My son has started having a horrible attitude, talking back and telling my NO everytime I ask him to do something or whines all the time. Its driving me crazy and being a single mother makes it some what harder. Any suggestions?

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Claudette - posted on 04/01/2009

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Hang in there!  I would try the, "if you don't get in any trouble for 1 month, you'll get X, Y and Z."  Hopefully that will teach him that good behavior does get rewarded!

Anne - posted on 04/01/2009

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Hi, First of all, You are doing the right thing by being consistent. Although I am the mom of two grown daughters almost 21 and 25 I wonder if you have heard of the book by DR. James Dobson, "Bring UP Boys"  You can find it in  most bookstores, you could also try finding it in  the  Library. I am sure that the boy girl thing may make this suggestion iffy but when our daughters would start whining and slowly slumping to the floor, I would copy the behavior.  They always would be mad but I reminded them that I just wanted to make sure they knew what they sounded and looked like. 

Jakki - posted on 04/01/2009

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Oh Karrie I feel for you. it must be esp tough being a single mum.

I think you are right - with an 8 year old time out doesn't work any more, but the threat of losing what they love works better. Of course you can take the other route, and gve him rewards for good behaviour. eg "if you are good at your wrestling practice for 6 weeks in a row, I'll take you out to do X or Y together".

Good luck and keep at it!

Karrie - posted on 03/31/2009

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Sorry I guess I should have added his age he just turned 8. And I have always been very consistant with him ever since he was born. I have even had to tell my dad that he can not condradict what I say to him. When he gets in trouble he knows that what he did is wrong and when I ask him why he did that he tells me " I dont know" love that answer haha. He loses his TV for punishment and gets grounded. He then acts somewhat better until he is done being grounded then it starts all over again, and I think that he thinks that I will not take the TV away since he just got it back which is wrong. He has been hanging with this boy in his class that gets away with everything and my son thinks he can do it to and it does not work out for him in the end. I have told him that he needs to stop hanging around this boy cause he gets you in more trouble then good. I just grounded my son today and took his TV away cause he got kicked out of wrestling practice cause him and this other boy were not paying attention and were screwing around. The older he gets it does seem harder to find a punishment that works. Time outs dont really work anymore so I am just at my wits end.  Thank you all for you suggestions

Heather - posted on 03/31/2009

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Everytime my son whines I cover my ears and tell him it hurts my ears and that I cant understand what he is saying when he talks like that then I get on his level and say " now can you tell me in a normal voice " I also heard recording it and playing it back for them at a later time when they are in a good mood can help. As far as attitude goes lol my son also has plenty so we tell him that is no way to talk to people and he gets put in another room away from people until he decides to talk nice , we let him come out when he wants but if he gives more attitude he goes right back in he gets the point faster now so we only have to send him out once. As far as not cooperating if its picking up toys I tell him if I have to do it he loses it (I hide it in a bag in the garage or closet for a week)

Jennifer - posted on 03/31/2009

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patience..patience..oh yes, and if you drink.....have one! Take some time for yourself too! It does make a difference how old he his. I'm dealing with a snappy 4 yr old daughter who is pushing the boundaries that I have previously set . Welcome to motherhood! I have this nightmare of what she'll be like at 13!!

Lisa - posted on 03/30/2009

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He is testing your boundaries.  Seeing how far he can push you before you either give up or break.  Consistancy for was the key.  My 4 year old step son, tried it on with me and I refused to give.  When he asked me for something I gave him the same answer he was giving me.



 



What are you asking him to do?  What is his age? 



Sometimes as parents we can be expecting the unexpectable.  Like my GF who expects her 5 year old to keep his room spotless at all times.  He is 5 and needs an area for himself.  To me as long as he cleans up before bed it should be acceptable.  We don't see eye to eye lol.



Depending on his age sit down with him and let him know your expectations (make sure the are realistic) and then set out some consequences if he does not abide.

Joan - posted on 03/30/2009

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My son is 12 with ADHD. Running laps works for him. When he gets out of line it us usually for one of two reasons. He is usually tired or too much energy. His new hormone levels (puberty) seem to just make it worse. But, normally, letting him run full out for five or ten minutes helps calm him. He does have ADHD and is not on any medication for it because of the side effects.

Anita - posted on 03/30/2009

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The older the child the harder it gets to discipline...And all children are different...some respond to actions and others respond to word and threats...My husband and I have always taught our  18mth old good/bad, right/wrong from age 1day!!!  babies dont know what your talking about..its all babble to them but its repetitive bable which they will eventullay see as words...communication is important...you cant just tell your child _no_...u need to give briefs to why and why nots....You need to take control and show ur child that you are in control...



From experience with my younger brothers aising your voice does absolutely nothing..it only shows that they are in control so what u need to do is take a breather (count to 5) get down on ur knees or to your childs level and look at them in the eye and say what u need to say in a calm voice....if they are doing something they shouldnt be dont just yell at the other side of the room and expect them to stop...go over take them away...if he goes backs and does it again..u keep repeating the above...eventually they will get bored and find something else to annoy u with lol...kids will be kids....also pick ur fights/battles...its important to keep the "NO" for dangerous matters...

Patricia - posted on 03/30/2009

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Well  "mr. moody" is not allowed in our house so we would go out on the porch wait til he was gone...Often my boy sat for a while before coming it.  Then we would talk.  We teach our kids what is acceptable behaviour.  Stick to you guns and love yourself, in the end you will be loved and respected by them.  I have 2 blessings to prove it!  Not only do they respect me but they respect each other. 

[deleted account]

Quoting Caroline:



be firm and consistent with your responses to him. shouting one time and walking away another gives him mixed messages. stay calm and stick to your first answer. i have three sons aged 16, 17 and 18 and the same rules still apply today as when they were tiny. distraction works wonders, but not bribary as that opens up a whole new problem.





Great answer!

[deleted account]

be firm and consistent with your responses to him. shouting one time and walking away another gives him mixed messages. stay calm and stick to your first answer. i have three sons aged 16, 17 and 18 and the same rules still apply today as when they were tiny. distraction works wonders, but not bribary as that opens up a whole new problem.

Laura - posted on 03/30/2009

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My 3 almost 4 year old is starting this. She responds better to me if I stay calm (Daddy tends to freak out and its all chaos). Maybe because she's still 3, but I calmly refuse any request and make her repeat herself and "ask appropriately" if she whining for something. When it's the sassy "No's" when asked to do something. time outs still work. But I have no idea what we'll do when what our next coarse of action will be after that.

Angie - posted on 03/30/2009

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Hello, I think it is pretty safe to say that near enougth all children develop this kinda attitude at some stage, its part of them growing up and I know it can be hard to handle at the time we have to see that our children are developing more and are gaining independance, no matter what the age. How old is your child??? x

Jessica - posted on 03/29/2009

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I've tried yelling, telling my son I'd take money out of his bank, these types of things didn't work.  When my son started biting himself - I think out of frustration - I brushed soap on his teeth with foamy soap - after about the 3rd or 4th time - no more biting.  Now you can't use that with everything so right now I;m trying the calmer than calm approach to my sons whiney attitude.  I take my super calm voice (even though all I want to do is scream/whine back) and repeat myself very slowly and calmly; if that isn't working I ask him what's wrong and say it's pick up your blocks if he tells mrhejust doesn't want to I ask do you think some other little boy would like your blocks more because if you like them you should take care of them.  I went through plenty of yelling matches - Good luck and try to remain calm.

Christina - posted on 03/29/2009

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when you find an answer to that one let me know i have the same thing going on with my 5 year old right now

Monica - posted on 03/29/2009

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my dad would ask me all the time to stop leaving my bike in the drive way, When he got sick of asking he tied my bikes in the tree, I could see them but couldn't ride them.



All I can really say is communication, you need to find the middle ground. if you do this for me... I will do this for you.



I'm new at this whole mother thing so I hope I was a little helpful.

[deleted account]

Yes, age does factor into it as well. Take a breather for yourself, then take a minute or 30 to sit and talk to him undistracted. One on One time. Kids dont know how to say hey mom i miss you, i want time with you. They are receptive to your moods and feelings when you arent even aware. Just take some time and be willing and eager to listen and explain what your seeing and how you feel about it. My son and i go rounds all the time. I schedule some alone time and let him know that i miss him and i love him. Its hard trying to be Mom and Dad at the same time. Just be patient and ask him.. hey.. whats going on? How come we are fighting so much lately ?? Hope this helps.

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