My son is 12 and said his Dad already had the 'talk' with him. Should I have asked what was said? I don't want to make him uncomfortable though.
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Sherry - posted on 12/02/2008
OMG! You all are awesome! I'm going to talk to his Dad first (we aren't together but I have a bf of 5 years) and ask what all was said and then talk to him about it a bit more. Thanks so much everyone! *hugs*
Beverley - posted on 12/02/2008
I think it is a sad fact that kids nowadays seem to learn things a lot earlier than our generation did, but then again there is none of this, "keep it a secret" thing either. I grew up terrified of the idea of changing bodies, sex etc. My daughter is 16 now and I have told her things at various stages. They hear things in the playground anyway!!
I think it's best to just chill. I have sat my daughter and her boyfriend down and we have discussed the fact that things should happen when they are ready, not stoop to peer pressure. I think if you make it sound like "something you don't discuss" then they are curious to find out what it's all about anyway. Just ask the dad what he has told your son, and just say, "Cool, so you know what happens from the male perspective, you want to know the female angle, just ask!!"
Ashley - posted on 12/01/2008
I think that it is important to know what it is that was said so that you know that your interests are met. You could ask his Dad what they discussed. I think that it is best to talk to the other adult before hand about what will be said; are you just explaining reproduction or are you discussing the act at length including protection, the right time and treating a woman well? And of course just one talk isn't going to do it. You've got to have a constant stream of open communication. Are you a sharing family? Do you guys talk about things alot in your house? I think that if you appeal to your son and approach the subject seriously but in a casual atmosphere you'll get the best response. Take him to do something fun that's specific to him, go to he batting cages together and impress him with your swing, bond a little and on the car ride home bring up the subject. Ultimatly if he's not mature enough to talk about it with a woman he's not mature enough to do anything.
Glynis - posted on 12/01/2008
My boys are now 22 and 19. Unfortunately, because of that scum President Clinton, my sons learned about sex earlier than anyone expected. They were expected to take classes in "health" in middle school, but there was so much hype on TV and in such detail that kids were all asking too many questions. Many teachers decided it was better to discuss the issue. So, my kid was in THIRD GRADE, I think, when he learned what ummm, "service" Monica Lewinsky performed. (Funny thing was that he was so grotesqued-out that he SWORE that would never happen to him.) I was pretty mad - not so much at the teachers, who were backed into a corner, but at the adulterer.
Later on, after their "health class" public school education (which was way more detailed than I thought it needed to be), all that was left to talk about was the MORALS.
Now about this, I DID want to make them "uncomfortable". Too many boys are too comfortable about the morals of sex, and even too many parents of boys. It is NOT just the GIRLS' jobs to prevent pregnancy !! I warned my sons that if they should father a child and the girl decides to give birth to the child, my son will have to financially support that child, even if it ruins the first half of his own life by dooming him to a low paying, dead-end job and no education. I further warned them that there was a WORSE scenario.....if the girl chooses to KILL his child, there would be nothing he could do about it, but that he would still be partially morally responsible for the murder, having started that life under those circumstances. No sugar coating it.
User - posted on 12/01/2008
it may be uncomfortable but it will mean something and it is needed(he is so not to young).it matters what the dad says but not where you need to pry.just add your input.teach him respect most of all for hisself and girls.start establishing the friend relationship where he can disuss anything with you.and later pick and choose your battles but dont let him forget you are still in control.he may want to rebel if it is orbidden,as where he may be understanding if he has reasons why and that your not just tring to "ruin his life"(this last part is for when he begans being involved with a girl,and that begans at hand holdin not just sex....it starts somewhere)
Erin - posted on 12/01/2008
Not sure what the relationship with dad is... but I would probably trust dad or ask him how he felt about the "talk". I also might add a few of my own mom highlights to the subject. Boys always need a moms heart too. Good Luck...
Jana - posted on 12/01/2008
I think you should have your own "talk" with him and keep having talks with him. I think children need the facts and they need to know the emotions that come with dating and beyond. It might be uncomfortable for him and for you, but you have to keep the lines of comunication open. You have to tell your kids more then once to clean their room and do their homework so in my eyes "the talk" should be a never ending conversation.
Jodi - posted on 12/01/2008
What I did with my stepson was his dad talked about the mechanics (wow, way too embarrassing to talk to me about) and I talked to him about respect in relationships, respecting girls, etc. It turned out to be a good discussion.
Renee - posted on 12/01/2008
LOL!! Well you could ask your son's Dad what was said, its information that you need to know. My oldest is 14 and a boy so my husband did the birds and bee's talk. I just basically told him in a general conversation not to be afraid to ask questions about the talk, and if he didnt feel comfortable talking to me about it then please hit dad up again for any other questions. I have found being the mother of 3 boys that some things are more comfy and open with Dad than with me, but I make sure they know that Mom is always available too.