Need Help! 4 1/2 year old wont fully potty train.

Rachel - posted on 04/18/2012 ( 492 moms have responded )

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Our 4 1/2 year old refuses to learn to fully potty train. We are having problems trying to get her to go potty at night so she can wear underwear all the time & not just during the day. We told her to treat the pull up like underwear while she is in bed but she says "It's easier to just go in the pull up." We have tried leaving her in underwear to go to sleep but wake up to change sheets & all every morning. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any help will be appreciated. Thank you!

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Becky - posted on 04/29/2012

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Try putting her in underwear and then put a pull up over that. She will feel the wet and hopefully wake up. But please be aware that many children have problems with wetting the bed up until they are 7-8 years old. They have small bladders and it can matter what they have to drink after supper. If she potty trains during the day and is doing alright, don't worry so much about the night. Children develop and grown at different levels, no problems, just different times!

Vicky - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi Rachel...TRUST ME ON THIS.....unless your daughter has a medical issue, which I doubt, she will ditch the pull-up on her own time! I am not sure why everyone is so worked-up over getting their kids potty trained, like it is some sort of a competition. People lie about it all the time, too! "My kid was trained at 11 months!" LMAO did you notice that nighttime pull-ups go up to size 120 POUNDS? I doubt they make them only for one or two kids in the world, so someone is lying! The pull-up beats the wet sheet mess. Staying dry at night takes longer that in the day. I have three sons, and they were all 100% fully daytime trained at age 4-4 1/2. The night varied; one was dry around 4; the others had occasional accidents. People bugged me about my 3 year old in a pull-up, so I asked the pediatrician about it. He asked me why I cared! I told him I didn't, that other people were making comments. He said nothing was neurologically wrong with my son, and he promised me that he would be potty trained by the time he graduated from high school! LOLOLOL! Here is another thing; years ago, I do believe that children were potty-trained sooner......because they had a nice, smelly, sloppy, annoying wet CLOTH diaper on as opposed to a nice pull-up that wicked away the moisture! Best to you and your daughter!

Misty - posted on 04/29/2012

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Cut off liquids even earlier than you already do. It's hard to potty train laziness. I don't mean that to be derogatory b/c I can empathize with her reasoning.
Who really wants to get up in the middle of the night lol
What time do you stop allowing drinks? We always did it am hour before bedtime. With my middle son who was the hardest to potty train for almost the same reason, his last drink for the night was at dinner and that was reduced to half. It took about 3 weeks when we only gave him half of a drink. He didn't like it and finally decided getting his whole drink was better than peeing in the bed.

Grandma Donna - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi,mygrandaughter does the same thing.The only difference is she is only 2 yrs old.She will wake up during the night to go potty,(sometimes 3-4 times).Is she still on a bottle at night time?

Elizabeth - posted on 04/29/2012

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My daughter is the same way. She goes to bed at 830/9pm and she likes her sleep. she could probably sleep thru a train wreck in the front yard. I dont go to bed til about 11pm midnight. We made a deal with her that if she slept 1 week without peeing in the bed then she could sleep in her big girl undies. she did but after that she wouldnt wake up to go potty. So what i started doing is when i went to bed (usually anywhere between 11 and midnight) i brush my teeth, night time feeding of fish, wake her and take her to the potty. And in the middle of the night, i wake up to go to the bathroom, i get her up and take her to the bathroom. And its working. the other night she woke herself (and me) up cuz she needed to potty.

Allison - posted on 04/29/2012

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It could be a REM dominant behavior...she may not know shes doing it..cut her fluids after 5 or 6..I do sleep studies on children all the time at work for bed wetting issues ..its 99% of the time it happens in REM..shes still young ..give her a couple more months..

Donna - posted on 04/29/2012

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Here's how I trained my five year. When we ran out of pull ups I simply told her that don't have anymore and that she would need to learn to go potty before going to bed... I made it kind of a game.She put on regular panties under her jammies. I would tell her " you don't want to get pee pee in your nice panties right? Ok so let's see if you can keep them dry all night" Now here is the extra step in training their bladders for night time.

Step 1. Make sure child goes potty right before getting into bed

step 2. Before mommy and/or daddy go to bed, get child up to go potty again.

i have a kids potty next to her bed so all I do is lift her outof bed, pull her jammies down, sit her in the potty and whisper it's pee pee time. Within seconds she goes, wipe her, pull her jammies back up, put her back in bed and viola...

step 2 is very important to do every night no matter what time parents go to bed. It's the last thing I do before going to bed myself... Then you dump out the little cup in the kid potty and put back. She has been night time potty trained at least six months plus now and only two accidents that were in the first week we started. A pull at night does not give them incentive to stay dry but a regular pair of undies should. Good luck ! This method has worked really well for me and my daughter.

Jcbrannigan1s - posted on 04/29/2012

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My son is 5 and still has to wear pull ups when he sleeps. I asked the Dr. about it when he was four and I was told that it is normal for a child to still wet the bed when they sleep until they are about 8 years old. He wants to wear underwear to bed so bad, but he just can't wake himself up to go at night until it is too late. I told him when he is able to wake up at night and go potty and keep his pull up dry I would be glad to let him wear undies to bed. They just can't help having accidents when they are asleep because they sleep too deep and do not realize it until it wakes them up. They can tell they are wet no matter what type of material is on their bottoms. My son actually wakes up as he is peeing so I suppose that is progress. Good luck and don't worry!

Stacey - posted on 04/29/2012

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The best advice is to not push your daughter. She wiill do it on her own terms, when she is ready. We have a 7 1/2 year old boy who still wears pull-ups to bed. We've tried many times for him to be in underwear at night and his body just isn't ready. What's hard is the fact that our son really really wants to be able to wear underwear to bed -- but because he simply is a deep sleeper and can't get up in the middle of the night to go potty we consistently would be woken up to clean sheets. We tried setting an alarm to get him up to go potty in the middle of the night but have read that that isn't a practice we should be doing because he's not even aware that he's getting up to go...there was a night when he was so disoriented that he proceeded to dig in his clothes drawers to get dressed. We had to coax him to go back to bed. The next morning we asked him about the incident and he had no recolection of the event. Keep her in pull ups until she's ready...patience is a virtue. Don't rush it. She will be ready when her body is ready. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2012

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my son is 5.5 and still wears pull ups at night as he sleeps to soundly to wake and go. kids bodies become ready at different times. its annoying (cost wise and such) but I would leave her in the pull ups for now. she simply may not be ready.

Paige - posted on 04/29/2012

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It's very common for kids not to get up to go to the bathroom at night - they make UnderJams for lots bigger kids bc it's such a common problem! My kids sleep so soundly when they go to bed that they normally wake up wet in the morning. So rather than disrupt their sleep - we have them wear UnderJams. They are 6 and 7. It is common for kids to go up to 10 and sometimes 12! Search Bed wetting and you'll see lots of articles about it! So don't fear! Just let her wear the pull ups at night and she will eventually get there! Pull Ups are a lot cheaper than doing laundry every day! lol
There are alarms that are suppose to go off when wet hits it to wake them up - but the only person it woke up was me! Did No good! You can set your alarm clock and get up a few times at night to take them to the bathroom but that exhausted me and I ended up carrying them to the bathroom bc they were still asleep! And they hardly ever went when I wanted them to.
So don't stress! Some kids just sleep sounder than others! I would even dream I was in the bathroom and pee the bed when I was little! And I am fine now;)

Olivia - posted on 04/29/2012

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Have you seen the "Connie" washable bed sheet protector. Apparently takes up to 2L of liquid and you can wash it hundreds of times. Saves washing all the sheets too. I think kids will go dry of their own accord. our 3 year old has some nights where he stays dry because he wakes me up to go to the toilet or sometimes he must be too tired to get up as he's sometimes wet in the morning. I still put nappies on him as the dry nights are quite a new thing. I noticed that he was waking up at around 10/11 at night and I'd lie down with him thinking he'd had a dream or something but then realised he was actually waking up to do a wee. So for a few nights I got him up to go to the toilet. Now he'll get himself up, but we do talk about getting up for the toilet just before I put him to bed.

Lynn - posted on 04/29/2012

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My oldest was over 3 and I was so sick of changing him I finally told him he could change himself! After a few times of that, he stopped.

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2012

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After I read your story I told my 4 1/2 about it she said I have been ready! I said ok I went and bought a materass cover and put her to be with panties and said if you pee tonight you have to sleep in it! That was last weeK! So far so good! I know it will be. Accident.Jennifer

Lorraine - posted on 04/29/2012

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My son does the same. If its night time and we put a pull up on. If he is awake say 30 mins before he falls asleep. He wont bother going to the potty to pee. He chooses to pee in the pull up. I dont make a big deal out of it or mind.

KATY - posted on 04/29/2012

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put her pull up over her underware so when so goes he will still be wet and uncomfortable but maybe the bed wont be wet

Memo - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi,



I had a recipe that my mom told me about:



1- You have to stop giving her any fluids 2 hrs be4 sleeping

2- If she sleeps @ 8 pm, @ 11 put her on potty, and then @ 3 am, then u will recognize after a couple of weeks that she can control herself while sleeping.

3- As for being outside just put the undewear and on it put the pull up or the diaper, so that if she peed she won't wet her clothes..



Hope these info will help u.

Melissa - posted on 04/29/2012

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She's still young and developing. Our daughter was late in day potty training, and lot's of children don't stop wetting the bed till they are much older. Give it time and don't pressure her too much as she may continue to do so to her teen's... and I know from experience....

Simone - posted on 04/29/2012

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i use to put a piece of paper on the lid of the toilet seat so when my daugther went to the toilet she could draw might say funny but it did work she use to always want to go to the toilet then..

Tanya - posted on 04/29/2012

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I feel for you, my daughter turned 4 in February and won't use the potty consistently. She will occasionally urinate on the potty but nothing else and even that is few and far between. We have tried everything from setting a timer to rewarding her with stickers or treats. I understand your frustration, wish I could be of help.

Maria - posted on 04/29/2012

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I had that with my 3 and half year old he was lazy and didnt see the point in trekking to the toilet every time he needed to go and went in his pull ups even if we had just put them on. I have done just like you have was determined no matter how many times i changed the bed he wasnt hving them on any more and it has worked. I make him go before bed and when i come to bed i pick him up and take him to toilet sometimes he protests but i persuade him and he goes straight back to sleep afterwards and in the morning dry sheets it is hard work but it does pay off. he goes to bed at 7pm and wakes around 6.30 if that helps you with time i go to bed anywhere between 10.30 to 12 x

Tiffany - posted on 04/29/2012

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I think she is telling you that she isn't ready. Actions speak louder than words. Many kids don't have bladder control enough to stay dry overnight for a long time. I would keep her in pull ups for awhile longer and not talk about it. She is likely feeling too much pressure from you and feeling anxious. Let her be for awhile, she'll eventually keep the pull ups dry and then you can switch to underpants. Let her pick out her own underwear and make it fun. Good luck!

Deborah - posted on 04/29/2012

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We get our son up for a wee at between 11-12pm, that works for us :o) we also use stickers and rewards, give it a try :o)

Susan - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi Rachel,
Some children are deep sleepers and wet the bed. So, I would continue using the pull ups. When my children were little I would reward them for every night or week they were dry etc...
Like: playing games or letting them pick a family activity.
If you think she is doing this on purpose.
I took things like gum, snacks or activities that the child really liked away from them.
And tell them I'm sorry but that is for big kids. If you can stay dry you can have it back.
Hope this helps, Sue

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2012

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If your daughter has a favourite television character try and find underwear with these on, and when she wears them explain that she cannot get Dora Explorer(as an example) wet as she cannot swim and is still taking lessons so she must'nt get them wet

Danielle - posted on 04/29/2012

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I was having trouble with my 5 1/2 yr. old, turns out he was just a heavy sleeper. We got him a bedwetting alarm through sleepdry.com recommended by my doctor. Made to retrain the brain to get up on the first drop of wetness. Within one month he was waking up on his own or just holding it all night. I highly reccommend trying this, but I would wait a little longer. By 5-6 is a good time for the alarm if they still have not conquered it on there own. My son at that age refused the pull-up, and slept in the underwear, we just put a waterproof pad under him, so i would just have to change the pad, and not the whole bed:) Good luck!

BethAnn - posted on 04/29/2012

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I guess everyone has their own opinion but pullups to me were jsut like wearing diapers. i never used them and both my girls were daytime trained by 20 months and dry through the night by the time they were 3. We did underwear full time and and night just put on a plastic sheet on the mattress. Limit drinks aftersupper and make her go lots before bed. we also took both of my girls to the bathroom before we went to bed for a couple months and half the time they hardley woke up. If they have accidents in their bed they will learn alot quicker. Just like peeing in their pants. If they have a pull up on it is just like a diaper. I think pullups jsut make parents think it will be easier but every child I know who did pull ups took about a year longer to train! Go cold turkey and tell her she is a big girls and no more diapers! Also a reward system such as a chart for dry bed at night. After so many stickers you can choose a reward. Start off with maybe 2 stickers and each time go for more. She will be dry before you know it! Good luck!

Cecilia - posted on 04/29/2012

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when you stop fighting, and she gets tired of being wet (keep the pullups) .. it will happen ... my sister used to say "i promise you, he won't get married in diapers!!"

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Actually being physically able to wake up when needing to go to the toilet during sleep is a developmental stage which varies from child to child. Maybe your 4 1/2 year old simply isn't ready? This cannot be rushed and indeed trying to do so may cause your child anguish and upset. I suggest you continue to use pull-ups at night until they are dry on her waking. For some children this may be at 5 years old, for others considerably later. Be happy that your daughter is potty trained during the day :-) and give her loads of praise whenever she wakes up dry.

Kat - posted on 04/29/2012

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cloth nappies at night. Toilet before bed. Set and alarm for about 2-4 am wake them for a toilet break and take them back to bed that way you hope to avoid accidental wetting and the cloth nappies make it uncomfortable whilst catching the mess so more likely to encourage her to toilet herself. Maybe try a potty in the room too so she doesn't feel scared leaving her room at night.

Lois - posted on 04/29/2012

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the same problem seems to persist with my grandaughter until her mother placed a chart decorated and a little box of gold stars and she had hearts on the card and told her child we wiii give a good old gold star for each night you do not wet your bed, soon the gold stars started persisting and there was a whole card full of the beloved gold stars her mom got a little potty chair and sat it by her bed and told her each time you use it , you know you are headed for a gold star, boy and will every one brag on you,,, just know that your oarents will brag on you ,, will do wonders for a wetter,, put the panties on her or him and tell him we will put the pad if you go at night but if you do not boy itis gold star time for you,,, and this simple thing worked for her withing two weeks no wet bed,, and her little potty was used by her and she was very proud,, and she may even tell visitors and you brag on her and the star laden board,, ,,it worked for her within a week ,,, try it ,do not scold her if it does not work but if it does tha tis alright , also jenny wren a granny of age 82 the potty by the bed did the trick more than anything,,

Jackie - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi my daughter was the same was using pull ups at night one day I said no more pull ups after three wet nights and a night lite in the loo she was night trained hang in there

KIM - posted on 04/29/2012

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If a mother is waking her child up at night to use the potty, it's the mother that is trained, not the child

KIM - posted on 04/29/2012

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Does she like wearing the underwear? Does she tell you when she has to use the potty? If either of these is no, she's not ready yet. It will happen, be patient

Amy - posted on 04/29/2012

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Our son is still wetting at night and he is going on 9. Its not intentional and shouldn't be treated as a behavior issue. It's likely she is a deep sleeper and just doesn't know she needs to go when she is asleep. We started ours on a kidney inhibitor at night a few months ago and even at a 30mg dose he wets a little at night most nights. Until their bodies produce enough hormone to stop urine production at night you really can't stop it. If you feel it's a matter of training they sell alarm systems that are supposed to wake them at the first sign of moisture, but the noise was so piercing to my son that although it woke him, it startled him so badly it took over an hour to get him back to sleep. Good luck!

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2012

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im still in the middleof potty training my 2 1/2 but a friend of mine wakes her daugther up at 1 in the morning to have her go

Shannon - posted on 04/29/2012

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My advice is to just be patient. I have 4 kids and you name the potty issue I've either had it or know someone who has. I wouldn't worry about wearing the pull up. My 4.5 year old is still wearing them at night, and sometimes she is dry, sometimes not. A lot depends on how deep a sleeper they are, how much they are drinking at night, how big they are. My 1st and 4th (the 4.5 year old) are quite big for their ages. They were the two that wore pull ups the longest for nighttime. Their bladders have just not caught up to their bodies. It can take some time. I agree with the posts about having them clean their bed and help clean the sheets. It's also teaching them to be responsible for themselves. And I think the ideas about having them make a pee before you go to bed is a good idea, even if you have to wake them up. Do those things, keep her in the pull ups until she has 3 or 4 dry nights in a row then try the underwear again. They do say that it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. don't worry, before you know it she'll be out of the pull ups!!

Kayla - posted on 04/29/2012

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My dad swears by cloth, allowing a child to feel wet. I will say before I went that route I told my son there was a shortage of pull ups and diapers. My brother then "informed" him that there are so many poor children in need in I can't remember what country now we were shipping all the diapers and pull ups we could to that country to help. It took a week and boom, no problems.He was 4 at the time.

Kathy - posted on 04/29/2012

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It is frustrating. My oldest was almost 8 before she could wear panties at night. In her case it was an immature bladder. I did not scold her but if she peed through overnights she had to change her own sheets, wipe down plastic mattress cover with clorox wipe and put wet sheets in the washer for me to wash. I ,of course, checked every morning to make sure if it needed to be done. Most children are potty trained even with bladder immaturity by age six but my little girl was a more extreme case. She is now almost 12 and accident free for over 3 years. Her little sister was completely potty trained before she was, she was barely three. Just hang in there she too will get potty trained. Hope this helps.

Erika - posted on 04/29/2012

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my daughter was the same way. pull ups are diapers!! just get water proof covers thats what we did and she eventually stopped

Katherine - posted on 04/29/2012

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I understnad your frunstrations Rachel.I keep getting messages from the pull ups and good nights websites. I have a 4 yr old who has been potty trained for awhile during the day and at night, but has regressed and in fact today, I found her standing in one spot and in her puddle of pee. She didnt even try to get to the potty. very frustrating. all the best to you.

Paula - posted on 04/29/2012

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It will come in due time. I had one of mine in Pull Ups until she was 5 1/2. She told me one day she wanted to go to bed in her big girl underwear and while it took a couple of days, she got the hang of it. She's 9 now and we've never had an accident.

Karen - posted on 04/29/2012

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We have this same issue with #3. Talked with pedi and she told us that it is not uncommon for girls to have issues till six yr of age. Best advice is try and get her to potty after limiting both food and fluids 2 hrs before bed. Food can cause accidents too. If she will wear goodnivhts use them. Mine won't and we can go days staying dry. We have also got her up to potty before we go to bed. Know that you are not alone in this battle.

Betty - posted on 04/29/2012

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every kid's baldder is different. Her's might just not be ready to make it through the night yet.



What my uncle used to do with his girls when they were about that age, even older, is put them to bed around 8 and then at 11 right before he went to bed he'd first help them into the bathroom so they could go potty again. They'd barely wake up and go right back to sleep.

Lauren - posted on 04/29/2012

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also the dr will not consider it a bed wetting problem untill she is 7 years old. I think its not something she can controll as she is asleep when it happens. one other thing I will suggest is to set an alarm half hour before she normally wakes and check if she is dry at that point. If she is then she may just be weeing out of lazieness when she wakes up instead of going through to the bathroom.

Lauren - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi I had a hard time toilet training my daughter at night time in the end we asked the dr and were told the following. other than reminding them to go before they go to bed there is nothing you can do at all to encourage this, unlike day time training night time dryness relies on a couple of factors first that the child is able to wake up when she needs to go , this is a physical development that will happen in its own time involving cues from the bladder to the brain. Secondly "holding" urine during the night is down to a hormone. Neither of these things can be trained.



You could try like many to wake the child up and ask her to go potty but that will not help her body learn or help her bladder to gain strength. It will happen in its own time. My daughter was finally completly dry at night at around 6 although she was later of her friends most happened around 5 ish some earlier. Pullups and PJ pants are good for now eventually we had to just put the drynite sheets on the bed and accept that we had to change the sheets.



good luck I promise it will happen x

Erika - posted on 04/29/2012

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Hi! My son is 9 now, but I had such a hard time getting him to go number 2 and he needed to in order to go to preschool. It was so hard that one day I gave up and we went into the bathroom and I told him we were staying in there ALL DAY until he goes in the potty. I put my back up against the door and sat on the floor. Although I felt bad at the time, it worked perfectly. I tried all different tricks and nothing would work for number two, but that did and I didn't have to do that again.

Marie - posted on 04/29/2012

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have you tried the star reward, you get a chart explain that if she is dry in morning she gets a star and if by the end of the week she is dry all week or 3 days at time she gets a treat. I stopped my son drinking at 6pm then about 10pm I would put him on the toilet that helped good luck, they like the big girl word x

Cheryl - posted on 04/29/2012

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She may have a bedwetting problem so it might be worth it to discuss it with her pediatrician. But if there is no problem, then I would have her be responsible for cleaning up the mess (take the wet sheets off, put the clean sheets on, put her wet pjs in the hamper etc.) Of course at 4 she would still need a bit of help but believe me, having to do that is not going to be fun for her and might be incentive for her to stay dry. (again, that's barring that there is no physical problem - some children wet the bed for physical reasons not because they are lazy)

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