my son being abused by his father

Kasey - posted on 02/10/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my son was recently abused by his father because my son wasnt babysitting his two younger siblings so his father and his gf could play video games... any advice from anyone whos been through this would be helpful.. i got a releif from abuse order and we have a court date for it.

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Susan - posted on 08/15/2013

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my sons dad an I share our son. my son comes back and he is out of control emotional wreck he tried to put his mouth on my two yr old penis an put his fingers n his butt an is very mean to my 2 year old this mostly happens when he come back from his dads. I have call children n youth services in pa and ohio iv called state police in ohio and pa no one will help I balled my eyes out to the judge n pa told him how my son told he he don't want to sleep in his bedroom because a monster comes n his room I said what does the monster look like he said its a worm n I have to kiss it on it head to make it go away! the more I bring this up with my ex the more he fights back and says I beat my son cys keeps getting involed n just throughs our cases out they think my ex n I cant get along and we r making stuff up my ex says they only way he will stop is if I get back with him!!! someone plz help my baby I don't know what to do! I cant pay a lawyer I can hardly pay rent!! I don't lead my son to say my dad. I ask y do you do that he says my dad does it! no one will listen someone plz help me!

[deleted account]

This is for Edna - as far as talking to your children - thats all good - depending on their age - but if there is abuse going on - KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THE ABUSER !!!!!! There is no if's, and's or but's about that until he can prove he has changed & can handle his anger & maybe pay attention to the child instead of the girlfriend.

[deleted account]

If your child has been abused by a parent or other person - you keep them away from them period - want it to happen again? - The child I adopted was not physically but mentally & emotionally abused by both his parents - we still have a problem with his dad calling him & screaming at him about what a bad kid he is & he is 15 - again - I dont know how old your child is Kasey, but do everything in your power to protect your child/children at all costs!!! I know its hard - the one we are having trouble with isnt biologically mine - but he is mine now & its hard. Keep your head up & I will be praying for good outcome for you & your family.

Julie - posted on 02/10/2010

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As someone who has been a foster parent and who has adopted 3 abused children, I have to tell you get the kid in counceling!!! Even if your son shows no signs of needing it, get it. It will build up if you don't. As for legal advice. If it comes down to it get DCFS involved if the court system looks like it will fail in protecting your child. DCFS will help a parent in these cases. I don't know what state you live in, but in most states once a child is 11 years old the court lets the child have a say in who they live with. Your son my show signs of anger. He may get mad for what seems like no reason. He may get depressed. He may act unnaturally happy. He may hold it in and have it all come out in one big blow up. Every kid is different. Every kid has their own personality. Therapy is a must. But please make sure you get a good therapist. Make sure it is someone who specializes in children who has suffered the kid of abuse your son has. There are a lot of bad therapist that believe that to medicate a child is the answer. Make them numb so they can't feel. All that does is make it worse. Because at some point it will come out and show its ugly head. It best to deal with it now while your son is young and still under your guideance. There are a lot of excelent therapist out there. Do your research and find one who will take the time to work with you and your son and not just want to take the easy way out with pills. Best of Luck!!!!

Heidi - posted on 02/10/2010

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I am so sorry... I have never been in your situation, but my sister has. She has 3 girls and is divorced. At the beginning the girls would visit their dad, and only 1 would come back with bruises. My sister called child services and informed the court. They did order him to anger management and parenting classes, but then he just became more aware - so he found a different way to abuse. He made my niece stand in a freezing cold shower for 5 minutes because she couldn't finish her cereal in the morning. This left no marks on the outside, but definitely impacted on the inside. My niece has a VERY good relationship with her mother. My sister has talked to her about the abuse and also got her the counseling she needed. She has tried to get the court to take the abusers rights away from him, but that has not happened. Instead, my sister (as well as the rest of us) has to sit back and watch...It is the most heartbreaking thing! All I can say is if the court won't help, keep trying! Eventually the voice will be heard! It is now to the point that if the cops have to be called one more time about this matter, he will spend time in prison (he should have already!) My niece is about to turn 10 (the abuse has been happening since she was 3) - she is WAY more mature than she should be for a 10 year old, but in a couple more years, she will no longer be FORCED by the stupid judge to see her father.

One of the "signs" that my sister noticed, was my niece acting up in school. My sister put her in hockey, she loved it and started doing better.. she finally had an "out" to put her anger - she is now in martial arts and is doing very well.

It breaks my heart that I can't hurt the bastard myself for what he's doin' to my niece. Keep your head up and report the abuse to the authorities as soon as u can... the more u report it, the sooner it should come to an end!

I wish the best to you and your family.

Edna - posted on 02/10/2010

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just a lil note for you as the mother, please remind your son, that what happen was very wrong, and that you are sorry, he had to go through that, but by all means did he do nothing wrong to deserve what happen, please do not avoid the conversation if the child chooses to talk about it, just reassure him, that it was not his fault and that things will change, and you will do your best to allow it to not happen again. always remember, that children learn from experience, so that he doesnt grow up thinking about this as bad behavior that is ok, you need to reassure him, of what could make it different and a more proper way of accessing the problem, tell him, what you would of expected in, and how you would resolve it, so that his mind is not inbeaded in the situation. and one more thing is by no means down the father in front of the child, use good judgment, when speakin of the other parent, it was not suppose to happen, it was not right, but we will fix it to make it better. thank you, and one more thing, make sure you talk to your lil boy, and see what he would like to come out of this, cause if you take all visitation from him, he may not be ok with that, and it could hurt him in the long run.

[deleted account]

I've not been through this myself, but I would say just be there for your kids. Boys tend to hide their feelings and he is probably feeling pretty let down by his dad at the mo. Just make sure he and your other kids know that they can rely on your unconditional love and support. They will need it, if their dad regularly behaves like that. Hope they are okay xx

[deleted account]

Keep him away from the abuse - that is completely rediculous - I can not believe that & how immature the so called father is - he needs to grow up first before he can be a father. Being a nurse - I do not believe he should be around him at all - keep the court date & make sure you go - not sure how old the boy is but if old enough he needs to speak up also at court.

Gloria - posted on 02/10/2010

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Abuse is a seriouse problem. I know many abused adults who have not been able to function properly in society due to the things they were taught through the abuse. it is very important for him to be in a safe invironment. I have not personaly been through this but i am married to one . I have been friends with abuse victums . Counseling is a must for both father and son. I would not let my child around the father untill he agrees to anger managment wich the court should order parenting classes and anger Managment. There is no reason to do that to a child. I love video games but my kids always come first. Good luck!!

Marta - posted on 02/10/2010

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Kasey i am so sorry about this. i have absolutely no tolerance for abuse or violence, coming from no where, mom's included. court the dad. everyt single time. give him no space for further abuse. i guess u can only care and nurture your child and if there is consequences in his growth get help. all the best.

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