Need Help! 4 1/2 year old wont fully potty train.

Heidi - posted on 05/01/2012

My son was 4 and he was doing the samething. But I finally took pull-ups away and bought a musical potty which made ut exciting to go pottyand made a chart and used stickers and by the end of the week he was rewarded with a toy. But after about Two or two and a half weeks he was set. Consistency and praises and not getting upset when an accident did occur made a big difference. He went with me every week to pick out a toy that was no more than $5. But a lot of the times he liked the stickers better than a toy

Julie - posted on 05/01/2012

Stay home one weekend... and let her wear nothing - little girls DO NOT Like urine running down their legs - it worked for me in 2 days!
;o)

Do not show any frustration - it just might be a power issue with her -

Cheri - posted on 05/01/2012

I wish that I could help you. I am in the same boat. My daughter will be 5 tomorrow and she has on a pull up tonight in bed. I tried her without them a few months back, I just couldn't rationalize washing sheets everyday. She will get up some nights, just not all of them. I have noticed that if she is extra tired, she definitely won't get up. My husband will take her before he goes to bed but it still doesn't always work. I heard there were some sheet covers/protectors out now, kind of like what you get for the elderly. I may try those when her pack is done.

Melissa - posted on 05/01/2012

Hi my almost 6 year old is not potty trained at night as well. I did ask the doctor about it, He told me do not make a big deal about it. That may cause them to regress as well. That their bladder may not be developed enough. I would just continue to use the pull ups, and if you do have any concerns check with your doctor.

Igig - posted on 05/01/2012

You know, for what it's worth, I wet the bed until I was in GRADE 8 ... I was a sound sleeper & simply did it in my SLEEP .. it's hard to knwo when a child is 'lazy', not motivated, and when a child can NOT help it ... I was spanked, humiliated, got nothing to drink from supper on, taken to chiropractor, made to wash my own bedding out by hand, woke up at night by my dad (out of love & concern), they bought an 'alarm' system that went off when pee hit it .... NOTHING worked to help ME stop wetting the bed, until my body/mind finally kicked in, but the 'measures' taken to make me stop had a very detrimental effect on me later in life ... it taught me "I" was to blame for things I had NO CONTROL over & had nothing to do with!!!! LOVE him FIRST & help him with as little (negative or demeaning) words or 'pressure' as possible, and I now pray about everything & ask God for wisdom as to how to handle each situation to bring about good results!

Tabitha - posted on 05/01/2012

I used this website, 3daypottytraining.com and it was a lifesaver. My son was about 4 1/2 and my daughter was 3 1/2 and I was able to potty train them both in about a week (while I was 37 weeks pregnant with our third). We had tried so many things before this and I was freaking out that my kids would be in diapers forever and not allowed to start school. Check it out. =)

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2012

Just wanted to tell you that a week ago I was totally frustrated with my 3 1/2 yr. old son. He would not poop on the potty, he was great about going pee, but refused to poop. I was very frustrated, we had tried everything and finally we took all of his toys away after an incident where he pooped on the floor in his bedroom and then in the tub within a few hours. He was simply refusing to use the toilet. After we took his toys away and explained that if he pooped on the potty he would get them back, ( one at a time) Guess what? 1 week later he is completely potty trained day and night. I am so relieved...Worth a try.

Stephanie - posted on 05/01/2012

My son wet the bed at night until he was 5. I don't think it was because he was defiant, just a deep sleeper, he eventually got it. In the meantime I used a Pull Up every night. Not worth dealing with wet sheets every morning. Maybe if a situation arises where she is invited to spend the night with a close friend or cousin will she become fully aware that she is lagging and not up to her friends in potty training. What about offering her a reward...I am not above bribery...

Barbara - posted on 05/01/2012

My kids have all been potty trained for over a decade but I do remember when I was three and had accidents at night and how bad I felt. I did not want to have the accidents, I did it while I was asleep. My philosophy is that anything done while unconscious is not something done on purpose whether it is wetting the bed or snoring and should not become a point of frustration against the sleeper. I had a daughter who was dry all night as early as 20 months but not old enough to be expected to be potty trained during the day. I had others who were potty trained during the day but would be able to make it through the night dry. The more I made an issue of potty training the longer it took. Some take until they are 8 to 12 yrs old before they are dry at night.

Marcia - posted on 05/01/2012

Sadly, I don't know what to tell you, it's so hard!!!! My grandson just turned 4, and will pee on the potty, (daytime), but refuses to go poo except in a diaper....so frustrating.....just wanted you to know I sympathize, I really don't have an answer for you..!!

Tina - posted on 05/01/2012

Our daughter was #1 trained at 3, but not #2 trained until 4. She never had the problem of wetting the bed, so we were lucky. I would suggest like the others, to cut out and drinks of any kind before bed. Make sure she goes to the bathroom before bedtime. When she does wake up dry, make sure she gets some kind of reward, and praise her! Hope this helps.

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2012

MIchelle here I have a son with global development who's not toilet trained his nana in town where he lives try's to Get toilet trained he's 5 now
From michelle

Amy - posted on 05/01/2012

I have a boy, so I'm sure it's a little different, but He wore big boy undies all day and night, we cut out drinks after supper, made sure he used the potty before bed, and for the first few weeks we woke him up at 3 to go to the potty again.. Hope it helps, it worked for us!

Lisa - posted on 05/01/2012

I wish i could offer you some advice! But my own 4 year old won't get up and go potty at night either! It's nice to know i'm not alone here!

KENNETH - posted on 05/01/2012

You have to cut out the liquids early in the evening and always give a treat if they wake up dry.jelly beans worked for us. lol

Beverly - posted on 05/01/2012

Our granddaughter did not become potty trained until she actually entered kindergarten...She is now entering her college Senior year on the Dean's list and in the National Honor Society...late potty training did not impact her life at all. I listened to my mother when my four were born. She said don't sweat it, don't pressure them and they will do ok...she was right. Same advice I gave my granddaughter's mother and my mom was still righ!

Kim - posted on 05/01/2012

My son is 12 and still wears a Goodnight to bed. It runs in the family. My husband and I did not have a problem but our brothers did and my Father. As far as I know the only one that was older than 12 was my Dad. Some kids' bladders just can't do it or they don't secrete enough of the chemical that slows down their kidneys at night. My son is a very heavy sleeper so he sleeps thru it. My daughters were almost 5 and 3 when they stopped wetting at night. Its not usually laziness but the body's maturity that determines if they go all night being dry.

Do you leave a light on for her at night? Maybe she's afraid to get up on her own. Can she call you if she has to go? My 5 year old still does.

Keisha - posted on 05/01/2012

It's okay that is why I said some parents. For the record I am very educated in child development I have a BS in child psychology & 2 Masters if that makes you feel better. For the record my son had the same problem until he was 4 and once I tried all the things I said myself to do, it worked. Therefore, don't reply back unless you are actually doing all these steps. When it comes to my children (3) I will do any and everything to help them and if that means I have to sit up for a week straight at night to help them, that is EXACTLY what I will do. Like I said quit making excuses because if a parent was really trying and giving 100% and not just giving up after a few days because it didn't work then you right I don't know what I am talking about. If you are going to try something STICK TO IT! Don't just give up on it. Nothing happens overnight or is ever easy.

Threenorns - posted on 05/01/2012

Jennifer Latourette - now, that's actually a cool idea.

the only thing that would concern me is that that would be fine if she's physiologically ready to sleep dry and just isn't bec she doesn't want to get out of bed (yeah, i know someone who was like that). if she's not developmentally ready, however, that would just be added stress which would make it worse for the child - like going through hoops and techniques and bribery and finally yelling at a kid for not reading before finally discovering he's dyslexic.

Jennifer - posted on 05/01/2012

I haven't read through all the replies and this might be a repeat, but this is what the staff at my son's school does: Put on her underwear, then pajama pants, then a Pull-up over the pants. That way, she'll feel the wetness and not like it, but you won't have to change sheets because of the Pull-up. HTH!

Linda - posted on 05/01/2012

I agree with you Henrieta, It was rude. and I know how you feel. My youngest son used to cry because he was embarressed. Maybe they SHOULD be potty trained by 4, but 9x out of 10 they are not. And I guess my main question is "Do you have children you have had to potty train?" Well if you dont, then I think you should walk in someone elses shoes before you cast stones. Its hard, and every child is different.. No child came with a GUIDE BOOK.. So you work with, love and support them and it will happen.

Threenorns - posted on 05/01/2012

Henrieta Soderlund - i was in the middle of a similarly acerbic reply (although i'm one of the fortunate ones - i was too lazy to potty train them so i let them handle it themselves and all three girls were dry day and night very early in life, which supports the "genetics" theory) when yours beat me to it.



IviaPook Tucker - if you are not educated in child development, how about you keep your ignorant opinions to yourself?



you're right - i don't like what you said because it was rude, ignorant, and just plain WRONG.

Henrieta - posted on 05/01/2012

IviaPook Tucker - your comment is was so rude. You have no idea, what some parents go through trying to potty train them. I just wish you could be in one of our shoes for a month, because I don't think you would last longer than that. Personally I did and tried everything - and you have no idea how defieted I feel sometimes, because my kids are doing everything else, except for learning how to stop. I woke up and still wake up with them every night for the past 3 years, my kids have night lights throughout the whole house, they get no drinks after 5 pm and it still is not working. I took you response very personally, as can do many moms here with this problem. So you should think before you talk, because there are moms who honestly have tried everything they can, to help their kids, and then there are moms like you, who have no idea what we go through every day and night, but are giving advice like you know it all. My boys also feel bad and want to stop really bad, they run to the bathroom 4 or more time after they are put to bed trying to squeeze every last drop of pee out of their bladder, but as soon as they fall asleep, they sometimes wet within the 1st hour of their sleep. I wish you could live in my shoes for a week, then maybe you'd talk differently.

Kirsty - posted on 05/01/2012

my son is 3 n half n has been dry through the night for 6 months do u take her to the toilet wen go to bed just Carrie her an sit her on it n wisper have a wee then pop her bac in bed she will then learn to go on her own at night hope this helps

Threenorns - posted on 05/01/2012

most kids under 5 wet the bed at night. that's just how it is.



it's not like she was completely potty trained before and now is deliberately having "accidents" - that would signal a potentially serious problem.



it could be that she doesn't want to take that last step into being a "big girl" (a ridiculous concept but there it is).



don't force her - adding insecurity and neurosis to the night-time wetting is going to cause WAY more problem than having to do a load of laundry. just leave her be - keep the pullups or diapers on her at night and let her tell you when she's ready.



here's a good page for info: http://www.brollysheets.com/Help++Advice...

Keisha - posted on 05/01/2012

Some parents not going to like what I have to say but I think it needs to be said. If your child doesn't have any problems with their bladder and they are healthy and over 4 years old there shouldn't be an excuse why they aren't potty trained. If a child is able to turn the tv, sing their favorite song word for word, beg for candy or toys; then they are old enough to go to the bathroom on their own. I think a lot of parents on here are making excuses for their kids and that's crazy. Don't give your child anything to drink before bed. Majority of kids throughout the night will get up and get in the bed with someone else and if they are big enough to do this they can use the restroom. keep a light on at night for them. If you have too wake them up throughout the night and go to restroom with them and when they do use restroom REWARD THEM! by you letting them fall asleep in the pull up its your way of telling them it's ok. Break the cycle even if you have to wash everyday make them wear underwear or sleep in nude but no pull ups.

Linda - posted on 05/01/2012

I also had a problem with one of my boys. I would put cotton underwear on under their pullups so that they could feel the wetness. I also asked the dr. and they told me that it is not common to wet the bed for a while. If she is doing it just because its "Easier to go in the pull ups" Sounds like stubbornness. My 22 year old daughter went thru the same thing, She REFUSED to go in the potty. Thats when I asked the dr and he said you just have to be patient, and Persistent. Dont stress mom, she will get there.. Patience and Routine will help. Make a habit of everytime you go take her too. Dont let her drink anything after 6 pm. and make her go before bed. and just keep your fingers crossed and your faith up.. It will happen..

Linda - posted on 05/01/2012

maybe cut off her fluid intake early like at 5pm. We did that with our son before he was 1.6 years old and it worked like magic. And since he wanted a sippy of milk at night we told him he had to get up like a big boy and pee in the toilet or no milk in the evening.He was fine but we still did not give him anything to drink past 7pm. Good luck be strong, it helps when they have friends their age as peers and see that they do not wear pull ups also and they want to be the big girl or boy and not considered a baby.

Ghislaine - posted on 05/01/2012

Hi I had a similar issue and was told by my gp that a child can take until there 7 to be completly dry through out the night as their bodies all develop differently and so do their needs it could just be that when she is asleep she is in such a deep sleep she doesn't recegnise/hear the I need the toilet signal be patient with her the more you stress the more she stresses and you will end up in a viscous circle have a nice mummy daughter afternoon and ask if something is stopping her like being too dark but dont put words in her mouth let her tell you

Henrieta - posted on 05/01/2012

I read Hope's reply and I know that you had a kid that learned quiker and that's why you don't understand the parents that have kids who still wet the bed at night. I have 6 kids - 3 boys and 3 girls ages 9,8,7,6,5, and 4. My two oldest are boys, 3 girls in the middle and the youngest is a boy. We adopted 5 kids back in 2008. All of my boys still wet bed EVERY SNGLE night. And it's sooo frustrating, but there is nothing I can do. We've tried everything - no liquids, pull-ups, pee-monitors, rewards, consequense - everything, and nothing helps. And I know you said that consistecy is the key - believe me, I am as consistent as it gets, but when it comes to stopping them from peeing at night, there is nothing I can do to change it. We went through the doctors, did different test and the only thing that is left, is wait until they start feeling it. It is either genetic, or might be trauma related, but they just don't feel anything when they pee at night. If they sleep with underware, they just sleep throught it and it dries out by the time they wake up - I have to smell their sheets to know if they peed or not. So, I understad the moms with older children who still wet the beds. It's very very frustrating, but you moms are not alone.
I also have a friend who said he wet bed until he was 15! he said he was sooo upset with himself, so ashamed of it, but he just couldn't feel it. He said he would be thinking about it all night, trying to wake himself up, and it just didn't work. By the time he would wake up - he was already wet. And then it just stopped. His body finally learned to recognize the messages and he stopped at 15. So my suggestion is don't make it a big deal and deffinetly be careful not to make your kids feel bad about it, because it can affect their self-esteem. Their body will learn eventually, and I, personaly, am praying for that day to come.

Caryn - posted on 05/01/2012

she might be a bed wetter. If so, I agree, pullups are best. does she drink a lot before bedtime? Have you done night lifting to bring her to toilet? if she still wets with a night lift, then she is not ready. Sometimes food allergies can cause bed wetting. If she has allergies this just might be par for the course, unfortunately.

Hope - posted on 05/01/2012

So your son gets out of school at 6:45pm? No wonder you can't get him potty trained, you aren't there to do it!

Barbara - posted on 05/01/2012

Maybe she is afraid to go to the bathroom alone. Do you have a night light? Some children just sleep to deeply to know they have to go to the potty. They have alarms that will let her know that she needs to use the potty. Try one. My oldest, who is now 43, Refused to use the potty at night. We discovered that the toilet was too high for him to get on comfortably. that too could be a problem. I wish you luck sweetie. Don't worry, she will eventually go on her own. Keep her in the pull ups until then.

Kristine - posted on 05/01/2012

I have a son who is almost 3 1/2 with NO interest in potty training. I'm not pushing him, he will go pee every now and then. If you stress over it she'll know it as well. I don't get how some say limit liquids or NO liquids before bed. My son goes to be by 7:45 and that would mean nothing to drink once he came home from school, it's not realistic. I personally think kids all learn when they are truly ready. They won't go to kindergarten in diapers....

Hope - posted on 05/01/2012

We're training our 2 1/2 year old to go through the night now, he's about got it. My suggestions: don't let her drink anything an hour or so before bed, make her go potty RIGHT before you put her in bed, let her sleep with no pants on at all (nudie nudie!) that way when she does go in her bed, it feels colder and she won't like it. I find a child who's 8 1/2 and still in pullups a bit much. It seems to me if you try and stay consistent, your child will learn eventually. Consistency is the key and that is what I see as being a problem most in any parenting situation. I'm not claiming to know everything about parenting, but in my experience and through watching others I have found that consistency is the key to training your little person to be a big person!

Christy - posted on 05/01/2012

Our number 5 son wanted to go to preschool, so we used that to our advantage. Big boy underwear or no school. He started that very night and woke up dry the next morning.

Sara - posted on 05/01/2012

Our daughter wet the bed every night although she learnt how to be dry during the day quite quickly. I would advice not putting any underwear at all on her not even pull ups. Put several layers on the bed with a throw away bed protector between each layer. Pampers do them and it makes things easier if having to remove a layer in the middle of the night. Don't let her drink anything at least an hour before bedtime. Just before you go to bed gently wake her. Carry her to the toilet or potty (whatever she is using)and tell her to have a wee. This way she wakes up enough to know what she is doing but not enough so that she can't go back to sleep. You may have a couple of weeks with a wet bed every night, but she should learn fairly quickly and then you won't need to wake her at all. If this does not work I would advice taking her to see the doctor. Apparently we produce a hormone to stop us wetting ourselves in our sleep but in some children this does not work properly. Perhaps this is the problem. Do keep with it though and don't go back to pants. Never tell her off if she wets the best. Just remind her how much more comfortable it is to sleep in a dry bed. Good luck, I hope this helps.

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2012

My oldest is still in pull ups and he's 7. My middle girl is 3 and has been dry at night for almost a year. There is something neurological in her brain that isn't fully developed yet. If you want her to wear her underwear then get her up a couple times during the night to go to the bathroom. Usually for my son If I make him go around 12 he is good for the night.

Crystal - posted on 05/01/2012

my child did this also . We started making him go to the bathroom before he went to bed and would not let him have anything to drink 30 min before going to bed. Try that and see if her behavior changes it worked for him.

Peiqi - posted on 05/01/2012

make something fun is good for child.
Can you try : when your child's defecate time, find a live Insects put it in side the potty, ask your child make poo poo to the insects , talk her defecate is the insect's food. may work.

Anneliese - posted on 05/01/2012

It takes time and there is no need at this age to sleep in underwear. it can take until 5 or 6 and that is absolutely normal. Give her time and don't put pressure on her.

Cynthia - posted on 05/01/2012

My middle child is still in a Pull Up. She's 8 1/2. I don't think there is much you can do. If it were me, I would leave her in the Pull Ups at night. But that is because for me, it's not worth the laundry and mess. We tried everything a few months ago to get my daughter away from using the Pull UP. I woke her up every few hours and she still went. Her doctor said she probably has an undeveloped bladder and there is nothing we can do until she is older.

Erin - posted on 05/01/2012

I wouldn't worry too much about it. My 11 year old didn't stop wearing a pull up until she was a bout 7 and my little one is 5 1/2 and still wears pull ups at night. As long as she's good during the day I don't push for the night time. It'll happen in time, don't stress so much over it, good luck!

Linda - posted on 05/01/2012

Nikki makes an important point: Try to avoid allowing your child to have ANYTHING to drink several hours before bedtime. And be sure she uses the potty right before going to bed.

Laura Jayne - posted on 05/01/2012

hi my son was having problems at night and my mother said that she used to wake him up every couple of hours and if he did a wee / poo in the potty throw him a party so he sees it is good and appreciated (when i say party lots of cheer and party popers ) i know it sounds daft but i realy felt it worked within 4 day's / night my son was dry and waking by himself to use the potty and in underwear not pull ups i hope you have some success it is tiring but well worth it give it a try

so wake them up every couple of hours for potty
cheer them and party popers when done somethink in the potty

i wish you all the success

Lisa - posted on 05/01/2012

At 4 1/2 she may just not be ready. However if you think she is you may try using a prize box. I used an old shoe box and wrapped it in wrapping paper. I bought some little "prizes" I knew my son would like. Ideas would be play-doh, bubbles, hair accessories, crayons, anything small that she would enjoy. We printed off a sticker chart and taped it to the bathroom door. Every night that he stayed dry he earned a sticker. When he had 10 stickers he got to pick a prize from the box. I have to say it seemed to work for him. He still has the occasional accident but most nights he is dry. Good luck!!

Kristie - posted on 05/01/2012

My son did not achieve night-time dryness until he was 12 years old. Like you, I was fretting when he was 4 and still not dry. Luckily, my grandmother was a very wise woman with a long memory. She told me that my father stopped wetting the bed at 12, and that she also had a problem with it until she was 12. She said one of her brothers didn't achieve dryness until he was 17. If she is not dry at night, I doubt it's because she's lazy. Just don't make a big deal of it, instead:
1. Make her responsible for changing and disposing of her own Pull Up/Goodnight, or whatever you use. My son was wearing adult diapers to sleep until he finally got dry.
2. Be sure to let her know that you love her and know that when her body is ready, she will be dry at night. Remember, it is not pleasant to sleep in wet sheets. If she was able to stop, she would not be doing this.

Christina - posted on 05/01/2012

Try big girl underwear underneath the pull up and in the morning, if they are wet or soiled, have her take them off, put them in the hamper and clean herself up. It is her choice to wear go to the potty or not but, imho, she is old enough to then handle the consequences. I wouldn't embarrass her about it or even really address it. Just teach her how to deal with it in the morning and encourage her to move on to underwear if she can. Some children do have small bladders and/or other things preventing them from going to the potty at night and they grown out of that. It can take some children up to 10 or 11 to stop wetting the bed and they don't choose it but that doesn't mean they can't be responsible for cleaning up and do all they can to help.

Norma - posted on 05/01/2012

Don't give too much liquid at night time. Before going to bed bring to the toilet first then 5 am bring to the toilet again try it

JENNIFER - posted on 05/01/2012

Rachel,

I understand your frustration. My daughter finally quit using pull-ups at 8.5.
We tried everything. We even went to the doctor and they put her on Meds to help train her blatter. Nothing worked. She woke up one day and just told us she was not going to wear pull-ups again. I set my alarm for about 1am for about a week and then she just started waking herself up if she had to go. She makes sure she goes to potty before bed and she doesn't drink after 8pm. It took awhile but she is pull-up free.