My son is 1 1/2 and sleeps in our bed. How do i get him so start sleeping in his own.

Angie - posted on 09/14/2009

ok-well I am going through the same thing right now.I still let my son fall asleep in my bed but then I move him to his bed.Now the first few nights he woke up and ended back up in our bed but the past 3 nights he has slept in his bed all night .Granted his bed is in our room right now, were doing the slow transition thing,eventually he will be in his bed in his room but til then;) I like falling asleep with him and waking up with his smiling face but the fact is hes just physically too big to sleep with us.Not to mention the toll it takes on your marriage after a while,always having someone btwn you in bed isnt a good thing regardless of who it is.Good luck

Anna - posted on 09/13/2009

I have found with anything,wanting a child to learn to sleep all night,weaning from a nuk,etc. firmness and being willing to get less sleep and put up with a bit of crying for a few nights is all it took,it never takes more than a few nights and you will be so glad you did it,because after that you get a much better night of sleep.My kids were never allowed to sleep in our bed,and they all were putting themselves to sleep and sleeping the whole night through by the time they were 4 or 5 month old.Mothers need their sleep and I don't think we need to put up with having our kids disturb our night all the time;by the time they are several month old they are well able to sleep the night through and all it takes is us to train them.

Ramona - posted on 09/13/2009

Mine had to hold my tummy and one had to touch my breast (both were breastfed). First I had a bed on the floor next to ours, and would relocate once they were asleep. The third one couldn't give it up, so I had a relative watch her in her room for 3 nights in a row, with her crying to her, giving me less guilt when I heard her crying because I knew he she wasn't lonely. She got over it, I cried briefly.

Kim - posted on 09/13/2009

There are some really good suggestions but I think the big transition problem for you is the ear thing. When he reaches for your ear to relax, also give him something lese to hold with his other hand. Gently do this each time. After e has excepted the new thing, start gently pulling his hand away from your ear and kissing it and hold it in yours. Eventually he will stop reaching for you and start reaching for the replacement. My son got attached to a dishtowel that I used under my breast because he always dripped while he nursed. When we had to stop nursing for health issues it was fast but he turned to the comfort of the towel when he couldn't have the breast.

Good luck! and remember that they are only this little for such a short time.

Misty - posted on 09/13/2009

ATTN!!! all parents who have kids that sleep with them!!... my step sons still sleep with their mother. they are 13 and 17. when they stay with us they sleep together. it's weird. i know it's hard to hear them cry, but do it NOW!!

did you catch "they are my STEPsons?!"

CHRISTINA - posted on 09/12/2009

We had a family bed until my son was about 2 and a 1/2, my daughter was 5ish. I am married to a sounthern Pacific Islander and we were living in HI at the time, so a family bed was not considered uncommon or uncomfortable or unacceptable. However, my son was weaned and I really wanted to get both children into their own room. (My daughter posed no problem; my son was the challenge.) So we bought them a new bed, a bunk bed where the upper is a single, the lower a double. The kids were a part of the process, "helping" to bring the bed indoors, and "helping" to set the bed up. They were so excited with this amazing new bed, that they easily crawled in when it was bedtime! Of course, I still read them a story. But, there was the inclusion of one other special thing---I would turn on classical music very softly, which seemed to relax them and allow them to slip off into a comfy sleep. More importantly, we never communicated that they were "unwanted," but rather, they were being graduated to a new level of growing up, of "becoming a big person!"

Terry - posted on 09/12/2009

My daughter slept in a bassinette in our room for the first 3 mos., after which she pretty much "slept through the night," i.e., 6 or more hours between feedings. After 3 mos. she was in her own room in her crib.

Leesa - posted on 09/12/2009

I slept with my parents until I was 10! As it turns out, I wasn't scared, I was cold.Tinally my parents came up with the bright idea of getting me a water bed. I don't know if it was the warmth or the waves or what, but I never slept with them again

Julia - posted on 09/12/2009

My daughter didn't like too sleep in her own bed either. I would suggest putting a toddler bed in yor room for your son to sleep in then gradually move him to his own room. If you don't have enough room then the only thing you can do is be strict and tell him he can not sleep with you because he needs to be a big boy. You may have some sleepless nights but it will get better.

Peggy - posted on 09/12/2009

Good luck with getting him to sleep in his own bed. My daughter's 2 1/2 year old still sleeps with her. He has never spent a night in his own crib/bed. Of course he was breast fed and she did it in "her" bed. She herself slept in our bed until I can't remember when. I think they just need the security. As far as the ear thing goes, my grandson feels noses...so it could be worse. My other granddaughter used to rub her mom's eyebrow...they eventually stop. But you also have to start telling them that it is annoying.

Judy - posted on 09/12/2009

Quoting Connie:

Wonderful advice above. I just would like to add that we placed my son's crib mattress on the floor next to our bed and made him stay there. We gradually moved it farther and farther from our bed and eventually into the hall and then his room. Another thing that seems to work is having a consistent bed routine and a lullaby CD that they get conditioned to sleeping to. I do that at my daycare and all the children sleep at the same time, no matter that they all get up at different times and have different arrival times, because they are conditioned to falling asleep once that music goes on. One of my girls was bugging her parent each evening and extending sleep time and I suggested they use the same lullaby CD I use. It worked that same night. Conditioning at nap and sleep time to fall asleep to some cue is helpful.

I have 3 children and two wanted to sleep with us and I let them for a while but when they turned 2, if they came into our room they would have to bring a pillow anhd blanket and lay on the floor next to the bed after a few months they stopped coming in. Every child is different and I agree with everyone else consistency is the key.

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2009

I haven't read what others had suggested so I'm not sure if I'm repeating anyone's advice or not... however, in your case, he has a habit that is making your parenting life difficult. It's causing you to hold off on having another baby. At first, for half a week stay sleeping in your bed with him, then each night bring him to bed close to his waking time and slowly bring him to his own bed earlier each night until eventually he goes to bed in his own bed from the start. There may be some sleepless nights for you but it will be worth it. He will probably fuss when he realizes he doesn't have you there (or your ear). But it's something you just can't give into anymore. He's almost two. I would try it. best of luck =)

Karyn - posted on 09/12/2009

sometimes you have to let the scream it out. get you some good ear plugs, put him in his room... and deal with it for a few nights!! at 1 1/2 he Should be able to understand "NO" some habits like this just have to be Broken, not convinced. too late now, but he should have been in his Own Bed a LONG time ago!!! jeez. be the parent, let him work it out. stand tough and before long he WILL GET OVER IT.

Janice - posted on 09/12/2009

Boy, we have had the same trouble with our youngest, who I am embarrassed to say, is 12. He had some insane fear that someone would break into the house at night. We tried everything, lullabye tapes when he was little, staying with him until he was asleep, those sleepless nights when you are determined to get him out of the bed. Nothing worked. Eventually, I gave up and went with the flow. Just recently he has decided that he wants to sleep in his own room and only occasionally winds up in our bed. He has an older brother who was away, and his room was on the other side of the house. I think being far away and alone was part of his fear. So, my advice is that if you really can't shake her, try the mattress on the floor routien so that she is out of the bed. In the long run, she'll decide when she is confident enough to fly solo.

Renelle - posted on 09/12/2009

Emmie,
I like Stacey Colmon's comment the most. I am the mother of 9, including 2 sets of twins. Children love to sleep with their parents. There is some much emotional bonding that happens. They will grow out of it, but the bed time routine is a key factor in it all, because the ability for the child to feel safe and capable is critical.
I have a client that uses the Babywise book as well, and that has been really good.

Connie - posted on 09/10/2009

Wonderful advice above. I just would like to add that we placed my son's crib mattress on the floor next to our bed and made him stay there. We gradually moved it farther and farther from our bed and eventually into the hall and then his room. Another thing that seems to work is having a consistent bed routine and a lullaby CD that they get conditioned to sleeping to. I do that at my daycare and all the children sleep at the same time, no matter that they all get up at different times and have different arrival times, because they are conditioned to falling asleep once that music goes on. One of my girls was bugging her parent each evening and extending sleep time and I suggested they use the same lullaby CD I use. It worked that same night. Conditioning at nap and sleep time to fall asleep to some cue is helpful.

Gemma - posted on 09/10/2009

i had the same problem with my son, none of us was getting any sleep, in the end my son was being naughty through the day and hitting me, i statred putting him in his own bed and when he cried and got bk out and put him bk and i done that every night for a week even if they scream you got to leave them it is hard but it works you got to have the will power or it wont work. now he goes to bed at 7 o clock every night with out any fuss.

Shonda - posted on 09/09/2009

I don't yet know! But my daughter is 5 & it is an all out battle! Do something & Do it now!!!

For me the advice goes like this, "Stop being a pansey... she's really not THAT scared. Make her sleep in her own room & stop being lazy." This is what my small still voice keeps yelling at me & after only 5 long years, I'm listening.



I would love to hear if you meet w/ more success than I have.

Tamara - posted on 09/09/2009

Just like with any habit it takes time. I would keep working on letting him sleep in his own bed and eventually he will want to sleep more than want to hold onto someones ear:-) It might not be fun going through this but you will be happier. This is coming from a Mom that still has her six year old sleep in her bed every once in a while. LOL We did stop him from sucking his fingers and that was a hard one. It just takes consistency. Good luck:-)

Antonietta - posted on 09/09/2009

I have had the same problem with my daughter. She is almost two and never sleeps the whole night in her bed. With her, she needs my hair to sleep. I've also tried stuffed animal and dolls, nothing works.......any ideas?

Cassandra - posted on 09/08/2009

my daughter is just about to be a yr old but shes been sleeping in her own crib since she was 2 months but just recently got her own room she fussed in the beging and i ask her pediatrician what i should do and he said that all though this might feel wrong u must lay ur child down on her own bed and let her fuss for a few minutes and if she still didnt stop to go in and tell her it was bed time and kiss her and leave again...u can tell the differance on if their cries so if u know its just a tandrum cry to leave them alone but if its a hurt cry then to comfort them...took me about a week but she has no problem now..hope this helps

Trisha - posted on 09/06/2009

my daughter is 13 months and we are just starting to get her into her crib. I am still nursing her to sleep so she falls asleep on our bed, then i move her into her bed. She still wakes up a couple times, and right now her crib is in our room. but it is a start. Gradual didnt work for us, so we are toughing out 10-20 mins of crying then if she has a toy or distraction she will go back to sleep after playing or watching a bit. every night she goes in the crib, if she wakes up i try to calm her in there, mostly she just likes to have someone in the room with her, tv works well too. He way still be toy young to want to be a "big boy" and have his own bed. u could also try laying a matress down beside yours for him, if u have the space.

good luck!

Sally - posted on 09/06/2009

let him sleep in your bed when he fully asleep put him in his bed u will have to do this 4 awhile

Kaycee - posted on 09/05/2009

I am the mother of five children and I believe you have to be consistent AND YOU have to be ready to make the change too. If you kinda want your child to sleep in his own bed but aren't willing to put up with several nights of 'not' so much sleep yourself, then you probably need to wait. I would do it slowly and when you know that your child is not sick or teething, etc. One of our children was on the pacifer and would wake up 5+ times a night and she couldn't find the paci so my husband and I would take turns getting up each night just to give her the paci. We finally got tired of it, so we knew she wasn't sick, so we talked to the doctor and she said GO FOR IT. She told us that she would cry A LOT and we needed to just lay in the bed and listen to it. It was SOOOO hard at 11pm and 1pm and 3 pm and so on listening to her crying so hard for two hours, by the time she would stop crying she would only sleep 30 min to an hour and cry for 2 more hours, but after 4 -5 night of doing this without going into her room, she stopped crying, she figured out a way herself to go to sleep and stay asleep. You might think that is drastic but I know my husband and I felt better and I really think she felt better too because she stopped waking up looking for the paci. Let me know if I helped at all. my personal email is kdasher74@att.net if you have more questions.

Heidi - posted on 09/05/2009

I have an eight month old and he had to be cuddled up with us to sleep. So a month ago I put his bed right next to mine at the same height. The first two nights I laid with him in his bed until he feel asleep and anytime he woke up I wouldn't let him back in bed with me, instead I would reach over and rest my hand on or near him and he would fall back to sleep. Then he would go to sleep with, me in my bed, and him in his as long as he knew he could have my hand if he wanted it. But I think the big key was making it exciting, every morning when he woke up in his bed we would clap and smile and say what a good job he was doing in his own bed. After two weeks I put his bed in his room and made sure to make it very exciting, read him a book, sat beside him (not in bed with him) until he fell asleep. And then the couple times he would wake up I would go in and rest my hand on him and he went right back to sleep. Now he rarely wakes up and most the time falls back to sleep without me even going to him. And more amazingly he doesn't ever cry about it, if he does need me he says "mom", I go to him and say its alright baby don't even have to give him my hand, and in the morning him comes and crawls in and wakes me up all smiles. It took a little while for him to be sure that he was safe, we were still there and he wasn't abandoned, but that was what he needed. We tried a lot of other techniques and I know it is tough, but hang in there you will find one that works.

Funda - posted on 09/05/2009

Consistency is key! Talk to your son and show lot's of excitement about how happy you are that he's going to sleep in his big boy bead! Lay him down on his bead and sit next to him. When he reaches for your ear or asks for it, say "I'm sorry sweetie, you can't hold my ear but you can hold my hand." If he cries and refuses stay your ground and be firm. DO NOT GIVE IN. Once you say it you have to do it. I know it's hard to hear him cry but eventually he WILL go to sleep.. It might be hours and stressful.. But if you are consistant it will get better each night.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night crying you can go back to his bed and hold his hand again and comfort him a little.. But do not allow him to come back to your bed and do not give him your ear! Hang in there.. This will be a couple nights of stress but if you are committed to getting him to sleep in his bed without your ear.. you have to stay strong!

Before you know it.. he will be sleeping in his bed without your ear! Good luck!

Funda

http://teachinghand.blogspot.com/

Annetta - posted on 09/05/2009

Oh, I was having that problem, my son plays with my breast then go to sleep so when we decide it was time for him to sleep in his own bed, he wakes several times a night and comes into our bed.

A friend told us to take him back to his bed whenever he comes into ours and try staying with him until he is asleep again then we leave.

There is remarkable improvement, he is not totally out of our bed, but not as often

Nichole - posted on 09/03/2009

i would just do it..cold turkey..start putting him in his own bed and after a while he will just do it..you can't cave it will be tough but it wont last forever!

Rachel - posted on 09/02/2009

Quoting kylie:

Quoting Kelsey :

What I have read in babywise is to gradually tranisition him. Place him in his own bed at his nap. Than in the middle of the night at first when he falls asleep move him into his own bed, than eventually just place him in his own bed while hes awake. Another idea is to show him how cool sleeping in his own bed is-get him a special luvie toy and blankie. Read a book an give him his kisses and than lights out-you might conisder a "cool little night light" so if he gets scared there is a little light! hope that helps!

this realy works, i had my son in my bed and he simply refused to get out...i started with the naps and then i would still let him go to sleep with me ,then i would pick him up and put him in his own bed,he started coming into our bed through the night so at first i would let him and then slowly again i would just take him back to his own bed and lay-down with him in there ...it took a long time and i had to keep it going but eventually by the end of 2-3 months he was in his own bed and had stopped coming into our room of a night...i hope this helps

This sounds like the best advice to me.  We always found that it was best to keep the mommy and daddy bed the "mommy and daddy bed".

Kylie - posted on 09/02/2009

Quoting Kelsey :

What I have read in babywise is to gradually tranisition him. Place him in his own bed at his nap. Than in the middle of the night at first when he falls asleep move him into his own bed, than eventually just place him in his own bed while hes awake. Another idea is to show him how cool sleeping in his own bed is-get him a special luvie toy and blankie. Read a book an give him his kisses and than lights out-you might conisder a "cool little night light" so if he gets scared there is a little light! hope that helps!

this realy works, i had my son in my bed and he simply refused to get out...i started with the naps and then i would still let him go to sleep with me ,then i would pick him up and put him in his own bed,he started coming into our bed through the night so at first i would let him and then slowly again i would just take him back to his own bed and lay-down with him in there ...it took a long time and i had to keep it going but eventually by the end of 2-3 months he was in his own bed and had stopped coming into our room of a night...i hope this helps

Rachael - posted on 09/02/2009

If you can be consistant for 7 days you can break him of it. It isnt easy on you, but he will get used to it. My daughter sneaks in our bed every night with us and we put her back in her bed every time. Yes it is easier just to let her crawl in and stay, but it is important that children know that is your space. Needless to say, our daughter doesnt climb into bed with us anymore and I am getting a better nights rest. Be consistant!!

Johnna - posted on 09/02/2009

my daughter did the same thing what we did is as soon as the child falls asleep place them in there bed it took us about a month but she finally understood that she is supposed to be there good luck and i hope i helped you

Megan - posted on 09/02/2009

I don't know how anyone could do that. My daughter is almost 15 months and she was in with us for along time. It was kind of the same as no bottle before bed... just put the baby in there and just them the go. The baby will learn and you need your time in bed to stretch out and not worry about lay'n on the baby.

Demita - posted on 09/02/2009

woahh that's a tuff one..both my girl's slept with us and they went from our bed to there first love's bed..so i am very sorry i can't help out with that one..oh...i did eventually get my youngest out of our bed to our bedroom floor..that 1 is a hard 1 to break..good luck my friend!!

Kim - posted on 09/02/2009

My 9 yr. old still sleeps with us. She has to have her toy jingly n one arm over me before she can go to sleep. |She has her own room, her own bed and everything but refuses to sleep in there and she can see our bedroom from hers.

Priscilla - posted on 09/02/2009

That ear rubbing fetish is crazy. My cousin is GROWN with his own kids and we all have to avoid him when he gets started with it. My god son used to do it as well and when he spend the weekends with me I'd put bandaids on his fingers, so eventhough he could feel me, it was uncomfortable for him and he gradually adjusted his behavior. He's 1 1/2yrs, in a few more he won't want to be seen with you much less have you crowd him. Negotiate (in advance) with him that on weekends he can sleep in with you and gradually cut back on his days. My niece turned 17 yrs a few weeks back and doesn't mind crowding her parents in their bed sometimes. ...her mother misses their talks since that was when they'd have mother daughter life chats.

Alicia - posted on 09/02/2009

My daughter is in love with Dora so when she would not sleep in her on bed we would put Dora on at let her sit in the crib and let her just watch it until she feel asleep. That was just a few months ago and now she is even in her own room. So if he has a favorite cartoon you might want to try that.

Tara - posted on 09/02/2009

With my son we started by letting him fall asleep in our bed then takiing him to his bed. For about 2 weeks then we started laying in his room with him till he fell asleep. It also helped to have the t.v. or radio on to help drownd out the noise from outside or in the rest of the house.Good luck

Hope - posted on 09/02/2009

Hi Emmie... I think you need to just start gradually. Also I think that talking to your son about it might help. Maybe try to explain to him that it is Mommy and Daddy's room not his room. I know reasoning with a young child is not easy but it may work. You might need to stay with him in his room until he falls asleep but it should not take long for him to get it. Good luck and I hope my advice helps a little... :)

Briana - posted on 09/02/2009

I would love to know right along with you as I am having trouble with a 9 year old who wants to sleep with us still.

Kristin - posted on 09/02/2009

my second and third sons did that with hair. the second one at 3 i got pregnant so i put him in bed with the first and the third one is just getting to sleep in his bed and he is 4

Stacey - posted on 09/02/2009

The best advise I can give, is to buy a sleep book. I used 'save our sleep' by Tizzie Hall, it goes into why babies have sleep problems, solving sleep problems, teaching babies to fall asleep on their own (called self settling, does not involve controlled crying), also has routines to follow for sleep times and meals (this part turned me off at first, made me think it is too rigid and too hard to do, but it actually made life a whole lot easier and i found my kids were happier too). My son was about 10 months and had gotten to the point of waking about every 2 hrs through the night and it was a hell of a time getting him to sleep. After a couple of days following this book, he was putting himself to sleep in his cot, in his own room within about 5 mins with minimal fuss. He would sleep from 7pm-7am, if he woke through the night, he would settle himself back to sleep, I wouldn't hear from him, unless he was teething or sick or cold. He was also putting himself to sleep for his 2 day naps. I used this technique with my daughter when she reached 3 months and she was also putting herself to sleep and sleeping 7pm-7am through the night, in her cot, in her room, and having 2 naps. This book is by far my best 'mummy tool'. I also reccommend 'Grobags' so they dont get cold in the early hours of the morning.

Megan - posted on 09/02/2009

I have three, the newest being only 6 weeks, and they all slept with us. The first 2 transitioned to their own bed just after a year. I was still breastfeeding when I transitioned them. The first one was the hardest. It was REALLY tough on me, but it was time for us to have our bed back and, like you, we wanted another one and intended to let that one sleep with us as well.



I hate to say this, but I really think you will simply have to tough it out and let him cry until he falls asleep. Stay in the room with him, reassure him with calm, soothing words, pet names, ect. I liked softly singing. In the end this is going to come down to a battle of wills, but I will almost garuntee that if you can tough it out and not give in, then in 3 days or less it will be done. He might wake up during the night a few times, and you will need to go in and reassure him some more. Stick with it though. Again, its not going to be easy and if you are anything like me you won't sleep well for a week or so listening for him! But it's worth it, and gets easier with more children.



Good luck!!

Ana - posted on 09/02/2009

Quoting Emmie:

My son is 1 1/2 and sleeps in our bed. How do i get him so start sleeping in his own.

Our son has this bad habit. He HAS to play with someones ears to fall asleep and he wont sleep in his own bed b/c he feels for someones ear in the middle of the night. We have tried stuffed animals and everything. He just will not stop holding our ear and will not sleep in his own bed. I would love to have another child sometime in the near future but i would really like for our son to be out our bed first.

you know I'm not sure my daughter is just now sleeping in her bed and she is 3 years old the only way we got her to sleep in there was to put a tv in her room because she likes to watch those learning cartoons on nick jr(noggin) and sprout but your son my be a little to young to get into those yet but i did have a friend that had the same problem but when she moved into her new house she painted her sons room in a cute stencil and thats how she got him to sleep in his own room hope this helps and good luck

Tammy - posted on 09/02/2009

it is really very simple emmie. well, simple to do not simple to stick to.what really helps a great deal is if you could get a calendar and stickers doing the reward system. make her room a very special place for her to go. special projects for you both to do together before bedtime, read in the room in the bed, pray together, play a game or puzzle. get her a special nightlight. let her pick it out. just try one night at a time. put her in her bed do your special things and say goodnight, and leave the room. you might have to do this many times the first week but it will get easier every day. i promise.. it is going to be harder on you and your husband because of the crying and fit throwing but be strong mommy.

Mary - posted on 09/02/2009

A friend of mine would warm up a towel in the dryer, fold it in half and place it in the crib for her daughter to sleep on her own. Apparently they really are looking for the body heat and she refused to be put down. It worked for her and it's worth a shot. I know it doesn't supply the ears, but maybe he'll be just as happy. Good luck!

Kelsey - posted on 09/02/2009

What I have read in babywise is to gradually tranisition him. Place him in his own bed at his nap. Than in the middle of the night at first when he falls asleep move him into his own bed, than eventually just place him in his own bed while hes awake. Another idea is to show him how cool sleeping in his own bed is-get him a special luvie toy and blankie. Read a book an give him his kisses and than lights out-you might conisder a "cool little night light" so if he gets scared there is a little light! hope that helps!

Rochelle - posted on 09/02/2009

Oh Emmie, i have no idea what you can do, I was going to suggest a toy with big ears or a tail, as my son has a toy with a lovely soft tail that he rubs, but if youv'e tried the toys, you might have to get strict and just make him stay or go to his own bed. I know a friend that did, and she said it only took a few unsettled nights to get him sorted, she said it was hard, but worth it. Good Luck