Need to get over guilt of stopping breastfeeding!

Cara - posted on 06/05/2009

You did everything in your power to give your baby the best start possible. My baby was also a preemie and she had a hard time latching, she did catch on with some tools such as the Nipple Guard. However, I had had a breast reduction surgery a couple years previous and I wasn't able to give her much milk. Some of the ducts had been cut so the milk was there, just trapped. I was able to make some milk with the ducts I still had in tact, but I was lucky if I could make half an ounce at a time. I felt very guilty also. I would squeeze and pull and pump and pump and pump. I was in so much pain but everyone kept telling me to keep trying. I eventually quit after about a month. I felt guilty at first but I know I did everything I could and that is that. Mt daughter just turned one and she is a perfectly healthy girl. You did the best you could and your baby did get the most important thing you could give her, your colustrum and early milk.

Jaymie - posted on 06/05/2009

Hi Colleen, such a coincidence that I read your post today. 2nights ago I had a fever & found out I developed a mastitis too. It's been 2days, the fever subsided so I feel much better now though mastitis is still there. in fact i'm due for my check up tomorrow. For 10months, i've been exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I plan to wean her too & at the back of my mind I feel guilty of doing so. I guess what I can tell you is that if you think it would post a risk on your health & frustrates your baby more, since you have made all the effort, i think it's okay mommy to cease your breastfeeding. What your baby needs more is your strength both physically & mentally & emotionally to be able to take care of her. To every parents, we should be reminded out kids needs the Best of us not what's Left us. Kudos to you!

Cindy - posted on 06/04/2009

I felt bad, strange after my son stopped breastfeeding after 3months & i sometimes tried him but it was the bottle only. I guess because i returned to work and the time i reach home. It will soon pass, u could try to find another bonding method with your baby, i massage him after bath for bedtime and read, it feels really great.

Virginia - posted on 06/04/2009

I breast fed my first 4 for at least a year each - but with my 5th we ran into medical issues and I had to put her on the bottle. I tried to pump ad feed her expressed milk, but stress caused me to dry up, added to the fact that I couldn't make time to pump and them feed as well as care for all my kids. I also suffered from guilt. Finally one of my friends told me, "I give you permission to quit pumping and put her on formula." It was funny, but it worked. She was right, my 5th child is as healthy as my others and loves me just as much, even though I quit breast feeding her.

Jessica - posted on 06/04/2009

Don't feel guilty for doing your absolute best. I had to stop breastfeeding my daughter at 3 mths because no matter what I did my supply wouldn't stay up and she was always hungry. I did found out later that due to my ignorance and just trusting the ob/gyn that it was the bc he had put me on. I was too trusting. She is 4 now and doing great, she's never sick and very healthy. The only thing I regret is not getting to hae the same experiece with her as my other children. You should be proud that you tried so hard, so many have given up for less and a lot sooner and you didn't quit, quitting is giving up with out a fight, you came up against mounting obstacles and in my opinion came out on the winning side. Don't let having to give up nursing take away the joy of being there for your daughter, she loves you regardless.

Annie - posted on 06/04/2009

I thought being a mom was supposed to be a wonderful experience? Whoever said it was about putting yourself through needless bouts of hell? The guilt you are feeling is misplaced. Guilt is for people that do something wrong. If you and your infants' bodies aren't built for breast feeding then they just aren't. There's no need to feel guilty about it. That's why scientists invented formula. God bless 'em. Ask yourself this: Are you really doing what is best for your baby if you are overly exhausted and getting sick all of the time? Babies need healthy happy mothers. Not everything is going to fall into place exactly how you plan. The secret is to learn to roll with it. Your baby isn't going to die or "not have a good start in life" simply because you gave her Similac. Relax.

Victoria - posted on 06/03/2009

Hi Colleen,

Don't feel guilty - you gave it your best shot. I couldn't get the hang of breastfeeding & after a few days gave up. I feel I gave up too easily (first child) & have felt guilty about it in the past, but have learnt to push those feelings aside. It's normal to feel guilt - breastfeeding is the best possible start to your baby's life & mums who don't/or can't breastfeed are often made to feel like the worst people alive if they can't do it. Well meaning people like midwives, lactation consultants, relatives etc often make those mums feel even worse about their choice. Look at it this way - you managed to give your baby 4 months of breastmilk which is nothing to feel bad about. Be proud of yourself for making it to that point :)

Tania - posted on 06/03/2009

Hi Colleen, I know you have had a heap of responses to your post, but I thought I would share my experience (as we mums do so well!) to let you know you are not on your own and sometimes things just arent meant to be!



Prior to having my son, I witnessed alot of women in my life breastfeed and suffer with all the conditions you have mentioned and I saw them stressed and depressed with the pressure they felt to feed naturally eventhough their own breasts suggested otherwise!



When I fell pregnant with my son, I was constantly asked the big question as to my feeding preferences. I stood firm in saying that if we can breastfeed we will, but if we cant I am not going to force it as I strongly believed it would not be emotionally healthy for me or my bub. I never thought I wouldnt have milk for him.....



As nature would have it, I had severe preeclampsia, an induced labour, an emergency C-Section, a premmie bub (who had to be tube fed due to his size), a body pumped full of drugs for the preeclampsia and had to leave my son in SCBU for the following 4 weeks all topped off with a family tragedy during it all. Needless to say my milk supply was very low. My lactation consultant advised that each of these things on there own would prevent milk supply let alone all of them at once. I tried all the recommendations - drinking stout, taking the herb fenugreek, expressing every 3 hours day & night and finally the Domperidone. All to know avail. After a consultation with a specialist, I found out I had a condition of the breasts called Hypomastia (not all milk ducts have developed properly) and would never be able to produce enough milk required. I was devastated. With the small amount of breast feeding I had done, I really loved feeding and the bonding with my son, and he really took to the breast well. I just didnt have the supply. So here we were both wanting to breastfeed - but mothernature had other plans!



I still feed my son by breast for one feed a day (he is now four months old) but all other feeds are formula feeds. He is a healthy little boy and for a premmie is catching up to his peers rapidly.



Breastfeeding full time just wasnt meant for us for one reason or another and although I did have to deal with that reality early on, I decided very quickly that guilt is a wasted emotion that neither serves me or my son and I would rather turn that energy into sometime more positive for both of us.



I know its not exactly the same as your situation, but for what its worth, I think you have done as amazing job to stick at it for as long as you have. You are certainly not a quitter - far from it in my opinion. Your are acknowledging what you are feeling which is the first step to healing them. In the words of Louise Hay - "what you feel you can heal".



Your daughter is learning from you already - stay positive and stay strong and stay focussed on what you CAN give her and ARE giving her not on what you cant.



Love & Light to you and yours

xx

Julie - posted on 06/03/2009

We always hear that breast milk is best, but you know what? Formula isn't bad!! I nursed my daughter for a while, but it wasn't the amazing experience everyone tells you about. So I pumped and eventually she was just a bottle girl. It was difficult when I started supplementing with formula, and at 6 months when I went strictly to formula. Guilt is such a terrible feeling, but eventually I got over that and everything is great. It was such a relief! Don't ever feel bad for making life better for your child and YOU.

Catherine - posted on 06/03/2009

my son was taken into scbu becaus i had a very long and tiring labour,i had my cuddle with him after he was born but i was shaking and felt i couldn't hold him safely, he was then taken to scbu for i don't know how long coz i passed out pretty much straight away...42 hours of labour will do that. We were in hospital a week on antibiotix and i didn't breast feed because i felt my body had been invaded immensly, but i said to myself when i got home in the privacy og my own home i would pump and then breast feed...i tried and tried but i was stubborn adn didn't want any help....everyone kept telling me they could help but i kept refusing, charlie had about 3oz of expressed breast milk and i gave up, i was in tears all the time and i believe that you need to be calm and relaxed anyway to be able to breastfeed. I felt to guilty and a complete failure and thought if i had taken my breast pump into hospital then it would have gone better...you just need to hear it from as many people as possible that ther is nothing wrong with formula, just look on the side of the box it will tell you whats in it. You did your best really, i just wish i had persevered as much as you did..well done x x x

Salma - posted on 06/03/2009

hugs to you! i felt so guilty when i stopped i always cried. my baby was a preemie and i had to pump for a month. i was doing well but im a law student and a teacher at the same time. i kept pumping even if there's no really good place to pump. i did it inside the car. eventually my supply started to go down but i still kept on pumping and trying to feed her when im home. it was so hard when she started to reject me because i didnt know whether i should pump or wait the next hour. left and right people kept pressuring me, especially my mother in law. one time she actually squeezed my breast while she was watching me. not only did i feel misunderstood. i felt like she didn't think i was trying hard enough. and i felt violated. another time she suddenly pulled up my leg and told me, "so that's why!" i couldn't help but turn my back on her telling her yes, i actually already tried that but my baby's still rejecting me. i think she thinks i didn't try hard enough because she had 5 kids whom she all breastfed for a long time, and eventually she got breast cancer and had 1 breast removed. i felt it was unfair and all i wanted was support and understanding. i did try my best. then i came down with measles! i knew it was over. and it was so sad because the last time i breastfed my baby, i didn't even know it would be the last. thats why i kept crying and couldn't get over the guilt.

i feel for you!

there are many moms like us.

Tamara - posted on 06/03/2009

All I can say is you gave it your best!!! never forget that!

When my little one was born I could only breast feed for 4 weeks.. I wanted to breastfeed for 6 months, but only the one breast had milk and with her only feeding on that one it started taking strain.. I called my doc cos there was only watery milk coming out and it wasnt satisfying her. My doctor told me that it was better for me to stop as it was going to cause me more damage than good for Tatum. She said that they get 90% of the antibodies that they need from your milk withing teh first 10 days.. Tatum is now 7 months old and doing very well! I dont regret changing to formula at all! Besides you can get formula, cant think of teh name right now, that is specially designed for certain things... they have one that is made for collicky babies, etc that is made in such a way that it is easier for them to digest, etc!



Really you will always do the right thing for your little one! Dont let this get you down because she will probably feel that more than anything else! Always remember to listen to yourself, you are her mom and you will always only do the best for!!!!

I hope you are feelibg better! :-)

Give me a shout if you ever want to talk!



xx :-)

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2009

First and foremost give yourself a major pat on the back-you tried harder than most women do. For me after a 3 day labour with drugs and edpidural-the works-Nakita slept for the first 12 hours of her life-she'd wake and we would try to feed but it took me 12 hours before Nakita got her first successful breast feed. My nipples cracked and bled and I stuck through the pain we were doing ok until about 4 weeks when one of my breasts became very hard and swollen-i was worried about mastitis and went to the doctor-he said to prevent it I would have to express that breast and feed her with my other. I went and brouhgt a pump and got a whopping 250ml out of my right breast! so I tried doing that. Turns out my left breast would produce not even 60ml and my right breast was producing enough milk to feed her by itself. So becuase I had been trying to feed her only with my left and express with the right as the doctor said to do she was not getting enough from my left breast and started refusing to take it. So I just kept expressing for her. I rang the Australian Breastfeeding Mothers Association so many times and tried absoloutely everything to get her to go back but she wouldn't. So I was happy with expressing for her so she still got my breast milk at least. But thena few weeks later I learnt the hard way that because pumping is different to suckling and so my supply started to diminish and after having a major fight with my partner about it and much guilt on my behalf I put her on formula.

Please I beg you to go and see your doctor about your guilt. I felt the same way you did and my partner practically hated me for stopping so I never did anything about how I was feeling and it has just gotten worse. I am now suffering very badly with Post Natal Depression and I feel like I have missed out on the first year of my daughters life because my head has been cloudy and I have never really felt 100% happy. I love my daughter more than anything she is so precious and I just wish that I could have gotten through this year and enjoyed it so much more-all of her milestones and everything-this year seems like a blur and I'm crying just thinking about it so please get some help for yourself because PND is horrible and you do not want to go thought it.

Carolyn - posted on 06/02/2009

I think that you put forth an amazing effort, and have nothing to feel guilty for. Ihated pumping, and there would have been no way I would have been able to only pump without actually breastfeeding my daughters, too. I think that you sound like a great mom, and that is what is important anyway!!

Skye - posted on 06/02/2009

I had enormous guilt over not breast feeding my kids and since then they are thriving do not feel guilty (as hard as it is not to with the pressures of society to breast feed) give yourself time and know you are the best mom you can be by just loving your kids.

Miranda - posted on 06/02/2009

Even though I knew I was going to go back to work as few months after my son was born, I decided to give breast feeding a try. My mom did not produce any milk, but since my sister did I was hopeful that I could. My son was born in January, which is when a rash of other babies were born too. Due to the lack of sun and so many babies, our doctors were crazy fearful that my son would get jaundice (okay I may have spelled that wrong) and they wouldn't have a way to treat him. Thus they decided that his breast feeding should be supplement with formula. What a nightmare! He was already hesitate to latch on. He was so big compared to me and my nipples were cracked and sore that for the first 2 months I dreaded feeding my child! Plus he LOVED the bottle and took right to it. Then I went back to work and was going to school. I had to hide out in an empty office or bathroom to pump. Finally my production slowed down and I called it quits. He was happy on the bottle and was getting plenty of nourishment. If I have a 2nd child, I'm not even going to try breast feeding. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you child is happy and fed. She won't even remember, but she will know what you tried to do for her. You did more that many moms would have done, and should be proud of that. You didn't just quit for no reason, you stopped because of the torment you body was being put through. Breast feeding is not just about giving your child food, it is supposed to be a bonding experience. I don't know how you can say it was a pleasurable bond if you were in pain. Formula is great these days, so don't feel like your baby isn't being fed as well.

Stacey - posted on 06/02/2009

You did your best. I had stop too, but kept reminding myself the baby must be feed the best way possible.

Krystal - posted on 06/02/2009

Colleen,
I completely understand how you're feeling and I didn't give it as much effort as you did. Kudos to you for your effort, you tried valiantly and there's no guilt in that. My son was born in may 2007, and I tried breastfeeding for 3 weeks. He wouldn't latch and I didn't have the fatty milk to help him gain weight, so I stopped. I realized it got to a point where I was trying to force breastfeeding so much that I wasn't enjoying my baby. With my daughter a year later was the same problem. She latched great, but I didn't have the 2nd let down of fatty milk. She was 10 lbs at 3 months old, VERY small; so, I stopped nursing her at 3 months. I tried to think of it in a different way. Making you happy will make a happy baby. They can feel your stress and frustration and it makes them anxious. My kids are 1 and 2 yrs old now, and perfectly fine. Enjoy your daughter, and try to think of bottle feeding as the best thing you can do for her. She's getting full, and she's happy now. Your guilt will fade with time, mine did. It sucks, and I wish there was more to say, but I hope I helped.

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2009

Don't be so hard on yourself! You have done an excellent job giving your baby a great start but sometimes your own physical and mental health is going to have to take priority. There are great formula's out there and there is nothing wrong with taking that path especially after trying so hard. I have 4 kids (and breastfeed) but all of them had formula too and are wonderful, healthy, smart children/babies! My 5 month old came with more breastfeeding issues and I thought of course being the 4th time I breastfeed it would be what I expected (hard, but do-able) and I finally had to rely on formula more. You have done a great job, be proud of yourself not hard on yourself and focus on the sweet baby you have and your time together!

Kelli - posted on 06/02/2009

I remember when I stopped pumping and felt really guilty. I was really stressed by trying to keep up with filling all of the bottles. My sister told me to do what would make me be a better mom. That really made a difference. I was so stressed pumping and when I did not have to worry about it anymore, I was more relaxed and enjoyed my children more. Just try to be thankful that we live in a time and place that we have other options and our children will still be healthy. Enjoy that little one as I know you will! Best wishes!!

Lisa - posted on 06/02/2009

Not sure how old your baby is. I had soreness and cracking too. I supplemented with formula, then gave up as i thought i wasn''t producing enough and seemed as though she just preferred formula. I quit nursing for 2 weeks. I felt so sad and decided to try breasfeeding again. My supply was almost none but it did come back. Now...i could never pump more than 5 ounces at a time and that was on a "good" day. I really feel if you need to do the formula then do it without guilt......try to introduce the breast in a more relaxing, just for fun attitude. I think if you relax and give it a try she might gain interest again. Please take care of yourself above all, a sick mommy can't take care of herself or anyone else.

best to you and yours,

Lisa

Amber - posted on 06/02/2009

No need to feel guilty. You tried and did your best. Also your baby was resisting. So if you would of continued than your baby would of not been getting what she needed nutrianally if she wanst eating from the breast. What you did was both best for you and baby and at the end of the day that is what is most important. Your baby is getting exactly what she needs and being the good mom does not depend on weither you breast feed or not. Your a great mom for caring so much to do what was best for your baby. :)

Dina - posted on 06/02/2009

Dont worriery it some babys just don't seem tot full from breast milk I only got to do it for a few months my self and I did feel bad but my babys seem to be more happy and sleep better

Emily - posted on 06/02/2009

My story is quite similar and I decided to quit it I got mastits again (that would have been the 4th time). I cried and cried at my decision. Then suddenly my twins stopped rejecting the breast and I didn't get mastitis again. Just a stroke of dumb luck! So here I am but I very easily could have been you as well. Hang in there. YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER. Instead of thinking about those FEW who would have stuck it out think of all those who wouldn't have stuck with it as long as you did. You should be proud of what you did! I totally understand your heartbreak...your daughter has gotten the best start possible. A mother who will do the best she can for her! Be good to yourself you deserve it :)

Laura - posted on 06/02/2009

First of all, congratulations on having a premature baby and having given her the best start in life with your colostrum and first breast milk. I bottle fed my first baby because I was told I was unable to breastfeed (this was by a midwife who said my nipples were the wrong shape - grr!), and in the end, I just kind of gave up before I had begun. Afterwards, I regretted it, but I made sure that when the time came, I gave her the healthiest solids that I could. She is now almost three and is a beautiful healthy little girl. I was determined to breastfeed my second baby, and even though I had lots of latching on problems and lots and lots of pain, I carried on. There were times when I thought I would have to quit, and I am glad that I didn't, but if I had been unable to continue for WHATEVER reason, I would still have provided my baby with a warm, safe and loving environment, which is exactly what you did and more so. It doesn't matter what happened to make you stop. Everyone has to stop eventually. Feel proud that you tried your best and you gave your baby a great start in life! Being a Mum carries enough guilt with it. Don't let this be part of it.

Sue - posted on 06/01/2009

Hold the baby close to you when you feed her and talk and coo to her. It is the closeness and love that counts. Sometimes breast feeding can't be done and getting upset is only hurting both of you! Never NEVER feel guilty you are a great Mom, just enjoy each moment with each other. THAT is what is important! Hugs

Beverley - posted on 06/01/2009

You are amazing you tried everything and I really mean EVERYTHING so calm down hun and take into account that you did all that you could and that is what matters. Don't keep sitting there thinking that you could have done more because honestly you couldn't of. YOU DID IT ALL ! You are a great mother for trying so hard, but there is one thing you need to stop trying so hard to do, and that is being hard on yourself. If you know anything about PPD (Postpartum depression) they you know that stressful situations like stopping breast feeding can trigger the sickness. You need to tell yourself that it's Ok you did everything that was humanly possible to try and breast feed but it just wasn't meant to be and your baby will be perfectly fine. Everyone keeps saying breast is best and they put so much pressure on moms to breast feed that it's driving women crazy. Ignore everyone who is negative and ignore your guilt and tell yourself it will be Ok. YOU DID AMAZINGLY WITH WHAT WAS PUT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOUR BABY IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS IT'S MOTHER. xo

Melanie - posted on 06/01/2009

Please let go of the guilt! You did wonderful, much more valliant and resillent than most new moms! I've had my ups and downs with nursing. My second son had a respiratory arrest at birth and they shoved so many instruments in his mouth and down his throat, that he didn't want anything near his mouth, including my breast! It was a struggle, similar things, no milk, stressed out(had a verh active 2 y/o in the background). Some old German women told me to drink 1 bottle of Guiness Stout each evening. I tried it, it tasted nasty at first, I relaxed, my milk started coming in like gang busters! I nursed him until he was almost 3y/o! I am assuming you were using a Medella Breast Pump(Big Blue Cow). You can start again if you want, once things are healed and your finished with meds. Make sure you clean the removable parts with very hot soapy water and rinse well. Wash your hands before you start to pump. Anyway, you can start pumping again. Just be consistent with timing. First thing in the morning, noon, evening etc. Put milk in new clean ice-cube trays. Once frozen put cubes in ziploc freezer bags. 1 cube equals 1ounce. Once her sucking gets stronger you can try again. In the meantime, put the breast milk cubes in her bottle. I used the small playtex with the disposable bags. I would have the daycare or sitter put the bottle in hot water in a bowl. It was perfect. Your milk can come back anytime. I have a friend who has adopted 3 children and breastfed them all. She just starts pumping and waits for the milk to come. Now that's amazing determination. You have a beautiful little person that sounds healthy despite her rough start. Don't waste a moment of this precious time, when they are so simple and it is fascinating just to watch them sleep! You'll have lots of time for guilt when you say the wrong thing or make the wrong decision for her as she grows! So let it go girl...........hopefully you want more little people!

Carol - posted on 06/01/2009

It is a hard decision to deal with, but please don't feel discouraged. I was unable to breastfeed and I felt like a complete failure. Just remember it's not your fault. My son was on formula from the minute he was born. I wasn't lactating. Once I started lactating I was over joyed only to discover he had teeth and it was too painful, so I gave up. It was heartbreaking and stressful. But formula was the only option. You didn't quit - it's just something that wasn't working for you. You can't blame yourself for circumstances that are out of your control. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother! Relax and enjoy everything else that's happening to you and your bub!

Stephanie - posted on 05/31/2009

OH HONEY YOU TRIED, AND THATS WHAT COUNTS. DONT WORRY about anyone else but what your baby needs. Your baby isn't rejecting you, I felt like I was being rejected when she decided to stop. I cried, I threw a tantrum, but I knew in my heart she would be okay. She was just fine. She is healthy, and beautiful and smart. You tried Hon. She knows her Mommy loves her.

Christine - posted on 05/31/2009

Don't feel bad at all! You stuck in there a lot longer than most! I commend you! I had twin boys that were four weeks early and weren't able to suck either. I tried nursing in the hospital, but when I came home, I just couldn't do it by myself! I pumped as long as I could, frotunately a had a good milk supply for a little while, but that didn't last long. I eventually had to switch to all formula, and they are now almost four years lod and doing great! The nurse who did our baby class said that you broing home a case of guilt along with that baby! You are doing what any mom would do! Just hang in there and love that baby! And feed her any way you can! She wuill love you no matter what!

Katie - posted on 05/31/2009

Don't worry about it too much.
I gave it a try, and managed six months and now I have been giving my daughter bottles (not every time, but some). She was a terrible eater: biting, kicking, ripping off the latch... etc. I didn't have a supply problem, but a problem's a problem.
You did the best you could, FOUR months of that! You did amazing! Don't feel guilty, I'm sure your little one will be just fine, just because "breast is best" doesn't mean that bottles aren't okay. Especially for me my baby's mood has been better since I've been giving her bottles, she's been making developmental leaps with that mood boost. I was stressed so she was too.
An easy stress/cry free environment is one of the best things you can give your daughter. You're doing that, and I can tell you're a caring loving mom.

Kathy - posted on 05/31/2009

I had the same exact problem. And I did feel guilty. And that's ok...in time you will start to let go and be happy b/c your baby is healthy and thriving. Go through the emotion, eveventually you will come out on the other side. You will find that once you commit to the decision you make, stopping or continuing, you will be happy, but commitment comes first. My doctor always said, Happy Mommy equals happy baby and she was right. Do what's best for BOTH of you! Good luck xoxox

Bridgette - posted on 05/31/2009

Sounds like everyone has said it all. Stop the guilt and enjoy these days of infancy they are fleeting!!!! Believe me it seems like yesterday that I had my own struggles with nursing and now my boys are entering middle school...... if you plan to have another baby and want to try to nurse again make sure you have a very good pump. I had a double horn Medala, electrical travel model. That was the best investment we every made. There was no way I could have worked and nurse without it. Stop the guilt and enjoy your family- watch dad feed his daughter, purely a blessing.

Vicki - posted on 05/31/2009

Wow, Colleen. You sound like a very compassionate, caring person who persevered until the point of exhaustion. Your compassion will take you far as a mother. But be careful, it can bring you down if you don't take care of yourself too. Taking care of your own needs can be one of the best gifts you give your child. When mom is happy, everybody is happy. Warm hugs, and pats on the back to you.

Jacklynn - posted on 05/31/2009

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time. You should be commended!! I don't know many people that would put forth that much effort to do anything. Your baby is lucky is have such a loving, dedicated mother. This type of determination will show through in everything you do for your baby. Don't worry about the breastfeeding....let it go and give yourself a break! You are obviously a wonderful mother.

Alethea - posted on 05/31/2009

Hi. You have done so well with the breastfeeding already. And your daughter got the best part which is the colostrum already. My son is nearly two months old now and very hungry and I have started to supplement with formula. I felt so guilty when I started two days ago, but as long as your child is being fed and is happy thats what is important. Dont be sad. You have to do whats best for you and your child. Big hugs. xx

Erin - posted on 05/31/2009

Wow you've sure been a trouper! You should be proud of your determination to give your child the best, not guilty that it didn't work out exactly as you wanted it to. In saying that, I do understand the disappointment at having to give up on breastfeeding. I had major supply issues from the start. I became severely anaemic immediately after my daughter's birth and had to have a blood transfusion, so my milk didn't even come in til day 5. Plus I had a very big (9lb 6oz), very hungry baby who just wanted to feed and feed and feed. By the time she was 2 weeks old I was already having major problems - by the afternoon I was empty and that's when she was the hungriest. I spoke to a lactation consultant and say my baby health nurse weekly, followed their advice in a hope to increase my supply, and let my baby nurse whenever she wanted to stimulate production. My daughter was ALWAYS on the boob, but my supply never established to a point where it could meet her demand. She cried ALL THE TIME. I started to get stressed out when I knew she was hungry but knew I had no milk, and in the end I gradually introduced formula at 6 weeks. It was very sad for me because I'd otherwise had no problems BFing - DD's latch was great and I had no issues with cracked nipples, soreness or mastitis. I cried when I BF her for what I knew would be the last time, but the reality is that putting her on the bottle was the best option. I couldn't help the anaemia that stopped me producing enough milk, just like you couldn't help all the difficulties you had. You tried harder than most. Your child will thrive regardless. You can bond in lots of other ways. Just enjoy your baby. :)

Mel - posted on 05/31/2009

hey im so sorry for what you are going thru i know this is easier said then done but there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty milk is milk whether your baby is formula or breast fed it does not make a difference, they are just as happy. If anthing formula fills them up more and makes them have nice longer sleeps without being hungry all the time. i know its hard i felt guilty too for a short time until i realise di had done what was best for my child, and until the doctors assured me there was no difference and i did not need to go back to breast feeding. you are doing the right thing. you are doing what you feel is best and you are the mother there is no need to worry and upset yourself.

Joy - posted on 05/31/2009

Momma your baby loves you more than the moon loves the earth. She only knows you and she won't ever doubt your decision to stop after such a hard time. From someone with experience (not nearly as bad as yours), I can tell you that I understand the grief and the guilt. It goes away in time, when you see your baby thrive. You just have to find other natural ways to sustain her. For instance, when my breastfeeding experience lead to formula....I thought "ok, plan B" Plan B was to make my own baby food so that at least that way I knew what he was getting and that I was picking the freshest ingredients possible. Look ahead Mommy....you're doing great. I wish I could hug you right now and give you a shoulder to cry on because I've been there. My best wishes to you and if you need to talk, message me ok? :)

Jeanne - posted on 05/30/2009

Colleen, Colleen, Colleen, you tried, tried and tried again. You have nothing to beat yourself up about!!!! You are doing what is best for you and your child now.....if you burn out or get even sicker you won't be helping yourself or your daughter. Sometimes situations cannot be helped. I could not breastfeed my daughter because of the meds I needed after her birth and with my son my milk only came in a week after he was born, and he was to used to the bottle to want the breast - so it was formula again. Both of my kids are healthy, strong, smart and thriving - so it doesn't seem to have hurt them in the least. I think part of this might also be post-partem and or exhaustion. You must remember that millions of women chose not to breastfeed their babies and these children are doing fine. Your daughter needs her mother whole and healthy and your stopping to breastfeed is probably what is needed for both you and her so that you can concentrate on rebuilding your strength as well as get that precious little baby to grow up into the strong, beautiful and talented woman that she is destined to be. And Colleen I know women who stopped nursing the moment they had a cracked nipple - much less than what you went through - if anything I think you were very brave to try this long. Good luck and remember - you owe it to you and your daughter to be the best you possible - and for this at this time it means to do what you have done, turn to formula and to continue to be the loving wonderful mom you so obviously are.

Roeleta - posted on 05/30/2009

bless your heart for trying so hard!! that is commendable,not worthy of guilt. I have 7 children and was only able to successfully breastfeed two of them. (the 3rd&5th) The other times I tried ,but I just did not have enough of a supply to satisfy them and sometimes hardly any milk at all. They all turned out to be healthy, normal children in spite of it :) You can show your baby just as much love by holding her while bottlefeeding her ,and you can make eye contact with her. (you can't do that breastfeeding) ;) I am sure you are a GREAT mom!!!

Betsy - posted on 05/30/2009

Mommies are famous for feeling guilty for everything, but it honestly doesn't do anyone any good. Things happen. I have always nursed, but when I had twins, I went into it accepting even as an experienced nurser, nursing two might not go well. That took so much pressure off. I was lucky with it althou I had to pump almost hourly and thought about quitting (and would have if I had to deal with the additional issues you have), but I think the same way for when I have #6. Circumstances can always happen that cause nursing not to go well. Mom could get sick and it be mandatory they take meds, that can't be passed to the baby. Babies can have health problems. You are disappointed, and you have that right, but do not beat yourself up over it. You made a terrific attempt, life handed different circumstances you couldn't have predicted. Motherhood is filled with having a certain plan, circumstances being thrown at you and having to switch gears, and being able to do that makes a wonderful mom. Each feeding, get that bottle, cuddle up with your daughter, look in her eyes and savor those moments, while being proud of yourself for being a great mom she is lucky to have!

Kim - posted on 05/30/2009

Oh my... bless you!!!! Seriously... you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know women who did much less than you before stopping. I can't believe you went through all that :)



Don't let moms that were successful say a word of discouragement to you. Just keep in mind that you're doing what is healthiest for your child (she needs to eat), and it doesn't mean you can't try again next time.



There is absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about.



Also... I breastfed both of mine, but I worked full-time when my first one was little. Pumping as much as I needed to caused my supply to decrease, and by the time she was done, she was getting a mix of breast milk and formula just because she needed the food. There is nothing wrong with formula... especially after everything you've been through.

Samantha - posted on 05/30/2009

I can sympathize with you. I wanted to breastfeed my daugher for at least 6 months, but that didn't work out. I had a few problems at first, she wouldn't latch on right, especially on the one side. Then the day after i came home from the hosptial, my grandmother died and we had to go on an unplanned trip from Virginia to New Jersey for the funeral. After that, i wasn't producing enough milk and with all the stress from losing my grandma, whom i was really close to, i just couldn't do it anymore. I felt really guilty, like i had let my daughter down and my husband down. We were really struggling financially, so i was afraid that he would be mad at me, because we could barely afford formula but we didn't qualify for WIC or any assitance. What helped me was the knowledge that, while it was only for about a month, she at least got the nutrients from the colostrum. Take heart in the fact that you did do your very best, and she did get the nutrients that are in the colostrum. One thing that someone told me, and i don't know if it will help, but the most important thing is for your daughter to get the food, and she'll love you no matter where it came from, be it your breast or formula. I hope this helps. *hugs.*

Natalie - posted on 05/30/2009

Colleen, you tried you best, please stop beating yourself up about it and enjoy your daughter, don't get some caught up in this guilt........ just enjoy her, you won't want to look back on this time and have it tainted with the depression you felt about quitting breast feeding.

it sounds like you've had it hard anyway, you say she came early and couldn't master it. and you've been pumping etc ....oh my lord that all sounds tough....cut yourself some slack sweetie, you've had a tough time, and now have a gorgeous daughter, move onwards and upwards, you have some much to look forward to.

if you feel like your missing out, then do something like make sure your the only one who feeds her, (i notice bottle fed babies have a lot of family members who want to feed baby and mums feel pressured into letting them where as breastfeeding mums don't get that) so you could maybe keep it as only you feeding her (explain to your partner how you feel) and then maybe you'll feel special about feeding times and won't beat yourself up so much. either way she's going to adore a mum who feels so passionately about her, lucky girl !

i wish you all the best ! xx

Elaine - posted on 05/30/2009

Someone with sense! I like you

Colleen - posted on 05/30/2009

Thanks to all of you kind, caring mommas out there. I just posted this a few hours ago and already feel like I am working through some of this. :) I am glad that you all took the time to respond because you made me cry, and laugh, but mostly think. I just got a big cyber hug from circle of moms. Thanks for sharing your stories and thoughts.
Much love,
Colleen

Elaine - posted on 05/30/2009

Quoting Julie:

Oh you sweet thing, it will be o.k. I promise. Out of the four of my babies. I was successful at nursing one. And to all you ladies out there there is no such thing as failing o.k. Your not failures. You are women that wanted to give it your best and these days we are so on our own for so much when it comes to babies. For so many reasons it will go well or it wont. What is the important part is that you have your daughter and that she is doing well. I do understand the guilt and it just takes time. Enjoy watching her grow and take one day at a time o.k. Go give her a big hug and kiss and go play with her. Her smile is all that you are going to need. Take care sweetie. Julie

Elaine - posted on 05/30/2009

I'm a mum of 4 boys. Two breastfed easily, two didn't and I had to bottle feed. Guess what? They are all fit healthy boys, there is no difference in health between the breast fed or bottle fed. You must not feel any guilt whatsoever, you are NOT damaging your children despite what the so called experts say