Need help with a joint custody question please?

Carol - posted on 08/02/2010

We have a restraining order against him and his family. He is not allowed to come within 100 yards of us or contact us in anyway. It is such a relief, runs out in September which makes us feel a tad insecure. He has broken the conditions twice and been arrested for it. There was no physical abuse, just mental, emotional and control. I say 'just', but as you know its hell because its constant and takes away all sense of control and you live in fear. The trick is to stop being a victim, you are on the road and so are we!! Takes a lot out of you though.

Carol - posted on 08/01/2010

Well said Holly!! Its difficult when you live in fear of others emotions to stand tall. But we have to remember that when we have children we find strength that we didn't know we had. My daughter and I are struggling with an abusive manipulating partner right now and with two small children. Just remember, that EVERYTHING is temporary. You may feel bad today, but tomorrow WILL be different. That keeps me going through the really rough times when I think we are beaten. We are now chosing to be proactive rather than reactive, and the power nips away at the fear. Wish you all happier days

Bo Lynn - posted on 08/01/2010

Make sure you have all your ducks in a row though, that you are SURE you're going to move into this place, SURE that you can keep your bills paid and your baby is in a proper school or daycare. Keep your side spotless and do all that you need to and don't tell his mother ANYTHING until the day comes for you to move. She might try to mess things up for you just to keep you stuck there!

Bo Lynn - posted on 08/01/2010

As for deciding who's properties' whose, the small claims court can figure that out. Go to Legal Aid or similar place that can help you get with an attorney for cheaper and see what your options are. Grandparents have rights but I don't know why a judge wouldn't let you take your baby home to your family. Get yourself some legal armor and give it all you got! You'll be amazed with how strong you are!

Mandie - posted on 08/01/2010

I live in Australia and here that kind of assistance from Police is called a Keep the Peace job. BUT here POlice are not allowed to decide either way whose possessions are whose if there is some debate, that has to be settled in Court. Here all Police can do is make sure no one is abused in any way. But obviously I dont know if that's the same in the US and in particular from state to state.

Michelle - posted on 08/01/2010

It sounds to me like you are still being abused emotionally, first off tell the police your intentions have them oversee your move. Second go see a lawyer because you should not have to share custody of your daughter with the grandmother she is not that childs parent explain to the lawyer you wish to move home and therefore need to get things changed in order to do so. I know it is a costly and painful process but once you are in another country he can't hurt you anymore

Tanya - posted on 08/01/2010

Thank you Holly. I have thought about getting a restraining order against the whole family but wasn't sure if I could because it is emotional manipulation and control. Thank you though for recommending that - I will look into it.

Tanya - posted on 08/01/2010

Thank you Kristen, I would be very grateful if you could find out who exactly I should call.Thank you for your encouraging words!

Kirsten - posted on 07/31/2010

I live in Colorado too & worked at Boulder County Sheriff's Office. There is something where you can call and ask them to just come and help you feel safe. I forget exactly what it's called but I can find out if that would help you. I'm happy for you standing up for yourself and your daughter! It will be difficult but very worth it!

Holly - posted on 07/31/2010

DOmestic abuse isn't always violent. The woman is abusing you using words and emotions and it is NOT right! Carol is right, the police will back you up and I might even suggest going as far as to try to file for a temporary restraiing order based on emotional abuse to both you and your daughter. Then, take her back to the family court (with the temp order if it is granted) and go for full cusotdy of your daughter.

Neither one of you needs to be in that situation and you are a strong woman for realizing that and trying to get not only yourself, but your daughter out as well.

Good luck!!!

Tanya - posted on 07/31/2010

Thank you Carol. I don't know why I am so scared of this family but it has been a horrible 5 years with all of them. I can't wait till it is a distant memory.

Carol - posted on 07/31/2010

The police will support you .... they will be there whilst you remove you stuff. Come on girl. Grit your teeth, just go down and talk to them to see what help they will give you. Do nothing and nothing will happen. Take control. Sincerely hope all goes well with you. It will be hard, it really will, but this is something you need to do. In six months time it will be a distant memory. Take care, be bold, be strong