my kids won't stop fighting and i have had it . iam to tryed to care

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Carmella - posted on 01/09/2013

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I have the same problem , my girl is almost 10 and my son just turned 3. my son tells everyone to "shut up" grandma grandpa people at the store he doesn't know. it's so embarrassing. times out work but as soon as its over its starts all over again i've taking favorite toys away . nothing works. my son also likes to hit kick pull hair throw objects that can really hurt someone. he even threw his toy car at my mom and hit her in the face. he didn't do it because he's mad he just thinks its funny. he thinks everything is a joke. believe this, a 3 year old bullies a 10 year old? my girl is sitting on the couch reading a book and he just goes over to her and pulls hair, kicks or hits her or even throws things at her. I think he likes people reaction to it . i've tried getting my daughter to completely ignore him but it never turned out good. I work full time and I am just so sick of coming home to hearing kids fight over nothing just because he's bored. I got a bunch of toys for him painting coloring and things to keep him busy but all he wants to do is follow his sister around and pick on her. I dont know what to do!

Kathleen - posted on 08/08/2011

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It is so good to read all of your posts. For one it's great that i'm not alone, but i'm sorry that you all are dealing with similar issues. I am at my wits end! I have two kids..5.5 and 3 who fight constantly over everything. My daughter is very sensitive 5.5 and my son just 3 won't stop saying the word shut up.....which in my world is a bad word. I tried time outs, taking toys away, ignoring the behavior.I feel like i reinforced his behavior because I reacted strongly to him saying it.I just feel like i'm loosing control! My husband and I both work full time and have very limited time with our kids, and when we are all together, someone's crying, fighting, pouting, whining and I just want to run and hide! I'm exhausted! I usually don't share my stressors and I think that by holding this all in, i'm starting to bubble over!

HollyJo - posted on 11/12/2008

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My two oldest, 6 and 3, fight night and day. I can take things away, put them in time out, and nothing works. I would think saying stop a million times would get into their heads, not yet. I hope it's something they will out grow but remembering back to when I was a kid my brother and I fought until high school. I enjoy my evening so much that I tend to put the kids to bed as early as possible..lol. Theres not to many breaks for me right now...

Your not alone!



=) Holly

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Elizabeth - posted on 11/13/2008

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Thank you all , its nice to know iam not alone and not completly mad yet..lol. Its been a much better day today .

Andrea - posted on 11/13/2008

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Hi there everyone, I am new at this....anyway I have 3 boys,ages 9, 5 and 18 months and I am a stay at home mom. I swear my boys don't ever stop,and I feel like I am always yelling at them.I hate to yell but I can't help it.I have taken things away,time outs,but they just don't stop and I am scared that my 18 month old is gonna start being that way.......any suggestions??

Linda - posted on 11/12/2008

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You're kids might be sensing all this, as well. Instead of looking at the fighting, try to see where each one is coming from. Asking, What are you feeling?, Why are you feeling this way? can help. It's an important step to learning about oneself and how to communicate it better in the future. Non-violent communication can help your children understand themselves and others better.

For yourself, asking these questions and then giving yourself empathy can be a real big help in itself. Sort of like patting yourself on the back and saying it's okay to feel this way and letting it go. Also, I just started to read http://www.thework.com Byron Katie teaches you how NOT TO OWN a thought that makes you unhappy. Because sometimes there are things just not under your control and you shouldn't allow that thought to destroy you.

These tools have helped me be a stronger person and grow in patience with all my family members. I can only change me, not anyone or anything else. In changing myself, I grow and become stronger.

I can totally relate to being too tired to care.

Hang in there! I think you've found some new friends and support out here!
@-->--Linda

Elizabeth - posted on 11/12/2008

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i would love to hit her but why should i be as low as her and belive in karma , and you know what men are like why talk?

Lisa - posted on 11/12/2008

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I read the article that Jodi posted and it is a good one. I have a 6 and 3 yrs boys. They like the same things and fight over the same things....It is very trying. I stay at home so it is a long day when they are both home together.,..

Good luck girls.



PS - Stay strong Elizabeth....It is called KARMA and it will bite them both in the A** one day....Keep smiling

Lisa - posted on 11/12/2008

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Now about the other issue. I am sure seeing this other person everyday, makes you very angry. I would loose it too. She was never a true friend to you, I know you and your husband are trying to work it out, but having her there everyday is just adding salt to the wounds. Are you guys in counseling? Are you both open to whatever the outcome will be? What things are you doing for yourself to make you feel special. Yoga, nature walks, facials? Sometime to yourself to clear your head really gives you clarity. Whatever the turnout, just know you are a better person and deserve to be treated that way!

Lisa - posted on 11/12/2008

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I have 3 bosy almost 6, 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. So we have ALOT of energy at our house. I find that my middle and youngest, feed from my oldest. So if he wants to run around, then the train begins. Having enough sleep does definately help, give them different projects (crafts, coloring, puzzles) to do together,have them compliment one another, teamwork is key. If any of them acts up, I have them tell me the rule, in our house it is to be nice to each other, no hitting, pushing, name calling etc. and if they do it then they are in the naughty spot ( a quite corner near the couch, out of sight from the others ) for 5 minutes. Then if that does not work, there favorite toy of the day will be taken away, remove a favorite activity from the day, etc. I am the only girl in the house, so I demand to be respected! This is the only way my boys will understand how to treat other people but have a respect level for women too. I also watch super nanny alot! It gives me an outsiders view of how I can help control situations, before I get out of control.

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2008

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Sounds like you just need a break from everyone!!!:-) Make sure to try and take care of yourself...wish you the best...being a mommy is hard enough without all that junk thrown in.

Hollie - posted on 11/12/2008

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that is awfull. There is no way I could look at that woman everyday. I think I would just loose it on her one day. Kids are tough.......I never thought it would keep getting harder, but it does. Today I put christmas music on and kept them really busy with playdough and art stuff. That put me in a better mood. It will get easier one day we just have to make it to that point.



Hollie

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2008

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I am in the same spot right now. I have gotten to the point where I take their toys put them in a trash bag and put them with the trash. Later when they aren't around I put them where they can't see them. then when they are good and had earned a right to have one back they get one at a time, but if it happens again it really goes in the trash. Also, with my 4 year old, we have started making him earn dollars, if he cleans his playroom, helps his brother or helps us he earns dollars or sometimes just change and his attitude has really gotten better. I think it makes him feel like a real big boy.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/12/2008

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i just think am going mad , if iam not at work iam at home . my husband shaged my best friend and have to see her every day at school so even thought we are trying to work it out she is always there . and my kids just won't stop ,two are at school but my two year old just won't stop

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2008

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I hear ya! It is enough to throw any sane mommy over the edge. My boys are almost 6 (in December) and 3 1/2 and also argue all of the time...this morning it was over sitting on the couch and I couldn't begin to count the number of times we "race" or fight over the crazy door!!!! They do get alone time since my oldest started kindergarten, but it hasn't seemed to help. The more sleep they get the better they are (they go to bed very early too!):-)

Here is an article that I read that really gave me some insight and helped me step back to see what I could do to help instead of saying "stop it" all of the time. I have definitely tried to foster communication and never let them get physical. There is a no touching policy in our house if we are arguing:-)

http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/0_man...

Not sure if the link will work...good luck!!

Jodi

Hollie - posted on 11/12/2008

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I feel the same way. My five and three year old have been fighting none stop. It is driving me crazy!!!!! It seems all I do all day is just try to get through the day so I can put them to bed. I find staying really busy is the best way to deal with all the fighting. When they are bored they have more time to fight.

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