my stepdaughter is getting married

Cleo - posted on 08/06/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

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my first time out here...i have a question...where do i really fit in with regards to my stepdaughter's wedding...she wants me to arrange everything my husband is happy with me doing all the arrangements but i feel her mother should be involved just as much, financially my husband will be handling everything since its his eldest daughter but with planning decor etc etc i feel her birthmother should be part...i am just confuse for they(my husband and his daughter prefer not) what do i do? do i contact her mother? or do i just let it be?

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Denikka - posted on 08/06/2012

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This is her wedding and her choice. If she doesn't want bio mom involved, that's up to her. I would feel honoured in your position, that she obviously thinks so highly of you. Accept her decisions and plan the best wedding possible for your beautiful daughter :) Don't contact bio mom unless it's okay with your daughter.
Good luck and congrats :)

Michelle - posted on 08/06/2012

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If you are that concerned then talk to your stepdaughter do not go over her head to her mother. If that is what she truly wants and has a 'decent' reason for it then simply let it be. Be happy and honoured that she has allowed you to take up that role.

Dove - posted on 08/06/2012

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I agree with Denikka and Beth. You could ask your stepdaughter about why she doesn't want bio-mom involved and gently encourage her to do so, but it's her wedding and her choice. If she only wants you to do it... have at it. ♥

If bio-mom ever approaches you about why she wasn't included... you can direct her to speak to her daughter about it.

Beth - posted on 08/06/2012

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What is her relationship like with her mother? If they get along pretty well and you truly can't understand why she's not involving her mother, I would first approach her and ask her about it, before contacting the mother. But, it sounds like they don't have a great relationship, and this is her wedding, and if she doesn't want her mother involved, that is her choice, ultimately.

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Sally - posted on 08/09/2012

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It is wonderful to see a sm concerned about the bm and i have the upmost respect for you but this is your sd wedding, so it is her choice. X

Mommy - posted on 08/09/2012

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It's her wedding, you have to go with what she wants. I would say that if she feels so close to you, you may be able to talk to her about her reasons for wanting her mother to be out of the loop, and maybe talking about ways to include her mother.

Kate - posted on 08/08/2012

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What an honor that she feels that way about you! You must have such a close family :). I would let it be, it's her wedding. Maybe talk to her about involving her mother in something if you are worried that she will regret it and/or feel guilty down the road. Otherwise, enjoy the wedding :)

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2012

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As a bride that chose to have my step father give me away, I can tell you that my step dad who was my dad to me my entire life held a very high place in my heart and my life. I decided not to be traditional, to have my bio dad walk me into the church, hand me to my step dad and he have the honor of giving me away because he raised me. My bio dad brought me into this world and so they each had their own part in my life and my wedding. Sounds like your daughter knows who she can count on. If you are rally worried about her mothers feelings ask your daughter about it, see why she doesn't want her involved. It sounds like she trusts and has a great relationship with you and maybe not so much with her mother. I didn't know my step mom until I was 13 so she was more of a friend to me and knew I didn't need another mom, but that allowed me to talk to her about anything. Good luck and hope the wedding goes great!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/07/2012

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Cleo, I'm glad it worked out. You have a wonderful daughter who obviously doesn't feel like she's your step daughter.

Blessings to all

Jenna - posted on 08/07/2012

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Talk to your step-daughter and ask her why you and let her know that you are willing and comfortable talking and working with her mother to make this day perfect for her. It may help if she knows that you and her dad are ok with it. Plus, if her mom is trying to choose things/decor that you know your step-daughter wouldn't like, you can always go back to how it is now.

Cleo - posted on 08/06/2012

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Thank you all, i really do appreciate all the positive comments. I have two sons of my own and now i have a daughter and i love and treat them all the same her sometimes more than they...and they love her too bits since she is the eldest now...thanks again i am lucky to have people like you out here to encourage me and yest we spoke and we will have a beautiful wedding party what ever she wants to make it all seems perfect. Have a blessed day all and many heartwarming thanks Cleo

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It' really up to your step daughter. If she dun want her Mum involved then that's her call.

My brother got married last month, and my Mum and Dad organised everything. His new wife's family was little all over the place, her dad passed away when she was little and her mum has alot of mental health issues.

I remember helping her get ready, and everyone was crying, and she was fine, until her Mum showed up, her Mum as spent months telling her she wasn't going to come, over a stupid fight. My sister-in-law lost it when she realised her Mum was really going to be there on her big day.

My Dad walked her down the aisle, and it was wonderful.

I would imagen that the bride to be feels that you would be more helpful with the arrangements. That doesn't make her mother's place any less special, just non-traditional. Be guided by the bride. It'll all work out on the day.

BERNICE - posted on 08/06/2012

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I would just let it be, if she wanted to be there or be apart of it she would've made a call or a fuss to her daughter. Good Luck, hope the wedding turns out as nice as you are!!!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/06/2012

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Talk to your step daughter about it, and simply ask if you are stepping on her mothers toes. Do not contact her mother, it is really her business whether she wants her mother involved.

Kimberly - posted on 08/06/2012

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Let it be. She obviously is leaving her mother out. There is a reason. Your daughter loves you and wants you. Enjoy that.

Reba - posted on 08/06/2012

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I am a step-mom also. My stepdaughter did not want her birth mother involved when she got married. She even made sure that I was stated on the wedding announcement, but with no mention of her mother. I also felt like I was doing something wrong, but it was her choice and I went along with her decisions. After all, it is HER wedding. What she wants is what should happen.

Good Luck and Congratulations to your daughter (because if you are at all like me, there is no such thing as a step in your family unless it is connected to a staircase.)

Corinne - posted on 08/06/2012

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I agree with Denikka, your step daughter must love and trust you very much to have you so involved in the planning. I wouldn't contact the birth mother either, unless your step daughter wants you to; it could cause unneccessary drama. Have fun and happy planning!

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