My son was taken from me by his grandma because of my age, now as an adult do I stand a chance at regaining custody?

Rheanna - posted on 11/28/2012 ( 136 moms have responded )

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I had my son at 15 years old. At 16 his grandma took me to court for custody because she is obsessed with my son! The judge said that she didn't want me to drop out of school to take care of a baby and also didn't want him in daycare if his grandma was available to care for him. If it helps I've never done drugs or had a crazy profession let alone been proved to be unfit which I'm not! I'm an adult now and have been fighting for custody ever since. I am completely stable and am able to provide for him. I miss him everyday he's away from me and he tells me things that his grandma says about me which are bad and she makes him call her mom , he says if he calls her grandma she gets mad and tells him that she's his mom. Please I need advice, do I even stand a chance in court?this lady robbed me of my motherhood and is trying to ruin the relationship I have with my son.-I have joint custody with the grandma so I still have some rights.

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JENNY - posted on 12/12/2012

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Recording someone without their knowledge is NOT against the law...the law states that as long as 1 of the parties being recorded KNOWS then it is legal and admissible in court!!! I've been through court battles and know this to be FACT... ALSO out of curiosity ...WHERE is the father???

Javiera - posted on 12/11/2012

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Apply to the courts for sole custody of your son...GET A LAWYER if you can. I dont know where you live but you can go to a court house or even download these forms and write in the information and take NOTES on the time place and what was said about you to your son, this is called psrental alienation, and what she is doing is psychological abuse of your son. Im an Early Childhood Educator in Toronto Canada. You can petition the courts for sole custody, it seems you were manipulated by your mother and the courts. If you still have rights to your child you are likely to get sole custody of him. HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN TAKEN FROM YOU. You can do this without a lawyer, there is legal aid and legal clinics to help you.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/11/2012

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Definitely look into legal aid organizations. Contact a local law school--some have fee legal aid clinics run by law professors. Most big law firms also do pro bono work and have pro bono parters who coordinate such matters. Yours sounds like a compelling case. Good luck. (I am a commercial litigator)

Jaala - posted on 12/11/2012

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I'm glad that you didn't completely give up your rights. That's a plus! Have you consulted with lawyers to explore the possibilities along with your rights? I'm sure this is going to be both frustrating and time consuming, but don't give in.

Amy - posted on 12/11/2012

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There is a U.S. Supreme Court case called Troxel v. granville from 2000. If your lawyer isn't familiar with it, find a new one. I practice family law in Colorado and that case is huge.

Mom - posted on 12/10/2012

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Go back to court and fight.Tell the court what she is doing.She is the Grandmother and she should remember that.I am a Grandmother of 13 and I would never try to poison my Grandchildren s mind against their mother.She can be a loving Grandmother without destroying you.If she can't then there is something really wrong with her head!

Amy - posted on 12/10/2012

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Talk to a attorney in your state. If you can't afford one, call legal aid. Every situation is different and you need to learn your legal rights. For those of you who are fighting for years and have an attorney, get a second opinion.

Angela - posted on 12/10/2012

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@ Diane Sower



QUOTE: (from Diane Sower)



"I feel sorry for this child. He would have had a chance at a beautiful life had he been adopted. Now he's going to know family fighting, and that he was born to an extremely young mother"



Sorry Diane but adoption doesn't necessarily mean happy ever after!



Furthermore, a great many children are exposed to fighting amongst their family at some level - in fact I would say MOST children.



Finally "he's going to know that he was born to an extremely young mother ..."



And? Is that so terrible? Is there some kind of social disgrace (for the child) in being born to a very young mother? Is it like being the child of a serious criminal or something? As for "he's going to know ...." - was there some reason why he shouldn't know? Why it would be better if he didn't know? I really don't understand what you're trying to say or imply in this.

Nicole - posted on 12/09/2012

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Also at shannon the mother has had part time custody. So how has she abandon him? I guess allthe mothers and fathers who had/have part time custody or joint are abandoning their children!

Nicole - posted on 12/09/2012

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But ur a lawyer. I don't see how you could be a full time mom being with your child every minute of the day and being a lawyer. so if thats not the case I suggest you not to judge mothers who have their child in daycares, i know several mothers who are 30_ 40 years old who send their child (ren) to 12 hrs at day care and are exellent mothers! And who said the child will be in day care that long? Also Age does not matter it is the maturity that does ! It started off long ago that women we're having babies young but it wasn't looked down then in fact women who we're over 25 with no children we're old maids! you really need to grow up ! Knocking people down for a mistake when their trying to do their best !

Nicole - posted on 12/09/2012

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I agree with vickie fisher we need to help this woman not knock her down ! also shannon you knocked down women who send their could to day care

Casey - posted on 12/09/2012

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you can get custody back if you show the courts that you are a great mom. my mom say it to me to scare me but i dnt think she will really do it. because she knw she can really take my place and she knw i will fight her all the way. and she rallly can say shit about how i parent and she know why

Shauna - posted on 12/08/2012

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Rheanna,

I am extremely sorry about everything that you are having to go through and I am most sorry for what your son is going through. I do not feel that it is right for his grandma to be telling him to call her mom, because after all that's not what she is and she did not give birth to him.



But I guess you could look at it this way "anyone can be a mom, but it takes someone special to be a mother." so even if he does call his grandma mom you are still his MOTHER and no matter what she tells him to call her you will ALWAYS be his MOTHER.



Yes you have made mistakes, but I promise you that you are not the only mother that has ever made mistakes. I mean I have two kids by two men and not married The point is is that everyone including Shannon, who seems to think that no one else is giving you good advice.



Yes I would ask your son what he wants, but in a court of law he is still too young for a judge to really listen to him, if you know what I mean. But I would fight, fight, fight until the day you get him back. Document everything that your son tells you that his grandma says and make sure you have proof that you can support your son whenever you go to court and I would also make sure that you take anything you have that says that you have recieved and education and have employment and a place to live and everything.



I mean I know obviously you have them or the courts wouldn't allow you joint custody, but I would take everything you can and that you have with you because it can't hurt you to have all that information. I hope this helps, please write back and good luck.

Angela - posted on 12/05/2012

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Vickie, I agree with what you said. I referred to Shannon as “smug” because she’s jumped in assuming things without reading the full thread. I’m not the only one on here who is rather taken aback at Shannon’s response. She doesn’t know that grandma’s home is necessarily the most stable place for this child either. I particularly didn’t like the comment about she married a MAN – he earns the income to support the family, she stays home with the kids etc … Oh yes, and they’re happy to live on a low wage to keep things this way. I fully agree that money isn’t everything. Congratulations Shannon, you struck gold in the husband/partner lottery. Quite a lot of us didn’t!



Giving birth at 15 Rheanna didn’t have the opportunity to “marry a MAN” – and we’re told NOTHING of her child’s father – only his mother, who is the little boy’s grandma, is mentioned. And there are vast numbers of capable wives and mothers of ALL ages that are far more mature and sensible than their male counterparts. That’s a fact that most women (and probably a great many men) would agree with.



The child’s grandma knew that Rheanna had not finished High School etc …. at the time this little one was born. I believe that her motives in taking in this child and looking after him were very likely altruistic in the short-term. However, over the years, I appreciate that she’s bonded with him and doesn’t want to part with him. Rheanna tells us he’s told her that grandma has encouraged him to call her “Mom” – but he knows she’s his grandma. She doesn’t like being called grandma though! So he’s NOT been raised calling her Mom, it’s possibly something she’s only introduced quite recently! If I was raising a grandchild, I wouldn’t want them to call me anything but Grandma for sure! Claiming the “Mom” title in these circumstances is very dishonest.



OK Shannon, if YOU’D bothered to read the whole thread, she’s not 18 now, she’s 21, so the child will be 6. Rheanna and her son’s grandma currently have JOINT custody – that means Rheanna’s got him for some of the time anyway. It’s not as though we’re talking about him going to live with his mother full time from living with his grandma full time – leaving a secure environment for a new, strange home where he’s never been before! And it’s only right that his grandma still gets plenty of contact after he’s moved in with his mother.



Looking at the child’s best interests (which everyone agrees should be the main aim in this whole situation), have you ever heard of PAS, (Parental Alienation Syndrome)? Here’s a link:



http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/f...



It’s not proven as a “real” syndrome, as the link explains and in this instance could be used by either side in a custody battle discredit the other. Even more worrying is that judges often award custody to the alleged “bad” parent as a result of their lack of confidence in the other parent who they feel may (in some cases) be grossly exaggerating their claims – even though those claims could be 100% real. Or they give custody to the “good” parent who might indeed be telling a pack of lies and has additionally worked hard on influencing the child. No guarantees with that one!



Children who live in a home where they’re separated from one or both parents (especially their mother) – even if that home is a secure and loving one – can very easily develop a sense of loss. An identity crisis may develop and the child be left wondering about their mother. It even happens when the mother has “left” her children because of her death.



Rheanna is now fully educated and working. She’s now an adult that can provide for her child and have him living under her roof full-time. I sincerely hope she gets the chance to do this.



I agree that the child should be asked what HE wants as well. My friend’s child, through the system and through difficult family circumstances, had to go and live with foster parents from the age of 6. She had plenty of contact with her biological mother and relations were pleasant between all parties. At 13 or 14 she decided she wanted to live with her mother, who had wanted her back right from the time she first moved away. The authorities were in agreement. Then the foster mother, whose financial situation was far more comfortable than those of the bio-mother said “If you go and live with your mother you can’t take any of these possessions I bought for you …” She stayed with her foster mother (typical greedy teenager!) until she was 18 – but her relationship with her was never the same again. Now in her mid-20’s she doesn’t have any contact with her foster mother, she is married with a child of her own and avoids the kind of domestic difficulties that may result in losing her child to the system. The relationship with her own mother is good.



Shannon, you suggest my vocabulary is lacking because I used the term “some legal person” (whilst using the word “lawyer” in the same sentence anyway!). I’m English and I know there are different names for various legal figures in different countries. I assume you’re American? We say “solicitor” you say “attorney”, we also have legal assistants who aren’t lawyers and there are any number of “legal people” with different titles who aren’t necessarily lawyers either but qualified in advising people on various legal scenarios. Nothing wrong with my vocabulary madam, I have a post-graduate qualification in use of English!



I agree that it’s possibly not in the child’s best interests to be pulled out of his grandma’s home in order to form a new family with a new Daddy on the scene. But Rheanna never mentioned any boyfriend in the picture, did she? Why assume things?



I also agree that she needs to set everything up beforehand to present the best possible case, including provision for this child’s healthcare, his education etc …



At the end of the day, she can only win or lose this case. Or do you feel she shouldn’t even try?



Rheanna, please respond!!

Vickie - posted on 12/05/2012

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Dear Heart.

DO NOT GO ON ANY KIND OF SHOW! It will only paint you in a negative light , no matter how you tell your story, plead your case or what ever your plans are. I do understand that you are still young. Im 47 now and I think you should look to the older gals on this site for advice, and take it all with a grain of salt , including my own. NO One but you knows truely how things transpired the way it did. Your main focus must be your boy. He is a very young man. But not so young that he wont remember what is transpiring now. Always , always conduct yourself with dignity. Dont record your son, dont ask him for information, dont make him a pawn in this. Honey where does his father stand in all of this? Where are your parents? Do you not have anyone that you can depend on for moral support? An Aunt, Cousin, close family friend someone older with life expierence? Perhaps the means to help you out , you can ask for the court to assign a mediator. Please please put your sons wants and needs above your own. Even if they are in contradiction with your own. You really are still so young and so is your boy. This is what I would tell my own girl, if i was fortunate enough to have a girl. I have a boy, a little older than you. I would tell my daughter, right now you have joint custody of your son. Not having the financial means to go into what could be a a horrificly long and ugly court battle. Treasure every moment you have with your boy. GO TO COLLEGE get an education , and while you are doing this you will be setting an example for your son. DO NOT DO anything to jepordize your relationship with him , or your joint custody. I know college is expensive, start out at a two year community college while you make a decision as to what it is that you want to do with the rest of your life, being a stay home mom is a beautiful thing but you cant do that with a high school diploma. Fight the good fight honey, the quick fixes the short cuts never ever work. Apply for financial aid go to school begin your journey to find out who you are and who you want to be for the future. Dont get a job get a career one that is in line with your morals and values. Your son will respect you more for not compromising , and not loosing him all together. A custody battle at this point is a very dicey thing. you are not financially prepared for this. Ask yourself these questions: Does your exes mom physically or emotionally abuse him ? Has she ever put him in danger? Are his living conditions dangerous to his well being? I know these are hard things to honestly answer for yourself. I know that alot of this whole thing is coming from a place of anger and fright because she wants your son to call him mom. well honey that is just a word. You know that you are his Mom, you are a part of his life what you need to honestly ask yourself if what kind of a woman do you want to show him you are? One he can be proud of because you did things the honest hard way to make a good life for the two of you? These are the things that will define you as his MOM not what he calls your exes mother. Show him what it means to be a Mom not a mom. Please dont look for an easy out, there isnt one. The way you handle this from this point on will define what your son sees as a good Mother and a good Woman. Give him unconditional love, and structure . Thats what he needs at this age. I hope you will take this to heart , please please think before you act.

With all the best hopes for you and your boy,

Vickie

Tracy - posted on 12/05/2012

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Funny, we're going through the opposite. My young niece has decided to give us Guardianship of her 16 month old son. The FIRST thing the lawyer told us was: "Custody/Guardianship is always a temporary situation and your niece can come back and get her son anytime she wants." It amazes me that we are told this and yet all of you are having such trouble. Another situation where the lawyers are the only ones benefiting!! I wish you all good luck.

Kelsey - posted on 12/04/2012

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First off Rheanne I feel really bad for you and no how you are feeling as I have a friend(17) who is fighting with her parents right now because they want custody of her child because they do not like her sons father...she still lives at home with her parents and pays for eveything but they feel like they should have control over how he is raised and it is just not right! What sort of parent takes their grandchild away from their parents unless there is a very SERIOUS reason??







Second of all to Diana good advice on re-visiting the whole situation but really BAD take on teen parenting! It does not matter the age of a mother there can be family feuds at any age! Also just because she was and is a teen mother does NOT mean this child is going to have less chances in life...yes there are horrible statistics out there against teens but just because there are shitty teen parents out there does not mean they will all be shitty.



Teens can be far better parents than some adults can I am a TEEN mom and I live with my child's father on our own. We work pay our bills attend school and yes my child is in daycare but that is because he works and I am a full time student getting my education to ensure my child(ren) have a better life than I did growing up. Also HOW DARE you imply that because she had a baby as a teenager she should have just given the baby up for adoption!! How can you ensure that child wouldn't have had a worse off life? The people who adopted him could have sexually assaulted him beaten him who knows what can happen to any child whether they are in the care of their Bio parents or adopted ones..even foster homes! We need to encourage teens to do the right thing for their children and the right thing is not always the easiest but the right thing is to raise your child unless their is some SERIOUS reason for you to give your child up for adoption.

Shakima - posted on 12/04/2012

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you need all the evidence you can get... take pictures of his room ,take pictures of the way he looks when he sees you, dont allow her to continue abuse of ur son....

Shakima - posted on 12/04/2012

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First im sorry your is putting you threw this... Second has your sono told anyone in authority how he feels? If not you can tell him to speak to the school counselor &/or take him to a counseling center so he can tell them how he feels. You can use what he tells them about your mom in court or try to get someone to represent him in court (child lawyer) save text messages, record phone conversations if necessary. Dont ever give up on him & if hes of age to say where he wants to go tell him to speak up.. How old is he?

Diane - posted on 12/04/2012

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If you are going to family court to re-visit this issue, you need to show you can support this child, financially, physically, in every way possible. If I were you, I'd finish my education, as that would give you a better shot at this. If this child would only live on welfare with you, his chances at life and at educational experiences, sports, etc., would be extremely limited. You need to think about what's good for him in the long run, and not just how good it makes you feel to be a teen mother. You said you could provide for him. Does this include healthcare, day care, and all other expenses that come with a full time parenting position? I just look at the statistics here, and I think you can probably pull this off if you really and truly get your life in order, especially not snagging another boyfriend into the picture. I feel sorry for this child. He would have had a chance at a beautiful life had he been adopted. Now he's going to know family fighting, and that he was born to an extremely young mother.

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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If you read what I wrote she didnt say how old she was. Go ahead and whitewash it but remember, she asked for honest opinions. I'm not being rude, I'm being honest. She made a mistake, a few actually, and needs REAL advice on how to go about this. And Tara, if you dont like it, then go to a site where moms tell each other they are good moms while ignoring their children. I repeated over and over again, what's most important is what is in the best interst of the child. I didnt see anyone else stating that. What did you miss??????

Tara - posted on 12/04/2012

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Shannon - you are absolutely rude for no apparent reason you put down Angela for using a term like "legal person" acting as though she didn't know the word lawyer, when she said lawyer in the same sentence. There are people who may have accurate legal advise to give without being lawyers.

And since you are acting better than everyone else, maybe you should learn to add she had her 5 yr old son when she was 15...doesn't sound like she is 18 to me.

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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I have too Vickie- but here is the deal., You also dont want her to make the same mistake again...she is still young! The last thing this kid needs is another baby daddy in the mix. Lets all be good role models to teach these young women to CHOOSE WISER next time!

Vickie - posted on 12/04/2012

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Shannon

I respect your opinion and yes we are definately not teenagers anymore. I dont think advise should be whitewashed but i also think that this very young lady is frightened and we as the "older crowd" should try to set an example for the younger moms. Thats all , its that simple. Teach by example . 25 years ago I had a similar problem with the biodad and his family, and they thought because i was young and came from blue collar parents id knuckle under the pressure of threats of legal action. In fact when my sons donor for lack of a better word refused to give me my son back after visiting his parents out of state, and id just been in a horrific car accident neck brace and all boarded that plane with nothing more than my guts and a return trip ticket for two , I came home with my boy and they NEVER tried anything like that again. So I dont mean to sugar coat I just know how horrified i was and if there had been a forum like this then, Id wouldnt have felt so alone. Not to say my Mom and Dad werent 100% in my corner but mention a lawyer and my Mom is ready to throw in the towel. Me not so much. I just want to encourage these young girls to do the right things for their children, be it have them at home with them or coparenting with yes even a grandmother who doesnt see things the same way you do. We've been around the block, and we know whats out there so lets just support these young ladies with all that we can.

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Vickie you are right but we are not teenagers anymore, we are adults and if you need adult advice, for adults, this is the site. I wont whitewash anything. I have a special needs child as well and I wouldnt want anyone telling me I was a good mom if I wasnt taking care of him or couldnt. I'm just pointing out the difference.

Vickie - posted on 12/04/2012

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We are supposed to be here to support one another as Mothers. Not pick apart each other. Heaven knows we've already got those "special" people in our lives that do that for us. We are to come together as a community , offer guidance and help for one another. The one thing we all have in common is the welfare of the children , acting like children and calling each other names does not set the example I want for my son, not for anyone's child. Here we are bullying each other insulting each other. I am able to give advice from a different point of view. My son is a grown man of 20 now. in college and I am hoping the tools I gave him growing up raising him as a single mother are enough for him to make informed choices. He did not have an easy child hood. He has ADD and at 16 refused his medication. From the time I put him in kindergarden it was one nightmare after another. We have to advocate for our children and one another. How ashamed I would be if my son were to read some of these posts and to know that this is the way a circle of mothers speak to and about eachother. Ladies we are adults. If we cannot find words of encouragement for Rheanna and each other we should not participate in a " Circle of Moms". Please let us try to help each other. Not hurt each other with ugly words and deeds. Above all my son told me recently that I taught him the most important lesson he will ever learn no college or prep school or professor could ever teach him how to be a decent caring human being and to treat others as he would like to be treated. Lets all take pause to refocus what this forum is for. Please for heavens sake if for no other reason but the holiday season if one needs to find a reason. Thank you

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Angela did you ask her how old she is now? becasue 18 is not really an adult....As far as being a mom is......

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Anglea you must have a lot of experience in self pity and being a victim. You're not going to get any points by blowing smoke up her a**. And you have no legal education, do you? I do. I think your advice was to "get some legal person". Really? It's called a lawyer but no court in the world will give that child back if his best interest is staying where he is. We also dont know WHO is really telling the COMPLETE truth.



I'm also a realist. You need to do what's best for the child, not yourself!



And who is smug here? You start your rant by saying people arent reading the full thread. From someone whose vocabulary consists of "some legal person". Laughable.

Angela - posted on 12/04/2012

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Does nobody ever read the full thread and read it properly?



The grandma in question is the child's father's mother, not Rheanna R's mother! This grandmother wants to keep this child, she is stepping up her campaign by trying to get the little boy to call her Mom because she knows, only too well, that Rheanna is in a position now to be a mother who can challenge a previous custody ruling of her child, things were so much easier for grandma when Rheanna was a young teenage mother!



I'm also mighty curious to learn what role the child's father plays in his life. I strongly suspect that it's not an active one - though when this custody situation gets to Court, you can expect the grandma to claim that Dad has been heavily involved in his life - when she sees what she is up against, you can bet she will play every card in the deck to get her way.



Rheanna, you've been given great advice by Vickie Fisher. I certainly wouldn't take any notice of the advice given by Shannon. What she had to say sounded very smug!



From what you say, someone like your son's grandma will probably only respond to legal action. Don't rush in blindly to arrange this though - plan your strategy very carefully first. Someone on here suggested you went to parenting classes. That's a good idea - not suggesting by any means that you need it, but when you can prove that you've already done this in a Court of Law, it takes away one of their favourite delaying tactics. They can't send you to parenting classes when you've already pre-empted them and had the wisdom to arrange this yourself!



Don't badmouth the grandmother either to your son or directly to her face. Be very polite. Keep a diary of everything your little boy tells you - but don't "pump" him for information. No doubt he's telling HER things about you as well. Ask your son very nicely about his Dad. Even say nice things about his Dad (whatever your personal feelings are on this man!) to try and get a picture of how his Dad figures in his life. And put it in your journal along with other stuff your child tells you. Trust me, you may need this information when it all reaches Court.



I hate to say this and I don't want to upset you in any way - BUT it is possible that your son's Grandma feels that because your own mother didn't "rescue" you from your predicament of early teenage parenthood, she has a better chance of keeping your son. This isn't the case of course - but expect her to say it.



Get working on that journal, plan out your strategy and find a lawyer or some legal person to advise you. Good luck.

Stephanie - posted on 12/04/2012

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I am in Texas, and recently went through a custody battle. There are some differences, one being that my case was between myself and the children's father, but he had had them for 2.5 years. He took them from me by filing an emergency temporary order, which you can do any time there is a "major change in circumstances" on the part of, or in the lives of, either parent; the "major change in circumstances" in our case was that I moved 15 minutes away. Anyway, at that point, once the temporary orders were in place, i had to fight him in court, in order to have my kids back. We had joint custody still, under those temporary orders, but I was only allowed standard visitation (every other weekend, and every Wed, from 6-8pm), and this was absolute torture, after having been a SAHM for 6 years, and only going to work due to the divorce, but remaining the children's primary caretaker for the next 3.5 years, until he took them.



Anyway, my case was finally resolved in court about a month and a half ago, and I was given my children back.



Not sure what county you are in, but i am in Harris. If you would like to discuss this in further detail, feel free to email me at stephaniegetsemail@gmail.com.



P.S. I also had a child at 15. She is 21 now, lol, and was not a part of this custody case, but I wanted you to know that I completely identify with you on that end, as well. :-)

Vickie - posted on 12/04/2012

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Do it the correct way, stay in the court system. If you can provide a safe stable environment for your child I see no reason the courts shouldnt rule in your favor. As long as their is no doccumented abuse or problems with addiction and or mental health issues the court will side with the childs natural parent as far as i know. Also and this is key to his welfare whether or not you get full custody of your son. Do NOT STOOP to her level and bad mouth her to your son. Dont spend your days that you have with your boy trying to find out just what grandma is up to. He will remember every negative thing you do as well, there is NOTHING wrong with a good acredited day care. Your son will learn to interact with his peers and learn social skills he cannot learn in a one on one setting with an adult be it she or you. You want to have a relationship with your son ? You want custody? Do the right thing in the situation you like the least. You dont say whether or not grandma is your mom or the biodads mom . Nor do you say how old you and the child are now. From what you did say it sounds as if you didnt drop out of school. So maybe just maybe the right decision was made at the time and now that you are older and can provide for your son you will get full custody of your boy. Also try to remember that your son has been living with his grandmother for however long its been. IF you get custody do not try to cut her out of his life.. HE will resent it in the end. She has been his safety net. Show that you are not only financially stable but emotionally mature. It will go a long way. and not just in court , it will make all the difference in the world to your boy. Honey you in deed were a child having a child. Im not saying this woman is the best thing since the wheel but you were in no way shape or form able to go to high school work a full time job get decent grades and raise a child. Encourage him to find the good in his grandma not tell stories about what she says about you to him. Playing both ends against the middle will only blow up in your face. I can assure you if he is telling you storys, he is telling grandma storys too. NO ONE CAN RUIN THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOUR SON BUT YOU. You owe no one but your son a relationship with his mother and if all you have is joint custody right now , treasure each and every moment you have with him. If he starts with storys about Grandma, and they are not storys of neglect and or abuse, discourage him from telling tales out of school. Good luck, and please remember the only one that can really get hurt is your child. Always , always do what is best for him.

Christine - posted on 12/04/2012

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Of course you have a chance in court, you are his mother! Get a good lawyer who will help you get your son back now that you are in a position to be a good mom to him.

Heather - posted on 12/04/2012

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just keep fighting it it does take time do every thing and more ask them for support every time they say jump you ask how high i am foster career it can take any thing from 6 months 3and half years that is the bad news nut keep taking them to court dont let them take you to court you can get all the papers at your local court house and there will be some one there to help you guide you throw it you dont have to be brainy to do but like i said you really have to make the first move on this one

Heather - posted on 12/04/2012

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just keep fighting it it does take time do every thing and more ask them for support every time they say jump you ask how high i am foster career it can take any thing from 6 months 3and half years that is the bad news nut keep taking them to court dont let them take you to court you can get all the papers at your local court house and there will be some one there to help you guide you throw it you dont have to be brainy to do but like i said you really have to make the first move on this one

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Jana - the only response so far that was well thought out. Good job.



"You guys need to learn to loving co parent together". How many parents dont do that these days becasue they are so focused on hating each other????/ Choose wisely, treat kindly.

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Christina -



Ok - So it sounds like you made a bad choice and are now blaming everyone else. I married a MAN i dont have to suppport and we live on less...MUCH less in order ot make it work. So i'm not blowing smoke up her rear, I'm telling her the truth. The truth is, it is possible the child may be in a better situation that he knows grandma as mom. Now she wants to take him from the only home he has known now that she can take care of him and throw him in daycare 12 hours a day. Doesnt add up to me. maybe she should ask him what HE wants. That's what's most important, isnt it????

Christina - posted on 12/04/2012

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I just have to say to Shannon... How many kids do you think HAVE to go to daycare so their parent(s) can provide for them? The fact that you would say that is just really sad. It may not be a parents first choice, as I was not allowed to not work so my ex could have the things and lifestyle he wanted, and when I divorced him as a single parent my kids have had to attend daycare. It doesn't matter what age you are either to be a good mother. I was a teen mom and had teen parent friends and I know girls from 14 years up that took better care of their kids than some adults I know. Not all of them had parental help either. I did not. It works both ways as there are teens that shouldn't have kids but age isn't always a factor on care and providing for your kids.

Kay - posted on 12/04/2012

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Take her to advocacy and get a legal document that says, she is not allowed to bad mouth you in front of her son. She is to call your son, grandbitch, oops ma. Sorry, I have been through something similar. If she violates this at all, you can take her to court.



Also, listen to your son, do not put him in the middle. Don't add to anything about grandma, such as I did in my "grandbitch" thing.



Read online about PAS, Parent Alienation Syndrome. It is most damaging to children of any age and causes horrible problems for them as adults.



You guys need to learn to loving co parent together.



I wonder where dad is.



Oh, and about her obsessing. She is scared of losing her grandson. Ass sure her that she will have a life with him, IF, she corporate.



DOCUMENT everything in black ink. I have done this online. My documentation goes back 10 years. It has already come in handy.



Pray for your enemies. Pray for your son and ask God to keep you, "IN HIM" daily.



God bless you and your boy.

Shauna - posted on 12/04/2012

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I just want to say that I am extremely sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know where you live at, but I would think that you would have a really good chance at getting your son back. Especially since you are stable and can defintely provide for him. I think that it was extremely low of his grandmother to do that to you and especially trying to take your place as his mom. In the county that I live in my stepson was in dfs custody because his dad, my fiance, and his mom made several mistakes and he was taken from them. We went to court in January 2009 to get custody of him and to keep him from his mother because she had drug manufacturing charges still pending. Anyways, the judge and dfs gave her temporary custody of him and he passed away in August 2009 whie in her custody. We never got to see him because she always made some excuse or had her caseworker make some excuse of why we couldn't see him. So all I can tell you to do is to fight. Fight as hard as you can and as long as you can because you never know when soemthing might happen. Good luck.

Shannon - posted on 12/04/2012

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Ok this may not be the mostpopular response but it it ths truth. You were 15 and in no way capable of taking care of this child. And dumping him off at daycare, which is not care at all is not a viable solution. What kid wants to be dumped at an institution for 12 hours a day? Your mother (i guess) was able to care for him full time. Listen, you're going to play, you're going to pay. Do you really think you were capable to care for him? I'm not going to sit here and butter you up, you have to own up to your mistakes. Is he happier where he is now? Is ripping him out of a stable home going to mess him up? Probably. This isnt about you, it's what's in the best interest of the child. He is likely in a more stable environment with grandma than he is with you. If he is better off with you and is unhappy, get a lawyer and go to court.

Edwig - posted on 12/04/2012

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so sorry about that.but wat u should no is that u still have a chance to have custody of your son.try the law if u cant workout things with your mother in law there is nobody who is greater than the law. and the most important thing is that if your son knows that u r his mother and the relationship that exists between u n your son is great, then nothing is bound to fail

Rheanna - posted on 12/03/2012

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Thank you everyone. Your advice is great and will really help me! I never talk bad about his fathers mom in front of him because I know it would hurt him and I don't want to do exactly what she is doing! Also it is a violation of our court order! The lawyer I've hired is really good but they're so expensive !!! My mom and dad are constantly telling me I need to record also I'm in TX so I believe it is legal to do so. Thank you for your support and prayers!!!also Lilla I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you it is unfortunate to know that some grandmas can be so evil to their grand kids

Tee - posted on 12/03/2012

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You need to sit down and talk to your mother. It sounds like you don't have a good relationship but maybe suggest going and talking to someone all together for the sake of your son and that you want to be a family with her role being the grandparent. Show her a financial statement were you can prove you have the means of supporting yourself and child. Express your appreciation for her support of helping through the years. But at this time you want to take on full responsibility and would hope that she would want you to go to the next step of parenting. Show her love and respect for what she has done even though she might not be showing it to you. Kindness is the root to all evilness. Try and let her know that you are not taking him away from her she has created a bond the same as you have with him this is why she is being resentful about the situation so you need to sit visitation times up with her. Pray , Pray, Pray, And, ask her to pray with you about this as well.... And never, use harsh words towards one another because you can not take them back but you can ask for her to forgive you. Even though they have been spoken they are never forgotten. Good luck you are in my prayers!

Lilla - posted on 12/03/2012

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Sorry I can't help, but I know what your child must be going through. It is def. a sign of abuse that she wants your son to call her mom. I was raised by my grandma (my dad's mom) after my mom fell gravely ill. I was only 8 months old and she was also trying to force me to call her mom but I never did. I got punished for that all the time, and unfortunately she was very abusive. My mom died when I was 13 and I decided to go to boarding school just to get away from her. At the age of 20 I left my country.



I wish you all the best with getting your son back! He deserves to be with you!

Laura - posted on 12/03/2012

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Never stop fighting. Take down all the things she says to your son and you etc, having records of these should help you in court to get your son bsck. If you are stable etc i dont see why courts wouldnt grant you full custody as his mother, particularly knowing how your son feels. Keep pushing, i really hope you get granted full custody soon x

Cynthia - posted on 12/03/2012

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Bless you and good luck I will put your family in my prayers.A child needs their Mother.

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