My son was taken from me by his grandma because of my age, now as an adult do I stand a chance at regaining custody?

Rheanna - posted on 11/28/2012 ( 136 moms have responded )

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I had my son at 15 years old. At 16 his grandma took me to court for custody because she is obsessed with my son! The judge said that she didn't want me to drop out of school to take care of a baby and also didn't want him in daycare if his grandma was available to care for him. If it helps I've never done drugs or had a crazy profession let alone been proved to be unfit which I'm not! I'm an adult now and have been fighting for custody ever since. I am completely stable and am able to provide for him. I miss him everyday he's away from me and he tells me things that his grandma says about me which are bad and she makes him call her mom , he says if he calls her grandma she gets mad and tells him that she's his mom. Please I need advice, do I even stand a chance in court?this lady robbed me of my motherhood and is trying to ruin the relationship I have with my son.-I have joint custody with the grandma so I still have some rights.

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Shelia - posted on 11/29/2012

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This is terrible that your Mom is wanting your son to call her Mom and that she has not relinquished custody totally to you, as soon as you were able to take care of your son. Wow, she really needs a reality check! I am in the situation of your Mom. My daughter, who just turned 18, had her baby in May. My daughter wanted us to take custody of the baby until got her GED, finished college and got a good job, but we have not done that. We told her that we would support them both until she got her education and was able to move out and live on their own. I make it a point to tell people, who sometimes think I am the Mom, that NO, I am Nana, NOT Mom. I do not want the baby to be confused. I also do not want to do anything that would damage my relationship with my daughter. I raised my children, now I want to spoil my Grandchildren! I do not understand what the heck your Mom is thinking! I say to FIGHT and fight hard until you win full custody. Do not ever give up, this will speak volumes to your son. He will know that you loved him enough to fight for him. I think maybe your Mom needs some counselling. She needs to learn what boundaries are and how to stay in the them. I wish you the best and I hope to hear SOON, that you have gotten full custody of your son!

Dawn - posted on 11/30/2012

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Document everything for the court. Keep a journal with your phone and write down the time, date, and a short summary of what was said. You will be able to show this to your lawyer and keep things straight. You want to keep it simple, - you are the mom - you are an adult - you have a steady job - you have a stable home - you have always been responsible with him when he was with you. Therefore there is no reason for you to continue to share custody. You sound very clear and truthful in this forum and that's what you want to come accross in court. If she lies in court about something that was said, your record will hold more weight then just your word. You have more rights in the eyes of the law as an adult, so you should stand a fighting chance with the right lawyer. Good luck.

JAMIE - posted on 11/30/2012

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It may sound corny, but have you considered telling your story to someone like Dr Phil? I don't know personally, but if they put u on the show it looks like (from watching) they help with that sort of thing and offer counseling as well. Also look into a civil suit possibly for slander (which is what she does when she bad mouths u to ur son) and maybe pain and suffering. Again, it souunds lame, but try apply to judge mathis or another tv court show. My understanding is if u win the show pays the awarded amount. With ur award u could put it twds a lawyer and depending on the judge, they may help u with that too...I hate that your goin thru this. I hope my suggestion is something new to consider...*shrug* good luck

Susan - posted on 12/12/2012

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I would take it back to court and fight it and maybe the judge will actually talk to the child . The child should not be forced to call her mom .

Vickie - posted on 12/04/2012

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We are supposed to be here to support one another as Mothers. Not pick apart each other. Heaven knows we've already got those "special" people in our lives that do that for us. We are to come together as a community , offer guidance and help for one another. The one thing we all have in common is the welfare of the children , acting like children and calling each other names does not set the example I want for my son, not for anyone's child. Here we are bullying each other insulting each other. I am able to give advice from a different point of view. My son is a grown man of 20 now. in college and I am hoping the tools I gave him growing up raising him as a single mother are enough for him to make informed choices. He did not have an easy child hood. He has ADD and at 16 refused his medication. From the time I put him in kindergarden it was one nightmare after another. We have to advocate for our children and one another. How ashamed I would be if my son were to read some of these posts and to know that this is the way a circle of mothers speak to and about eachother. Ladies we are adults. If we cannot find words of encouragement for Rheanna and each other we should not participate in a " Circle of Moms". Please let us try to help each other. Not hurt each other with ugly words and deeds. Above all my son told me recently that I taught him the most important lesson he will ever learn no college or prep school or professor could ever teach him how to be a decent caring human being and to treat others as he would like to be treated. Lets all take pause to refocus what this forum is for. Please for heavens sake if for no other reason but the holiday season if one needs to find a reason. Thank you

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Rheanna - posted on 09/03/2013

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It's a temporary order we as in myself the father the grandma and her husband are joint managing conservators

Rheanna - posted on 09/03/2013

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David I'm 21, I'm a college student, I have a stable job, and I have a safe loving home for my son with his own bedroom. The grandmother didn't step up to help me she stole him from me because she wanted another baby. She is mentally unstable and is mentally abusing my baby. You're advising me to get an education when the woman who took my child didn't make it past the 7th grade? I'm more than capable of Caring for this child and I'm a damn good mother the only thing she HAD against me was my age!

AMANDA D - posted on 05/07/2013

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I don't know if this is the right place to post my story but here it is : Ok It all started when I was 18 years of age I had a beautiful baby boy 07/05/2003 born early he had to be in neonatal care for a few weeks until he ganed weight only weighing 4.8 pounds he had to weigh at least 5 pounds before he could go home with me this was a very long hard time for a new mother as myself .I felt as if I had lost my baby until he was able to come home then I was so happy but , this didnt last long maybe a few weeks of me being able to take care of my beautiful baby .It all started when I jjust needed some sleep or rest just asking for a little help from my boyfriends grandmother that him ,our son and I were living with at the time .I asked her if she wouldn't mind giving me a brake for a few hours or so ,she agreed . Well little did i know my son would be sleeping with her from then on and I would have my motherly bonding taken from me . This went on till my son was 3 months of age then my son had to go to the ER and i found out that he would have to have surgery and we would have to go to okc because they didnt have doctors here that could preform the surgery that my son needed , so I rode in ambulance with my son a few hours away and got there I was all alone there and wanted my soon to be husband there with me but being young not having the money we asked my soon to be hubbys family memeber "I thought was his aunt " but actually was his uncule's ex wife "so not part of the family " to help us out she offered to bring my soon to be hubby up there and help us out with some cash to eat on while we were there . Well my son made it out of surgery fine and healthy and once again my mans "Aunt " came and pick us all up bought us home ok thats part 2 here part3 Here's where my life began to fall apart and I didnt't even know how powerful my answer to a question would be . After a week of being home from surgery my man's "Aunt " asked to watch him for a weekend , I wasn't really for this but grandma said that she did do all that stuff for yall it's just a weekend it wont hurt .I agreed that I did owe her so I a loud her to take him for the weekend . Well it didn't stop there every weekend after she took him up until he was a year and half or so then one weekend she wanted him all week and I was very against this but only when I told her no is when I was told by her ex husband that "Mary" The Aunt " gets what she wants " . she brings him home and I told her she couldn't have him anymore on the weekends if she wanted to she him she could see him there with me only . She wasn't very happy with this . That week her ex husband kicks us all out of my soon to be husbands grandmother's home which we where living in on the street ,no place to go but my mom and dads house we moved in with them so we wouldn't be on the streets . A safe warm place for my family . Well my man had some anger issues and had hit me a few times in the past and he had to go to anger management classes , so I would drive him there and set in the parking lot for a few hours till he got out , so before I took him to class, he and I would drop off our son at his granmother's so he wouldnt have to set in the hot car. Little did I know I wouldn't see my son anymore after that day ,because as I was waiting for my man to get out of class ,his grandmother was getting served with emergency guardianship papers to take my son for no reason at all on the papers it stated that the parents where to hand over the child NOT THE GRANDMA . well I went to court to fight it and they told me that she would only have him for three months till I could prove I was capable of taking care of my son , well needless to say the court date never came and so i waited and waited then went to the court house to see what the problem was and why i hadn't been contacted they said it had be change and i didnt show up for it so they have me papers and told me to read them over so i did and talked with the judge and i asked do i have do all of these things which was a long list of stuff i had to do before i could get my son back . The judge answered "You will only have to do three things of the long list stable home ,employment ,and do atleast half of some parenting classes . I said ok'' thank you ! well i lived in a three bedroom home with my father so i had stable home , i got a job ''done'' I went to every class and finshed and completed the classes . ok time to go back to court I go in the judges chambers and i had a list of things i needed for my son back from her , well we start talking and i tell the judge i did what you said to do and i even finshed my classes . so now can i get my son back ?? he looks at the papers and said well you didnt do everything on the paper tho .???? what do you mean well he said you have a lis of things here you havnt done . I answer with you told me i would only have to do these three things as i show them to him on the paper . He answer i dont rememer say this . You have to finsh everything . EVERYTHING? well can i see my son ,only supervised . what is i do that i deserve this i ask WELL evertime i asked to see my son she would say he was busy and again again well need less to say I haven't seen my son since the day i drop him off . I'm sorry for it being so long i just wanted you to know the whole story it was very hard for me to re live this , but you don't know what you have till it's gone forever as it feels to me but thank's to god he blessed me with two more beauiful healthy boys 3 and 5 now i just would love to have my other son too maybe someday>>>> thanks for reading

Lindsey - posted on 01/17/2013

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I had my son when i was 22. When he was 3 my parents took him away from me. We didnt get along and i tried to move out of state to get away from them. The judge ordered me to get a job, a perminate residence and a mental evaluation. Well it wasn't that simple. I ended up spiraling into a deep depression, and played with pot and alchole again. 3 months into the situation I got pregnant with my daughter. I was able to get on medical insurance through the state and then I was able to get the mental exam. Proved my parents were lieing about me having bi-polar. Well because I was pregnant, that slowed the process, my sons lawyer wanted me to prove I could take care of her before I could try to get my son back. After she was born I proved I was a great mom and can be stable. 3 years to the day into the situation I appeared before the judge (and pissed my parents off) and I am proud to say I have had sole custody of my son for a year and a half! Girl! Go get that baby!!!!! No one can take that right away from you. You were givin that baby from God and that baby deserves to be raised by you. If you need someone to talk to that has been in your shoes, I will be more than happy to talk :)

Connie - posted on 01/17/2013

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David, I totally have to agree with Crystal on this one. I was going to reply yesterday when I saw your post. I really had to think about it becasue I couldn't believe you would actually post this nonsense. It appears that you are an angry person.

Grandma is turning Rheanna's son against her. This is psychological abuse! So do you think this is really a stable situation? Mom is taking parenting classes and is able to provide for him. She obviously loves him. That is a big part of living in a stable environment.

David, do you have a college education? College does not teach you how to be a parent unless you are taking classes specifically dealing with children. If you have been to, or graduated from college, does that make you, or anyone more fit to be a parent? Absolutely not! I have some college education, but not much. I raised 3 wonderful sons who are respectful and have morals. They are raising their children in the same manner.

I know plenty of well-educated parents who are abusive to their children. Some are physically abusive, some are mentally and/or emotionally abusive. Some of them have such high expectations, that their children feel that they are near impossible to reach those standards. That much pressure can lead to suicide of these precious kids. I have seen it on the news and in the papers. More imortantly, I have seen it in person on more than one occasion. I lost a cousin many years ago to suicide. I just lost another cousin last week. He was a very intelligent young man who did graduate from college, but in no way was fit to be a parent.

Yes, Rheanna made a poor choice. She loves her son and is actively taking steps to provide for him, and to be a good mother. Is there no such thing as redemption? No second chances? You have no right to judge.

As far as his care while working, daycare and pre-school are not synonymous. There is a huge difference between the two. How do know what she will choose? How do know if she has a good friend who will teach him instead of just letting him be entertained by TV or DVD's? As for being married, in many families, both parents are employed out of necessity.

You can't judge the situation. Seeing your belittling comments, and your seemingly angry tone, it makes me wonder what kind of parent you might be.

Crystal - posted on 01/16/2013

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Wow David, you offer nothing to this discussion what-so-ever. Aside from assumption, harsh judgement and criticism.

Did you bother to read ANYTHING the OP posted? She is obviously concerned for her sons stability both mentally and emotionally. She stated she's been in and out of court fighting for him. She's taken parenting classes and has landed herself a stable job, environment for HER son. All these things she's said in this thread, but of course you'd know that and MAYBE take that into consideration had you bothered reading. She's also advised that her ex mother in law is filling her childs head with crap, damaging him, stealing away his innocence. There are too many women out there, and men, capable of horrendous wrong doings to children, using them as pawns in their petty and vicious adult wars. Using them to wage war on others, trying to break their love and trust of their parent, either father or mother. This is very common unfortunately. And it's abuse!

And btw, she has EVERY right. She is his mother and always will be, and what right does ANY human being have filling a childs mind with negative thoughts or feelings about his mother or father??? I'll tell you how much, none! This woman, although providing a roof over the childs head and food in his belly does not sound like a capable guardian. Sounds more like an abusive one to me. Dangerous and damaging to a childs mental health.

You sir ought to be ashamed of yourself and perhaps think about what you've wrote before hitting 'post'.

What does having a college education or trade have to do with providing a stable environment anyway? Or being married for that matter. What year do you live in? Millions of people are raising perfectly healthy and happy children on middle or low incomes. When children come into the picture you step up and just DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!

It offends me, I do not have a college diploma or degree, I don't even have my highschool, but I'm a very valued employee to any and every corporation I've worked for. I'm incredibly competent and well rounded. I've been in every position from reception at a young age of 19 to payroll admin and HR. I know the ins and outs of business from a core roll.

My daughter, who is only 2, counts to 50. She's known ALL her alphabet, both upper and lower case, since before her 2nd birthday. She could probably recognize more animals than your average adult. Her shapes and colours. She's happy and very healthy. She knows the floor we live on, the apt #. And I'm currently working on our phone number. But according to your logic, unless I have a college degree or make $45k + I have no business raising a child because I can't possibly provide for her.

Your assumptions of ability in parenting are very offensive.

E- sorry for the rant.. I just can't stand blanket assumptions, especially when it comes to the welfare of children.

David - posted on 01/16/2013

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I can't believe what I'm reading!!! Are you serious??? You were 15 and grandma stepped up to provide the only possible stable environment. Now because you are an adult (what, 18???), you think you have the right?

What kind of opportunity do you think you can provide? Do you have a college education, a trade, or would you merely put your son in day care?

You made a mistake at 15. It's sad, but at least grandma stepped up and took care of your son instead of giving him up for adoption. Get yourself an education, a well-paying job, get married, and then think about getting your son back.

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2013

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I think writing a piece for the local paper may get some involved, sure! Not entirely sure how willing the paper would be in giving you the space, but it's worth a shot. Perhaps starting a blog of your own sharing your personal experiences, drawing from your own experiences often help drive mediums like that and make others feel more comfortable discussing matters that could otherwise be uncomfortable. Even starting a group on Facebook. Tag your local town/city and try to get members, friends family involved. Then ask them to share it with other people that may be interested in such an issue.

I try to feel confident that eventually the court systems will open some discussion into PAS as a manner of child abuse or maybe not even abuse but, well.... something more appropriate. To me regardless of how you want to label it, it'll always be damaging thus abusive.

You couldn't offend me simply by mentioning whether this site, or any, was or is religious =) Everyone should always feel welcome, and considering this site is for moms to share concerns, questions, methods, suggestions and everything that comes with being a mom I would hope everyone would make others feel welcomed. I do find many on here are very judgmental and harsh, rash etc.. but as an experienced forum frequenter.. and an adult, I try hard to avoid bad behaviour lol.

I don't want this thread to get to far off topic. The woman who is fighting for her young son needs continued support and suggestion. I hope, I pray (and I don't) that she wins her son back into her life 100%. What he ex mother in law is doing from the information she's given is not right. And women are most guilty for these types of actions, PAS specifically. Women get bitter, and many because of our maternal instincts mixed with bitterness, manipulative tendencies and/or vindictiveness will often tarnish the image of a parent, or try to, in the eyes of their child. And that is truly sad.

Kay - posted on 01/12/2013

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I did not mean to offend anyone about this being a place for Christians to post. Yes, it is open to all of us. I just thought it was. Since I am a believer, I have been excited to find some adult thinking here, instead of the opposite. Forgive me if I am naive. And Yeah!!!, Cudos to your SIL for taking good care of those children.

I would like to know how to make PAS changes in the court systems and on peoples minds in my own community. Not sure where to start. Maybe a newspaper article. I am too interested in doing the right thing.

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2013

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I was completely unaware this site had any religious ties... I just assumed because most posters are American, and I'm Canadian, we're not -as- religious it seems as most Americans. Or there's more there than here etc etc

However, I can still touch on your question whether I'm religious or not. I wouldn't go so far as to -pray- for our enemies. But that can be practiced as far as being a responsible adult who knows that;

-children do NOT come into the world with "jobs". They are not here to carry our weight/burdens and stresses on their tiny shoulders. So any loving, responsible, empathic and overall sensible adult/parent/family member should know to keep those burdens from childrens eyes, ears and hearts as much as humanly possible.

We do not have the right to disrupt the healthy growth of these innocent souls by tarnishing their minds. They will, unfortunately, most times with age come into negative opinions of others themselves. We do not live in a 'wonderful world'.

Our jobs however is to provide a sense of security, stability and good strong moral values. Prepare them for the world, the good and the bad. Help them develop coping skills for the difficulties they'll surely face. Not create difficulties by subjecting them to troubles that are not their own. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. It's all very simple.

No adult has the right to instill in them negative opinions of a childs parent. If a parent is indeed "bad", or rather unfit/unhealthy for that child or a danger to them etc.. .you STILL should not instill negative opinions, instead offer reasons as to -why- that person is avoided. "They're sick right now and can't be allowed around you etc" Without giving too many details.. you paint a small picture window just enough to give some answers to a childs query.

My brother hasn't seen his son in 5 years, actually 1 mo after his 1st birthday. -I- haven't seen my brother in that same amount of time nor has ANY of our family. However my sister in law although a bit far from us is very close with our family and will always be a big part of our family. My nephew as well. My brother is sick, I'm sure, although not diagnosed it's all most of my cousins and I can kinda see as being a major role in his behaviour. Anyway, my sister in law treats my nephews questions very simply, she's never talked down about his father, NEVER, regardless of their relationship.. and it wasn't good at all, she would never give her son any reason to think his father is a bad man. She instead says things like 'he's sick' and 'he's missing out!' and tries to keep him built up about the situation so that he'll come into his OWN thinking when he's older and she can maybe disclose a little more.

Sorry for the long post.. but I do have strong feelings about "PAS", that's not the only situation close to my heart. I have a few very close MALE friends who's ex wives are brutalizing and abusing their children severely by way of 'PAS'. I personally think they should both be fixed.. but that's me..

Kay - posted on 01/12/2013

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Thanks so much for talking about this problem.
Heres the problem. For some, for us, Anything coming from a parent, grandparent to a teacher, principal, is considered heresay. Also, Anything mentioned to the alienating parent who is already a sicko gets put on the children. This puts them even more in the middle. So, you can protect yourself, by asking the child, what do you think, or your Alienating parent loves you and so do I, but do not put them in the middle in any circumstances. They will learn to trust the targeted parent. Who tells the truth but not the details.

I would like to know what you guys think about scripture telling us to pray for our enemies. What does that mean. How do we do that, when we are so frustrated, scared and angry. That is exactly what God tells us to do. And since this is a Christian blog, we don't really have a choice. Not if we are wanting to give God our lives. And if we choose not to pray, because of our own stupid pride, than what happens to our hearts and minds?

Again, I go to Eph 4 17 to 21 I fill myself with it and have memorized it, so it is always in me. Whenever my mind goes to fear and anger, I turn away and pray that scripture. It really does help.

So we are still in the middle of this after 6 years. With my sick xdil, there will always be something. Then a quiet time, then something else.

I truey feel for those that don't have any custody. Then it is harder to balance things out with your children.

Crystal - posted on 01/12/2013

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Children are often brought into adult matters and used as tools to manipulate and yes, alienate a parent, grandparent siblings etc and it IS abusive.

The courts do not yet recognize this as abusive but any person with a head on their shoulders and the ability to understand the lasting affects on the children know better,

If that is what she's doing, if she is making you out to be anything but his wonderful mommy then she is not fit. You should mention anything that relates to her saying anything negative to your son about anyone in his family. It steals away their innocence!

And trying to force him to address her as his mommy is also abusive. It will damage him, you or her in his eyes and can/will have a lasting and negative affect on him.

Kay - posted on 01/12/2013

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Alienation of Affection is also known as PAS, Parent Alienation Syndrome. Look that up as well. It is certainly damaging to the kids. It is the most painful thing and it is global. It is considered child abuse, however the courts do not recognize it as that. I really think there needs to be an awareness of that this is going on. Since I am an alienated grandparent, I am sadly aware of it. Lucky for me, my grandkids love me/us. Dad and x-wife have 50/50. That really helps to balance things out. The trick is to not become an alienator yourself. The kids love their parents and should never, never, have to choose between them.

LuAnn - posted on 01/12/2013

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My husband's mother tried to get custody of our boys (then ages 4 and 3) more than a decade ago. I went to Legal Aid. Check out that kind of resource where you live. Mention "alienation of affection", because it certainly sounds like your mother is doing that to your son, IMO.

Andie - posted on 01/11/2013

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It all depends on your local laws. Here in NM grandparents and fathers have almost no rights and women in and out of drug rehab and jail always get custody. Even with those things the state does not consider them unfit. So do your research and see what the law is. My friend is always in custody battles with his child's unfit mother. She just re-files each time the agreement is up and then it is granted. Get a good job, stay out of trouble, volunteer and show you are fit. Then just keep filing. It sounds likw "Grandma" is the fathers' mother. How does he feel on this? Perhaps he can help you.

Julie - posted on 01/09/2013

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You know, alot depends on the state you are in, your attorney (without one, it is an uphill battle) and even on the judge. I work for an attorney in Texas.. and he can tell right away by the judge if they will favor the mom, dad, grandmother.. or more or less what the ruling may be. I'm sure your fight wont be an easy one. Especially if he's been there for a few years now, they arent going to want to shake up his stability. But you can always ask for a graduating visitation order. Especially since you have visitation allready..tell them you would like the possibility of your period of possession increasing to more and more time.. until conservatorship could be yours. In our state we also have what is called an expanded possession order. Where weekend visits start on Thursday nights and end on Monday mornings. I hope all goes well with you, If your a good mom that wants her baby, I think the child should be with mom first always! No one can take Mommy place... no matter how hard she tries.

Kathryn - posted on 01/08/2013

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The judge will want to do what is best for the child. You already have joint custody, and it may be left that way. What you may want to ask for, is more time with the child.
What is the grandmother's situation? Is she on welfare, does her spouse support her?
What is your situation? If you didn't have your current boyfriend, would you be able to support the family, without relying on welfare? To the court, this may be important.
I'd suggest, allowing the grandmother be the "daycare" provider evene you gain full custody. Also allow her to have weekend visitation, and possibly extended time on school holidays.
The grandmother stood up and took care of this child, when it seems no one was going to.

We don't know all sides of this story.There is the mom's, the grandmother's, and then there is the truth.

Amy C - posted on 01/01/2013

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See if you can settle this out of court, if not then you need to go to court immediatly to prove and thats it you have to prove all this, bring pay stubs with how much you make, bring pictures of your 2 bedroom apartment with pictures of his room to prove that you have a stable living envirement. If the judge still wont hear your case, as the judge to recuse him or herself since they heard the case before

Kay - posted on 12/31/2012

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One more thing. What can we do to bring awareness in our community and world in general to P.A.S. so that the courts will see it as the abuse that it is.

Kay - posted on 12/31/2012

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Stephanie,
It has taken me a while to assimilate your message to me. Thank you for your response. I must say, I got pretty emotional at the tender way you worded your message. I will tune into family matters and I will pray for your daughter and son. I hope we can keep talking. I would love to know more about what you went through. I know someday, we will be gone from here and with Jesus. I am working on managing my emotions and accepting what I don't want to accept. I feel so sad for my son. Luckly, his three are with him 50% of the time, so he can balance out the abuse to some extent. It is just so hard to believe that my x daughter in law has become such an angry, vindictive person. She learned this from her boyfriend who I believe abuses her and I know he abuses the kids. This PAS is just horrible stuff and if she loves her kids at all, she would not do this to them. She truly has become a nasty, assaulting, prson, driven by him. My prayer is that life will be easier for my son and easier for the kids. He deserves to be the wonderful, loving dad that he is to them, without all the influence that makes it difficult to raise healthy kids. I believe that these brilliant little minds have so much on their platter, that their lives will be a mess. I know God can solve that problem and I do pray, their grades are suffering.
Anyway thank you Stephanie again for your response. Praying J

Stephanie J - posted on 12/30/2012

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Hi Jana,

Yes I will pray with you. P.A.S is a sad story, many are becoming victums around the glob. Children are being brainwashed to hate thier parent and other family members and this equals to hating apart of themselves.Courts do not seemto rise and take a stand to this problem. Here in Ontario they have a televtion show called "Family Matters". I have found some of the topics helpful and would like to share it with you. You can also find these on utube and also google P.A.S. You will find helpful information. I still pray for my son's father and grandparents. Please add them to your prayers Jana. The long sufferings will one day disapear, and everything we hope for will apear. Our sadness, sorrows, and tears will be wiped away one day. Being a victum of P.A.S left deep scars. It has taken me years to open up to others. I see the pain in my daughters eyes each day. We both keep moving forward knowing God's great promise will soon come. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers Jana. Psalms always gets me threw. I would encourge you to read it. It is a wounderful part of scriptures that is so beautiful and have held close to my heart since I was 7 years old.

Kay - posted on 12/30/2012

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PAS is really scary stuff. This is going on in my family, I am grandma, with my grandchildren. The alienators, X-daughter in law and boyfriend are frightening, ruthless, hateful people. They worked on my son for a long time, now her mom is isolated and family and now it is my turn. I am not bringing this up with them, don't want to put them in the middle. The attitude of the smallest one is so sad. I love these kids to pieces. Our son is trying so hard to balance out the lives of his kids. We are entirely positive around them. We want to give them stability. We put our feeling aside and don't put them in the middle. The mom constantly puts them in the middle.

IS THERE NO HELP FOR THIS????'
HOW CAN A PARENT ABUSE THE CHILDREN THIS WAY???
I hate being passive in this sadness. I think it is all I can do, except pray. It is better for the kids to alienate from me than my son.

Pretty sad stuff.

Would anyone pray with me that this boyfriend would either leave or the two of them heal from whatever it is they are hurting from?

Aeryn - posted on 12/30/2012

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Call your county. Try even Social Service and explain your case in person. First step (if you're living on your own) Get a two bedroom apartment. Preferably one that may have a playground in the back. In a safe neighborhood. Maybe close to a hospital. Have a steady income that can support your son. Come up with a chart of things you can pay for on your income that would go towards him when you get him back. Ie, $100/month for clothes, $200 towards groceries, extra $50 for emergencies. Also take some documented parenting classes. It doesn't mean you don't know how to raise your child. It means it will only help your case. Look into different activities you would like to put your son in for fun. Check out daycares. Actually VISIT them. Get forms, find out prices, check to make sure their licensed, make sure they would fit your schedule and you can afford them. If not, make sure you qualify to apply for help. Set up your sons room. Believe me, whether or not you have your own place they WILL check to see his room. He has to have his own. Decorate, decorate, decorate. And start NOW. Place fun posters around the room, paint it blue, buy bed sheets and comforters that are animated. Put in nightlights. Buy toys and a bookshelf and place it in his room. Put a rug down. Place toys in the toy chest to fill it up. Apply for temporary guardianship until your case is heard. Get the best lawyer you can afford. Never stop googling and using free consultations for your case. You have a very good chance. While I do not have exactly the same case, I have my son but will be taking his very estranged father(my son does not know who he is. Only met him twice when he was 6 months old) to court for child support and legal custody. Best of luck ! And I would like to make a small donation.

Stephanie J - posted on 12/30/2012

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I wanted to stop by and tell you that your not alone on this. I found a lot of information helpful as I have studied many things around these particular things.http://www.paawareness.org/
Please copy and paste this link to research. There is more information that is helpful to you. Age does'nt matter. I know that 15 is a very young age to have a child. I too have lost my son to P.A.S. I fought for 4 years. Myself, daughter and son are dealing with the emotions. Even tho he is not here with us. I still see the effects with my daughter not having her little brother around. Thank you for sharing your story. i hope you find comfert and solutions.I did'nt have money to pay for a lawyer and now havnt seen my son for 3 yrs. I know this can be frighning, devistating, and you feel so betryed and stipped of your motherhood.Keep documenting and go out to your local community for support and also here with the circle of moms. We are here for you

Pamela - posted on 12/29/2012

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As long as you fear losing....yes....you don't stand a chance in court. I do not understand the true custody situation. Was Grandma given temporary or permanent custody? On what grounds?

Without answers to those questions it is difficult to give what would be considered fair advice.

Kay - posted on 12/27/2012

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from the people I have spoken to, documentation in black ink will stand up in court. Emailing for communicating will leave a trail so is A good way to communicate. How old are your children, or son. I have two little girls involved in PAS.

Kim - posted on 12/27/2012

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You should be able to get an attorney for free. The judge may want to talk to your son. But keep track of everything she says or does to you. and anytime you are supposed to have him and she does not let you.

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of course you stand a chance young mum or not hes your baby not hers go to court and fight for him good luck hope you get him back soon x

Kay - posted on 12/17/2012

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I would also do to the transition in front of the police department. There are video cameras and any outbursts will be on camera.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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Have a chat with your Ex tell him you want your child back, now since his mom had him for 5 yrs. If he and his mom disagree to this then take them to court again. WHEN YOU ARE DOING THIS HAVE IT RECORDED WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ON SOME RECORDING SYSTEM.

Asheka - posted on 12/17/2012

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Have a chat with your Ex tell him you want your child back, now since his mom had him for 5 yrs. If he and his mom disagree to this then take them to court again. WHEN YOU ARE DOING THIS HAVE IT RECORDED WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ON SOME RECORDING SYSTEM.

Sonia - posted on 12/16/2012

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I suggests all communication should be done by texting. Keep it short, simply and to the point. Conversation can get deluded than it become he said, she said. When you pick up your son alway video the sceen because that's when she will said or do things that are inappropriate due her resentment of you. Whatever you do treat the situation with respect. This will show that you have no beef with her, you just want your right with your son. Stay calm and move on. I wishes you well. Do the right thing and the right ( as a mother) will be your.

Connie - posted on 12/16/2012

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There are lawyers how work "pro bono" (free) in special circumstances or at a pro-rated low cost. If grandma is telling him bad things about you, start documenting these incidents, including dates. If you can, get them by text or email for solid proof. Use a tape recorder while your son is making these comments about grandma, though he may feel uncomfortable doing so. Even just document what he says, with the date.

Try to find a means to get a report that you are stable and able to take good care of him. It can be from a doctor, a social worker, and even references from family and friends.

Make sure that your time with him is enjoyable and tell him that you miss him and love him so much! Tell him about the fun things you would do together. Give him lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance that you want to be his full-time mom, if he is old enough to understand that.

Prayers to you, and I hope that you are successful.

Aleatha - posted on 12/14/2012

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get your son baby if the grams is doing that that shows you she didnt do something rigth with you she didnt show you something get your baby befor grams ake that boy into a man that say my mom never wanted me because she gave me to my grandma and my grandma is my mom fuck yo mama with all do respect get your child my mama hd her first at 16 that when she step up got her own house and everything else she needed for my odlest brother then she had five more and she is doing damn good with divorce and all she has 8 grand kids and more to come get yo baby

Crystal - posted on 12/14/2012

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It would be awfully difficult for ME to forgive a woman who's intention was to bleed my child of me altogether. To cut me out as his or her mother and replace me. I'm sorry but somethings are UNFORGIVABLE. That's just me though...

I'm 30 and have 1 child, 2.5 yr old daughter. A family that cares offers support, where some may not have the ability to step in and ensure the child has what he/she needs for those few important years. Sounds as though this woman had every intention of playing that child against his mother, filling his young impressionable mind with hate and lies about his mommy whom he already didn't see enough of.

Rheanna, I wish ALL the very best for you. Fingers crossed you get a family judge who sees reason. Unfortunately I am sooo very against bringing children into adult matters, but it seems your ex's mother has already seen to that. So perhaps you do need to make mention of the garbage she was filling your sons head with. That will go against her ability and show how unfit a role model she truly is. In a perfect world you'd get the same judge that first handed custody to the ex's mother, hind sight, she would see the potential mistake in her original decision. Although keeping the child with family when possible and a healthy choice is always best, her decision could have severely impacted your sons mental health.

Wishing you all the very best in your fight for your son!

Glory - posted on 12/14/2012

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If all you say is true she is unbalanced and I would bring that up in court. I can see her wanting to help take care of your son but that call me mom thing is weird and she shouldn't say bad things about you to that poor kid. Counseling comes to mind.

Kay - posted on 12/13/2012

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Rheanna,
Please forgive when all these comments are trying to get the full picture. You do sound like a wonderful, conscious, mother trying to do her best by her son.

Since, we want peace, how about forgiving your mil and asking her to forgive you. If she does not, then you are in the clear. At least this would help your heart be right with God.

Ask her to work with you and let her know you want to work with her. All the time, keeping agreeing to keep your son out of the middle.

Rheanna - posted on 12/13/2012

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Diane I never said anything about snagging boyfriend's in and out of my child's life . I have been with the same man for 3 years. Other then my sons birth father my current boyfriend is all he knows. Second my son is not limited to anything just because I am a young mother. He is in school, plays t ball, has birthday parties every year, has healthcare , has 2 homes , ect.. And lastly I am not doing it for myself I am doing it for him, I have been since he was born. I believe I can give him a wonderful life and provide everything he needs and then some. And yes he will know he was born to a young mother and I will prove to him that I worked twice as hard to give him everything a child deserves,just like how I look and admire my mother who was a teen mom as well who now has her masters degree in the science of mental health counseling , owns her own home and gave her 4 children the best life she possibly could which for the record we DID NOT miss out on anything, oh and she did it all without a mans help. Now you may see things differently but I for one am proud to have a mom like her and I will make my son proud as well.

Rheanna - posted on 12/13/2012

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Jenny Rose I am in Texas, and again it is NOT MY mother whom I am fighting with, it is MY EX'S MOTHER. I have an amazing relationship with my parents and family and a tremendous support system as well. When my son is with us he does not see negativity or fighting. And yes it was because I was young the judge said so herself. She stated that she didn't want me to drop out of school to take care of a baby(which wasn't even my plan to do so) she also stated while I was in school that she didn't want my son in a daycare when his grandma was available to take care of him.

Susan - posted on 12/13/2012

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sounds good . looks like you have your life on track hopefully everything will work out with you .

Diane - posted on 12/13/2012

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This is my second posting to this. If your mother took you to court and won, it wasn't because you were a teenager. What exactly were her reasons? You say she is obsessed with him. Yes, this child will benefit considerably if you finish school. Shared custody is a perfect way in which you can work and apply for school grants, scholarships, etc. Is there someone in the family, religion, or even in the court system, that can mediate this and make the situation workable for all, so that you can progress with your life, making it better in the long run for him, and you and your mother can somehow learn how to be on the same page as far as parenting? Can you take you to court and ask for mediation, parenting classes that you both take, and someway of taking the heat off your son? If you are fighting with your mother around your son, it's toxic, and he will forever be changed by that atmosphere. Any and all fighting needs to stop, for his sake, and you two need to work together, to help him grow into the man he can be. Just your attitude about being robbed says it all. You were a child. How did you plan on caring for his needs? The most important relationship a child will ever have is with the same sex parent. And he came out of the shoot, into your care, without that. That will forever have an impact on him, and how he is supposed to parent his own children. Think about that boy, and figure a way of working with your mother, even if you are going back to court. He doesn't deserve fighting women in his life.

Jenice - posted on 12/12/2012

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Can you go to family mediation and get this resolved civilly? I am sure that if a judge can see that you were too young to have a child and now want to be responsible for your son. You should have a good job and show you are capable to provide care. If you need to have your son present to say that your mother is over stepping her boundaries, then maybe you should have a police report or counselor to prove that she is doing this.

JENNY - posted on 12/12/2012

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Shannon...I agree that the ideal situation for a child is for mommy and daddy to be married and mommy stay home to raise the children...IN A PERFECT WORLD...this however is far from a perfect world so lets look at REALITY ...from your statements I'm to understand that a child that needs to be in daycare means that the parent is not fit to have the child??? Hmmm where do I even start??? Rich wealthy famous movie stars singers ect ect ect...guess NONE of them are fit to have custody of their children??? Or are they exempt??? Children that have nannys??? We can refer to that as PRIVATE daycare ...what about military moms that have lost their husbands in the line of fire that find themselves HAVING to get a job??? I guess we should take their kids to ...after all according to you that makes them unfit...where exactly do YOU draw the line??? Boy our Foster care situation would really be in trouble if things went your way...and furthermore ...being a young mom DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL NOT BE A GOOD MOM...NOR DOES IT MEAN THE CHILD WONT HAVE A GOOD LIFE...YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO TALK TO MY 3 CHILDREN ... they were born to a 16 year old (I was pregnant at 16 then at 19 and again at 23)...and now I have a daughter that's a midwife a son that serves full time in the army and a stay at home mom who just so happens to have had her baby at 16...AND I THANK YOU TO NOT REFER TO A CHILD AS A MISTAKE...

Rheanna - posted on 12/12/2012

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Yay ok we're back! First off thank you everyone for your wonderful advice and concerns. I understand that every has a right to their own opinion so we will leave it at that. But let me explain a little more: I'm 20 years old, my son will be 5 this month. The "father" is around I believe his mom lets him pick up my son from time to time but he is very irresponsible so he is not as involved . I do have an attorney now (yay!) and we will begin the process very soon, although I am a young mother I am also a fit one. I graduated high school ,got myself into college ,I am working , I have my own apartment (my son has his own room), and I've been with a man for about 3 years now who is an excellent father figure in my sons life! Hope that answered some of the questions:)

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2012

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I have unlocked this thread under the assumption that everyone will be nice :)

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2012

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This thread has gone out of control. Since the OP has not come back I am locking it.



Thank you,

Katherine

Administrator

WtCoM

Athena - posted on 12/12/2012

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You. Are the child's biological Mother. You didn't give your baby away. She took him from you. She sounds like she wanted another child of her own and couldn't have one, so she stole your child using your age as an excuse. She saw an opportunity and so she took advantage of it full force. Just the fact she has her Grandson call her Mommy shows that. That is sick and pathetic. She is robbing the child of his relationship with his natural Mother and is lying to her Grandson. Also, when the Grandmother speaks badly about his Mommy. Well that is called vilifying in a court of law which she can be taken to court for and prosecuted if proven. Get a free legal aid lawyer in your area and explain your situation, you will find out your rights as the natural Mother. You should have full custody, your the child's Mother. If anything she should be brought up on vilifying charges & you should recieve restitution for the emotional damage she has inflicted on you and your son from the anxiety separation of Mother and Son. What she has done is selfish, and wicked. After you find a lawyer, have a child psychologist interview your Son to verify proof that the Grandmother not only has vilified Mommy, but is insisting Grandma be called Mommy instead. In court this will definitely show the judge the wrong she is inflicting on you and your Son. In court s judge will always make her decision based on the nest interest of the child. A decent fit Mother deserves to be whither child. Grandma needs to realize its not her baby, but yours. Grandma sounds a bit delusional and unstable filling a child's head with lies about his Mommy. That can be damaging yo a young child. Your Son needs to be with you now more than ever. Good luck to you. I hope this helps some. Please keep us all posted on your progress. Now, go find yourself a free legal aid lawyer and get your baby back from that baby snatching Poor excuse for a Grandma. Much luck to you sweetie!

JENNY - posted on 12/12/2012

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Recording someone without their knowledge is NOT against the law...the law states that as long as 1 of the parties being recorded KNOWS then it is legal and admissible in court!!! I've been through court battles and know this to be FACT... ALSO out of curiosity ...WHERE is the father???

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