NEED ADVICE

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

Need Advice : My son is 4 years old. His dad has been inconsistent in his life since birth but has never gone long periods of time without seeing him. We have gone to court 2 times since my son was born for visitation. His dad has never stuck to a visitation schedule he would just do what he wanted. Then from the last week of September until last week he hasnt called or seen my son i have not herd from him. I was so disgusted cause i have to deal with my son asking for him and being upset. He sent me a text message saying he was going to pick my son up . Im like umm hellooo where the hell u been for 2 months are you kidding me ?? i told him he cant just walk in and out its not fair. So of course he threatens to take me to court. its out of spite but why is ok for him to stay away for 2 months and then just walk back in like nothing ever happend im suppose to just say hey sure why not . Please give me advice i dont know what to do

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Dove - posted on 11/24/2012

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Nah, not really. If a kid is used to it... it's not a big deal. YOU just have to know how to help your kid and make up for his lack of a father in other ways. Kids are quite resilient. It's not your fault or your son's fault that his father sucks. You just have to help him see that without actually coming out and telling him his father sucks. He'll be ok if you are ok.

[deleted account]

And thats fine i want him to see him but the problem is that he never stuck to any agreement we had and then 2 months goes by not a phone call or anything and mind you he was very in consistent before this . I think not seeing your son for 2 months or speaking to him is a very big deal and can hurt a child. when i pick my son up from school or at the park and he asks for his father or gets upset is heartbreaking, i wish he would just be consistent but thats not him. I know he will get rights but i just dont think its right that a father is allowed to just walk in and out of a childs life

Dove - posted on 11/24/2012

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If he wants to take your child when the court order says he can... then he can. Whether it's been 2 months or 2 years.... unless you have a new court order.



Honestly, 2 months is nothing. You refusing to let your ex see his child out of spite for him disappearing is no better than what he is doing. It sucks, for sure, but don't stoop to his level.

[deleted account]

Hes never stuck to it. and his dissapearing act that he just pulled this las 2 months then texts out of the blue im coming to get him. thats not fair to my son. im so over his behavior

Jodi - posted on 11/24/2012

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Of course it's not fair, but you can't control his behaviour. If the court order says he can pick him up at this time, then he can. It doesn't mean he HAS to, unfortunately. You have to stick to the court ordered visitation.



If he is doing it to spite you, then just stop showing him how much it upsets or angers you. Try not to let him push your buttons, that's all you can do, really. Eventually he won't do it to spite you any more because he will see it doesn't work.

[deleted account]

Yes there were 2 visitation schedules set up that he never stuck to. He just wants to come and go when he wants and i dont think its fair especially after not seeing him these last 2 months. I think its not healthy for a child. Hes doing this out of spite

Dove - posted on 11/24/2012

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If you've been to court twice I am 'assuming' there is a visitation schedule... Stick to that.



If there IS no visitation schedule, go back to court to get one and your ex can see your son when the court order says he can. Whether or not he DOES... is really up to him.

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