My son is more then likely PTSD, Maybe ADHD, But I dont think so...

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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9 years old and has serious anger issues, he is in therapy, and recently has shown tendencies tward sexual stuff, he was molested at 2 1/2 by an 8 year old boy, and has never seen him since, I am wondering if he is getting memories of this or what, he is angry with his father too that we have had abuse issues with mental and emotional not physical, I am at a dead end... I dont know what to do anymore. He hits the walls and bangs his head...

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Renae - posted on 01/25/2009

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Has he been treated for PTSD? Two of my boys were offended by a 13 yr old cousin. Both are in weekly therapy still (it happened 2 1/2 yrs ago) and we have a workbook called Pretty Tough Stuff, Dude that we worked through with them. We also worked through a sex offender workbook intended for young offenders to determine their triggers. Although my boys aren't offenders this helps break the cycle, and we have recently had issues, too. I think part of it is the age, they are just getting curious about their sexuality, but you want to be sure they don't offend, too.
My older boys are having serious power issues with their dad, too and the therapists have asked him to come to several of their sessions so they can confront him in a safe environment.
Another thing we have been doing is giving them a list of emotion words and having them circle how they are feeling at random times, or when they have had a meltdown (after he calms down). Many kids don't have the language to say how they are feeling, and this has helped. Plus it gives us a starting point to talking about how he is feeling now, or why he felt that way when he circled it. It seems so simple, but really helps.

My heart goes out to you; it is so tough to raise boys these days, and anger seems to be the only socially-acceptable emotion for them. It won't be easy but you will get through.

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2009

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i am sorry to hear what your son is going thru.  You said that he is in therapy,  do you notice that if it helps.  If you don't feel that it dose maybe he needs to see someone diffrent.  I wondered if my son was adhd and i had placed in therapy, and they said he is the typical 11 yr old.  Just he needs to learn on how to open up.



 

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Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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He has not been treated specifically for PTSD, I am deffinately focusing on that right now so that that becomes the front line...

Martha - posted on 01/25/2009

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I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time.  Have you had a talk with the therapist as to both theproblems your son is having, the therapy the psychologist is utilizing and the expectations of the time to response and how the response is measured.  Different psychogists have different approaches and these may work differently with different children.  The psychologist and the pediatrician should be able to tell you what the various alternative approaches are.  Good luck.  

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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I like the idea of the circle emotions thing, He is a very visual child, I need to find that workbook too... never heard of it. I think that the curiosity thing is a really big issue and that boys are learning things much younger these days... I pride myself on the realtionship that I have with my kids we can talk about anything... but I think that may have kicked me in the butt too that they are able to talk about too much...



The relationship that they have with their dad is really an issue right now... I have been told by many a friend that I should leave him... and I cop out with the stupid I dont know how and I need to help him... he is also a victim of child abuse and we have helped eachother... but I am thinking that there is a time when if that is starting to effect the kids then its gotta stop... but would it be compounding things to make it harder for them by divorcing or seperating...

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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They were thinking more of prozak (which I know that will make some worse on the anxiety...) I have tried homeopathic approach. he also wets the bed still and is 9...

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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I agree whole heartedly with your approach... in some situations... there was a time in his life that he did try to get attention in that way... and I do agree that ignoreing tho not easy is the best way to get them to stop. I think in this course of events in his life he is building up the anger and needs to be shown ways to let it out... I also think that he is going to be a sealonal depression person and will need to live in an area that is warmer and allows for out door activities year round... during the warmer seasons he is able to get out and do things... he loves to dig holes...

Jade - posted on 01/25/2009

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I think it would be best to try and keep him away from any meds if possible. thats all doctors want to do these days for kids, they think every kid is adhd and is putting kid after kid on ritalin and diff meds etc.. its rly not a good idea.... but thats my oppion

Julia - posted on 01/25/2009

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i'm not an expert about abuse ! but do you think he remembers ? i have 4 children a 20 year old son a 15 year old son a 3 year old autistic son and a 2 year old girl who thinks she's 21 !! my children had anger issues i think its something all kids go through some more dramatic than others ! maybe he's looking for attention in all the wrong ways and i find the more attention you pay to them when they are acting up the worse they become !! i had a child development worker ,working with me and my son and she said if he isn't really harming anyone or really harming himself the best way to deal with it is by not letting it frustrate you and not letting your son see how upset it makes you when he acts up !! and to give incourahgement when he is acting good !! just letting him know how nice it is to see him being good !! for example if he's reading maybe read with him ! or maybe interact wiith him while he's watching a television show !! i found basically ignoring my son while having tantrums was really hard but after about a week and he realized i was reacting to his tantrums he seemed to stop !1 and therapy use to make my son worse !1 i stopped going !! it was to stressful on all of us !1 and as long as he isn't really harming himself or others maybe u should try my approach see how it works !! it might seem a bit mean !1 but it worked for us !! let me know what happens !hope it helps !1

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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Thanks! I really dont think it is adhd but that is the only way to get the dr to recognise that he has an issue that he needs help with ... the therapist says he is borderline that he may be able to use anti anxiety meds...

Jade - posted on 01/25/2009

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I dont think he is ADHD, im 20 years old and have had ADHD since I was a little kid and i personaly was never like that. My two younger brothers also have ADHD and have never had tendencies to hit walls or bang theirheads. Although i do have an autistic younger sister and she as a kid used to bang her head around and hit walls and was very angry... As for the sexual stuff i kind of think that he might have some shadow memory of the abuse and could be acting out like cause of it yeah... the head banging and stuff i think though is most defnitly his way of releasing his anger, he could not know how to say he is angry and so its building up inside him and thats the only way he knows how to release it... i think it is a good idea that you have him in therapy, i think it will really help him to learn how to talk about his problems and such :) good luck with your boy :) Just try and relax :)

Lori - posted on 01/25/2009

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I have noticed in the past that he was helped by therapy... this is a few months into this new therapist... I know that he does not want to start with a new one, which makes me feel he is comfortable with her... we have so many issues with family and things that have recently surfaced, a grandmother that was telling them bedtime stories that had mothers killing their children or other family members going crazy and killing... then she gave my kdis a time out and made them walk on the side of a highway since they were bickering on a trip... she does not see them anymore...

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