My son will not listen at school, and the school will not punish him...

Emilie - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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The past 2 weeks my son has been constantly acting up at school. He is 7 years old, in the 1st grade. He lays down when he is supposed to be doing his work. He told the teacher he thought she was a bad teacher. He won't listen when the teacher tells him to do something or to not do something. One time he was burping in another childs face. He has had his bad days before, but lately he is getting sad faces everyday. In his class they have a point system. Each day they start off on 8 points, when they do something bad ect. they get a point or 2 taken away when they are good or do something nice they get points added. Today he came home with 0 points, the past 2 weeks it has been 6 points or less today was the worst with 0 points. They are supposed to go to the principal with 0 points, with 2 points they get a letter home. The teacher has not sent any letters home, he has never been to the principal he does not get punished. He dosen't care if he looses points because there is no time out or anything. I don't want him to get in trouble but I want him to behave and be able to learn at school. How can this happen if he is always acting up with no consiquences?

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Shannon - posted on 02/24/2010

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I agree with most of what has been suggested here, I would suggest definitely go to the school and arrange a meeting with the teacher first to find out first hand if their were indeed letters sent home, if so or not, this would be your opportunity to discuss or brain storm a solution to how to improve your child behavior at school,(reward system) as well as consequences for not behaving,whether it be more follow-through on their end,(get it in writing) If nothing improves-their is no improvement and no explanation, take it the next level and have a formal and final meeting with both the principal and teacher reviewing what the two of you had established etc. ....Something you may want to consider as well is,have you had your son, hearing and vision tested?
I don't agree you should have to go to school with him to role model appropriate behavior,at 7 he should understand and know consequences,the exception being is, if your child is Special needs and it is written in his support plan, normally this would already be in place and done by the Aides and teachers.
I strongly believe this will weaken his self esteem(being done in front of his peers) and create more problems.
If this continues and becomes more of a problem you may want to seek advice from a Child Development Psychologist.

Vicky - posted on 02/24/2010

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If she documents his behavior then it would show she isn't doing her job. I would ask for an IEP and set up buddy book to go back and forth for behaviors for every assignment. Next i would also ask for his work to be sent home weekly, if it is incomplete or there is not appropriate work being completed you can ask for a FAA, then a positive behavior intervention based off the FAA. This happen to my son in 3rd grade, when i did what i suggested i realized she was not following the IEP that was the cause of his behaviors.

Lori - posted on 02/24/2010

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Why does the teacher expect him to follow the rules if she doesn't. Why is she doing this point system if she does not follow through on her end with letters and a trip to the principal. Maybe he has it all figured out...she is a bad teacher! He is testing her and she is failing miserably. Unfortunately this is going to form his attiude towards teachers in the future. you need to get this sorted out with the teacher, she needs to pick it up or will soon have a classroom of kids laying around telling her she is a bad teacher. Either she is new to the game or it is time to retire because she has given up, she is the adult, he is a child, SHE needs to step up!

Felicia - posted on 02/24/2010

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I'd talk to the teacher and principal. If his teacher hasn't been communicating with you, she dropped the ball.

Iridescent - posted on 02/24/2010

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Have a meeting with the teacher and principal. Set ground rules and appropriate punishments.

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Emilie - posted on 02/24/2010

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I have tryed taking stuff away at home for bad behavior, I have tryed offering him stuff for good behavior. I just don't know what to do. I really can't think of anything that has changed. I have tryed everything I can think of to get him to behave.

Mellonie - posted on 02/24/2010

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You mentioned this behaviour has been occuring the past 2 weeks. Were there any issues prior this? If not, can you imagine any reason, whatsoever, that may explain this sudden change? Keep in mind that sudden change (even if you and I don't think it's a big deal) can feel traumatizing to children and different children will react in different ways to that trauma.

If this is an ongoing issue, don't rely on the school to teach your child about earning what he wants in life. Make those points worth something (anything)! Whatever he loves to do, or whatever he would love to have, make him work for it by accumulating those good points. The faster he accumlates those points (such as getting the maximum per day for great behaviour) the faster he gets what he wants.....and vice versa. This will also give him a feeling of control and understanding where his choices (good or bad) will lead him.

Jill - posted on 02/24/2010

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Schools are not there to punish your child or to teach your child self-discipline. that is your job as a mom. your child needs to learn to accept the word NO as an answer. Go to school and spend a day or 2 or a week with your child each day and model for him/her the behavior you expect. YOU do the disciplining - the schools is very limited in what they can/ can't do in this regard. The teacher's job it to teach children to read, write, do math, problem solve, eat healthy, etc. You can set consequences for your child, it is best if this comes from the parent at home - then your child will respect you and get the guidance needed. If you need a good book on this find the book NO by Dick Walsh - easy to read and I wish I would have had it when my children were young.
best wishes to you. Jill Nesheim

Alyssa - posted on 02/24/2010

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Ok he might be getting bad note and just throwing them away thats what I did when I was in Kindergarden. He might have ADHD. Don't rule it out just because you don't think he has it. No disrespect but you aren't a doctor. I'd take him and have them give him the tests. My brother had it and for the longest time she didnt want to believe he had it. So she took him to the doctor and the doctor asked if he had it. So they tested him and he has it. A very bad case. He threw chains at my face, he never minded, the only thing that he was interested in was video games. I hope this helps. Good luck. :)

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