My sister married my Molester.....How do I Cope? :(

Gabriela - posted on 11/14/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My sister was pregnant and married at 14 years old and her husband at 19 years old. My mother was a single mother (now deceased) and worked hard and was not home. My sister ran around with this guy and got pregnant. My mother threatened to throw the guy in jail unless they married since they wanted to be together. I was 10 years old at the time. I was molested from 10 years old until I was 15 years old. I was really scared and hurt because I trusted him. When I was 15 I lived with my sister and I got enough courage to tell her. She said I believe you and then gave me a hug and I went to bed. The next morning she grabbed me by the hair and drug me our of bed and beat the crap out of me with her husband. They packed my things and threw me out on the street and beat me in the street. I told my mother and she believe my sister and my mother beat me and called me a whore. My sister decided to put this aside and I moved to be closer to her. We had a good relationship for about 2 years. Then about 2.5 years ago her husband threaten to hit if he saw me because I told him that it was rude to have my dad who is old wait in sun for him. I told him if he hit me I would put him in jail and i am not scared of him anymore. Since then my sister has not have contact with me for 2.5 years and is keeping her children from me and wont see my child... this hurts me. What should I do :( When I told my high school teacher they called the police and sat with my sister and my sister, police, school and her husband yelled at me for lying to them. This torn me down. I am 30 years old now. Can anyone give me advice on how to cope. Please

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Holly - posted on 11/14/2012

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i would distance yourself from her and her family... you are not alone in all of this... but keep an open hand for her to hold if she ever does find out the truth... you have done what you can, and there is nothing else you can do. but one day when she finds out the truth, she will want to come to you and you have to have open arms to take her back and forgive her.

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Queen Of My - posted on 10/24/2013

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I am so sorry you had to deal with that! I believe you - and it's such a shame you didn't have support from people who are suppose to believe you above all.
I agree you should distance yourself and seek professional councilling. But I wonder, what are the ages and sex of his children now? A molester usually doesn't have one victim an maybe it will bring you some peace and/or closure if you are able to stop him from hurting anyone else.
I know this sounds very extreme - but Dr. Phil often does shows to help families in similar circumstances. He also provides you with a lie detector test. Putting him on national TV and having a professional help you reconnect with and forgive your family isn't a bad idea. Of course the down side is airing your business on national TV.
The alternative and much less invasive approach - would be to have a polygraph test done for yourself and send the results to those who didn't believe you - including the police - and press charges - or invite them to reconcile with you in therapy.
Your relationship with your sister can't get much worse so it's worth a try.
Most importantly, know in your soul, that you are not at fault, did nothing wrong, and are a victim. Don't let anyone convince you other wise. For yourself, your own wellbeing and all the other women that have had to deal with the same treatment as a victim - be strong now and fight back!

Gabriela - posted on 11/14/2012

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Thank You "Little Miss cant be wrong". When I was in high shoal I told my teacher which called the police , child services and my sister and brother in law. We had a round table with the principal and they all told me "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE YOUR SWEET SISTERS HUSBAND OF THIS, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED". That has forever broken me that know one cared. I later called police and social services and they dropped it because they said my sister said I was crazy. This really hurts me. My children were never ever allowed to be alone with him. When I visited my sister I got a knot in my stomach when he was around and he would make comments like "wow you grew up sooo pretty" Im thinking to myself "Oh God.....I cant take this crap". I am stuck because he has 2 daughters and a son. He molested me infront of my niece when she was like 2-4 years old while she was sleeping. I do believe he did this to someone else but they are scared. He is a 6"3 350lb Dominican Man and has been in jail numerous times. I am 30 years old now and I still struggle with this because i miss the children and my son misses them too. I want to protect there children I have called CPS but they always drop the case. My sister tells them that I am crazy and they buy into in because she is pushing me away so that way I don't tell the kids to much of what happened. I feel like I failed as an aunt to protect my nieces and nephews. Im really lost

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/14/2012

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Oh, and to answer your actual question on your post, the only way I could cope is by bringing him to justice.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/14/2012

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He cannot do a thing to you. You can do a hell of a lot more damage to him. I worry about any other children he has done this to, including his own if he has daughters. He cannot just have the kids taken from you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/14/2012

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Wholly crap. Just move on. Don't bring your kids near this man, and the sister that enables him. I am not a person that would forgive something like this, or could possibly move past it. Take care of yourself, and heal the scars anyway that you can. But I can assure you, if you continue any relationship with these people, the wounds will never heal. Tell someone about what has happened. Someone in authority. Get it on record. And don't speak with them again.

Gabriela - posted on 11/14/2012

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Thank you Dove. I have been wanting to cut her off but she is not speaking to me. Its me that wants a relationship with her and the kids. Im very sad. I remember her husband telling me "If you ever tell anyone they wont believe you and i will take them away from you" this haunts me very day.

Dove - posted on 11/14/2012

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Cut yourself completely off from her and get yourself into counseling. If she ever does realize the truth and leaves him... THAT is when you can start to rebuild your relationship with her (if you choose to). Until that time all you can do is try and heal yourself.



I am SO sorry you went through that!!! :( ♥

Holly - posted on 11/14/2012

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just leave her alone, i know sisters are supposed to be close, but maybe just let her go, and forget her for a while... let her come back when she realizes that this man may molest her kids

Gabriela - posted on 11/14/2012

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I asked her to give me a lie detector and she said No. I asked her is she asked her husband and she said No. I asked why and she said because she doesn't want to deal with it.

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