Need advice for fulltime working parents

Lynn - posted on 11/19/2009

This is understandable.....your life has changed but he doesn't feel his has changed. He has changed anything and doesn't realize that it has to. There are a few things you can try...1. Family meeting...division of chores...who likes to do what ( I was really surprised when my husband chose vacuuming...anything other than a toilet)
2. Posting a list....everyone must complete at least 3/4 things a week (makes those who don't look bad) 3. Hire a cleaning lady (temporarily to start) becuz you can't work and do ALL the cleaning. He has to pay for half.
Just a couple ideas. Hope one works. Lynn

Teresa - posted on 11/17/2009

my husband and i both work full time shift work 2 days and 2 nights. We have 4 kids, 3 of them are 5 and under. I find it very hard working full time, being a full time parent and a full time care taker of the home. We have an understanding in our house that if i am working he cares for the children and home. That means he does what needs to be done with the kids (driving them to swimming lessons or sports or whatever) and he keeps the house clean and cooks the meals. When he works i do the same. When we work the same shifts we normally do things together. If nobody wants to cook, then we order pizza that day. If the house turns into a disaster, than it will stay as so until we have days off. I find that this works great in our house. Its an understanding and being appreciative to both of us, knowing that we are both full time parents together and we both work so we both deserve a break!! Talk to your husband and discuss your feelings. Work out a compromise between the both of you and try to appreciate each other. Plus your children are old enough to help out and have some responsibilities in the home. Involve them too. Congrats on your new job :)

Jen - posted on 11/17/2009

Sara,

Here's my take as a working mom. I work evenings and my husband works days. It's hard on a marriage. Couple things -- you guys are going through a huge transition. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's going to be hard. So, apologize where you need to and talk about the cause(s) of your frustration. Is he not helping b/c he's lazy or does he not know what needs to be done? Is he overwhelmed/scared to try it? Talk about what you need from him in specifics. Saying, "I need you to help more around the house" isn't as helpful to a man as saying, "Could you start a couple loads of laundry?" Also, you have to, have to, have to make time for just the two of you to connect alone... to remember why you're doing everything you're doing. Whatever you two enjoy doing together, be intentional about making sure you get at least some of that in. Try to connect in some way every day.

These are just my opinions.
God bless you, friend. I'll say a prayer for you.
Jen : )

Sharon - posted on 11/17/2009

1. apologise. you've been a bitch and you need to apologise.



2. make a list of what upsets you. What can he work on? What can you ignore? Can the kids pitch in?



3. you say you lash out irrationally - talk to him about that. Does he see it? You see it, albeit after the fact, so how about if he sees it while its happening he says a code word.... peaches.. or whatever (I was watching ice age 3, lol) and thats your cue you to take a chill pill. Sit in your car, listen to music, go take a shower, whatever, but don't come back until you've calmed down.