Need Help! 4 1/2 year old wont fully potty train.

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2012

That is a very hard thing to deal with, and thankfully my son wasn't that difficult when he finally was trained. He just stopped going anywhere but the potty.

My advice to you is to stop putting the pull-up on at night. Then have her help strip her bed and wash the bedding every morning, and bathe herself every morning. Doing this every day may be tedious, but the hope is that she'll tire of having to do these things.

Also, set an alarm for yourself for midway through the night, to go wake her and take her potty. Again, this will be tedious and tiring, but she will get tired (literally) of being woken in the night to go to the bathroom. And explain to her that until she can stop going potty in her bed, then you have to wake her every night to go.

And though it may sound mean and petty, punish her for pottying in her bed. Take away favorite toys and activities for every transgression. If she wets the bed, she can't play with _________ or can't go _________ or do ___________.

She sounds as if she knows what she is doing, so appeal to her intelligence. It is outright defiance, and plain stubbornness. And no way is a 4.5 yr old going to outstubborn me!! lol

Good luck and keep us posted here on what you try, and what works!

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2012

My daughter has the same issue. It's good to hear that it OK to not have dry Pull Up at night at age 4. Everyone goes through similar problems. Thanks for the advice.

Chandra - posted on 04/29/2012

Don't let her drink anything an hour before bedtime, make sure she goes potty before bed, and stop buying pull-ups! They're a crutch!! Without them, you'll have a better chance of getting her to comply.

I also have a 4.5 year old girl - they can be super stubborn, but they do love being big girls. Big girls don't wear pull-ups.

Also, I have found that the less I make a big deal out of something (outwardly), the less struggles we have. If you don't make a big deal out of the fact that you're transitioning away from pull-ups, chances are your daughter will get over it pretty quickly.

Rachel - posted on 04/29/2012

My daughter was still having issues at 5, I took her to see the dr. and turns out, she had a condition. Not one I'd like to put on blast, but, my daughter's been on her med for a year now and her belly business is working just fine now!!! Testing was only a lil uncomfortable, but they let me stay in with her for it. Please see a Dr. I'd hate to think of how 1st graders would be if she was still having "accidents".

Grace - posted on 04/29/2012

Get up in the night and take her to go three or four times and leaver her in a pull up but get her use to getting up she will get it. Don't stress mom just do your part to help her

Laura - posted on 04/29/2012

Stop! We had the same thing with our son except he would not go at all. Our doctor to us that we were pushing him to hard. So we back off. Our son never was train until he was 51/2. But one day he went on his own. All he needed was to feel that he was growing up on his own. Try that! The more you push her the longer it will take.

Laura

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2012

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/bedwettin... Try this link Rachel. It might be of help to you too.

Lauren - posted on 04/28/2012

Hello! First, sorry about all the extra work first thing in the morning. I just went to the doctor about potty training. Here is what she said:

Night time training takes several months to several years. Yes- years. She stated that few children are fully potty trained at night before 5 years of age. Her advice was to not use pull-ups at night, but rather the old-fashioned cloth diapers with the plastic cover. The cotton diaper is uncomfortable when wet which wakes children. After a few nights or weeks of waking with a wet diaper, they begin training their brains to wake up to use the potty.

There may also be an issue of fear. 4.5 year olds have wild imaginations. Nighttime is especially scary as things look so different to a child's eye. To assuage my son's fears, we put his potty chair in the room. That way, he doesn't have to leave the room to go potty. Think of it like a chamberpot.

Either way, keep breathing and be patient. It will happen.

Kimberley - posted on 04/27/2012

My children are all grown now and range in age from 25-33. When they were young the average age to start potty training was 2. My girls were started at about 28 months, and my son was about 30 months. Potty training was not a bad experience for me or my kids. It was a lot of knowing their schedules, and watching their body language. It took about a week before we could start leaving the house wearing underwear, and then it was short outings. By the end of the month the potty training was pretty much done. For the first little while they still wore a diaper (no pull-ups then) at night time, and after a week or so of waking up dry, the diapers disappeared too. During this time I used bribery on a fairly regular basis (it works). My eldest daughter did develope a bed wetting problem when she was about 4 but that was caused by her bladder being too small as it hadn't caught up with her body yet. This is very common in a lot of children. I know from experiencing this from both sides that it can be very frustrating, even getting up to pee in the middle of the night, and still waking up in a wet bed. I wish they would have had pull ups then, it would have been so much easier on her and me. By the time that she was about 7 or so her bladder had caught up and she was fine. If your little girl is dry during the day and needs a pull up at night, don't sweat it too much. My Grandmother told me that kids train, very few are wearing a pull up in college. :) Good luck

Sylvia - posted on 04/27/2012

Well you are not alone and I have tried everything my soon to be 4 yr old daughter. She wears underwear through the day and never has accidents during the day. When she needs to go poop she'll ask for a pull up and she'll insist . We've offered treats and rewards and we've made a big "stink" when she did poop in the potty and in the big girl toilet. Which was only about 3 times. Mornings, shes rarely every dry and although she won't wake up with a poo, she is regular and poops every day between 7 and 9pm.

Angela - posted on 04/27/2012

My son is 3 .5 and he gave me the worst time potty training. I told him diapers don't fit him anymore and he bneeded to go potty which worked. At night I give him a drink an hour before bed and tell him go potty before he sleeps and he stays dry through the. Night

Angela - posted on 04/27/2012

My son is 3 .5 and he gave me the worst time potty training. I told him diapers don't fit him anymore and he bneeded to go potty which worked. At night I give him a drink an hour before bed and tell him go potty before he sleeps and he stays dry through the. Night

Ashey - posted on 04/26/2012

my son finally started potty training about 2 weeks ago, he is 4 now, but he still wears a diaper to bed, i think once she understands a little more she will want to be a "BIG GIRL". this is the problem i am having with my son, he has a very strong bladder but he doesn't tell me he has to go until hes just about peed himself, so he still wears diapers in the car too

Kate - posted on 04/26/2012

My boy is almost 5 and no where near being potty trained at night. I will read through for suggestions too but i think it is quite normal.

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2012

To Nicole



i dont know where you live but here in England you can get pee balls you place them in the toliet and get your little boy to try and hit it, so it makes potty time more fun, i know of a few friends that have boys and have tried these and say they really work. Even keep the husbands entertained. :) Good luck

Nicole - posted on 04/26/2012

Maybe try to stop giving drinks an hour or two before bed... Then have her go potty before bed... That way she "might" be dry in the morning...


I thought I was the only one having a problem with potty training. My son is 4 1/2 and doesn't go unless we tell him, and even then sometimes he will fight us.. I am trying to potty train before he starts kidergarden in the fall. It's as if he doesn't care. I try to give him rewards and such for a job well done, but he gets bored with it.. I am so frustrated... any thoughts..

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2012

My daughter is also 4 1/2 and had been dry during the day for some time so we desided to try pants at bed time, we got some pads that go under the sheets so not to wet the matteress, we have had a few wet night but not many and we also know that she is a very deep sleeper so she doesnt have a drink before bed but has a small cup of water at her bedside for the morning, and dont worry these things take time, but i do think you should get rid of the pull ups no one likes a wet bed, but its the only way she will understand that is what will happen if she doesnt get up to use the potty or the toilet, just another thought my daughter didnt like using the potty so has always used the toliet does she have any fears, maybe keep a light on with the door pulled so she can see it.

Dixie - posted on 04/26/2012

You are the parent, that makes you the boss. She goes to the potty before bed every night. When she gets up if she has soiled her panties. She has to wear them. Won't take long for her to go on her own. Parents have lost their authority, they don't train their children, the children train them. What a shame.

Barb - posted on 04/26/2012

It was more of a control thing for my 4 1/2 year old, I just started saying, when you are ready I know you will do it. And eventually he did, be prepared though, his pull up was dry for about a month before he decided to wear underware to bed. It all had to be on his terms. Good luck.

Crystal - posted on 04/26/2012

try a reward system were she gets big rewards if she remain dry all night... Like depending on time you may give her her favorite breakfast and a special activity or a small cheap gift every time she stays dry all night. The rewards can be most anything that she feels is Big and special. for myson it was biging picked up and danced w/ while I sang cori went peepee/poopee in the potty song in a high pitched obnoxious voice but he was only two when he learned so your reward may need to be different

Debora - posted on 04/26/2012

i say talk to her peds dr before doing any of these since she could have a problem that they can fix ,this could be something a simple as yes a small learning disablity i know not everyone wants that but have dr check her.we had my nefew get up when dad went to bathroom before he went to bed so take her potty when you go to bed less chance of wet pull up that way if you have to set alarm to remind you to take her before u head to bed.if this means alarm in her bedroom so as you get her when it may wake her.

Michelle - posted on 04/26/2012

We just had this problem with my son. I know you're not supposed to bribe, but we did and it worked like a charm. We told him if he didn't pee in his pull up for 2 weeks straight, we'd get him a big prize. We made him a sticker chart, and every time he didn't pee his pants, he got a sticker, which he also loved. When that chart got full, he was so excited, and we bought him a fish tank. He hasn't gone in his pants in over a month now.

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2012

One of my sons had a bedwetting problem until he was 11 and I took him to a chiropractor and it helped him. He's dry now. I have a friend who's child would not potty train and she started making him wash his own clothes, sheets etc and clean up after the accidents. It only took a month and he decided that he didn't want to have to do all that work. It was easier to go in the potty.

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2012

All the expert seem to say that putting kids in pull ups is like leaving them in diapers

Lisa - posted on 04/26/2012

I was thinking about trying to make cloth pull-ups but haven't found any good patterns. Could you post a picture or find where she found the pattern. Thanks so much, Lisa

Bobbi - posted on 04/26/2012

All you young mothers worry too much,,, just because you had a child that did something early does not mean a second one will. Do not worry what others think, Let the child go, do what is easy for you. Pull ups seem to be easy for Mom and easy for the kid if they decide to learn. I had one that would always pee on the pot, but never poop. The doctor said it was the hardest thing for some of them to do, because it was like letting part of themselves go. So I put pullups on him and said, "the doctor said it was ok to use the pullup" within a month he was trained.

Another kid was in pull ups at night till school and even wore them to kindergarden because she would pee at nap time.

They are beautiful wonderful adults now. so let them do it in their own time.

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2012

Look on circle of moms I find tons of stuff through them all the time

Rachel - posted on 04/26/2012

It ia actually considered normal for up to 8 yr olds to still have wet nights as long as they have control during the day.

When my daughter was 8 we hired a bed alarm for her, it was magic but also only part of the road to dry nights, most professionals will not look at extra intervention until your child is at least 5.

some useful advise we were given by our school nurse was to ensure our child drank heaps of water to stretch her bladder during the day so it can hold more liquid at night, resticting drinks doesn't help in the long run.

also before bed each night she had to walk from her room to the toilet 6 times and repeat " i will beat the bell and be the boss of my bladder."

all of this process together helper her but i think it was mostly the drinking extra and self talking that helped the most as the alram only went off 3 times in the 4 weeks we had it and since then we have been dry.

pull ups although easier also so not encourage dry nights, as painful as it is they need to wake up and change their own sheets with as little help as possible and this also encourgases them if they can to be dry.

hope that helps, speak to your child health or school nurse and they shoudl be abel to give you information about a programme in your area, i'm in australia so not sure what is in you area, there is also a book 'How to be the boss of your bladder" which has a section for you to read and a section to be read to your child - so helpful

good luck and don't worry, its all normal!!!

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2012

With my daughter we went a head and just changed the sheets. She won't be 4 until September and for the most part she is good to go. She rarely has an accident anymore.

Linda - posted on 04/25/2012

For what it's worth, my 6-1/2 yr old was well trained at night until she started kindergarten. Then she started bedwetting again. It seemed to be the fatigue & stress of all-day school (she's a deep sleeper besides). So I went back to waking her between 12am-2am to go potty. This usually took care of it. Took about 2-3 mos to resolve on it's own. Now if that would work with my almost-4 yr old!

We also use cloth diapers for this stage--not so much laundry as the whole bed, but still cheaper & more uncomfortable than pullups. For us, 3-4 diapers has been enough since you want to wash them daily.

Tracey - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter was the same totally trained at day but in dry nights till she was 51/2 we tried a sticker chart she would go 5 nights dry then back to being wet so we forgot about it and removed the pressure from her and then in the christmas holidays before she started school she asked to wear nickers and has not been wet since.Although I have a nephew who still wets the bed at 10yrs

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2012

I know you have gotten lots of response to this but they are right. I have 6 kids. My almost 8 and almost 7 still wet the bed. My 8 yr old has gone the past 3 nights dry and that is amazing to me. My 9 yr old stopped when he was 3 and my 5 yr old did also. If you are still looking for ways though... I suggest reading the book "Stop washing the sheets" It was written by a Dr and a VERY good read for information and insite.

Joy - posted on 04/25/2012

Allow less liquid b4 bedtime, learn to bring her to the toilet twice through the night before daybreak; for a start. U may also promise a favourite thing/place if she improves. It worked for me. Sometimes, it helps also to be strict with this practice. so she doesn't take it for a joke! Gudluk

Kelly - posted on 04/25/2012

First, it's a good idea not to let her drink juice or large amounts of any fluids 2 hours before bedtime, and use the potty right before going to bed. Next, I would make a chart and give her points for doing different tasks or/doing things on her own like a" big girl. With her points she earns prizes. I would include using the potty instead of peeing in the pullup.It's not uncommon for a 4 year old or even older to wet the bed.Your girl has developed the habit.Until she lays wet in a wet bed, she then won't like it.Have her help you clean it up too.It makes her responsible for what she has done.Don't make her feel ashamed. Reward her for trying instead. The money you save in pullups can pay for a new reward! After this you will be amazed.She's obviously a bright little girl!

NJ - posted on 04/25/2012

Our child went to age 8 before deciding to give up the pull-ups at night. I remember from my own experience as a child that having to wake up wet in the night was the only way to learn. Just get a plastic mattress cover for her mattress and some rubberized draw sheets to use over her bottom bed sheet so that you can pull that off when she wakes in the night to change pajamas. Get used to having a little extra laundry while her body is learning. The only good thing about waiting until age 8 was that it took only 3 wet beds before the new learning "took." Unfortunately, there were no "sleepovers" until the new learning solidified. We even had a "pajama day" at preschool in broad daylight that ended in having to change clothes. "Pullup brain" kicked in whenever pajamas were on. Good luck to you!

Lizz - posted on 04/25/2012

She will only wear the pullups until her first sleepover....

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter turned 4 in January and we still struggle with night-time accidents. We even went several months without Pull-Ups and thought we were in the clear, then she relapsed. I was so worried I made a special appointment with her doctor to make sure she didn't have a UTI!



Her pediatrician assured me that it is normal, and that, in her opinion, Pull-Ups are a nice convenience that do not hinder the training process. At this age, their bodies are just not mature enough to 100% regulate themselves.



While limiting liquids at bedtime may help to some extent, I'd be careful about taking it back too far before bedtime- a dehydrated child is certainly not preferable to a few extra loads of laundry a week! :)

Suzette - posted on 04/25/2012

Seems like she knows what she's doing if she is choosing to go in the pull up for convenience, i suggest as my fellow moms to forget the pull ups altogether. If its for her convenience to do in them, she'll feel it more inconvinient to change her own sheets after they get wet. You'll have to invest in either a mattress protector or those disposable pads with plastic liners on the bottom. Eventually she'll get used to not peeing at night and having her change her own sheets and undies will help her create responsibility at the same time. win win. Good Luck and remember to praise her when she finally gets it right. !!!!

Debbie - posted on 04/25/2012

When is the last time she drinks anything? I would stop any liquids 2 hours before she goes to bed and I'm sure you do this but have her go to the potty before bed. I would also check with your doctor. Some kids have a weak bladder..Does she always wake up wet? Good luck i'm sure it is very frustrating, but she wont walk down the isle in diapers,,lol

Sally - posted on 04/25/2012

my daughter is potty training her 3 yr old and has gone with not letting the baby have nothing to drink after a certain time, that has hepled her alot and now my granbaby is almost completely trained, she is now in the "underwear" stage part of training she wears them to bed instead of the pull ups, and seems to be doing great , so try putting her on a set schedule at night say 7pm / 9pm depending on when she goes to bed and have her use the toilet before bed too. good luck it will take alot of patience & time but it will happen :)

Crystal Zollinger - posted on 04/25/2012

Wake her up before u go to bed n don't let her drink anything past 6. That's what I did w my 5 yr old. He wasn't fully potty trained til a month ago. He refused to poo in potty wanted a diaper on to go n at nite. He wore undies all day n would pee but I guess was either lazy or afraid to sit. just give her time shell get it. Patience plus I had my second child when he was 3 n half so think that set him back alil too

Carolyn - posted on 04/25/2012

Limit amounts of fluids before bed and to only water after 6, no milk or juice (per our dr orders). Remember kids are all different and there will be times that they wet the bed...if their bladder isn't growing as fast as they are, they've had a big day and are really tired, or they've had a lot to drink. She may just be saying "it's easier to go in the pull-up" because she's repeating something she's heard someone else say, she may be scared to get out of bed in the middle of the night alone.

Stephanie - posted on 04/25/2012

Have you tried the cloth training pants? My 3.5 year old daughter uses them at night and she calls them her "night time underwear". They sell them at Target and Walmart and they look and feel like regular underwear except they have extra padding in the middle. It can hold up to one cup of liquid/urine. My daughter has not had a nighttime accident in months but she sill likes them and gives us an added security. Bedwetting is not at all uncommon so try not to get too frustrated especially in front of your child. I would also recommend giving nothing to drink after her final meal of the day. If she must drink something as part of the bedtime routine, I recommend making sure she goes to the bathroom before putting her to bed. It is part of our nighttime routine, just like brushing her teeth. Good luck to you and your family!

Joanna - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter required us to think out side the box with her for sure :) She loved starburst candy, so we did things like make a star burst trail from her bed room to the bathroom and everytime she woke up to use the potty she got to pick 1 starurst from the trail, when the trail was all gone she got a super cool new pair of underwear that she got to pick out all by herself. It worked!!!

Kristin - posted on 04/25/2012

Well you can't argue with that Rachel! It is easier! haha (thought you could use a little humor...)

Jodi - posted on 04/25/2012

My son wore a pull-up to bed until he was in first grade! He is now 19 and totally normal. A friend of mine's son wore a pull-up at night until he was 10 (he is now 21 years old). Part of the problem is that sometimes the kid is in such a deep sleep that they just pee in their bed. She will probably stop needing a pull-up when she goes to slumber parties because she will be too embaressed to wear a pull-up. Just remember, no one's child has ever walked down the aisle in a diaper or with a bottle or a soother! Good luck!

Rachel - posted on 04/25/2012

. My 6 year old just recently stopped wearing overnights. We tried many things and talked to the pediatrician. Bottom line, some kids just have bed wetting problems. Out of 5 kids we only had this issue with one.

Start here- no drinks 30min to an hr before bed. and no drinks during the night. Get them to go before bed, and wake them to go once a night. Your pediatrician is going to tell you that there is nothing wrong with it. If she is just being lazy, put her in pull ups during the day and don't change her right away when she goes. Pull ups today are made to be so comfortable that kids don't care if they train or not. The more uncomfortable it makes her the less she will want to do it. If she reaches age 9 and still has this problem, talk with your pediatrician. There are things they can do to help at that time.

Rebecca - posted on 04/25/2012

Both my girls were potty trained during the day by 2 1/2 years old, we used cloth panties for them to wear so they could feel when they were wet. BUT we used pull ups at night (less laundry!). My youngest is 5 1/2 and is now wearing regular panties at night without many accidents. This has only been for the past 2 months or so. We didn't even try her in regular panties until she was 5.

So my thought - don't rush it! Give your daughter several more months, her bladder needs to get large enough for her to last the night anyway. If she's using the potty during the day, then really encourage her to go right before bed and as soon as she gets up. She'll figure it out soon. :)

Diane - posted on 04/25/2012

My little girl is nearly 5 and is still in nappies. A significant number of children aren't dry at night until they reach about 6 and many can still be struggling much later than that. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1 they could be sleeping too heavily to realise they need to go and 2 they may not be producing enough of the hormone that reduces the amount of urine we produce at night.



We've decided to take the pressure right off - no fuss one way or the other, that way if they're just doing it because of the fuss they get (either positive or negative) then that removes that incentive. When my dd is ready she will be dry and in the meantime she will stay in pullups. I've got better things to do with my life than have to strip the bed at midnight cos she's flooded it and just woken up!

Rachel - posted on 04/25/2012

My daughter daytime potty trained just before she turned 2 but we had the same nighttime issue until she was 5-5 1/2. We did a chart where she would get a sticker & a smiley face for a dry night & a sad face for a wet night. So many stickers in a row earned her a small prize (like from the dollar store). That helped but mostly I think it was just when she was ready, she was ready. Once she had 2 solid weeks dry I let her move to undies full time (like you I was sick of changing sheets!) Don't worry about your daughter. Like I had to keep telling myself "She won't go off to college in pullups!"