Need help or ideas on potty training a very stubborn 2 year old

Angela - posted on 11/21/2009

I have been working on my daughter too who will be 3 in March. She does pretty good but still needs lots of reminders because she is so busy that she doesn't think to go before. If you do use pullups don't use the pamper's easyups because from my experience it has too much padding and feel like a diaper and she will use the bathroom more often in them than in the potty. I try to space out designated times of the day for potty breaks and give her a 5 minute warning when it is time to go to minimize tantrums. Also don't continuously give her liquids all day which will help you "catch" her need to go by timing the breaks after drinks which is usually anywhere from and hour to 2 hours after a drink or meal.

Monique - posted on 11/12/2009

My daughter will be 3 at the end of November and she has been potty trained now for about 3 months. When she was about 1 !/2, she was going on the potty, poop and pee, and she did it for about 4 times total.........than she just stopped! Needless to say, she was pretty young for that so we didn't make a big deal about it. So, we started again over the summer of this year and she would fight us all the time about going on the little potty chair she had. So, one night my sister was babysitting and just put her on the big potty and she thought it was cool. So, we started doing it and she would still fight with us but she also went every now and then and when ever she did, we put a sticker on the calendar, one for pee and 2 for poop. So, she was doing ok but she was afraid of falling in the toilet so I went out and bought her a Tinker Bell seat that goes right up on top of the toilet and she did a little better with that. Still,she would fight us here and there, especially with going poop, for some reason she didn't like to go poop on the potty, only pee. Well, fall sign up for tap class came along in September and I told her point blank, there will be NO dance class unless you learn how to go on the potty and not in your pants. So, I took her to the store and let her pick out here own little girl underpants ( even though she already had some ) and told her this is it, you wear these and you go on the potty or no dance class! Well, that was the end of her going potty in her pants. She has accidents of course but for the most part, she runs right to us and tells us when she has to go pee, poop took a little longer for her to tell us, but we would catch her on time and she would go on the potty. There are nights where she doesn't even go in her pants all night, and when she wakes up in the morning, she tells us she has to go! Every week she would go without peeing her pants, she got a special gift at the end of the week, now it's just part of her everyday life! I am soo pround of her as she is with herself! It takes time, and patience and a lot of follow through but it will work. I don't know how I feel about the " when she is ready " deal. Some kids are just lazy about it, when some kids just have the fear of it and it's our jobs as parents to help them get over that fear. My deal now is getting her into her bed to go to sleep instead of hanging out with us on the couch until she falls asleep. Tonight is the first night she has done it in a LONG time and you can bet there will be a reward waiting for her in the morning! Good luck and I hope I helped!

Emma - posted on 11/10/2009

I am currently training my 3yr old twin girls and have found pull-ups to be no different to nappies... training pants let them feel wet & stay wet, neither of my girls like it and tell me straight away.

Jamie - posted on 11/10/2009

Bribery worked for us!! LOL!! Seriously, though, my son REALLY wanted to go to Preschool, so I used that to potty train him. I had a talk with him and explained that the only way he could go to Preschool was if he used the potty like a big boy because only babies wear diapers and they wont let babies go to Preschool. I constantly talked about how wonderful Preschool was every single day. That made him REALLY want to go, so one day he just told me that he was ready to use the potty and be a big boy. Maybe if you can think of something your daughter REALLY wants, you can use that as a means of getting her to use the potty like a big girl! Good Luck

Laurie - posted on 11/10/2009

Quoting Nina:

Hi it can be a real struggle at times.I work in a nursery so i know and have listen to may mums.Ii just had my first child so i still have to go through it with my own.But in my proffestional exprience your child can sense your anxiety over this whole potty trainning bussiness and she is playing on that.You have do all the right things by involving her.I think you should just let her be i know that nappy changing is a pain but so will come around i promise you when she realises that it is not an issue anymore,Use reverse physoligy (sorry for the spelling).You could also if she has a favourit doll get the doll to sit on the potty to and get a book on potty training I want my potty is a very good one.Hope all goes ok.She will do it all when she is ready and she wants to stamp down her independence.good luck

good advice here!

it can be a struggle if you are feeling stressed! i potty trained my LO by 18 mos....to me terrible twos and potty training are not a good combination! just my opinion...but ALL kids are different.

i let my LO go at her own pace...started @ 13 mos. every a.m. she woke up clean/dry, so we went to the potty, every a.m. she peed on it....then increased to after naps, putting on the potty, and then increased to after meals etc....slowly increase the amount of times...and  No Pull Ups! Use cloth training pants and you can buy rubber covers too. But my LO would not wear them!

buy the Elmo Potty Time DVD too...lots of cute songs and stuff on there!

Jennie - posted on 11/10/2009

skip potty trainning. I didn't train any of my kids and they all did it by themselves. no accidents...no bed wetting.

I ahve 4 kids and they all were out of diapers by the time they were 23 months. no lie.

Kimberly - posted on 11/10/2009

my daughter was the same way, me and her teachers talk and decided that the best way to deal was to just put her in panties and if she wet them we changed her clothes. after a week of it she was pretty much pottty trained. we kept the pull ups for nap time and bed time untill she was ready to go with out them for that but other wise she was in big girl panties. When I worked at a child care center I saw first hand this method work and I have also seen it not work it really depends on the child, but it was worth the try. and the best advice I was ever given was to not get upset If she peed in her clothes just to have her sit on the potty and change her clothes and just reinforce that we pee in the potty not in our panties. yes it is a lot of clothes to wash but it was worth it to me.

Shirley - posted on 11/10/2009

Hi I have to agree with Lauren, I went through this esp with my last child . thought he would be in nappies 4eva, but a wise friend told me STOP STRESSING you never see a 10 year old in nappies, Other mums are your worst enemy , being a parent is so competitive eg " my little angel walked at 10 months and was toilet trained at 18 months and slept through the night since she was born...blah blah blah.......so not true. Each child is an individual, and we have to stop putting adult expectations on them, your little one will be toilet trained when she is ready and not before, sadly you have to be patient forget bribes etc , this only sets a precedent for when they get older. Stop sweating the small stuff and enjoy your baby while she is still a baby because one day you will blink and she will be all grown up and you will wonder what all the fuss over toilet training was all about

Lisa - posted on 11/10/2009

I have had 5 children and all potty trained at diffrent ages the first 18 month amazing ,then 3 before the age of 2 then my last at just after he turned 2.Your daughter will go when she is ready sounds like you have everything ,One day she will just go when you least expect it if she does dont make to much of a fuss at first have the potty were she can go on her own,also put little girls pants of something she likes near by, dont make a fuss if she wets herself just clean her up, the best thing to say is good girl or well done .Hope all goes well

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2009

Please don't force it. Your child is not ready. You will just have a battle and hurt your relationship with your child. Some train early some late. I did keep my kids naked alot especially in the summer. That really helped them connect going to the bathroom.

Gina - posted on 11/09/2009

Quoting Janet:

I work at a daycare center. I reward them with fruit gummies when they have a dry diaper and have gone on the potty. A dry all day gets a sticker or other reward. Every potty time gets a hooray when it is done. I do have children who are almost three and aren't ready yet. By the way, I don't ask if they want to use the potty. I say " it's potty time" or sometimes nothing at all. I just take them in. Jan

Gina - posted on 11/09/2009

Yes,stop arguing with an irrational 2 yr old.! They do it when they are mentally ready,so many parents think its the child being stubborn (that comes later) and they are all different so if your neighbour swears her kid was flushing by 10 months smile and say well done ! its b*s..Their brains kick in and they don't like the feel of wet nappys anymore,stop stressing..is it reallly that bad shes not ready..??

Jess - posted on 11/09/2009

I bought my daughter a baby doll that she could potty train too. She would feed her and then it was time to potty. We would then have a party for the baby doll. So she got excited and wanted a party too but I told her the only way was if she went potty too. and we threw away her diapers. We did and at 20 months she was potty trained. I used big girl panties and the platic covers to go over them and we only had one accident.

good luck I hope it helps.... Jessica

Melissa - posted on 11/09/2009

my daughter was potty trained at 20 months, she wanted to be like Mom. The reward system and smiling and sad faces worked with her. She did not like sad faces if she had an "accident". Her own goal was to have less and less sad faces everyday.



Then came my son...he didn't have time to waste using the potty. He finally was potty trained when he was 4 years old. He didn't like being wet, so I put big boy underwear on and went through 16 pairs in 2 days. After those 2 days, he has never had an accident and he is 16.

Vicky - posted on 11/09/2009

my son was four before he was potty trained. i hate diapers too, but you can't make them do it if they don't want too. eventually she'll get tired of diapers and she'll see other kids in big pants. that's what clicked for my son. he wanted to potty like the big kids, and one day he just did it, and now we're diaper free.

LaTasha - posted on 11/09/2009

When I trained my daughter, I would ask her if she needed to go and trust me.I tried everything that I could think of so when I would get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom,I would go and get her and sit her down on her potty while I was using the potty and I would do that everyday and basically she started potty.I would stick with this and do not give in and do not reward her for NOT going to the potty.Try this to see if it works and let me know. Okay!

Sandra - posted on 11/09/2009

I had problems with potty training my son, who is now 6. He, like your daughter, knew how to use the toilet, but chose not too, and didn't really seem to care if he was wet (we even tried using rubber pants with the cloth trainers, ICK!) I definitely realize your frustration, and I have to agree with what Becci stated to begin with, when they are ready they will. For him he decided to not be potty trained until he was 3, and it just sort of happened all on it's own. We didn't pressure him about it, because the more we pushed for him to be potty trained the more he resisted, and honestly I even had to fight against my family's pressure, because according to them pretty much everyone was already potty trained by his age, therefore I should have already done so. I realize this probably doens't help much when you're looking for a solution and what I'm suggesting is waiting it out. Overall though if she is even slightly receptive to rewards, try a reward chart with multiple slots for one day, and children her age are generally about instant gratification, if she uses the potty, give her a sticker on a chart. (course you might find she suddenly needs to go ALL the time, LOL) I usually asked every couple of hours, and if they said no, even if I knew they had to go, I would generally say something along the lines of "Okay I just didn't want you to accidentally go in your pants, just let me know if you need to go." and I would leave it be, that way it is up to them if they use the potty or not. If they have and accident they have and accident. Also, make sure there is no punishment for not making it to the potty. Just state the obvious, "oops we went potty in our pants, it's okay, try to remember to use the toilet/potty" and move on, then when she does go, if she likes the attention make kind of a big deal of it "Wow terrific job! You get to put the sticker on your board!" If she doesn't really like the attention, "Good job sweetie, would you like to put your sticker on the board?" I don't know if this helps, but overall just give her time, and try things out, if it doesn't work it doesn't work. Mostly just don't pressure her to use it or you will probably find she won't want to at all, and you'll just stress yourself out. Good Luck!!

Liz - posted on 11/09/2009

Quoting Deanna:

Need help or ideas on potty training a very stubborn 2 year old

My daughter will not be potty trained. I know she knows how to do it because we had her going in the potty for one whole day. The next morning I asked her if she needed to go potty and she said no I don't want to. Then commenced the battle of the wills. It has been a fight ever since. We've tried letting her pick out big girl panties, rewarding her, everything I can think of. She will be three in February and I really am over changing diapers. Any ideas? or thoughts?

She won't be ready until she's ready.  I've got three boys and my experience says to let it go.  Maybe when you take the pressure off of both of you she'll decide she wants to give it another try.

Maria - posted on 11/09/2009

I definitely will suggest that you let her run around bottomless.... I did that with both of my daughters and it worked. After a couple accidents on the floor they start to realize that they have to go and start telling you.

Janet - posted on 11/09/2009

I work at a daycare center. I reward them with fruit gummies when they have a dry diaper and have gone on the potty. A dry all day gets a sticker or other reward. Every potty time gets a hooray when it is done. I do have children who are almost three and aren't ready yet. By the way, I don't ask if they want to use the potty. I say " it's potty time" or sometimes nothing at all. I just take them in. Jan

Darla - posted on 11/09/2009

try putting book by the potty she likes and tell her she can only look at the books if she sits on the potty that worked for my kids

Stephanie - posted on 11/09/2009

I think that each child is different and when your daughter is ready to be potty trained for real, then she will let you know. I do not know how she will let you know, but when she does you will know. With kids it seems that the more we push, the more they pull against us. Forget about the potty training for about 5 or 6 months and the just do it. If you ask a child's opinion, don't be surprised when they give it to you and it isn't what you want to hear.

CMurray - posted on 11/09/2009

Does she have someone her age that is also potty training or have completed training. Then invite he/she over for a play date and seeing other kids going to the potty will influence her to do the same. Best to you both.

Jill - posted on 11/09/2009

I usually don't offer advice but this made me giggle. My now 17 yr old son REFUSED to go on the potty! The first day of pre-school there he was trying to wear diapers- they told me to put underwear on him & send him to school. Well he would hold it for the 4 hours he was there until he got home & screamed for a diaper. He held it for so long the Doctor said "just put a diaper on him so he can go" - well one day at about 4 + years of age he took of his pants & went & sat on the toilet- that was it. It was a power struggle & he was trying to win, once I said 'WHATEVER" he saw I didn't care (which of course I did) & he went on the toilet. Now, here we are at 17 & do you know he will STILL try to do the whole power struggle thing- a VERY strong willed child who now wants to be lawyer so he can get paid to argue! I LOVE IT! Sometimes when you let it go & realize they won't be 15 yrs old with a diaper on their willing to give in to the potty :)

Latorsha - posted on 11/09/2009

Try letting her see you go to the bathroom and explain to her what your doing and how big kids use the toilet and not in their pull-ups, I found that my son was a little harder but he's getting it, keep asking them do they need to potty or when you know it's about time for them to go, sit her on the potty and demand that she doesn't get up. You will have to be tough and mabe a little strick but you mean with love. Hope this help in some kind of way.

Angie - posted on 11/09/2009

tattos or stickers always worked for my daughter 2 for poos 1 for pees let her pick the kind out at the store good luck

Liz - posted on 11/09/2009

Mandi, I did the Cherrios thing for my son as well it works. For the girls its the toilet bowl cleaner that is blue when they pee in that it changes the color of the water. Oh Look its magic pee! Thats what I've heard anyway. So have fun.

User - posted on 11/09/2009

My 3yr old is now just using the toilet, I too thought 3 was a bit to late but, hey each child is different. My first two girls were toilet trained by two, so I was Constantly having my own battle with my third. She just flat out refused to use the toilet, or potty seat etc. I put her in pants during the day, and if she missed or made a little mess I always let her know it was only a accident, and made a little joke out of it. she soon enough in her own time made it to the toilet herself. she did her #1's in the potty, and #2's in thebig toilet, a decision she made all by herself. it's good now that I do'nt have topack a nappy bag, but then again thre's the mad dash to the loo when we are out, lol : ) .

Cheri - posted on 11/08/2009

take her every 30 minutes whether she needs to go or not and try sitting on the potty while she sits on the potty chair give her a book to look at or color while she is on the potty too. after three two difficult girls to potty train I find out getting them to work with you without their realizing it works the best. and deffinately reward even for just sitting on the potty. and be patient good luck

Crystal - posted on 11/08/2009

i do agree they will go when they want to however you can encourage "big behavior"-my daughter was also having trouble-so i made a rewards chart for my (like a 30 day calender)- everytime she went we checked off a box and gave her a small reward like a sticker or a treat- or if there is a particular toy that she wants(ours wanted that life like horse;"butterscotch") so i told her when we filled the chart she would get the horse-it really helped her by focusing on a goal for something that she wanted-good luck to you;)

Khiyanne - posted on 11/08/2009

How about using a sticker chart. She gets to put a new sticker on the chart everytime she potties in the toliet. Take her to the store to pick out the stickers she likes.

Linda - posted on 11/08/2009

my little girl is 3 next month and wot i done wit her because she was the very same would not go in the potty so i put her on the toilet one day wen i was about to change her nappy and i kept tellin her that big girls use the toilet and dont wear nappys now she is doing great and has only had 2 accidents since june so shes doing very well.hope this works

Jann - posted on 11/08/2009

If he's in his early 2's I'd wait awhile longer...if he's near his 3's this is what I did with my grandson, I went to walmart and got one of those little cups of gummy bears and while Jayden was in the buggy I said OH WOW walmart has POTTY TREATS here. Jayden said whats potty treats Nan and I was acting all excited and said oh they're the best thing ever...every time you got to the potty you get to pick out a gummy bear of you choice...he was all about it and was potty trained in a week and never once wet his pants or the bed. Just don't give him one until he uses the potty, then of course make a big deal about it.

Gloria - posted on 11/08/2009

Have you tried getting the "potty top" that goes on top of the regular toilet? I've found that my grandchildren prefer this method because they think it makes them feel grown-up. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Andrea - posted on 11/08/2009

UNDEWEAR just put it on her while ur at home.. she will figure out that she doesnt like to be wet and start going... and if she likes to read reward her with books everytime she goes.. stickers work too

Deborah - posted on 11/08/2009

A solid consistant routine is neccessary! Don't pressure your child!

The key is to consistantly put the child on the potty, only when you know he/she will use it and reward them.

It is usually as soon as your child first wakes up or within the hour of having something to drink.

Take him/her to the potty & stay with them (upon waking up every morning).

Express excitement & show why you're excited (when the child uses the potty).

The child begans to pick up on the potty concept. (it usually takes one to three weeks).

Ooh...It might help to turn on water to a trickle/tinkling sound. (sometimes helpful).



Include the next consistant routine (knowing when your child has to potty)

Take notice of how soon your child potties after drinking (timing is important).

(example: drink @12:00pm potty @ 12:15pm or drink @ 12:00pm potty @ 1:00 pm

Increase visits to the potty as your childs confidence increases

When you get an idea how soon your child potties after drinking and/or eating

you're not so frustrated and your child is not so frustrated.



Do Not let them see you empty the potty

Kande - posted on 11/07/2009

We rewarded our boys with skittles, and M & M's. However my youngest was harder, some people recommended that I give him a coffee can to go in. Something with sound or a musical potty chair. Good luck God bless

Darlene - posted on 11/07/2009

Went through the same thing, what I did was everytime she ate or drank anything I knew in about 20 minutes it was time to sit her on the potty, plus I would bring her potty in my bathroom so if i went she would go and also sometimes you can sit her on the potty and it seems like she does not have to go run some water and when she pottys give her a high five

Meghan - posted on 11/07/2009

Everytime you go to the bathroom bring her with you. Talk to her as you go potty. Get her interested in what you are doing, she will want to mimic your behaviors. She is not going to the potty because you are making a big issue over it and she thinks it is funny to see you get crazy. Your 2 year old is learning how to control your behaviors and reactions. Think about how you behave when you are fighting with her. Make going to the bathroom a fun thing to do. She will soon go on her own. Don't make it a issue. I think you are over reacting.

Natasha - posted on 11/07/2009

She will get to a point where she will feel uncomfortable with a wet or soiled diaper. In the mean time, make it a BIG DEAL when she goes. I would praise my son with a "pee pee in the potty" song and tell everyone his accomplishment so they would also praise him by clapping and doing victory dances. Every child is different; always remember that.

Gina - posted on 11/07/2009

I wouldn't push her she will only balk at the idea when my son was potty training i tried to force him, beg him, plead with him nothing worked until he decided he was ready to go on the big boy potty, so i learned with my daughter don't push the issue, and pull-ups are a crutch for them my daughter would just go in hers then say mommy i'm wet change me. I put her in big girl undies and there were a few accidents but she didn't like her clothes being wet so when you think she is ready skip the pull-ups and put her in underwear............i know it is frustrating but hang in there it will all work out hope this helps you some and good luck.....p.s dont worry about the parents and inlaws they will always have opinions and advice doesn't mean you have to listen too it....and every child is different

Amanda - posted on 11/07/2009

Well when you find the answer please share i am trying to potty train my son and he is scared to death of the potty!

Bonnie - posted on 11/07/2009

My ped told me if I wanted to push the issue, which I don't want to force my kid, but this is what they said to do:

Do not ask if they have to go because it give the child a chance to say no, just put them on the potty every two hours (I found two hours is too long so we went with one hour for us)

Make a big tado about it, praise, clap, get really excited if they go.

We use a treat for a reward, but I don't think it has any affect anymore. I think it only helped the first few times.

I also try to say she's a big girl other time throughout the day, like if she helps with something or whatnot. I don't know if it helps, but I thought it may make her think she's a big girl or want to be a big girl so she can help with things.

We really aren't having many problems anymore, but it sure takes a long time to be fully trained. I'm not looking forward to starting again in a year with my baby.

I also make it a point to say mommy has to go potty, when I go. If she comes with I say see mommy is a big girl and goes on the potty every time. "Mommy doesn't have to change her underwear because it's still dry because mommy goes on the potty like a big girl." She gets it though, she poops in there almost everytime, but doens't want to talk the time to pee all the time.

Jackie - posted on 11/07/2009

Deanna, I used the 3 day potty training method. It works. Someone actually bought it and gave it to me, but in order to get the mentoring you need the code they give you so I ended up purchasing it myself. 3daypottytraining.com. I was very skeptical, but my husband and I both tried it and it was successful. I'm not saying it was easy, but it does work. I still put my daughter in pull ups at night but daytime is 100%. My daughter was 2 yrs, 2mos. It took a few more than 3 days. You have to be able to be home though for several days in a row. If you are dedicated to it, it will be successful. I am going to use this method with my younger daughter when it is time.



Good luck!!

Nikki - posted on 11/07/2009

I went through the same thing with my oldest son. He knew how to and when to go but there were days he acted as if he had no idea.LOL..but it's true..you can't push them to do it trust me..it didnt work out. And from 1 day to the next he said he did not want a diaper and that was the end of it. Of course there were accidents after that but you have to be ready for that. So the best advice is to be patient and if you know you are doing everything that you can..it's just a matter of waiting for her to be ready. My son was a month away from turning 3!

Mandi - posted on 11/07/2009

I agree...take the training pants off, it's always a help. The first time it runs down the legs, that's when you'll have them running to the bathroom!

Mandi - posted on 11/07/2009

I know it sounds crazy, but make it seem like the decision is hers...my girls where never the problem...my oldest son was. I had to put cheerios in the potty & asked that he sink them to make a game out of it to potty train. The girls, well it had to be their decision. Women are like that. LOL ;0)

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2009

All children are different. Potty training is just that "Training". My daughter INSISTED on using the potty and not wearing diapers when she was 20 months old. Of course, she did not always want to use the potty and had several accidents but still insisted on NO diapers. I put her in pull ups and continued this for the next 8 months. She still occasionally has accidents over night. Pull ups didn't confuse her. Most children's urinary system's are not fully developed at ages 2-3 so they can't keep themselves from going all the time. She was very interested even though she wasn't quite ready but forcing her to continue to wear diapers may have stifled the interest. Pull ups helped her to the next step. They may not be right for some children but like I said....All children are different. Try to keep your cool and do what feels right for your child.

Tania - posted on 11/07/2009

Is the your parents or in-laws child? They have raised their children, you need to tell them to let you raise yours. A 2 1/2 year old is young to have potty trained. On average, it is between 3-4. The more you try and 'make' her, the more she will resist. She will do it on her own time.

Kelly - posted on 11/07/2009

THE BEST ADVICE I GOT FOR POTTY TRAINNG ,LETTING GO OF THE BOTTLE,SLEEPING IN YOUR BED[OTHER THAN DON'T DO IT ]FROM A NURSE I WORKED WITH IS ....NOWHERE ON THE COLAGE APPLICATION DOES IT ASK WHEN THIS HAPPEND. DON'T SWEET THE SMALL STUFF SOON YOUR BABY WILL BE A TEENAGER ENJOY THEM WHILE YOU CAN