Need help my son wants to be held all the time, what can I do?

Summer - posted on 10/14/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My son does not like his swing or that vibrating chair. He wants to be held all the time. If we put him in either of those things he cries until he makes him self sick. I just don't know what to do.

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Minnie - posted on 10/14/2009

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Human infants are supremely vulnerable. It is hardwired into his biology that he be carried in-arms or on his mother's body some how for him to feel safe and secure. Humans are primates, who carry their infants on their bodies all day long and sleep with them in their arms at night.

In his animal mind, to be put down, away from the security of your body is to risk abandonment and physical injury.

Get a soft baby carrier, like a pouch, wrap, mei tai, or ergo and strap him to your body. It's just not fair to him to expect him to like mom-substitutes.

Lindsey - posted on 10/14/2009

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Try a sling, If he won't let you get anything done and you're growing roots into the couch, a cheap sling will help him feel like he's back in the womb. He's close and tight and your hands are free to do most of what you need to do. Obviously, cooking would be a bad idea, but you can move around fairly easily otherwise.

Kristin - posted on 10/14/2009

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I agree with these mamas that are encouraging you to hold your wee one. I know it can be hard, and it can be draining...but this too shall pass. Holding him and responding to his cries builds his confidence and trust that you will always be there for him. there are wonderful slings out there that you can carry a baby in a variety of ways. I loved my moby wrap, and also my ergo carrier. Both allow you to put your baby on your back when they are big enough...that frees up even more arm space for you to do things. Love him, hug him, hold him, sooth him...they grow so fast....why would you want to "let him cry?"

September - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



Quoting Melissa :

It never killed a baby to cry. Put him down in a safe place and give him some toys. He may cry for along time but he will stop. Then the next time it will be shorter, then shorter but if you brake and pick him up. He will know that is your breaking point, then he will keep crying cause he knows you will come get him. Reasure him hes ok talk to him but do not pick him up. If you always entertaine him he will never learn to do it for himself. Babys have to learn to think for themselfs or they will always depend on you.






I have to disagree with you on this. Picking him up and holding him is just a reasuring thing to him and it doesn't  hurt and won't hurt him in the long run. I did it to all three of my kids and never had a problem. As they get older and able to move around and sit by themselves, he will want to play more with you and his toys then being held.






I would also have to disagree. There are several reason's why it's not ok to let your baby cry. One of which is the relationship that is built on trust. Your baby needs to be able to trust that you will be there for them and if you don't tend to their needs how will they learn to trust you? I've read in many books that you should not let a baby who is less than 3 months old cry for more than 1 minute.

Stacey - posted on 10/14/2009

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most kids go through it i found that if i put my daughter somewhere she could still see me a play pen for example then i used to sing songs i gave her ten mins went back to her till she calmed down and then did the same again u just have to remember that he isnt hurt or ill he is just mad because he isnt getting what he wants hope i helped x

Robyn - posted on 10/14/2009

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I absolutely agree with getting or make a baby carrier/sling. The baby gets carried, you have your hands free to do house work, and your baby is content with getting it's much needed mommy time.

September - posted on 10/14/2009

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Well depending on how old your baby is this could be completely normal. Babies love the comfort of their mommy/daddy's arms. Can you blame them? With all the adjusting to this new world they have entered don't you think that Momma's arms are the best? Our son also loved to be held and well I loved to hold him :) When I needed to get things done around the house I would put him in his Ergo pack and go to work. Enjoy this special time in life. It goes by way too fast!

Christine - posted on 10/14/2009

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Hi Summer! My son went through this too. He hated his swing, but would occasionally tolerate his vibrating chair (long enough for me to get a shower). Have you tried a baby gym? Caleb did like that. He loved staring at his toys, and then eventually learned how to grasp and swat at them. We had one of the black, red and white ones. The contrasting colors really catch babies attention.



I got used to carrying him around in a wrap and later an ergo. It takes some time to learn how to do things with him attached to the front of you, but you learn and then things got alot easier. It isn't that much different than being pregnant, except they are outside your body. Have you ever tried babywearing? It really helps them feel safe and secure, in the same fashion that swaddling can, but this way they are right against your body feeling your warmth and love constantly. It can come in handy, not to mention the wonderful bonding aspects.



I also learned to perfect the "feed and sneak" technique. I would nurse him on the bed or couch and once asleep would carefully sneak away, it would work most of the time (not promising to always produce long durations of sleep) and still works at 18 months when desperate! Haha.



If all else fails and you NEED to have time to yourself without baby on you...which, all of us Mama's know we need...place him in a safe place, and go about taking a shower or getting a breather. The constant needing to be on you is a bittersweet thing, isn't it? You will get through it, and it doesn't last forever. Try to remember that...

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I agree, he needs to be held, that is why he is crying for you. Remember for most of human history mothers did not have swings and bouncy seats and cribs and whatever else to plop the baby into but they just carried them everywhere. Get yourself a good baby carrier and strap him on you, then you'll have your hands free to do what you need to do and he'll have the comfort he needs from having you close by. If you really want him to learn to play on the floor than sit with him in your lap or next to him patting his back so he can get the idea without missing out on your closeness.

Ashley - posted on 10/14/2009

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My boy was the same way. I am not the "tough love" kind of mother who can let him cry. I just always held him and made sure he felt secure. I am happy to say he is now 3 months old and very content to sit/play alone. Best of luck.

Danielle - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Melissa :

It never killed a baby to cry. Put him down in a safe place and give him some toys. He may cry for along time but he will stop. Then the next time it will be shorter, then shorter but if you brake and pick him up. He will know that is your breaking point, then he will keep crying cause he knows you will come get him. Reasure him hes ok talk to him but do not pick him up. If you always entertaine him he will never learn to do it for himself. Babys have to learn to think for themselfs or they will always depend on you.



I have to disagree with you on this. Picking him up and holding him is just a reasuring thing to him and it doesn't  hurt and won't hurt him in the long run. I did it to all three of my kids and never had a problem. As they get older and able to move around and sit by themselves, he will want to play more with you and his toys then being held.

Danielle - posted on 10/14/2009

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Quoting Melissa :

It never killed a baby to cry. Put him down in a safe place and give him some toys. He may cry for along time but he will stop. Then the next time it will be shorter, then shorter but if you brake and pick him up. He will know that is your breaking point, then he will keep crying cause he knows you will come get him. Reasure him hes ok talk to him but do not pick him up. If you always entertaine him he will never learn to do it for himself. Babys have to learn to think for themselfs or they will always depend on you.



I have to disagree with you on this. Picking him up and holding him is just a reasuring thing to him and it doesn't  hurt and won't hurt him in the long run. I did it to all three of my kids and never had a problem. As they get older and able to move around and sit by themselves, he will want to play more with you and his toys then being held.

Kimberly - posted on 10/14/2009

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My daughter is 2 months and she cried when we put her down in her vibrating chair/swing too. I bought the extra cushions/snuggler you would add to the carrier, and put those in the chair & swing. It worked. She felt more secure almost as though she wa being held. Also sometimes I swaddled her upper body too. She now loves her chair and sleeps in it most nights. Hope this helps.

Melissa - posted on 10/14/2009

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It never killed a baby to cry. Put him down in a safe place and give him some toys. He may cry for along time but he will stop. Then the next time it will be shorter, then shorter but if you brake and pick him up. He will know that is your breaking point, then he will keep crying cause he knows you will come get him. Reasure him hes ok talk to him but do not pick him up. If you always entertaine him he will never learn to do it for himself. Babys have to learn to think for themselfs or they will always depend on you.

Denise - posted on 10/14/2009

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my daughter is 4 weeks and she is the same way...I put her down and her arms and legs start going everywhere and she gets really mad...we have to swaddle her very tight and then put her in her swing with the music on low and that normally settles her down.

Jill - posted on 10/14/2009

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That was my son for the first few months. I carried him around the house in a Baby Bjorn so that I could have my hands free and get some stuff done. Now that he can sit, he's graduated to playing with toys on the floor nearby when I do stuff. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/14/2009

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Have you tried laying him in his bed or a playpen? My son used to be the same way, but when he was placed in the play pen it helped. I just let him cry for 15 minutes, then went over and rubbed his back, sometimes picking him up until he stopped crying. Then I put him back down. I know it sounds mean, but it worked. Start out in a room with him, then slowly get him used to you not being there.

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