other raise children, when you really think about it. try finding out his intentions. you cannot change his mind set about his beliefs. if he wants to continue (as hard as this may sound) i would try doing silly little things like flirting and playing...playing hellps to strengthen bonds and relationships...start a food fight for the heck of it or smack him with a towell randomly and run like heck...do something fun! please remember you have children and the terrible things a divorce would do to them... hope this works...been through this type of thing myself before...good luck

User - posted on 10/01/2009

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Do you guys have a church home? That is very important to have a foundation in a marriage and these days marriages don't have the foundation of God anymore. If something is not built on a foundation, it will fall. My pastor teaches yhat love is an action word and it is a choice. Pray, honey. God is the all-powerful and He can restore those feelings again. Don't give up. Are either of you saved?

Valerie - posted on 10/01/2009

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wow...that's a blow in the heart...giving you mixed signals i think....does he spend alot of time on the computer?...he work late?..ask those questions to yourself?....be strong!!!...remember not greener on the other side hope he can realize that...

Terry - posted on 10/01/2009

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No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE



Even in strong marriages, we all have periods where the glitter wears thin. Being "in love" isn't quite the same as loving. It's not all about being "twitterpated," as Disney called it. It's about honor, respect, and sometimes putting one foot after the other to walk though the hard stuff. Is your marriage faith-centered? If so, pray...both of you....for one another. I heard recently that when God is the third party in your marriage, (use the image of a triangle, with God at the top) the closer you get to God, the closer you also get to one another. I'm praying for you and your husband, Kate.

Janet - posted on 10/01/2009

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my marrage broke down after 8 yrs and it was the best thing that ever happend to me i have been on my own now for over 4 yrs but i have a better job than i would ever have got whist with him and i have gained so much from being on my own its wonderfull don't think of it as an end use it as a time to re-discover you and find what you need and want to move forward with your life.

DOROTHEA - posted on 10/01/2009

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Now is the time for you to go to God and ask Him for help. Go to the word what you need to understand that God told the man to love his wife as he loves the chuch. He told him that because men do not know how to love. And for women to submit to her own husband which we as women have a issue doing (this was so hard for me). Do seek counseling but also add God to your relationship. I will continue to pray for both of you and this relationship will work. The reason I said this because I had to go thru the same issue and we are still here it has been 22yrs for us. May God be with you.

Shannon - posted on 10/01/2009

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The two of you should sit down and watch the movie Fireproof together. Love is not a feeling, it's a choice. All relationships start out romantic (the honeymoon phase), then they move on to the reality stage, eventually it becomes a resentment stage (where the "feelings" of love are gone), and then finally the rebuilding stage. What he needs to understand is that this happens in EVERY relationship. If he starts over with someone else, he will eventually find himself in the same place, but with broken pieces all around (the kids, you and himself in the wake). Find yourself a Christian counselor that will help you rebuild your marriage and not a secular one that is ok with a divorce if "each partner isn't getting what they need." Fireproof is really huge though. We just went through a couples retreat that was based on it, and there is a Love Dare book at Christian bookstores that will help you take what you learn from the movie into practice. You also might want to get the book from Dr. Laura called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It helped me see my husband in a whole new light. Don't give up. Pray!!!!

KEMBA - posted on 10/01/2009

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i really feeel your pain but with GOD all things are possible so all am saying is to pray an see if you all can get help from your church pastor talk thing over dont an try to make thing work out for the sake of the love that you all share i have you in my prayers ok keep strong

Wa-nona - posted on 10/01/2009

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When man tells you something about themselves they are really telliing you the true which is rare in my opinion. All I can tell you is pray and ask God if the man he gave you worth keeping or just let him go.

Maria - posted on 10/01/2009

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Wow, what a bomb to drop! I'm sorry to hear that. Is there any way the marriage can be salvaged, I mean is he willing to go to counseling with you to find out what and where your marriage had gone wrong and how to mend it if there's still a chance? If only for your peace of mind, you'd also want to know why. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I rather find it disturbing that he just decided that he wants out because he realized the spark's gone. 8 years into the marriage, of course the spark's not always going to be there. The honeymoon stage settles and us couples will have to work the spark into the marriage every so often, specially when the kids arrive. There must be a more deep-rooted reason why he wants out, and you'll have to keep grounded for your sanity's sake and your children. Good luck and my prayers are with you!

Missy - posted on 10/01/2009

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I'm going thru the same thing. I never thought to post it on Circle of Moms. I've been dealing with this pain all by myself. Thank you to all the Mom's who responded to Kate, it has helped me tremendously. Kate, I feel your pain, my husband actually moved out, I kept badgering him for answers & all I got was "I don't know" I need more time", then I realized if I backed off & gave him his space it might help. I did that & slowly he is being receptive. I texted him the other night & asked if he would like to have a date, he said "Sounds Good" he needs a little more time but he would call me. Two wks ago his answer would have been No. There's light at the end of the tunnel, if you can bear the pain, you will reach that light. Good Luck

Holly - posted on 10/01/2009

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I am sorry that you are experiencing this pain, I understand as I have gone through a similar experience. Let me tell you that sex has litle to do with love for most men. I would advise you to potect yourself financially. You have to look out for you and your girls. If you can get him to go to counseling and try to work on the marraige tha would be great. I have known couples that have made it work with help. Hang onto your faith and use your support system Church, friends, family. You need to have people around you who can help you through the rough times.

Leah - posted on 10/01/2009

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Wow! Start praying! You can ask him to go to counseling, and try and save your marriage. If he has been seeing anyone else he is thinking the grass is greener on the otherside, and it is not always that way. You need to seek a counselor and what ever may happen you will at least be heading in the right direction.

Sally - posted on 10/01/2009

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Kate,
I know you've gotten a bazzillion responses to your post, but I too thought I might encourage you. I'm a believer as well. My husband is a pastor and we've been married for 15 years and have 3 young girls. We've all gone through times when we question our emotional love for one another as a husband or a wife. I'm so proud of your approach and response to your husband. Listen to him, love him and pour yourself into him without worrying about being reciprocated. That is what Christ calls us to and he knows you and your husband better than you know yourselves and he also knows what makes a marriage work. He is the CREATOR of marriage!

I'm so happy to hear that you're going to seek counseling from your pastor. I hope that he in turn refers you to someone who has in depth knowledge of biblical marriage counseling.

Lastly, BE ENCOURAGED, I know that this is devastating and feels dark, but working through this only STRENGTHENS your marriage. I'll be praying for you sweety and if you need anything, or just want someone to pray with please don't hesitate to email me salogris@gmail.com

Wanda - posted on 10/01/2009

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You are not alone, my dear. And take heart ... this can be solved, and he can "fall in love" with you again. Marriage is not only the feeling of being in love, it is a commitment. It's a "bridge over troubled water" commitment. He needs to realize that's what the commitment is for ... getting you to the other side of the trouble, and moving on again - "in love" again. Unfortunately, what's he's feeling is common, but he's taking a very immature approach. Counseling with a good Christian marriage counselor (and get referrals) is the best thing you can do. Also, Dr. Laura Schlessinger has some great books out there that would address many possible problems in the marriage that may be leading to the feelings of "falling out of love". They are "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". Read them ... and have your hubby read them too - if he will. Be positive - and do your homework.

Sexy Sizzle Ha Ha Renee - posted on 10/01/2009

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OMG babe I do not wish this on anyone. Make time to sit down, and have a serious talk about the next step after this BOMB shell.



Questions like ????

Do you want this marriage to work?

What do you think would happen to the Children?

Should you tell the Children also or just keep quiet about the ordeal? NO you should not keep quiet the Children could tell when something is wrong!

Go see your pastor or preacher for guidance also!

I will keep you in my prayers I hope this work out for you both just Talk it out, and if necessary see professional help.



Sincerely,



Single Mother of 1

Karen - posted on 10/01/2009

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Kate,

First of all, I am so sorry. Do you think that there is someone else? I am sure that this did not happen overnight. The fact that he seemed interested the other night confuses me. I would just ask him what happened for him to feel this way. God Bless

[deleted account]

I have been there and done that. My husband of 27 yrs. came to me and said he had fallen out of love with me. He said he loved me and will always love me but not like a husband should love a wife and that wasn't fair to me. It's funny and I still can't explain it today, but I was not mad at him. I was hurt deeply but not mad. Unfortunately these things happen. After about 3 days of soul searching, I told him I didn't want to be married to him anymore. He was very distant and didn't want counseling. So I took the next step and filed for divorce. It was a very cordial divorce. Today he is a wreck. It's been 6 yrs. and he has been in this black hole ever since. He doesn't have a very good relationship with our 3 grown children which tears me up because we were a very close family. BUT in retrospect.....I think my marriage was worth saving....the good out weighed the bad. If your husband is willing to go to counseling, that would be great. My husband wasn't willing to work on the marriage. So I walked away. I wish I had stayed and fought for my 27 yr. marriage. Try what ever you can first before making any decisions.

Good Luck...

Annette - posted on 10/01/2009

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He's not going to be living. around how old is he i think when men are between 24 and 30 yr. there still kinda of lost . then when they hit 45-50 the same thing goes on

do you have a close friend around because he could just be cheeting or testing the water. but for yourself always look ur best and remember u have two girls so don

t let them see you fall. always have a great attitude like everything is just about you and the girls if he wants to leave let it go because he wants you to feel like you need him.

and i know it really hurts but you need to be strong and life still goes on . because let me tell you a man hates to come home to an empty house when you have it all

don;t let him get the best of you.

Kate - posted on 10/01/2009

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id try getin a new look n try wering sumthink sexy 4 bed itz worth a go or u could try sitting him down an sayin how he 1st felt wen u both 1st met your 1st kiss an that i hope it all works out 4 u good luck xxx

Joye - posted on 10/01/2009

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Dear Kate,

What a shock! You need to care for yourself. Try to find some time without the children when you can think and perhaps talk with him.

At the same time, you might consider consulting a divorce lawyer. I know it's hard to think of that right now, but it's possible he's having an affair.

Of course, the best thing would be to work it out with your husband and keep your family united. Dating again (arranging care for the children so you are alone) might be an answer. But you do need to protect your interests also.

Best wishes,

Joye

Suzanne - posted on 10/01/2009

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I sympathise Kate as this happened to me with my first husband after 8 years when our children were only 2 and one. we did try for ages to bring the spark back but with two little ones I found it very difficult to see that he wanted any thing other than just more sex when in fact, he wanted more time with just us. Try suggesting dating each other again - sounds strange I know - but take time out once a week if you can afford a sitter or have family to look after the kids to do stuff you used to before you had the children. It has worked for a couple of my friends who felt like old married frumps after kids as they settled into family life and forgot how to have fun with just each other. If I had known about it before, I certainly would have tried it ..



good luck

[deleted account]

I am very sorry to hear your upsetting news. I sympathise with you as I had the same thing said to me by my now ex-husband. In my case it turns out he was having an affair which I didn't find out about til after the divorce. No wonder he wasn't keen on counselling or making any effort to rekindle the lost love. I am not saying that will happen to you, but if you talk to him and ask to go to counselling, or to have date nights, more time without the children etc, if he says no, then don't push. Maybe have a temporary break so you can both work out how you feel with the new situation. Maybe hubby will decide he misses you and the children too much, and the love can be rekindled by absence. I know it hurts, and I hope things will work out for you. As for me, I ended up marrying my soulmate, so I ended up far better off than when I was with my ex. Good luck with whatever happens, and I pray that you have the strength to get through it all.

Maureen - posted on 10/01/2009

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I am sorry to hear that, you sound like you still love your husband. I have been married for 28 years now, together with my husband for 31. We went through this as well around the 13th year though. It was a shocker I can tell you that. When he told me I was upset at first and then pissed off. How could he do that to me kind of thing. For weeks we slept in seperate beds and our girls (12 & 6 at the time) were starting to notice things. I think that is what made us realize that we either put an end to it or start working at our marriage again, we started to work again and we are still at working at it. It is always a work in progress. I agree with what some of the other Mom's have said talk it through, see what he really means and even though we didn't go through counseling, I believe it really works for a lot of people. If he is willing to work it through but is hesitant about going to get help for it, you can always go yourself, but it is better if he is on board as well from what I have heard. Good Luck and I hope it turns out the best for you.

Barbara - posted on 10/01/2009

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Quoting Kate:

My husband just told me he has fallen out of love with me.

We will be married for 8 yrs. on the 6th of Oct. and we have been together for 10 back in April. He sat me down last night and poured his heart out telling me that the spark is gone and that he has fallen out of love with me. He doesn't know when,why or how. He said it just happened. We are intimate at least on the adverage once a week, which I thought was pretty good for having two girls 7 and 2. He just initiated it last week while I was trying to make dinner. I just don't know what to do. HELP!


Try this site, Kate. It should help you: www.marriagebuilders.com

Barbara - posted on 10/01/2009

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Quoting Tina :

First of all LOVE is not a feeling - it is a CHOICE !!! I have learned a lot over the years, and I have learned that men, MOST of all are visual , drawn away from what means the most to them by the looks of other women ... which is funny to me because they do not realize , no matter where they are or who they are with, most women are the same ! You can move to a new house but the grass still has to be mowed !!! Most men do not make this kind of move unless there is already another woman !!! The sad thing is she will never trust him because if he will leave you for her , then he will leave her for someone else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not a time for you to feel sorry for your self , I know it is hard but you have 2 girls who are watching you especially the 7 year old !!! Be wise !!! Do not cling to him !!! Let him go !!! Do not take it personal !!! Men do not relate sex to love !!!!!!!!!! He can have sex with you all day long and not love you - he is a MAN !!! And No he does not love you or he would not do something like this to you !!! Hold your head up and pack his crap !!!!!!!!!!! This is NOT a time for tears !!!!!!!!!!!! This too shall pass and you will come out stronger and wiser in the long run ...


This is very true. Well said, Tina.

Renee - posted on 10/01/2009

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I am sorry for any woman to have to hear that. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 3 of those years. We do have three beautiful children. About 6 months after our 3rd child was born my husband sat me down and told me the same thing. " I have fallen out of love with you". I know how you are feeling. After much counseling and with the grace of God we work through our situation and now are more in love with each other than ever before. I am sharing this with you to give you some hope. Hang in there and keep your faith in the Lord and all will work out, no matter the outcome.

Barbara - posted on 10/01/2009

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my husband told me same thing after 23 years of marriage, and dating 5 years prior to that, and two teenage girls....and we were intimate every other day. Then I found out about 3 affairs he was having...so, go figure.

Tina - posted on 10/01/2009

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The spark isn't meant to stay the same over a decade. If he is willing to try and get help do it. We have been married 17 years and there is still spark but over the years things change, he needs to see those changes as good not bad. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I think he is confused, if he really does not love you, then he is leading you on by having sex with you. I have a friend whose husband suddenly came out with that he had not been happy for the past 5 years of their marriage. She is ok now, and i admire the way she has got on with her life, she's a brilliant mum, and even though her ex's new girlfriend is now expecting his baby, she is never bitter and copes so well.

I could not be so forgiving!

Would your husband go to Relate with you? Does he think the marriage is worth trying to save? You really need to sit and talk with a qualified councellor and get to the bottom of whats going on. At least then you'll know for sure, and make a sensible decision as to the way forward. I really feel for you, you must be very tearful right now, and i feel sorry. Wish i could make things better for you xxx

Amy - posted on 10/01/2009

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Be patient, steadfast and most of all prayerful. Counselling can be helpful. I also would not rule out separation. It will allow him to see what he really misses. Good luck, God Bless.

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