My husbands friends are immature

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My husband has a couple of co-worker buddies that are completely immature, I feel like his mother because I tell him I don't want him to hang out with these people. I don't want him acting like them because thats NOT someone I married. These men (or boys) draw on him constantly, yesterday he came home with the natzi symbol drawn on his head on his bald spot.. He has also came home before with private parts drawn on him, stickers stuck all over him, perfume sprayed all over him, etc. They talk about how he should have slept with other women because he has only been with one person his entire life (me). One of the workers even said something really disturbing about mentally handicap people that is too offensive for me to post. I love my husband and he's a good man, but how do I go about this? Do I just let this happen? I've tried talking to him about it and it doesnt do anything, and I hate to nag all the time about it but it's a big turn off and I never want my son acting like them.

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Allie - posted on 02/23/2010

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If that were my husband and his buddies, I'd be pissed! Nazi symbols and private parts? Are they twelve? I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but the only advice I can give is just seriously sit down and talk with you husband. Maybe ask him how he'd feel if your son/daughter came home with that sort of stuff on them and were hanging out with those types of people... I bet he'd feel pretty mad/bad if it were your kids or you. Some time you just have to lay things out like that (at least with my husband) and also I know for a fact they never actually grow out of it, but some stuff (the natzi symbol) is so inappropriate that people can easily lose their jobs for that (and have lost their jobs for less). Good luck, wish I could be more help.

Brandi - posted on 02/23/2010

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maybe it's time for your hubby to find a job where they hire adults??? I understand men can be jackasses when they get together (some of my husband's friends have some questionable senses of humor as well, but nothing like what you are describing). But at work, they all act like adults. My husband's coworkers come to work with DISGUSTING "jokes" that I don't find at all amusing, but my husband thinks they are funny. Whatever, but anyway, maybe he should try a job a chuckie cheese or something. at least the children who come in could provide him with some stimulating conversation and a few more mature "jokes" lol good luck.

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2010

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Your definately right in thinking they are acting like children. I am assuming these men are single or divorced cause I don't think I could put up with that type of behaviour. It's a hard one, your husband is probably going along because he doesn't want to look like a tight ass to these guys....but what he needs to realize is that certain things are just plain inappropriate. I know men talk about sex & women behind our backs "guy talk", but for him to repeat that type of thing to you is inconsiderate. I would just let him know that you understand his need for being one of the guys....but that there needs to be a line between fooling around & being a responsible role model, husband & parent. It's awful what peer pressure can do...even to adults. Good luck!

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Kris - posted on 02/12/2014

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Pathetic! LIghten up. Maybe its because you act like such an old granny he needs friends like that. People, don't listen to these self righteous woman and never grow up. Do what makes you smile and Eff what anyone thinks. And not to mention that if your wife tells you not to hang out with people you enjoy, she's selfish and doesn't have enough of her own friends. No offence lady but, to everyone else besides these 3 other boring comments you sound like a whining baby who needs to let go of whatever jammed the stick up you proverbial rectum and have some fun. If a dog runs in 50 circles in a backyard and you don't like spinning in circles. Do you stop the dog from going out?

The truest sign of maturity is learning to smile when OTHERS are happy.

This is disgusting....

Sharon - posted on 02/23/2010

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augh.... here's the thing... he's hanging out with people who degrade women, degrade him, act the maggot in general.

He's ok with this?

Either he is the town idiot who is willing to take any attention over no attention or he actually believes what they are saying.

I'm sorry, I don't believe you when you say he would never do or say these things. Because its one or the other. Either he's an idiot or he believes it.

Then he comes home to what? Tell you all of this? He's a pig.

I would lay it out in plain terms...

1. these men don't respect women, they don't respect me (you) because they encourage you to drink, draw on you and talk trash about women in general. They're encouraging you to sleep around with their constant references to being with multiple women and putting you down about having been with one.

2. These men encourage bad behaviour. Behaviour that has the potential to get you fired from your job. The nazi symbol would have been an instant fire cue at my business. You need this job to feed & clothe your son. If its ok with you that we all starve, then we need to rethink our relationship.

3. Real men don't sit by while jerks run their mouths. They speak up and let it be known that they won't tolerate BS.

what you demand from him in the light of all this information - is up to you. But my husband would have two choices if I were in your shoes - man up or I'll be the man and no one is going to be happy.

[deleted account]

I really don't know if it's bullying or not, I really hope not. My husband is a little immature, but it's something I can put up with because his immaturity is nothing major. He's just into bad jokes really, I think most men are somewhat immature. But those people he works with.. their immaturity levels are awful. What worries me about my husband is he doesn't get bothered by what people do/say, and I know you shouldn't care about what people say about you but there is some instances when it should bother you. And your right, none of them have a family. They don't want to settle with just one woman and one guy has been married several times, his most recent wife just left him because he cheated. My husband would never stray, and never say anything degrading about women or children. He's a great man, I just wish he could pick out better people to be friends with and act a little more mature because hes married and is a father.

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2010

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I'm wondering the same thing as Jodi...I'm not sure if they are bullying your husband or just using him as a plaything. He's the one being tattooed, stickered, etc. He's a novelty is what it sounds like because he has something they do not - a family to come home to. I'd ask him if it is worth keeping people like that as friends. From what you have written, they do not sound like his friends at all. Ask him how he would feel if his son was treated the same way, would he think they were friends to his son? There is a difference with friendly joking and teasing, but they sound like they really are being mean about it.

Jodi - posted on 02/23/2010

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I'm wondering if there is some workplace bullying going on here? Or is your husband a TOTALLY willing participant in all of this? In which case, its not just his friends who are immature.

[deleted account]

First is he participating in this behavior as well? If not I wouldn't worry about it a whole lot.

Denise - posted on 02/23/2010

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My thing is as long as he isn't being this juvenile when he is with you, let him have his fun. If you get on his case about it too much, it is like you are parenting him and he is a grown man and then he may start acting like a child if you are acting like his mom

Andrea - posted on 02/23/2010

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I would tell your husband he can act like that if he wants when he's out with his friends, but don't bring that inappropriate behaviour home. If his friends are over, your husband needs to tell them to respect you and your son.

Martina - posted on 02/23/2010

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I don't know, but I think you should ignore his friends and their actions and focus on things that you like and admire about your husband. Hope this helps

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