My two year old won't stay in bed

Tina - posted on 09/01/2009

My oldest daughter now 15 use to do the same thing all the time. I was so tired I couldn't stand it. What I found out that worked for me was we (my daughter and I) (and yes she was only 2 at the time also) sat down and made a chart. We put all the days of the weeks on the for 1 month. Every night she stayed in her bed all night long she got to put a sticker on it. After 3 stickers she got a little prize. It didn't have to be 3 days in a row. Then after 5 days she got a prize. Then we moved it to where if she stayed in her bed for 3 days in a row she got a prize then after a week in a row she got a prize. This worked out very well. And the prizes don't have to be anything grand. I think once we went to mcdonalds for ice cream or a "special" trip to the park. We'd have a picnic.

Ana - posted on 09/01/2009

Quoting Ana:

I haven't read any of the replies ... but this so sounds like my now 6 year old daughter. She was NEVER a good sleeper which was so hard for me as my older children always were (all boys) I mentioned this to her pediatrician each time we went to see her and we tried EVERYTHING - we always did routines ... put her back in bed .. sometimes I couldn't do it .. she stayed in bed with my husband and I... Well this year she started 1st grade ... about a week before school started I had had enough... (After trying to start the "back to school" bedtime routine for 2 weeks) I made an appointment with her Doctor to talk about this. I knew she wasn't getting enough sleep for 6 years old. The doc walked in and I said I am sure if you check her chart you will see that she hasn't slept good, ever... she said I did - and you're right... Long story short... ... scheduled lab work (which came back normal) and a sleep study. She explained that kids, just like adults, sometimes don't produce enough melatonin just like adults, sometimes they also have restless leg syndrome, just like adults hence the sleep study and sometimes it is hormonal or a thyroid problem, hence the lab work .... I suggest you let your pediatrician know your concerns and keep on telling her/him your daughter's sleeping patterns as you know how you feel when you don't sleep well ... kids are people too... Hope this helps ... Good Luck!!! -Ana BTW I wouldn't try anything without asking your Doctor - They are the only ones that would know for sure.

I also wanted to say - I read some posts and think that most of the kids on here would get scared in the night and crawl in bed once in a while ... my daughter was not sleeping at all ... I have read a healthy 6 year old should have 11- 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep to grow healthy ... mind, body and soul - she was getting 6 maybe 7 interrupted sleep - so this is why I was so concerned and took her to the doctor. ... I really enjoy this sight - Many Hugs to you all!

Ana - posted on 09/01/2009

I haven't read any of the replies ... but this so sounds like my now 6 year old daughter. She was NEVER a good sleeper which was so hard for me as my older children always were (all boys) I mentioned this to her pediatrician each time we went to see her and we tried EVERYTHING - we always did routines ... put her back in bed .. sometimes I couldn't do it .. she stayed in bed with my husband and I... Well this year she started 1st grade ... about a week before school started I had had enough... (After trying to start the "back to school" bedtime routine for 2 weeks) I made an appointment with her Doctor to talk about this. I knew she wasn't getting enough sleep for 6 years old. The doc walked in and I said I am sure if you check her chart you will see that she hasn't slept good, ever... she said I did - and you're right... Long story short... ... scheduled lab work (which came back normal) and a sleep study. She explained that kids, just like adults, sometimes don't produce enough melatonin just like adults, sometimes they also have restless leg syndrome, just like adults hence the sleep study and sometimes it is hormonal or a thyroid problem, hence the lab work .... I suggest you let your pediatrician know your concerns and keep on telling her/him your daughter's sleeping patterns as you know how you feel when you don't sleep well ... kids are people too... Hope this helps ... Good Luck!!! -Ana BTW I wouldn't try anything without asking your Doctor - They are the only ones that would know for sure.

Kiley - posted on 08/31/2009

Quoting Mariela:

That is so cold of you. Poor little girl. She is doing the normal thing. I know your gut instincts are telling you it's okay. Someone's been giving u the wrong books to read. Or change pediatricians. Do reconsider.

I would just like to say, I am not cold.  She is not a poor little girl!  I have two other kids besides her and they have never done this.  Yes, if bad dreams or storms are the problem then I will gladly welcome them into bed, but it is improtant that they only stay for alittle while so they learn that yes, mom is here for you but that they also need to deal with it themselves alittle too.  My mom did it to me, and I turned out just fine!  Having her go back to her bed so I can sleep is not a terrible thing!  She is a big girl, just ask her, and she can stay in her own bed, there is not reason but that she wants to sleep with me that she does this.

Kiley - posted on 08/31/2009

Quoting Mariela:

That is so cold of you. Poor little girl. She is doing the normal thing. I know your gut instincts are telling you it's okay. Someone's been giving u the wrong books to read. Or change pediatricians. Do reconsider.

I would just like to say, I am not cold.  She is not a poor little girl!  I have two other kids besides her and they have never done this.  Yes, if bad dreams or storms are the problem then I will gladly welcome them into bed, but it is improtant that they only stay for alittle while so they learn that yes, mom is here for you but that they also need to deal with it themselves alittle too.  My mom did it to me, and I turned out just fine!  Having her go back to her bed so I can sleep is not a terrible thing!  She is a big girl, just ask her, and she can stay in her own bed, there is not reason but that she wants to sleep with me that she does this.

Lisa - posted on 08/30/2009

My daughter is 4, and comes in probably 3 or 4 nights a week. Gotta say I'm with the group saying let her stay. I know how desparately you want your sleep, too! I get that! But it won't be like this for long. I just remember in 10-12 years, she won't even want me on the same planet, much less in my bed at night, so, to me at least, I'd rather she fell absolutely safe in just coming to my room in the middle of the night if she wants to. Then, maybe, when she has the teenage problems keeping her up at night, she'll know she can come to me. Not saying it will work that way, but worth a try. They grow so fast, I take the snuggles where I can get them

Sharleen - posted on 08/28/2009

Hi Kiley, if you have no objection to Feng shui perhaps her position of her room is not quiet right....I had a personal friend who has a wide knowledge of Feng shui help me understand it our house and made a big difference with our family..or another thought is if your wee one time is specific you could try being up at that time in her room before she wakes up and comforting her that way?...or maybe if you have a room upstairs with you she might feel more secure about being closer to you......good luck!!!

Lauren - posted on 08/28/2009

I totally agree that you should foster independence and thus a good night sleep for everyone. Interrupted sleep is horrible for everyone, and children should not need their parents to go back to sleep at night unless there is an emergency. You can cuddle with your kids, but not in the middle of the night when they should be sleeping.

Cyndi - posted on 08/28/2009

I would never want my child to think that I wasn't there when they felt insecure or scared. I have 18 yrs of being a mom under my belt and my oldest son slept with me/us when e needed to. He's a triathlete, honor student, independant, well liked by his peers, etc. My youngest doesn't want to sleep with me/us much but if he does..he gets to. Studies are showing more and more that the family bed promotes more secure, well rounded children than those who were locked away from their parents when they needed to feel that hug or soothing pat on the back.

Kendall - posted on 08/28/2009

Stacy, it is most definitely not unsafe to share a bed with a child except in certain cases (parents who are obese or very heavy sleepers, smokers or alcohol/drug users). Of course, a bedsharing parent must take certain precautions, but these are easily addressed.

This link will take anyone who is interested to information on how to safely share sleep with your baby or child. http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/safe.htm... Delve deeper into Dr. McKenna's site and you'll learn how the mother's proximity in a safe bedsharing situation can reduce the chance a baby will stop breathing while asleep.

We are cosleeping (bedsharing) with our third and I can tell you that there is no more beautiful sight to see upon awakening in the morning than your baby's smiling face.

Heather - posted on 08/28/2009

I also have to wonder if being on a different floor might be part of the problem. Is there a way that her bedroom can be moved to the same floor as yours? I had a friend whose son had problems staying in bed, and it turned out that it was because he was on a different floor of the house, by himself, and felt too isolated. When they swapped his room for the guest bedroom next to theirs (even though the guest room was smaller), the problem stopped.

I'm assuming you use a monitor, since she's on a different floor? If not, consider getting one ... it might help give you some clues as to why she's getting out of bed in the first place. Needing to go to the bathroom might be part of it ... anxiety might be as well. If you can hear what's happening just before she gets out of bed, it might help.

Finally, if she IS afraid of monsters, nightmares, etc., invent some kind of bedtime chant, spell or prayer that you can say before bed that might make her feel more secure. For example, my 5 year-old and I always say, "Lord and Lady twirl about, guard me day and night throughout. Guide me through each passing hour, and grant me your protective power. From head to toe, from sky to ground, keep me safe and well and sound."

As a side note, you may want to AVOID the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer, because the line that says "if I die before I wake" has scared MANY toddlers I know into being afraid that they will die if they fall asleep. There's a variation on it that is less frightening, but I'm not Christian, so I'm not sure how it goes ... I think it's something about angels watching overnight and waking the child with the morning light.

One last thing ... I don't know if I would support the viewpoint of not saying anything to her or interacting with her in any way. Perhaps if this is the 3rd or 4th time in a single night that she's come to your room, but certainly not the first. She needs to know that she can come to you when she's anxious and not be given the silent treatment. As for my daughter ... if she's nervous, or has had a bad day, I will sometimes sit by her bed until she falls asleep. Likewise, if she's had a bad dream that freaks her out so much that she doesn't want to go back to bed, (a rarity), I will let her sleep with me for a little bit, but I always tell her that once she's asleep, I will probably bring her back to her own bed. (And I do, if I don't fall asleep again first.) Mind you, I don't do these things every day, only once in a great while. The rest of the time, I go to her room, and do my best to make her comfortable there.

Good luck.

Stacy - posted on 08/28/2009

My daughter is nwo doing the same thing- she is 2 and still in her crib (with no problems) She does her night time routine the sam eand is in bed by 7:30. In the middle of the night she is up and wants "mommy's bed" we bring her in and let her fall back asleep for an hour or two and then put her in her crib again. I'm not for sharing a bed with a child - it's unsafe...but for a few hours and I have to work in the mornign...i figured what the heck....it is pretty awesome to cuddle with her now...she probably won't let me cuddle in a few years

Rayna - posted on 08/27/2009

Hello my name is Rayna and when my baby girl was young. Her father would put the babybed in the room with us next to his side of the bed. I think that she need to be closer to you but not in the bed with you. My other suggest is can you sleep downstair with her two or three times out of the week. It won't last forever. When she start getting her independence. I hope this will help your situation and pray that God give you wisdom in raising her daughter

Natalie - posted on 08/27/2009

i would put a gate up in her doorway but whatever you do DONT let her sleep with you!!! my cousin has let his daughter sleepin the bad with him and his wife and form when she was a baby until she was almost 4 they could not get her to even lay in a bed by herself she would stay up until like 3-4 in the morning just crying and screaming if they tried to put her in a bed by herself. even if she fell asleep and they tried moving her should would wake up screaming. they even tried the whole riding in the car to see if she would go to sleep and if she did they would leave her in her carseat and bring her in the house and let her sleep just so that they could get some sleep but shes doing much better now she is talking and they have talked to her and gotten her to understand that she needs to start sleeping in ther own bed. but its kinda hard to do that with a 2 year old. my daughter is 2 but i am lucky not to have that problem. no offense. but my daughter has slept all night ever since she has been born. thank goodness!!!

Robin - posted on 08/27/2009

Maybe it's because she is afraid of the dark and feels alone downstairs. If you have another room upstairs, maybe you should put her in it. Sometimes they just need the closeness to the parents.

Lisa - posted on 08/27/2009

Power to all parents who can keep their kids out of their bed ALL THE TIME.

In our case, we are most of time too tired to get up and take her back to her bad. We are also too tired to keep ourselves awake and have a late night struggle over this.

Helen - posted on 08/27/2009

I hav 4 kids,of which 2 had severve sleepin problems.Your daughter may see that been down stairs is for day time and that your meant to go upstairs to bed,so if possible change that.Once u let her in the bed then it is even harder to get her out,my daughter was 7 years old!You should never hav a conversation with your child,hug or kiss,this is so hard to do.Does your daughter like her room?Let her choose a new layout or bed,includin a novelty cover.Let her see it during the day do she knows what to expect.How about a sticker reward chart 4 every time she stays put.You can even let her choose a box and every night put a small gift in it for the next morning.I tell my twins every night what we are doing the next day this seems to make them more settled.

Jade - posted on 08/27/2009

I agree... my 1st son slept with me until he was maybe 7 on and off.. i dont regret letting him in the bed, there comes a time when they decide they want to sleep on their own and i dont regret all the cuddles over the years.. they are not babies for long.. enjoy her.. xxx

Lisa - posted on 08/27/2009

I have three kids, 21, 17 and 15. ALL of them crept into bed with us for a time growing up. I treasure those moments now and would give anything to have them back. I would encourage you to just embrace it. It will pass as they get older and you will truly treasure the time you did have snuggling with them!

Desarae - posted on 08/27/2009

My five year old was doing this too. Yes I sometimes felt why not just let her sleep with me. But it was the broken up sleep that was wearing me out. A girlfriend had said to let her sleep with one of my shirts. I gave her an old night gown, put some perfume on it so it would smell like me and if she got up, all she had to do was hold on to that night gown and know everything is ok and Mom loves her. It worked out all summer! I see you have a lot of posts. Hopefully you find an idea that works! Good luck!

Tana - posted on 08/27/2009

I read most of these blogs and most are good! I will say at times I don't like when my 3 year old climbs in bed with us, but I remember when I was little and my Dad got cross with me for climbing in bed with them. My friend who is a Child Psychologists would say give them love and let them into bed. I know kids who were treated with tough love and they grow up unsure of themselves and with low self esteem (me). You can't just look at sleeping times though because that is only half or lives! My son will grow up soon enough and I want him to be confident! Whatever you choose to do, do it in love! Don't be mean or tough because a small child just thinks that Mom doesn't love me enough to comfort me! Teach her how to comfort herself too, but do it in love - use words - loving words! For me it is easier just to let them crawl in and hold them then get up and take them back to bed (that is when I would become what I don't want, a crab!). Just my thoughts! Bless you!

Ann-Marie - posted on 08/27/2009

My youngest daughter - now 21 years old (my 3rd child) did this very same thing - although I think it started around 3 yrs old. My mother told me when I was having my first child not to get into a habit of letting the child sleep in your bed as it is a very difficult habit to break. I thought it was kinda cute - nice but my mother's words rang in the back of my head. I never had this trouble with my first 2 children but my 3rd one - every night she would come into our room & want to get into bed with us. I would pick her up & give her cuddles - ask her what the matter was & re-assure her all was good. Let her know it was the middle of the night - everyone is sleeping & she needed to sleep in her bed too. This went on for months & then suddenly it stopped & I thought great - wonderful - only to find out that she wised up to me & went to her father who I might add thought it was much easier to put her in our bed than to get up & put her back to bed - probably because he was not the one getting the foot in the face - lol. I then wised my husband up to the plan & when she realised neither one of us were going to let her sleep in our bed - it did stop. I felt like a heel & felt quite mean for doing it but at the end of the day you do not want your child still in your bed at age 10 & trust me it can happen. Of course there was always the odd time - if something really scared her I would let her stay in for a lil while but for the most part it was her bed. The time I would let all my children climb in with us was generally on weekends first up in the morning - they would all come running & jump all over me - that was fun - good luck sweetheart sounds like you have the right idea xoxo

Betty - posted on 08/26/2009

Sharing a bed with a child is not for everyone. Some people are just really light sleepers. My SD is four and there are nights that she will wake me up. I usually will cuddle her for a while and end up taking her to her room because I just can't fall back to sleep with her repeatedly flinging her hair in my face but there are some nights she just stays in bed with us. Since she is doing this every night try laying out a little sleeping bag for her on the floor and maybe she will just start going to that instead of waking you up.

Theresa - posted on 08/26/2009

Here's my two cents! Be firm with a nightly ritual. If fear is an issue, have your child use "monster spray" (either a safe lavender room spray or scented linen water) under the bed, in the closet,behind the door, etc. Use positive reinforcements in the morning if they have been successful. A sticker chart with special mommy and me rewards would be appropriate. If they come to your room at night, don't speak to them, just pick them up and put them in their bed. We used gates for this reason and because their room was at the top of the stairs. Check to make sure there is not a true problem with their dr. I believe that Mommy/Daddy alone time is very special. I love my kids very much but I am very careful that they don't just expect to get their way all the time. They had to learn to be told "no" because I don't know about you, but I don't always get what I want

:(. My children are much older and they still respect that if my door is closed, they need to knock. Good luck!

Valerie - posted on 08/26/2009

That was an interesting article..thanks. Clearly a hot topic here....I do not think anyone has been rude, or even trying to change her mind necessarily. But for those of us who have embraced co sleeping, want her to also know that there are other ways to look at it. Before my son was born, I had many ideas of things I would not do, and then did the opposite! Some children, I think, need a lot more attention as babies..that was my daughter....she now is very happy sleeping on her own, and I think is a stronger person having had that closeness as a baby and toddler..she has gone through many phases....I would agree that they can learn to go to bed on their own, which gives parents the"alone time", and then if there is a crawl into bed in the middle of the night, it is generally not disruptive. Good luck, follow what feels right to you..not what the so called experts say!! You know your child and her needs better than anyone....being flexible is more helpful in the long run, than absolute rigidity!

Autumn - posted on 08/26/2009

Oh my gosh u should so let ur daughter sleep with..why not? I hope u don't this listen to Rachel Olivera cause, is she an animal or ur child?? You will not do ur daughter any harm by letting her sleep with u!! Actually u may b doing harm by NOT letting her sleep with u! Also she sleeps downstairs do u know how dangerous that is? I have heard stories of people on the 1st floor not hearing a child being kidnapped but ur on the 2nd floor!! There is also a new study that recomends a child should sleep with u for at LEAST the first 5 years!! Check it out!
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk...

Catherine - posted on 08/26/2009

You are NOT cold. You are doing your child a favour by teaching them that they are safe in their own home and bed, and that getting into your bed disturbs not only her sleep but yours (and your partner's) and makes the next day that much more difficult for all. Do persevere. My daughter night woke for years. It took time and patience and the knowledge that I was doing what's best for our family.

Kirsty - posted on 08/26/2009

I found this worked for me. Put her back to bed asap but don't speak to her at all even as you are leaving her room don't give her any contact whatso ever it took me three nights doing this and eventually they get the hint cause your not giving them the attention they are wanting so they won't bother getting up.

Firebird - posted on 08/26/2009

Quoting Kendall:

Joanna, we aren't being rude to Kiley just because we aren't all providing ways to keep her child in her own room - at least in my case, I'm just suggesting a different way of seeing things. I would certainly welcome a new perspective if it was brought up in a respectful manner. Often I find great new ways of envisioning my role as a parent by hearing from other moms - whether we seem to have the same parenting style or not. Most responses have been honest, thoughtful, and respectful even if they aren't all offering suggestions on how to keep a child in her own bed. Rude? I think not.

I assumed she already considered the possibility of allowing her child to sleep in her bed but then decided against it... which would explain why she's asking for advice on how to keep her child in her own bed. Maybe rude was the wrong word to use but it doesn't change the fact that she obviously doesn't want her daughter in her bed so no one really has any business telling her that she should let her daughter sleep with her.

I know that if I had my mind set on getting my daughter to stay out of my bed but needed advice on how to go about it and half of the "advice" was "let her do it", I would get pretty frustrated because the "let her do it" response wouldn't be the least bit helpful to me. That's really all I was getting at. Maybe rude was the wrong word to use and I apologize.

Susie - posted on 08/26/2009

Ever read her Bedtime with Francis? It sounds crazy but my daughter loves that book- about a girl who can't stay in bed. Also, maybe music, a small night light (you probably already do this) What about a small bell or something to amuse herself with when she awakens. Depending on her age- she can draw until she falls back to sleep and can show you in the morning- if she doesn't wake you- reward in the am. Worth a try!

Robyn - posted on 08/26/2009

It sounds like she needs you. Parenting doesn't end when we put them to bed. Why are you so against her sleeping with you? Have you read about co-sleeping and the family bed? We are one of the only cultures who carry out babies for nine months and then expects them to be independent and in their own room. Most babies sleep with their mothers.

Kendall - posted on 08/26/2009

Joanna, we aren't being rude to Kiley just because we aren't all providing ways to keep her child in her own room - at least in my case, I'm just suggesting a different way of seeing things. I would certainly welcome a new perspective if it was brought up in a respectful manner. Often I find great new ways of envisioning my role as a parent by hearing from other moms - whether we seem to have the same parenting style or not. Most responses have been honest, thoughtful, and respectful even if they aren't all offering suggestions on how to keep a child in her own bed. Rude? I think not.

Firebird - posted on 08/26/2009

A lot of these posts are not being very helpful. Kiley is asking for ideas on how to get her child to stay in bed and most of you are just telling her to let her kid crawl in. Apparently that's the opposite of what she wants. I'm sorry if I'm coming across as rude but I think it's rude to just tell her to let her girl crawl into bed with her when she's asking for help on how to keep her child in her own bed. That's a little counter productive here. Kiley I just put up a baby gate and my daughter stopped climbing in with me since she couldn't open the gate. If my daughter needed me, she'd cry and I woke up and tended to her. Once she learned how to open the gate herself (about 2 years later) she would crawl in with me for about 30 minutes in the morning to wake me up for breakfast after sleeping all night. The air mattress suggestion also seems good to me as well since your rooms are on different levels in the house. Just stay firm and your daughter will soon understand that your bed is off limits. Good luck! =)

Manuela - posted on 08/26/2009

How can you leave a 12 month old in her room with a locked door. This child will have problems later in life. Believe me,. I am 46, I know what I am talking about. All of my kids had access to us anytime, it has not hurt them, but made them better people. I feel for children that get treated like that.

Manuela - posted on 08/26/2009

whoever wrote "tie him down" has no heart and should not have children. They are a blessing and we need to love them and train them with all the love and compassion we possess. We don't need to train them like a dog.

Manuela - posted on 08/26/2009

My daughter, now 11, slept with me till she was 3 almost 4. My son, now 8, came to our bed till last year. Maybe she needs reassurance that you are there. Personally, I think it is not a problem for her to sleep with you. And I think it is great that she goes to sleep in her bed on her own. Just enjoy the time with her being so little and don't stress it.

Kathi - posted on 08/26/2009

Is she in a crib or toddler bed. If toddler bed maybe it is a little frightening to her to now be totally enclosed or maybe her "clock" just wakes her up and that is what she normally does when she wakes up, go see mommy. I say just keep doing what you are doing and DON'T LET HER IN YOUR BED. Bad dream or not. They learn real earlly how to manipulate mommy into getting what they want. My girl is 3 and she tries me all the time. Good luck

Allison - posted on 08/26/2009

With our 2 1/2 yr old she climbed out of her crib at 12 months and to keep her in her room we had put a safety door knob on the inside so she couldn't open her door, she would either go back to bed or fall asleep behind the door. But eventually she falls asleep in her own room. We also have her baby monitor in her room so we can still hear everything she's doing in there, if she's loosing her mind and crying we go to her, but if she's just whimpering we let her find her own way to slumber land.



Allison

Tayden 9

Evalyn 2 1/2

Unknown Gender Oct 2009

Tracy - posted on 08/26/2009

I don't see this as a problem at all. My four year old sometimes climbs in bed with me in the middle of the night. I insist that she goes to sleep in her own bed, which she does without a problem. She never wakes me up, but just climbs in and snuggles. To be honest, I think that's her way of getting some alone time without her little brothers. She'll give it up eventually, but I treasure that snuggle time! They grow up all too fast, and these times are precious. I've spoken with my pediatrician about this, and he's in complete agreement.



And I mean no offense at all to the lady that posted above that's going through a divorce, but a child crawling into bed with you in the middle of the night isn't going to contribute to destroying your marriage. My husband works third shift 3 nights a week, so part of the time he's not here, but when he is here, we still have plenty of intimate time (even with 3 kids under the age of 5), including snuggles. When she crawls into bed with us, she's not in the middle, but on one side or the other. It can work.



So, I say let her snuggle if she wants. It sounds like it's starting to be a power struggle, and is it really worth it?

Tanya - posted on 08/26/2009

If she is potty trained during the day and working on it at night, she might be waking up needing to go but doesn't realize it. If you think this might be part of the problem, try putting a potty next to her bed and explain to her to use it if she gets up in the middle of the night and then to come and get you if she needs you. I did this with my twins and except for the random bad dream my daughter almost completely stopped coming in to see me in the middle of the night. I think she just had the sensation that she needed to go but was too sleepy and the sensation too new for her to figure it out on her own. YMMV!!

Vicki - posted on 08/26/2009

I had the same problem with my toddler. She has always been a sleep walker and it started when she was about 2 years old. She would come into my room and try to get in bed with me. You may want an easy solution, but consistency and diligence is the best way to handle it. It took 2-3 months of returning her to her bed every night before she stayed all night. Now she is five and she still sleep walks and occassionally tries to get into bed with me. I just walk her back to her room and she gets back in bed. I wish I could offer an easy solution or more encouragement, but some issues just take longer to solve. My other two children do not have this problem, she just sleeps differently than they do. Good luck.

Kendall - posted on 08/26/2009

Quoting Laurie:

 But I feel that for their development and self confidence they need to learn to fall asleep & get themselves back to sleep on their own.

 

Actually, research has shown that kids who are allowed to sleep with their parents are MORE self-confident and independent than those who began sleeping all alone at an early age.  This is because allowing them to sleep with you (all the time or from time to time) helps them become well-attached to you and KNOW in their hearts that you are always going to be there for them - this actually increases their independence and confidence.  Not at all saying that bedsharing is the only way to have independent kids, but the idea that you are actually harming them by allowing them into you bed is just plain wrong.  If you don't want to sleep with your kids because you value your space or privacy, fine, but it is not true that letting them sleep with you harms them in any way.  For more info, check this link out about long term effects of sharing sleep with your children:

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/longterm...

Lori - posted on 08/26/2009

I agree I have a 20 year old and a 18 year old then a 8 year old both boys have moved out one is in basic training right now. It goes so fast my daughter still gets up every night and ends up in my bed I just move over and let her in I love cuddling with her Because I know to well How quickly they grow up I treasure every moment I have with her even if I have to share my bed with her I will have the rest of my life to sleep without her she could sleep with me as long as she feels she needs that security.

Julie - posted on 08/26/2009

Is there any way to have your bedrooms close-by? On separate floors is VERY SCAREY for a child - it's too far.



Make a chart and use little foil stars. For every night that she stays in bed she gets a star. When she has a week's worth of stars she gets to go get a special treat that she doesn't otherwise get -

Dorothy - posted on 08/26/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Jennifer, I totally agree with you....it's not like they will be 13 years old and still sleeping with you....what's the big deal??

I understand where you are coming from on this...but the thing is if you let them sleep in your bed everynight you MAY have a 13 yr old STILL trying to do it!!! I know this from experience as my sis in law is 12 STILL coming into her mom's bed rather than sleeping in her own! The longer you let the activity go on the harder it will be to break her from it. 

With all that said, the best thing that can be done from my experience is to just continue what you are doing. Right now she is just testing you and dealing with her fears. As your daughter gets older she will gradually discontinue the climbing out of bed. My daughter took about a yr to do it but now she sleeps thru the night just fine unless getting up to use the restroom. My son is just now beginning to have a fear of the dark and come into my room. Knowing that I have done it before and that HE WILL get over it gives me the strength to do it all over again every night.

Sarah - posted on 08/26/2009

I used a sticker chart and every 10 stickers they got a treat like there favorite cookie which they got to help make They only got a sticker if they stayed in bed all night. Their treat can be as easy as getting to finger paint at the table or draw with special markers for a while anything that is out of the ordinary and as they earn them and it gets better it takes more stickers to earn things. Mine are 3,5,5,and 8 we now use it for there daily jobs around the house it works realy well and they are very proud of what they acomplish

Lillian - posted on 08/26/2009

I know it is probably hard to get a two year old to tell you what wakes her up....bad dream? Is she wet? Is there something in the house making a noise to wake her up? Sort of odd that she wakes up every night.... Sometimes if you just talk to her...tell her mommy needs her sleep too. Explain that she disturbs your sleep and you need your rest. Not trying to give her a guilt trip..but trying to make her understand that parents need their rest too. Does she truly go to sleep when you put her to bed? Her waking up every night has me baffled....Any ideas why? How long after you go to bed...does she get up? Just don't get upset with her...children should never be upset when they go to bed...it might cause them to have interrupted sleep.... Is she waking up because she is hungry? this does have me questioning... But I agree with you...don't put her into your bed...that will open a whole other can of worms....

Laurie - posted on 08/26/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Jennifer, I totally agree with you....it's not like they will be 13 years old and still sleeping with you....what's the big deal??

As I am currently going through a divorce and I swear a part of the issues started from allowing kids in bed with us! Not saying that every marriage or household is the same but consider this.... a couple need their intimate time not just to do the nasty but to be able to cuddle & have a "space" that is their adult space. If you are like me I share everything with my kids & now I know how important the bed area being an off limits space is. My kids who are now 8,9 & 10 continue to come in to the bedroom at night & I continue to take them out. It stinks for sure I'm tired & would rather just fall back asleep cuddling them. But I feel that for their development and self confidence they need to learn to fall asleep & get themselves back to sleep on their own. Your right they probably will out grow it by the time they are 13 but I'm not 13 & would really enjoy my bed as my own space for 8 hours a day. To each their own; I say be cautious & as always do what is right for you & your family.

Valerie - posted on 08/26/2009

I am in line with the other mom's that let their children in bed...my son is now 20, and my daughter 11. Both have been able to climb into bed in the middle of the night, and in fact my daughter slept with us for most of her young years. I agree that it seems weird we are such a culture and species that wants to kick our young out of a very warm, loving, cozy experience. Both kids are very independent. My daughter now is completely grown out of it, but knows she can snuggle with her mom anytime..they grow up faster than you will ever believe possible. Cherish these moments while you can.

Melissa - posted on 08/26/2009

When she gets up at night, don't interact with her just take her back to bed without a word. Even if she had a bad dream. She may be using that as an excuse because it works. Also set up a reward system (stickers, extra tv time or extra cookie for dessert) for every night that she stays in her own bed and stick with the plan! Good luck!