My son is still screaming when I leave him at preschool.

Lori - posted on 09/05/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I'm not sure what to do to help him not get so upset when I leave. He has a fit and holds on to me so tight he almost knocks me over. We are in week two and he still does it everyday. The teacher say he if fine when I leave and he seems to have a good time because he tells me all about it when I pick him up and says he likes it. Maybe he is just tring to make me feel bad?

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Michelle - posted on 09/06/2009

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I work in a daycare center and this is NORMAL! If the teacher is telling you that he is quitting soon after you leave, it's a show for you. He probably is still coming to terms with you leaving him with a bunch of people he doesn't know:o) We have children at my daycare that do this, and they have stopped and moved on to the toys or a craft by the time the parents have hit the stop sign at the road (which is about 2 seconds away);o) If your feeling at all uneasy, try making a phone call at some point during the day. We welcome our parents to call at anytime. As for a spontaneous visit, I'm sure the teachers wouldn't mind, but be ready to have a very upset child if he sees you and your unable to take him with you. Once you leave in the morning they realize your at work, when you come back it's to pick them up so this can confuse the child. We have had parents that have forgotten stuff and had to come back to bring it and the children just see that Mommy or Daddy have come back and they want to go too. Just something to keep in mind! You could always find a way to sneak in and see how he is doing without him actually seeing you though:o) Just remember that this will get better:o)

Jodi - posted on 09/06/2009

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Yes, it is purely for your benefit!! My son used to do this when he was about 4, and I remember how hard it was. They used to have to hold him back so I could get out the door after I had signed him in, and then I could hear him screaming and see him in the wondow. I hated it, and often just walked away without looking back, bawling my eyes out.



However, I know for a fact that he was fine 5 minutes after I left. One of the carers in the centre (in another room, but still, at the centre, and she checked to see for me) was a friend of mine, and she told me that once my car was out of view, he would stop and move on immediately!!! He was (and at age 12 now, still is) a mummy's boy, and it really was manipulation. He is a perfectly well adjusted boy now. We are still very close, but he has no memories of anything that is distressing to him!

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Esmeralda - posted on 09/06/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

I work in a daycare center and this is NORMAL! If the teacher is telling you that he is quitting soon after you leave, it's a show for you. He probably is still coming to terms with you leaving him with a bunch of people he doesn't know:o) We have children at my daycare that do this, and they have stopped and moved on to the toys or a craft by the time the parents have hit the stop sign at the road (which is about 2 seconds away);o) If your feeling at all uneasy, try making a phone call at some point during the day. We welcome our parents to call at anytime. As for a spontaneous visit, I'm sure the teachers wouldn't mind, but be ready to have a very upset child if he sees you and your unable to take him with you. Once you leave in the morning they realize your at work, when you come back it's to pick them up so this can confuse the child. We have had parents that have forgotten stuff and had to come back to bring it and the children just see that Mommy or Daddy have come back and they want to go too. Just something to keep in mind! You could always find a way to sneak in and see how he is doing without him actually seeing you though:o) Just remember that this will get better:o)



i guess when i spoke about the spontaneous visit,in my head it was implied that the child not see you,im sorry i didnt clarify that! :-/



but yes,thats what i did with my daughter. i would check in on her while the babies in my class were sleeping (and the other teacher was in there of course) and i wouldnt let her see me.but i would pop up and watch the teachers and the class,plus it was nice to be able to see my daughter...i missed her during the day :(



 

User - posted on 09/06/2009

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I have been through that with one of mine and a friend just went through it also. The best thing to do ask them what they are afraid of and aknowledge their fears but don't talk alot about it. I tried not to talk about it unless they wanted to so that they wouldn't think of it like an attention getter thing. It's hard dealing with it but it will pass just keep taking him and it will get better. Hope this helps!

Lori - posted on 09/06/2009

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Well that is good to hear. I was starting to wonder if he will ever not cry. We have even tried to brib him with a fun surprise but it hasn't worked yet hopefully before

long he will quit

Lori - posted on 09/06/2009

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Quoting Lydia:

Some kids do it to manipulate others do it because they are genuinely upset. My niece did the same thing and a child psychologist suggested that whoever drops her off give her something ot theirs and ask her to take care of it until they pick her up because they need it that evening - it gives them something else to know that you will definately be back for. This worked for Betty.



Thanks I will have to try that. I'm willing to do anything to stop this.

Lydia - posted on 09/06/2009

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Some kids do it to manipulate others do it because they are genuinely upset. My niece did the same thing and a child psychologist suggested that whoever drops her off give her something ot theirs and ask her to take care of it until they pick her up because they need it that evening - it gives them something else to know that you will definately be back for. This worked for Betty.

Lori - posted on 09/06/2009

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I don't think it is the teachers they seem very nice and he even says he likes them. But I will just drop by to check and see. Thanks for the advise. Just hope it gets better.

Esmeralda - posted on 09/05/2009

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has he been at home with you this whole time?



i was home with my daughter for 18months,then she started daycare(the same one i worked at)and she cried EVERY morning for a WHOLE month,for a good 30min. after the month went by it slowed down to 15 min,then 10,then she finally stopped.



its VERY normal! ;)



one thing you might want to pay attention to though is if you feel ok with your childs teacher. do you think she handles your child well? i would do a spontaneous visit every now and then to see what its like during the day without parents around.(not to sound paranoid or horrible,its just good to see if the school and teacher are a good fit for your child).



good luck!

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