My husband, Porn and Women!

Kayliecia - posted on 08/17/2011 ( 209 moms have responded )

343

84

103

Hi Everyone- I married my husband when i was 16 years old, and we have been married for 4 years. We have 2 Beautiful kids together and i wouldn't give them up for anything. Since before i was married we had troubles with porn, or him talking to women, my sister was one and he lied about it and finally told me after we were married. We both have done stuff to each other but i have not done anything and he just keeps on talking/looking at other women. A year ago i put K-9 Web protection on the computer because i wanted to know what he was doing, about 3 weeks ago i seen that he was on adult friend finder and he said he was just looking, i had finally told him enough was enough and i wanted to separate because i though he was talking to other women and seeing that i only had proof that he was on the website i do what i always do and look at the good in him, i said okay well if it happens another time i am definalty gone. Well he has been doing alright however one day i seen him looking at Animation crap of like naked cartoons and stuff. I don't understand? He hasn't been looking or getting on websites. But i think that I've been hurt so much that i just am sick of everything and i just don't care anymore like i think i can be hurt and hurt and i'm starting not to even care about him. I don't know. Just venting i guess..what's everyone else thoughts? Please everyone read my other posts throughout the conversation.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tiana - posted on 08/19/2011

5

0

0

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 with two girls. I can understand what you going through, the frustration, betrayal, etc. I have been there myself but with my first fiance.

I have a very good relationship with my husband and we are very open with each other, he tells me about his male conversations with his friends, etc so I have a pretty good insight into the male mind.

First off let me just say that ALL men look at other women, some are good at hiding it, others are not. It is natural to be curious or excited and there is nothing wrong with it unless they take it to the next extreme of actually talking with another women sexually or acting out, sending photos, etc.

My husband looks at porn, not because he is unhappy with me but there are times when we cannot be intimate together. I bought him a subscription to playboy last year so he would leave me alone while I was pregnant because I just wasn't happy about my body and did not feel sexy at all.

Men are physical creatures, they express their love not by words, or emotions but by physical means. So if they are not getting enough sex at home they still need to satisfy that need, thus the use of porn. It is much better than the alternative of them seeking another "real" woman.

So my suggestion is, if you want him to stay away from the porn then you most likely need to have a physical relationship with your husband more often.

Probably not the answer you were looking for but it is the way men work.

My thoughts are put your kids first, divorce should be the last option. Talk to him. He is hiding it because he knows it makes you mad, he doesn't want to upset you, which is a sign that he respects you but his physical urge is so strong he has to do something if he is not getting enough attention at home. It is tough when you have kids but you just gotta find a way. The day after my husband and I are intimate, he is so happy, in such a good mood and I can ask for anything I want of him...if we have to go a few weeks for whatever reason his mood changes and gets snappy without even realizing it. Its how they work period.

Dalaimama - posted on 08/19/2011

7

0

0

Reading your post was so painful for me. I've so been there. My first husband and I married very young, after being together from the age of 14. Unfortunately I made excuses, looked the other way, and bought his lies and excuses far too long...16 YEARS. The thing is, this behavior does not just go away. There is absolutely NO good or innocent reason to even be "looking" at websites like adultfriendfinder and such. The ONLY reason for a person to look there is to hook up with someone or shop their potential opportunities. What's wrong with men like this? I think by and large it's an ego issue and an "I missed my sowing my oats days" mentality. They HAVE to see who they can hit on. Who will accept them. Who will sleep with them. Who will flirt with them online, whatever. Their egos and manhoods are stroked by it. And there's no "backing out" or "innocent checking/flirting" about it. When they start going down that rabbit-hole we call the web looking for nasty stuff and hookup sites, it's over...they will succumb to temptation because they just have to to feel macho. 16 years of messing around "flirting" with people he shouldn't have, making cover stories, talking his way out of trouble. 16 years of finding more hidden porn. In print, on the computer, locked in the trunk of his car...To this day I STILL do not know how many people he cheated with, etc. All I can say is that a man who KNOWS how you will take his behavior, how it will hurt you, and who is willing to risk his family over that kind of nonsense is definitely worth having second thoughts over. "One more chance" all too easily becomes another chance, and another chance, and another "one last chance" until you suddenly realize you're caught in a cycle and have wasted your lifetime and happiness on someone who just doesn't respect you or want to change. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but in hopes that you will find happiness...either without him, in a healthier relationship built on respect, or with him....after he gets counseling for pornography/sex addiction or marital counseling in general. Based on what I've learned in counseling, your husband's behavior is typical of someone with deep insecurity issues, and whatever his best intentions may be, the situation seems out of control....and you helping to make excuses can be enabling to the problem. And hiding things is typical behavior for someone with this problem....if he's hiding it, even HE knows he's doing something wrong. If you want to try to save this relationship, please, please, please, get help soon. He may be a fabulously great guy otherwise, but this is a problem that can only get worse without intervention. *hugs*

Alissia - posted on 08/19/2011

8

9

0

I, personally, believe looking at porn is immoral, but that is beside the point--addictions of *any kind* hurt individuals and hurt families.



And whatever "insight into the male mind" people may try to offer you, if your husband is addicted to porn (which it sounds like he may be) or to the feelings he gets from seeing it in a video or to getting to be desirable to other women then it is about SO much more than having more physical intimacy with him. He has a problem and needs to get help for it.



And while there may be triggers for his behaviours, you do NOT need to take responsibility for his addiction. It is NOT your fault. HE needs to take responsibility for it because he is the one making the decision to do those things. If you are as hurt as you sound, then you both would probably benefit from counseling as well. Trying to reconnect as a couple--not just physically, but emotionally too--is the thing that will sustain you both in this process. Also, I know there are LDS churches (and probably others?) that have free porn and other addiction recovery programs that you don't have to be a member of the church to take part in.



It will be a hard road, but, basically, if he is willing to work on it and you are willing to support him and hold him accountable as he does, then why can't things get back on track for your relationship? Good luck!

Lavern - posted on 08/19/2011

3

94

1

While reading your post, I thought about something a dear friend told me. She has this theory, a woman's maturity level peaks at whatever age they have their first child. I wonder if it's the same for men?

You guys married very young, in my humble opinion, and I think sometimes we forget that not only do women mature faster than men, but our maturity peaks at the age we have our first child. If you have a child very young, you go from being a child to a mother/father - you disengage childish things and strive for adult things. While that's a admirable, you still relate to the world around you as a 17 or 18 year old - no matter what age you are.

Probably what's best for all parties involved, especially your children, is you guys may need to separate and grow. Neither of you have had the opportunity to explore and experience life.

Keep in mind, your husband is doing what other guys his age are doing - whether married or single. You are ready to be married and have a family, but in all honestly - based on his actions - is he?

I don't want this post to sound as if I'm saying leave your family and get a divorce. What I am saying is you both may need time apart to grow up and experience life, without the weight of being mom/dad, husband/wife. Maybe then, you and he will realize being a family is what's important. And if it during that time, you guys see that separate is better, that's a lesson learned.

I do wish you guys the best and maybe if my suggestion doesn't work, someone has one that will. Best of luck.

Ainsley - posted on 08/19/2011

23

11

0

the older i get the more secure i am in myself and i think your ages have alot to do with it hun .... is your hubby your age ??? ... is he doing what any regular 20 /21 year old is doing at that age??? i had a porn issue when my hubby watched it without me .and was being sneaky...( now its probably me watching it more than him and i tell him about it too...lol..).... lol.... now i dont care at all... its about the confidence you get from your hubby... my hubby makes me feel like the only girl in the world ... BUT ..... we are animals and have sexual curiosities..... its natural for people to talk to members of the opposite sex..thats just human ... we cant tell people who to talk too... thats not fair... my hubby has heaps of female friends.... and i have heaps of male friends.... and we flirt with them like crazy ., but theres never a fear he will cheat etc.... he loves me for me ..... men love sex and all that comes with it ... he is NOT comparing you hun .... he just likes to look ... and like some of the other women commenting ... i do believe that if its an addiction then that can make for big marriage problems... if my hubby or i did it constantly ... and was obsessed then i would seek counselling.... and go from there ...xxx good luck hun... and i personally dont see porn as degrading or immoral...... its just sex on film .... thats all....

This conversation has been closed to further comments

209 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 08/26/2011

26,640

36

3891

OK, I have locked this thread twice now, if it gets unlocked again I will be deleting it entirely.

Thanks
Jodi
WtCoM Moderator

Johanna - posted on 08/26/2011

1

0

0

i had the same problem with my husband i finally had all i could take and called the police the took the cmputer and tol him if he get cought again he will go to jail for a long time so fsar so good i called it tuff love. god luck if you want to talk let me know johanna

User - posted on 08/25/2011

1

0

0

I would leave him caue that's crap that he's lookin and talkin to other women while he got u and two children he should be happy :) if he can't see that he needs a HUGE wake up call.

Nadine - posted on 08/25/2011

8

9

0

People who matter dont mind and people that mind dont matter. I think what you are doing is trying to save your marriage no matter what. I can relate and only you will know when its time to go or for counseling. I would not be sleeping or having sex with anyone else but him b/c he could turn the tables on you or you could get a nasty disease. Take it one day at a time and if and when the time comes you will do what is best for you!! gOOD LUCK

Natalie - posted on 08/25/2011

1

0

0

When it comes to porn I'm totally dead against it, coz I think why do they need to watch it when they have a partner... I had same prob and I told my partner about it, that I don't like the fact that he's watching it. And I don't understand why he watches it when he has me. Well when I first mentioned it he smashed all his DVDs up in front of me, but that did solve anything coz I noticed he's been looking at it on the laptop. I brought the conversation up again, and all I got was, why does it matter if I watch it its only porn, which I replied coz u have me and it makes me feel sick to kno u enjoy watching it. So I played him at his own game I logged into a porn site he noticed it and he questioned me just how I question him, so I said it not nice knowing ur partner is watching it ay... But it hasnt stopped coz now he watches it on his iPad instead so I don't notice, but I have... I don't think u will ever stop ur partner from watching porn, that's just men, iv tried telling my partner but I'll be telling him how I feel about it till I'm blue in the face. Think its just something ur gonna have to deal with, but he shouldn't be searching people, that's a def NO NO in my book..!!!

Isabel - posted on 08/25/2011

1

6

0

Your situation is not a lost case. I too been in this situation before, but thank God my husband seek help. Don't just continue to deal with this situation please get help, PORN IS NOT OK ! It hurts and bring alot of distrust in the marriage. My biggest help was God ! God cares about you, talk to him about your hurts and pain. As He help me thru my situation, He will Help and see you thru your situation. Today my marriage is base in trust and respect. I will be praying for you. May God bless you with strength and wisdom !!!!

Sal - posted on 08/25/2011

1,816

16

33

"i like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, i'm not into health food i am into champagne"....i don't remember how old this song is but i am pretty sure it was definatle pre internet and pre internent dating and internet porn....and about this almost exactly, a guy (or girl) falling for thier lovers lonely heart add.....

go get the councelling,

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2011

8,686

26

318

Kayliecia, could I recommend that you start a new thread based on the infidelity or intention of infidelity thing? I think the whole porn issue has people way off track and you may be missing out on some wise advise in amongst all the silliness.



If I were in your shoes, I would back track on the not going to counseling comment. You could just say that it was "in the heat of the moment". If he wants to make this work, he will go to counseling and make an effort. My parents married young (19 and 20) and needed counseling to make it through. You need to figure out how to grow up and change together. If you don't do that, even if he doesn't cheat or look at porn, you could find yourselves growing in different directions. You need to learn skills that will help you through this. Even if he can't change and put you and your family first, the counseling could help you deal with your stuff and move on successfully.

Kate CP - posted on 08/24/2011

8,942

36

754

Jeanie: Since when is an adult man looking at legal pornography an issue for the police?

Vickie - posted on 08/24/2011

1

3

0

I think it's sad that you are having this problem. I was in a long drama filled relationship until finally I ended bases on s little problem. Not to be confused with a big problem we have had. I think time will tell you what is right or wrong . If you have to wAtch constintanty ; then he is not for you. Some men are for themselves and I don't think anyone lust or cheats to hurt there Partner they do it because they are all about themselves instead of the relationship . Maybe a marriage councler would help .

Jeanie - posted on 08/24/2011

8

9

0

let the police take care of this call them get the division that deals with on line porn they will need his name email address and they can catch him and bust him

Jeanie - posted on 08/24/2011

8

9

0

Plan your next move wisely keep your children close you can entrap him with the police call them give them his email address and they will track him and bust him you will be in the clear

Nadine - posted on 08/24/2011

8

9

0

Hi I understand you are stuck due to circumstances beyond your control. Do you have a support network of family and friends? I feel for you and understand where you are coming from. I dont like porn at all, its disrespectful of women. Perhaps counseling or intervention would help. Maybe staying with a friend or family for a few days could too!

Jenni - posted on 08/24/2011

5,928

34

373

I wouldn't start writting it off as an addiction yet...
It sounds more like he has issues with infedility, not that he's suffering from an addiction. He wants to have his cake and eat it too and if he can get away with it, he will.

Looking at porn doesn't equal addiction. It's something 88% of men do, as recent studies have shown.

He has issues with faithfulness, honesty and selfishness. And by allowing him to continue you're only condoning it. I'm assuming you two are young? were you young when you married? This is common issue with young men (and even women in some cases) they lack experience and feel they're missing out or they've had to give up those experiences. Especially, if he has a lot of single friends and sees them out having fun without any responsibilites or commitments.

Kate CP - posted on 08/24/2011

8,942

36

754

I think you both got married way too young and I think you both need counseling. And yes, I married young, too. I was 20, married the guy I had been dating all through high school. And you know what? We needed counseling as we got older and grew up.

You're both playing games and people in secure, happy marriages don't play games.

Dori - posted on 08/24/2011

4

23

0

Your not stupid, I understand you love him Do you love him enough to force him to get help? You need to find help for you first, than taalk to him and tell him you love him but can't live with this. Please don't think what he says is him it isn't the the addiction, that is the driving force and it will get worse. manipulation is the name of the game" if you do this we will be better". I'm sure he loves you, but addiction has nothing to do with love

Jenni - posted on 08/24/2011

5,928

34

373

If it were me, I would have arranged a place for us to meet (as the fake girl) and if he showed up... I'd be waiting for him with divorce papers in hand.

But that's just me...

Kayliecia - posted on 08/24/2011

343

84

103

Everyone, i think im one of the stupidest women on the planet of the earth, so i told you that i was on a fake email account pretending to be someone else, and he was talking to me back. Anyways i was waiting out for our counseling appointment, and i ended up giving in once again and we went back into our normal destructive relationship. when we were having sex, he ended up telling me that he wanted me to have sex with another guy and come back and tell him, and said a bunch of other things, and i gave in and told him that I just want us to be open and talk about things (no secrets) and told him forget about counseling, forget about everything else. Now, i think the whole reason why i did this is because i wanted to feel accepted by him, feel wanted, and not fight anymore. I shouldn't have done this and im just in a rut now. Im like totally lost. Some women on here were saying give him more, watch porn with him, and the porn isn't really the issue its the fact that he talked to my fake email and still tells me that he knew it was me talking to him eventhough he was going to meet up with this "Fake" Me. i know he loves me and i know people are going to judge me according to this post and i know im stupid for doing that.

Brandi - posted on 08/24/2011

3

1

1

I'm glad you decided on the couseling. We have all given our opinions, including me, but in the end its you and him that have to live together and be happy. I really do hope that everything works out the way you want it.

DeAnna - posted on 08/23/2011

1

4

0

Maybe you can set limits- watch a little porn with your man- you are both young and he has desires- He should not be seeking other woman- but if you meet him 1/2 way you may find fun, intimacy and a more trusting relationship- married 12 yrs 2 kids

Marie - posted on 08/23/2011

1

0

0

Oh this makes me so sad to hear. Every woman deals with this. Don't take your advice from random strangers. Get the advice of a professional or someone at your church. If the advice doesn't sound right then get a second opinion.

Rosie - posted on 08/23/2011

8,657

30

315

i LOVE porn, but it definitely has it's place, and time. it becomes a problem when one is using porn to much, and it starts to interfere with your sex life.
i'd also like to point out what jennifer did. when i am on a porn site, the adult friend finder automatically pops up. it's not something that you have to go to to get on. so i doubt he's talking to other women, and even if he is, they are interactive porn stars doing stuff over the computer, not people that you ever get to meet.
i guess i'm trying to say that looking at porn is very normal for some people. it is for me, and it is for my husband. it isn't a problem, because i don't let it be one and he doesn't either. i think sometimes women have unrealistic expectations about men and their masturbation, lol. my husband masturbates a lot, always has, always will i assume. i don't very often, i just don't feel the need.

as for talking to other women, what exactly is he saying to these other women? can you clarify that before i try to answer that?

Tammy - posted on 08/23/2011

33

3

0

Let me start by saying it sounds like some of the girls n women on here have been always secure in there relationships n that's great for them! But it's very hard to give advice to someone if you haven't been where they are. I have several times! First it comes from how we were raised it's still the belief that we should bow down to the man n the man is always right but today's society is trying to teach is that isn't the way it is so we are confused!
Then we get married at a very young age to get set from a controlling father to end up in a mans arms that promises us all the love and attention we didn't get from our father s
Just to find out soon after we are married n have a child n our body changed he wants the newer better version so he looks at porn ag first then moves on to see how far he can get away with. Depending on how much we can take some of us stay n let them have many sexual encounters some of us get divorced n repeat the cycle until we figure put what it is! We crave them to want to spend time with us, to want to be with us, n the fact is they arnt built that way! We have to start making our selves happy and making them chase us! I didn't even know my husband of 6yrs even loved me at all, my health has been so bad I honestly felt he was just waiting for me to die because all he talks about is when I do he is going to buy a rig with the life insurance policy! But the other day we were at the IA state fair looking at campers n I sat in one n the sales guy really young n cute I might add just sat n talked to me n my husband wanted to leave I thought it weird when all the rest we spent tons of time in. Later he brought it up by saying why don't you go ask your boyfriend! That was the first time in 6years he has ever even shown even a little bit of attention to me!
The porn thing makes me so angry! The way I see porn is you have the teal thing right here why do you need that, exspecily if i have been begging for some action n not getting it n catch that crap going on! Bit guys r taught that is good I know with my hubby he seems to think that trampy fake boobs, fake nails, gross fake lips n trashy hair is hot n I tell him it's not real n he gets mad! It's so gross what they think is sexy n what surgerys have done to girls!
Set him down n tell him your serious n regardless of your religion read One of Joyce Meyers books they helped me a lot when I was going through this n my health issues! Maybe start with "start your new life" or "conflict free living" whatever you choose she talks a lot about men a women n how we choose different things! Best of luck!

Jenni - posted on 08/23/2011

5,928

34

373

The 'adult friend finder' is an automatic pop up to many porn sites. I see it all the time when I'm cruising for porn. You have no control over it poping up. It's just an annoying sponser site with the red background.

Dori - posted on 08/23/2011

4

23

0

I just read several comments on your ability in your bedroom, I can't stress this strong enough. It does effect your marriage. the man has to always have more and the women ( if she gets involved) she will never feel she can ever be good enough. And this is a problem that doesn't easliy heal. You need help the addiction doesn't just go away.

Jesica - posted on 08/23/2011

4

9

0

Ok, I am going to look at this from a different perspective and PLEASE don't get mad...I don't mean it to be judgemental. Maybe your husband is doing this because he is lacking something in your marriage. Some men are not addicted to porn, they just need to feel connected to something & if he is not getting it from you he will look elsewhere. Have you ever considered talking to him about why he does it?? Maybe it fullfills a fantasy he does not think you will want to try. I know for my husband even though we see each other everyday, we "sexy chat" online as our foreplay. We also will role play and pretend we are other people. Maybe he is bored in your relationship and just needs to spice some things up. If you still love him and you are just frustrated with his behavior, ask him if there is something new he would like to try...or maybe just suprise him!! you could always really suprise him and buy a video to watch together, you might even enjoy it!Good luck honey & I hope it all works out :-)

Jessica - posted on 08/23/2011

1

0

0

i wouldnt be worried about the porn more so the adult friend finder. ive been there and he will just find better ways to hide it. sound like you need to do the best for you and your kids.

Jene - posted on 08/23/2011

23

46

1

Hey hun,

Just a few thoughts....maybe one night when your children are in bed, tell your hubby that you are going to the bathroom, hide some sexy lingerie in there and emerge all sexy...maybe do a little dance for him.....maybe that will put a spark back in your relationship, you are you young and you do need to have fun, and seeing as you can;t go out as you please have a little fun at home!
Men (especially young men) like to watch porn, maybe for the excitement, but also maybe to get some tips in the bedroom, maybe suggest to him, that you watch one together and play the scene!

All woman are different....some are jealous and some are laid back (to a point) I personally am the latter type, If your husband is merely looking for friendship in these woman, then I don;t see anything wrong with it!
I believe in the saying 'put a dog on a leash and he will try and run. Try and give him a bit of space, but lay down the law as well. You love him dearly and i am sure that you don;t want to leave him over this.
Maybe sit down with your husband and have a chat about how you feel, but don;t forget to ask him about how he feels about it all!
Try and build your friendship with him, see if your parents/friends will look after your children and go and have a good time with hubby....maybe do role play ask him to take you out on a date! (like first date) Get that spark back big time
Thinking of you and i really hope that you can sort the situation out.

I don;t believe that your husband has an addiction for porn, i think maybe he would just like some excitement!
Good luck hun
xx

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/23/2011

4,455

6

379

Call me blind but I must have missed the punch line, where is the joke?

Right now 23 people have clicked funny…so what is funny? Maybe they need to re-read the OP again.



it seems to me that his looking at porn is the icing on the cake so to speak. You said “We both have done stuff to each other but I have not done anything and he just keeps on talking/looking at other women”



I don’t think he has made his apology feel genuine and did not really get your trust back and then you find out he is looking at porn.



This is more then looking at Porn. You say your sick of EVERYTHING and your starting to resent him.



Well you will have to reevaluate what you want from him, what your willing and not willing to put up with and if you will continue to feel as miserable as you do.



If you are giving him your all and trying your best to do right by him, but he is not doing the same…then you have a few choices to make.



You can write him a letter stating how you feel and what you want from him…and an ultimatum

I don’t think looking at porn is wrong..my man does and its because he likes it.



However it is wrong when it is consuming his time, he is neglecting you and your sexual needs…ect.



I truly think there is more to it then just the porn…..

But I hope you work it out.

Jodi - posted on 08/23/2011

26,640

36

3891

Ladies, this is a serious question from the OP where she has genuine concerns. Please don't disrespect how SHE feels about her situation by marking it as funny as it could be considered offensive where it is not intended to be amusing.

Thank you
Jodi
WtCoM Mod.

Johnny - posted on 08/22/2011

8,686

26

318

Pornography is only a problem in a marriage if one of the people in the marriage has a problem with pornography. Either the porn fan is letting it take over their life and ruin their relationship or the other party is upset by their partner's porn use. For some couples, it is a casual thing one or both of them does occasionally and neither has a problem with it.

I really have to add to Sal's comment though... who in hell is marking the OP funny? There are clearly some twisted people around here.

Dori - posted on 08/22/2011

4

23

0

It is addiction. There are places you can go. Addiction to porn is no different than smoking or drinking. Go on web site called "Celebrate Recovery" I have to add I have been married for 43yrs. And anyone who says porn is not a problem in a marriage doesn't know what their talking about. You can get through this together if you want to, it does take alot of work on both sides.

Racquel - posted on 08/22/2011

1

2

0

Pornography is all around us and it's just sad that it grips most of man as it really is in our DNA, sex and physical attraction is a human grain, your husband's weakness is also Samson's weakness, so is bill's and richard's. I think the only way we can fight this human weakness is thru spiritual help. You need to bring your husband and entire family closer to the Lord, deepen your relationship at the spiritual level. Then u have a higher level of defense to keep your family intact. Amazing how we easily think of resorting to divorce that easy because of our human nature, we are just so weak. Seek the guidance of the holy spirit, divorce shouldn't be an option at all. Your husbands down time is the time he needs you the most and you shoulldnt be leaving him at his lowest. Afterall you pledged when you married him in sickness and in health, in richness or poorness till death do you part. God bless you and will pray for your family to be intact forever....

Ashley - posted on 08/22/2011

2

13

0

and to add to my post from earlier, I got with my fiance when i was 18 and he was 28, had my daughter at 19 and we've been together for 4 years now.

Christine - posted on 08/22/2011

1

19

0

Hello there, we have some things in common. I also were with my husband since 16 and been married for 12 years I have twin boys that are 3. Mine was always on the computer and doing whatever all night. There is too much to type but I will leave you my email if you want to call me and I can tell you my story and see if I can help. Lets just put it this way, he is now in Ohio with his girlfriend and has a new baby. We are in the middle of a divorce and theres alot in between. My name is Christine and my email is Christine42908@Yahoo.com. Mine is a liar and alot of other things but I think we are similar so let me know if you want to chat.

Kayliecia - posted on 08/22/2011

343

84

103

I will be going to a counselor, or a sex therpist everyone! and i will keep everyone updated on my situation so everyone knows! how its going and possibly help other ppl in this situation as well. We will be at a counselor on the 25th. And as for my husbands age he is 27 years old.

Tiffany - posted on 08/22/2011

1

8

0

My theory is 'I would rather have him look at it, than have him look for it.'
I say you get the kids down and watch it with him once. It's amazing how much fun you both can have.

Carolynn - posted on 08/22/2011

5

10

0

A man who continues behavior which upsets his wife and the mother of his children is not treating her in the loving way a partner deserves. The fact that he is hiding his behavior and lying about it when caught is not mature behavior. It appalls me that so many women want her to do lap dances and other things which she's clearly not comfortable with.
His behavior is his issue. The fact that she is uncomfortable with the behaviors is enough for them to end.
I agree that some couples engage in sexual behaviors that others won't. The fact of the matter for Kayliecia is that she objects, and he won't stop. Which means he won't respect her. Above all, she needs and deserves respect from her partner and the father of her children. Absent this, she has the right to seek help.

[deleted account]

Just because the guy looks at porn, does NOT mean he needs professional help, my god, seriously people just because he's doing something YOU don't condone, doesn't mean he needs professional help. Just talk to the guy, and ask him about it. Ask him what he likes about porn and see if it's just feeling aroused, or because he's into something specific on the pages he's going too. Want to spice it up? talk to him sexy on the phone or IM some dirty messages. Be that outlet he seems to be looking for.

Sal - posted on 08/22/2011

1,816

16

33

ok i will ask again.....why is this funny 22 people said its funny WHY???? A young family are in crisis and people think it's funny....can someone who marked it funny please elighten me....i'm sure the op wasn't giggeling when she posted..

TAMMY - posted on 08/22/2011

1

11

0

Porn is an adiction, he needs proffessional help. If he wants to keep his family together he needs to get some proffesional help.

[deleted account]

Everyone has different opinions on porn. I'm okay with my husband looking at porn, completely okay. Adult friend finder sites throw up a caution sign in my head. I don't care how into sex, and the female body a man is, if he's trying to chat with other women about sex, and cybering with them, I'm definitely against that. Looking at porn, to me, is a whole other thing. He's not thinking "wow, I wish I could be with her" he's thinking about sex. Her hoo-ha is what's getting him riled up, not her. If by chance he's sitting there -talking- to someone else, then what SHE is saying to him, is what's getting him riled up, not the goods.

So porn for me, yah okay, whatever floats your boat. sex friends, cyber friends, or any act of sexual feelings friends, not okay. I would be more concerned about the adult friend finder page over the porn.

Tobie - posted on 08/22/2011

17

2

1

Do you have any family you could stay with or friends?? I know it is hard but you will be MUCH better off TRUST me!!!!!

Mary Gail - posted on 08/22/2011

33

5

1

This is an addiction, and men are extremely visual. This turns them on in many ways and is difficult to "beat." What about completely disconnecting the internet in your home? Tell him this is what you want and need. See what his response is. This will speak volumes.

Danielle - posted on 08/22/2011

1

1

0

My husband did the same thing, look at sites online. Didn't think it was too big a thing until he meet and starting hanging out with people in real life and hid it from me. I would keep a close eye out.

Megan - posted on 08/22/2011

6

3

0

I look at anime porn, not often but it is interesting and arousing to me. My boyfriend also looks at porn and we have both just checked out dating websites before just out of curiosity. Not so seriously find someone else. I am 24 and my bf is 26. We have been together for 4 yars and we have a 2 3/4 daughter together. We have both cheated on eachother in the past. And now have more of a trust for eachother because we decided to get through what we did wrong to each other and go past it. I honestly wouldn't be worried unless he was refusing to have sex with you, spend time with you, or even willing to talk to you. Or if he was watching porn everyday. I honestly think you are unnecessarily stressing your self out.

Stacey - posted on 08/22/2011

3

0

0

Kayliecia, after reading ur post I find it very amused I have seen n heard of relationship similar to ur and sum marriages/relationship went down hill because of the spouse mishaps r bad understanding......my advice to u Keyliecia are this a man like excitement in they sex life with they're partner not just sumbody just lay there n act dead u have to put sum spice into it take n give him a lap dance wear sumthing nice n sex even let ur hair down n make ur face up show him dat he dnt need to watch porn / women cuz he have it live in his own home tell him he's the director n ur the actor......Keyliecia he's not happy with ya'll sex life u can't be like plain Jane u have to show him exclusive things n watch how things turn around for u ...........wishing u well
Stacey Wilson

Carolynn - posted on 08/22/2011

5

10

0

Kayliecia - your husband has an addiction. Addiction to porn is one of the addictions most resistant to treatment. Those who advise you to be intimate with your husband more often have placed the cause on you. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAUSED. Nothing you have done (or not done) is causing this. Unfortunately, those closest to the addicted person are the ones who pay the biggest price.
You and your children need a break from him, and you need therapy to help you deal with your betrayal. Think of your children - do you want them growing up around this kind of influence? Do you want to live with degradation?
I know this will be hard for you, but seek help at the nearest women's resource center. You will find the respect there that you need to gain your strength and your sense of self. Please seek help. I care.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms