My son has just suffered a loss as I have

Amy - posted on 06/16/2010

i am so sorry about your loss.. i am sure ur grandma was an angel of a person who watching u and lil Dax from heaven above..
i would have been devasted if i was in ur position.. i still cry when my grandma leaves me.. !!!
i guess u are doing the right thing by telling Dax tat she is in heaven with Jesus and that He is taking care of her like she took care of u... i think it wud be a good idea if u showed him pics of them together and ask him to talk about her .. when he is happy... u could perhaps divert his attention.. kind of associating the good feeling with something else ... like singing a nursery rhyme or something like... like that he will still love his grt grandmama and have memories of the fun times.
tell him that grtgrandmama has told him to be a good boy and that mommy and daddy are going to take care of him since she is not around... u got to be strong in front of him and talk to him ,,, never breakdown in front of the kids... coz then they start feeling helpless. since u are his mother and he doesnt really know anyone else other than u...
slowly memories about his grtgran will fade and he will only remember the good thing u associate her with..
best of luck with Dax... and i am sure u gonna be a good mommy!!!

Jacqueline - posted on 06/16/2010

actually my sister in law has ordered 2 picture books that are supposed to help with the issue too!

Kelly - posted on 06/16/2010

It is a hard concept for that age to understand. Why don't you go to the library and get some childrens story books on the topic. I know they have some and that might make it help a little. He still may not understand but only with the passage of time. One is called "Never Say Goodbye" by Lea Gillespie Gant. I am sure there are others. She tells the story with bunnies but one is the Grandma bunny who must know she is dying and is talking about a place, to her granddaughter, where she will go but there is no phone. there is no mail...etc.

Louise - posted on 06/16/2010

First of all I am sorry for your loss. Try explaining through childrens books. Contact your local Cruise or bereavement councillor and ask them to reccomend an age appropriate book. Other than that he will eventually stop asking about her as he is so young he will move on. Children are very resiliant to death and illness and seem to brush it off quickly.

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2010

If you laminate the photos he will be able to touch them at will without ever damaging the photos as well.

Jacqueline - posted on 06/16/2010

Thank you both Jennifer and Sherri! I appreciate it and will definately take the time to make the picture book! It is a WONDERFUL idea so later on in life he knows who she is and remembers her! I am tearing up just thinking about it! Glad to know that I can find HELP when I need it here. I have had this space for a while now and never really used it. I will most definitely be using it more often and probably every day from now on!

Jennifer - posted on 06/15/2010

I like the photo book idea. You can even make a nice, bound version through Walgreens online complete with stories. I would try to answer his questions as simply and honestly as possible. Please, allow him to mourn in his own way and time. Little ones like this will be sad for a while and then go off to play for a while. It's just how they process. Don't be surprised if he brings things up in weeks or months seemingly out of the blue. He may even throw tantrums, act out, or have new fears. He may be fearful of something happening to you or others he is close to. Just keep reassuring him and know he will process this in time. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard enough losing someone we care about, helping a little one cope is even harder when it feels like you can't fully explain it to him. Hang in there.

Sherri - posted on 06/15/2010

He is very very young. I would maybe make a photo album book that he can have of her. So he can sleep with it or carry it around. Because he is so young he will most likely bounce back very quickly.