My son is having separation anxiety about taking a trip with his dad and without me

Carrie - posted on 03/05/2010

Being a mom who has gone through the same thing, I can certainly understand how you feel. I think the biggest help that you can be is to NOT show your son any anxiety you might feel over his absence!
Let him know you expect that he will take lots of pictures and come back with stories of the best places he's seen to share them with you! Acknowledge his feelings that he will miss you, as you will miss him and how you will try to keep busy while he is gone. Ask him if there is anything special he would like for you to do while he is away, maybe rearrange the furniture in his room or something.
Good luck and he will be fine...I think it is harder on Mom's anytime our children leave, or have issues that we cannot solve for them. You will both learn alot from this, and what a GREAT opportunity for him to visit China. Not something many kids at all do! WOW!
(also send him with some envelopes, or postcards already addressed to you and stamped so he can write and drop them in the mail without having to worry about postage etc...)

Erica - posted on 03/05/2010

You guys are the best! I will send him with something from me for every day, that's a great idea. I will also sit his dad down and have a serious discussion with him as well. His dad asked me to go on the trip with them, and I'm not going to. (Long story, but he's had a hard time with the divorce and wants me on the trip to make it looks like we're sort of still a family...) I'm afraid there is a chance that when my son expresses concern to his dad about leaving me, that his dad may possibly be telling him that we'll see if maybe I can come, too. (I think his dad also thinks that Alec really will miss me too much, and that it'll be better if I go. He doesn't understand that there are things like you guys are suggesting that will make this okay.) So I'll make sure he and I have had an open conversation about the fact that I'm not going and why, and then both of us will be able to support Alec together. This has been really helpful - I so appreciate all of your advice. :+)

Tiffany - posted on 03/05/2010

Since his dad has been involved with him I believe he is probably just having anxiety about making the trip and will probably be just fine once he gets there. I see that he is concerned about the language barrier and of course it's not possible to be fluent quickly but you could practice helpful words and phrases with him. Nice to meet you, where is the bathroom, please and thank you, etc. lol. I think Nicky has a wonderful idea about the scrapbooks and gift search.. Something my mother use to do for me when I went away to dance competitions by myself: she bought funny greeting cards and wrote notes to me inside. They were numbered and had to be opened in order....one for everyday I was gone. Something else you could do is send him with a few disposable cameras and tell him to take a picture of 5 things a day that interest him or that he thinks would interest you.

Erica - posted on 03/04/2010

These are fantastic insights and ideas! Thank you! I will talk to his dad about making up a scrapbook and getting him more prepared for the trip. I do know that the language is a concern for him. Additionally I think giving him a task or something to connect me to the trip is a wonderful idea. Thank you for your help!

Nicky - posted on 03/04/2010

There are a whole swag of things that are probably adding to his anxiety. Is it his first time overseas? First time meeting his paternal grandparents? How much does he know about where he is going to? All of these things can be lessened if you give him as much background as you can. Maybe help him to make a scrapbook with information about where he will be staying etc. he could also do one about himself to give to his relatives and this will help him get over the anxiety of meeting a whole bunch of new people.



The other thing he might be worried about is how you will feel if he goes. Maybe you could set him a special task, something for him to do while he is away like find a particular gift or take a special picture (obviously researched so he will be able to achieve it), so he feels that he will be sharing his trip with you.