New daddy isn't helping out enough

Delilah - posted on 04/12/2013 ( 107 moms have responded )

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My husband often falls asleep when it's his turn to watch our baby from 7-12 midnight. He doesn't understand it's dangerous and says I'm over reacting how do I get him to understand my concern and to help out more?

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Dove - posted on 04/12/2013

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If the baby is content and safe in the crib.. it is absolutely ok for you to both be asleep. If your husband is a heavy sleeper... I would NOT have that baby in the bed though. A bassinet or crib next to your bed is a much better, safer option.

It sounds like you may need to relax a little. If baby is content and safe... take some time to rest (where you can hear the baby if he starts to cry) or take some time to hang out and just talk with your husband. Do you have family or friends that can take the baby for an hour or two, so that you and your husband can have some time alone? Or during the day so that YOU can have some alone time?

What do you do when the baby naps? Many stay-at-home moms take that time to catch up on cleaning, but do NOT forget to take time to rest, read, whatever YOU enjoy too. Stick him in a stroller and take a walk. Get out into the fresh air, go to the park, meet some other moms, etc.... You are in this parenting 'gig' for a LONG time and you do no one any good if you do not take care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse as well. If the baby is content, in a safe spot, and within ear shot... he is FINE! Take care of you too.

April - posted on 04/16/2013

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I really don't see the problem. I have three normal, healthy children. They have always been safe in their cribs as newborns, since they didn't have any special needs. I even took naps when my son was a toddler. A properly secured door, and nothing dangerous in his reach in the room I was napping in. He had a sippy cup and quiet cartoons so I could get a little rest. It made me a better mommy and gave him independent time.

You can't hover over your children. Unless there's some special need that requires regular attention, there is NO reason for someone to always be awake. It is okay for everyone to be asleep. Baby sleeps 18 hours a day. Breathe, and seek treatment if anxiety is getting the best of you here.

Amie - posted on 04/16/2013

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Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle! If baby is taking more than 3 hour naps, then most likely days and nights are confused. During the day, don't let the baby sleep longer than 3 hours and keep it light, don't make it dark so the baby thinks it's night time. At night, no lights, make sure it's nice and dark. Hope that helps...good luck!

Melissa - posted on 04/16/2013

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You don't say how old the baby is. If it is a newborn, there is no reason to be awake watching him/her, even if the baby is awake, as long as the baby is in a safe spot and not screaming it's lungs out for hours, If the baby is sleeping, then both of you should sleep :-) Sorry if this is a repeat of what has already been said.

Jeanette - posted on 04/16/2013

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I have to ask as well...."Watch the baby?".....Unless the baby has some serious health concerns (for which you get high tech monitors anyway) there's an old saying that you should implement: "Sleep when the baby sleeps". If you don't, you'll drive yourself and your husband to insanity with sleep deprivation. Take turns in who has to get up when the baby needs to be fed and changed but other than that, both of you needs to sleep whenever you can.....It's no use if you both are in a Zombie-like state while the baby is awake cause your precious 1 on 1 time will feel more like a chore than an enjoyable bonding time.....

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Delilah - posted on 04/17/2013

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Thank you for all the responses no baby has never had any major medical issues .just some acid reflux issues that are Almost gone:) since reading all he advice I think I'm just going threw being a new mommy paranoia and also I've reached out to my grandmother and he watches my little guy for me on Wednesdays for a couple of hours and I went to a therapy session since I thought maybe ppd .since I've made all these changes daddy has seen how much I need help and has stepped up! Yay!!!! Baby is now is his crib and I've actually learned from my husband helpful tips to keeping baby asleep when threw the night :) things are better i have a piece of mind back

Thank you !

Anon - posted on 04/17/2013

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I understand the difficulty you're in, sounds like my life a few kids ago. First time mommies worry A LOT. Babies, hormones, learning unselfishness, sometimes a shortage of cash all put that extra stain on the marriage. Don't give up on your hubby yet! Men get better at being daddies and husbands too, and better at understanding the difficulty of your lot, which is substantial and underappreciated in our society. You are doing what's best for your baby!
It's totally fine to lay baby in the crib and go sleep if baby's in range to be heard! I would even say, if you or hubby is exhausted, put baby in the crib while you take a nap even if baby cries! I myself don't like doing this, but there have been a few times it was necessary. Sometimes there is no one to help you. The crib is safe. Keeping sanity is essential. A little sleep changes your whole outlook on life and can really help you be a better mommy.
If they co-sleep, have hubby hold baby in his arm in the middle of the bed. Don't have a quilt covering baby, just a light sheet or a baby blanket. The baby will not smother with these. Daddy will feel if baby rolls out of his arm and awaken. If you are still worried about baby rolling off the bed a long pillow about a foot away from baby on the opposite side of baby and daddy will provide an obstacle.

Carmen - posted on 04/17/2013

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As much as I would love for my husband to watch our kids in the middle of the night, I could never trust him to stay awake.... I don't think it is built into his system as a man to do so... I think moms have a special reaction and way of keeping one eye open in the middle of the night... I love my husband, and I know my husband loves our kids... but I know that it is not something he is able to do... I have accepted that... it's not that he doesn't want to... it is just something that is he is unable to do... I have accepted that... and he does other wonderful things! :)

Carmen - posted on 04/17/2013

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As much as I would love for my husband to watch our kids in the middle of the night, I could never trust him to stay awake.... I don't think it is built into his system as a man to do so... I think moms have a special reaction and way of keeping one eye open in the middle of the night... I love my husband, and I know my husband loves our kids... but I know that it is not something he is able to do... I have accepted that... it's not that he doesn't want to... it is just something that is he is unable to do... I have accepted that... and he does other wonderful things! :)

Anon - posted on 04/17/2013

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I don't know how old your baby is, or if your baby has some special need, but if the baby is a bit older and in good health, why can't baby be safely in the crib while daddy sleeps too? Babies need lots of sleep. 7:00 is a good bedtime. If a monitor by your husband's bed is loud enough, or if a crib is in the room with your hubby or if they co-sleep, daddy will hear if baby awakens to tend to his/her needs.

Anne - posted on 04/17/2013

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I smell a rat, perhaps he's not stepping up to the plate about other things and the baby issue is at the fore!!!

Anne - posted on 04/17/2013

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I smell a rat, perhaps he's not stepping up to the plate about other things and the baby issue is at the fore!!!

Anne - posted on 04/17/2013

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Hi Delilah, yes I think it is totally fine to let baby sleep by himself in his crib as you said. I always let them sleep alone as I heard the best gift you can give your child is teaching them to soothe themselves alone, without mom or dad around- we won't always be there! It's a great tip and all three of my kids are fabulous sleepers since almost birth, they love their beds! My husband is great but certainly couldn't do such a long night shift after work, but you need a break after all day at home w baby- do u havea daycare possibility? A trusted family member or neighbor who could take baby for an hour or two? Good luck! This too shall pass, remember!

Anne - posted on 04/17/2013

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Hi Delilah, yes I think it is totally fine to let baby sleep by himself in his crib as you said. I always let them sleep alone as I heard the best gift you can give your child is teaching them to soothe themselves alone, without mom or dad around- we won't always be there! It's a great tip and all three of my kids are fabulous sleepers since almost birth, they love their beds! My husband is great but certainly couldn't do such a long night shift after work, but you need a break after all day at home w baby- do u havea daycare possibility? A trusted family member or neighbor who could take baby for an hour or two? Good luck! This too shall pass, remember!

Fabiola - posted on 04/17/2013

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if he cry to much try to check him up with the doctor for cowmilk intolerance.
Good luck

Fabiola - posted on 04/17/2013

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if he cry to much try to check him up with the doctor for cowmilk intolerance.
Good luck

Fabiola - posted on 04/17/2013

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For what reazon does de baby need to be watch?is he sick?does he have a medical condition? if not relax it is not necesary to watch him.

Fabiola - posted on 04/17/2013

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For what reazon does de baby need to be watch?is he sick?does he have a medical condition? if not relax it is not necesary to watch him.

Marsha - posted on 04/16/2013

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I read some of the responses but not all of them so if this is a repeat I'm sorry.

For the first few months my husband and I used a co-sleeper. It's a small but sturdy place to keep the baby in our bed. We were able to pat him if he fussed without getting out of the bed.

When he was turning over on his own we put him in a crib but it was right next to ours so all I had to do was put my hand through the slats to pat him back to sleep.

After he was pulling himself up to stand at the side of the crib we pushed the crib away from the bed and I would wait 5-10 minutes to see if he could soothe himself back to sleep. If not I'd get up, feed him, change him and put him back to bed.

When he was able to soothe himself back to sleep most of the time, we pushed his crib to the end of our room and by the time he was 18 months we put him in his own bedroom with a baby monitor.

Something else you might check into is postpartum depression. I felt like my life was turned upside down and everything was going wrong... then I found out it was postpartum depression (more common in women who have given birth to boys). After I started on treatment for it...life was sooo much better and things that bothered me seemed to be easier to handle.

good luck!
Marsha

Nancy - posted on 04/16/2013

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You said at three months he has started to be very fussy. Did you start introducing some new type of food at that time?

Our daughter had colic symptoms--we had to walk, pat, bounce her while she cried for 4-6 hours every night. Finally, she would go to sleep (almost always by 12:30 am!) and then would sleep until around 6 am--bless her! So we got a short "full" night's sleep.

About that time, I read an article that stated that if a baby who is nursed has colic, the baby could have a milk intolerance, and the proteins passed through the mother's milk would cause gas and tummy aches that made the baby cry. I talked to the pediatrician at the two-month appointment and asked if there was some test to run. He told me to go off all dairy and see what happened. The lactation consultant at the hospital said it can take up to 10 days for the proteins to get out of the mother's system. Well, after a week, my daughter had gone from crying 4-6 hours every night to crying one hour every night. It changed our lives!

I don't know if you're nursing... Another nursing mother I know had to eliminate a lot of things she really liked from her diet--everything spicy, milk, broccoli...the list went on and on. When she did that, her baby calmed down. If you're nursing, check out what you eat. Eliminate a lot of the possible problem foods and see if the crying gets better. If it does, then you can introduce foods back into your diet (only add one every 3 or 4 days so you'll know for sure whether it's a problem food).

When my daughter was hospitalized at 2-1/2 months with RSV, since I was a nursing mother, I roomed in. I requested a non-dairy menu. A student nurse came in and interviewed me to ask why I was refusing dairy. I explained the situation to her. Her response was, "That must be so hard! I love milk and I'm not sure I could give it up." I told her it was a lot easier to give up dairy for the next several months than to listen to our baby cry for 4-6 hours every night.

If you're not nursing, it could be the formula you're using, or if you've introduced the baby to food, there could be a sensitivity to something the baby is eating.

I hope this helps.

Nancy

Lala - posted on 04/16/2013

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Are you actually holding your baby while he sleeps? Why? And if you're not holding him, why are you watching him sleep?

Lala - posted on 04/16/2013

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Are you actually holding your baby while he sleeps? Why? And if you're not holding him, why are you watching him sleep?

Teresa - posted on 04/16/2013

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Just to clarify my previous post: when I said let them cry I didn't mean for long amounts of time. Even two or three minutes is enough for them to learn that you will meet their needs when they ask ( by crying at this age, words when they are older). I do not typically let mine cry for more than 10-15 minutes, and that's when I'm showering. I'll let my little one cry for about five minutes while I finish whatever task I am doing.

Teresa - posted on 04/16/2013

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Just to clarify my previous post: when I said let them cry I didn't mean for long amounts of time. Even two or three minutes is enough for them to learn that you will meet their needs when they ask ( by crying at this age, words when they are older). I do not typically let mine cry for more than 10-15 minutes, and that's when I'm showering. I'll let my little one cry for about five minutes while I finish whatever task I am doing.

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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You sound like you need a hug and a day off! Im a SAHM of 3..... totally get it. You'll feel like you're going crazy often if you don't have enough support. and as a new mom it is totally normal to feel out of control, question everything, and wonder if you're doing it all wrong! You're not! You're ok bc you ARE questioning it! You will be OK and even if you make a few mistakes - you WILL.....make alot......esp with the first child! - Baby will be ok and won't remember earlier than 2 or 3. Thank Heavens! LOL I remember being so exhausted with my first 1 (bc my ex refused to do ANYTHING) that I literally walked into walls all day WITH the baby! Forget driving. LOL

Get a sitter if you can to take the baby out of the house while you nap a good 6 or 8 hours during the day! Try to do it once a week if you have a mom or MIL around! Good luck Mama!

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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You sound like you need a hug and a day off! Im a SAHM of 3..... totally get it. You'll feel like you're going crazy often if you don't have enough support. and as a new mom it is totally normal to feel out of control, question everything, and wonder if you're doing it all wrong! You're not! You're ok bc you ARE questioning it! You will be OK and even if you make a few mistakes - you WILL.....make alot......esp with the first child! - Baby will be ok and won't remember earlier than 2 or 3. Thank Heavens! LOL I remember being so exhausted with my first 1 (bc my ex refused to do ANYTHING) that I literally walked into walls all day WITH the baby! Forget driving. LOL

Get a sitter if you can to take the baby out of the house while you nap a good 6 or 8 hours during the day! Try to do it once a week if you have a mom or MIL around! Good luck Mama!

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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I would suggest that no, four mos is NOT old enough to let your child cry it out.....give baby a few more months at least. just for info, i let my first cry it out at about a year. refused to do it to the other two. it took two hours, it wasn't natural, and the only reason I did it was bc I was too young to know my mother didn't know what she was talking about. The other two still awaken at night with nightmares or scared of weather - we let them sack out on the floor of our room by our bed. But otherwise they've developed normally and letting them in the bed as a toddler for extra cuddle time when they needed it was so much more beneficial then letting them cry and learn we wouldn't come even if they really needed us or were really scared bc our agenda was more important than their fears. It makes parenting harder sometimes bc sometimes we go without enough sleep, but I expect to still be there when the kids enter the teen years (starting next year!) when they stay too long at a friend's and forget to call or any other number of scenarios.

But no, four mos is still too young. :(
And you're totally right. It is EXTREMELY dangerous for dad to fall asleep, and then drop Baby. And I would be throwing down a total fit til it stopped too, or just do it myself. Total. Screaming. Fit. "How dare you think it's ok to DROP BABY for even a second!" yeahhhhh...

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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I would suggest that no, four mos is NOT old enough to let your child cry it out.....give baby a few more months at least. just for info, i let my first cry it out at about a year. refused to do it to the other two. it took two hours, it wasn't natural, and the only reason I did it was bc I was too young to know my mother didn't know what she was talking about. The other two still awaken at night with nightmares or scared of weather - we let them sack out on the floor of our room by our bed. But otherwise they've developed normally and letting them in the bed as a toddler for extra cuddle time when they needed it was so much more beneficial then letting them cry and learn we wouldn't come even if they really needed us or were really scared bc our agenda was more important than their fears. It makes parenting harder sometimes bc sometimes we go without enough sleep, but I expect to still be there when the kids enter the teen years (starting next year!) when they stay too long at a friend's and forget to call or any other number of scenarios.

But no, four mos is still too young. :(
And you're totally right. It is EXTREMELY dangerous for dad to fall asleep, and then drop Baby. And I would be throwing down a total fit til it stopped too, or just do it myself. Total. Screaming. Fit. "How dare you think it's ok to DROP BABY for even a second!" yeahhhhh...

Jose - posted on 04/16/2013

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I am a dad. I joined this forum for help with my son. Which is a different issue. Why do you have to watch your baby sleep? Is it your first one? Dangerous how? I know since my kids have been born I have never slept well. But there is no reason to watch. Imagine what will you do when they drive. I'm just trying to give my two cents as a man.

Jose - posted on 04/16/2013

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I am a dad. I joined this forum for help with my son. Which is a different issue. Why do you have to watch your baby sleep? Is it your first one? Dangerous how? I know since my kids have been born I have never slept well. But there is no reason to watch. Imagine what will you do when they drive. I'm just trying to give my two cents as a man.

Max - posted on 04/16/2013

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A lot of other posters have given you great advice, I hope some of them help you and you get settled into raising a baby together with your husband, soon :).

Have you gone for your own post-partum checkups? You might be experiencing some PPD, if that is the case, then the sooner that is addressed, the sooner you will be in a healthier frame of mind and that can only be a win-win scenario.

Max - posted on 04/16/2013

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A lot of other posters have given you great advice, I hope some of them help you and you get settled into raising a baby together with your husband, soon :).

Have you gone for your own post-partum checkups? You might be experiencing some PPD, if that is the case, then the sooner that is addressed, the sooner you will be in a healthier frame of mind and that can only be a win-win scenario.

Mel - posted on 04/16/2013

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Does he work full time? If yes, let him sleep. Sleeplessness is part of becoming a new mother you need to deal with it. Get him to do other things like bath baby instead. Men are hopeless when it comes to newborns so for your own sanity just do it yourself. They get better as bub gets older but bub primarily needs mum right now pm save yourself the stress and nagging and just do it yourself.

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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Sounds like colic if baby is crying during those hours. My first cried for six months, sleeping no more than 20 mins at a time for 3 hours total daily for six months! Then I found Alimentum, a synthetic formula. Turns out it was basically early food allergies.

If you're nursing, start keeping a food journal and eliminating foods to see if that helps (obvious ones include dairy, nuts, cabbages, beans, etc - anything thats a typical gas creator or allergy). If you're using formula try switching to a soy, gentle, or lab created formula (such as alimentum or neocate). All 3 of ours had food allergies from birth - so I was unable to nurse any of them (mother's milk caused my third internal bleeding)! We use Alimentum with #1, Isomil with #2, and Baby's Only Organic Soy with #3. Options from there include Neocate and......I can't remember the other one. Keep in mind it takes 2 weeks for an infant's system to fully adjust with a new formula, but if you get projectile vomiting immediately it's almost certainly an allergy and discontinue use asap. Keep an eye out for corn allergies - becoming more common and almost EVERY formula is made with corn. Baby's Only is made from brown rice.

Good luck! try and research some colic remedies - walking and patting, different holds, etc.... SO SORRY!! It is SOOOOO hard to handle colic on sleep deprivation!!

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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Sounds like colic if baby is crying during those hours. My first cried for six months, sleeping no more than 20 mins at a time for 3 hours total daily for six months! Then I found Alimentum, a synthetic formula. Turns out it was basically early food allergies.

If you're nursing, start keeping a food journal and eliminating foods to see if that helps (obvious ones include dairy, nuts, cabbages, beans, etc - anything thats a typical gas creator or allergy). If you're using formula try switching to a soy, gentle, or lab created formula (such as alimentum or neocate). All 3 of ours had food allergies from birth - so I was unable to nurse any of them (mother's milk caused my third internal bleeding)! We use Alimentum with #1, Isomil with #2, and Baby's Only Organic Soy with #3. Options from there include Neocate and......I can't remember the other one. Keep in mind it takes 2 weeks for an infant's system to fully adjust with a new formula, but if you get projectile vomiting immediately it's almost certainly an allergy and discontinue use asap. Keep an eye out for corn allergies - becoming more common and almost EVERY formula is made with corn. Baby's Only is made from brown rice.

Good luck! try and research some colic remedies - walking and patting, different holds, etc.... SO SORRY!! It is SOOOOO hard to handle colic on sleep deprivation!!

Alisha - posted on 04/16/2013

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Trust me let him sleep. From my own experience my husband is very poor at helping me with my new son. You can nag him all day but he wont get any better. The best thing to do is introduce little things for him to do. Get sleep together use a bassinet at night beside your bed and naturally you'll wake up when the baby needs you. And its a great bonding experience as a mom when you do it at night. Let him feed when he is fully awake, and you do the night shift.
I do it and I work full time.

Alisha - posted on 04/16/2013

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Trust me let him sleep. From my own experience my husband is very poor at helping me with my new son. You can nag him all day but he wont get any better. The best thing to do is introduce little things for him to do. Get sleep together use a bassinet at night beside your bed and naturally you'll wake up when the baby needs you. And its a great bonding experience as a mom when you do it at night. Let him feed when he is fully awake, and you do the night shift.
I do it and I work full time.

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2013

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I question why someone needs to "watch" your baby. Why is his falling asleep dangerous. Is a baby monitor near him? Realistically parents should go to sleep when a baby sleeps with the understanding that perhaps he takes the feedings during that time frame. We never stayed awake if we wanted to sleep[ while any of our babies (including a set of twins) slept. What worked best for us was that my husband would feed the baby (a little different with the twins) just before he was ready for bed so that I slept and i took the middle of the night feeding (again different if both twins woke up at the same time)
I'm sorry, but it sounds to me, like you are indeed over reacting!

Lisa - posted on 04/16/2013

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I question why someone needs to "watch" your baby. Why is his falling asleep dangerous. Is a baby monitor near him? Realistically parents should go to sleep when a baby sleeps with the understanding that perhaps he takes the feedings during that time frame. We never stayed awake if we wanted to sleep[ while any of our babies (including a set of twins) slept. What worked best for us was that my husband would feed the baby (a little different with the twins) just before he was ready for bed so that I slept and i took the middle of the night feeding (again different if both twins woke up at the same time)
I'm sorry, but it sounds to me, like you are indeed over reacting!

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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Are you worried about SIDS? Angel Care monitors make some NICE electronics that monitor infant respiration for you so you can sleep. Even if you don't think you can afford, from someone who didn't sleep with her first one, trust me - it is WELL worth the money to sleep in peace knowing if your baby misses a breath a screaming alarm will go off in your ear to alert you.

Otherwise, there's no reason to stay awake and watch a sleeping baby.

Unless, the problem is you all have agreed to switch off night feedings and he's not getting up when it's his turn. That's dangerous in that you will get so sleep deprived! And in all seriousness, that is nothing to sneeze at. But if Dad sleeps through his allotted feedings you'll just have to do it. Most men don't get it with the first baby. It's usually all Mom all the time until the second one. For whatever reason, it just seems to take men more time to understand how much work and responsibility parenting really is.

If this doesn't cover the problem at hand, then I don't understand? Could you detail why you think it's dangerous for him to sleep, what concern is, and how exactly he's not helping?

Whitney - posted on 04/16/2013

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Are you worried about SIDS? Angel Care monitors make some NICE electronics that monitor infant respiration for you so you can sleep. Even if you don't think you can afford, from someone who didn't sleep with her first one, trust me - it is WELL worth the money to sleep in peace knowing if your baby misses a breath a screaming alarm will go off in your ear to alert you.

Otherwise, there's no reason to stay awake and watch a sleeping baby.

Unless, the problem is you all have agreed to switch off night feedings and he's not getting up when it's his turn. That's dangerous in that you will get so sleep deprived! And in all seriousness, that is nothing to sneeze at. But if Dad sleeps through his allotted feedings you'll just have to do it. Most men don't get it with the first baby. It's usually all Mom all the time until the second one. For whatever reason, it just seems to take men more time to understand how much work and responsibility parenting really is.

If this doesn't cover the problem at hand, then I don't understand? Could you detail why you think it's dangerous for him to sleep, what concern is, and how exactly he's not helping?

Bonnie - posted on 04/16/2013

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Keep it dark at night, light during the day. It's alright to run noisy things during the day too. Baby monitors are great, you will be able to hear if you are needed by baby during the night. Dress baby in sleeping sac/swaddle, no need for blankets or toys in the crib. Keep the room slightly cool, it helps everyone sleep good. Good bath, and feed before bed, place baby into bed before he cries signaling he is overtired. Sleep when he sleeps, and set a rule that noone is to hold baby if they feel tired enough to fall asleep, then husband will not drop baby when he falls asleep. You both need time together. Especially sleep. Go to sleep at your normal time, and use the monitor. Write a small list of steps for what to do when caring for baby in the middle of the night, that are easy to follow. Diaper clean and dry, check. Baby fed, check. Baby in his bed, check. Head back to bed. Tag team it. My firstborn was a learning experience, even when I knew what was involved. Only my child would have colic among my family/friends. My husband worked and attended school full time, he couldn't help out much. I had a cesarean delivery too. Oh, the things I wish that I knew at that time, that I know now. It would have made my life so much easier. It is alright to let your baby cry for the time it takes you to have a shower, or some other chores. Outings can involve no spending, other than time for a walk around the block, to the park, to visit another young mom. When baby is in a safe place, you take power naps too. If you do this and still feel worried, or baby cries a lot in the afternoon, through night, not letting you sleep, speak with your doctor. If you breastfeed, it could be something in your diet upsetting baby's tummy. Dairy, spicy foods, etc, can do that. I don't want to write a novel, since you have had so many replies already. Here are some of the ones off the top of my head.

Bonnie - posted on 04/16/2013

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Keep it dark at night, light during the day. It's alright to run noisy things during the day too. Baby monitors are great, you will be able to hear if you are needed by baby during the night. Dress baby in sleeping sac/swaddle, no need for blankets or toys in the crib. Keep the room slightly cool, it helps everyone sleep good. Good bath, and feed before bed, place baby into bed before he cries signaling he is overtired. Sleep when he sleeps, and set a rule that noone is to hold baby if they feel tired enough to fall asleep, then husband will not drop baby when he falls asleep. You both need time together. Especially sleep. Go to sleep at your normal time, and use the monitor. Write a small list of steps for what to do when caring for baby in the middle of the night, that are easy to follow. Diaper clean and dry, check. Baby fed, check. Baby in his bed, check. Head back to bed. Tag team it. My firstborn was a learning experience, even when I knew what was involved. Only my child would have colic among my family/friends. My husband worked and attended school full time, he couldn't help out much. I had a cesarean delivery too. Oh, the things I wish that I knew at that time, that I know now. It would have made my life so much easier. It is alright to let your baby cry for the time it takes you to have a shower, or some other chores. Outings can involve no spending, other than time for a walk around the block, to the park, to visit another young mom. When baby is in a safe place, you take power naps too. If you do this and still feel worried, or baby cries a lot in the afternoon, through night, not letting you sleep, speak with your doctor. If you breastfeed, it could be something in your diet upsetting baby's tummy. Dairy, spicy foods, etc, can do that. I don't want to write a novel, since you have had so many replies already. Here are some of the ones of the top of my head.

Teryl - posted on 04/16/2013

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I don't know about these dads these days, my daughter has a 3 month old baby boy and his dad doesn't like to help out at all. She works 3rd shift and he works 2nd but when she gets off work it acts like it is a chore to take care of him when he wakes up after she gets home. He wants to keep him up when he gets home til around 3 am but heaven help him to let her get some sleep after she gets off. So I will prey for the both of u that these dads turn things around and make it easier on you ladies.

Max - posted on 04/16/2013

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I agree with the other posters, unless there's some medical issue that your baby has, why does your husband have to stay awake until midnight? It's not dangerous. Take a poll of parents - who stays awake to watch their baby like that (unless there's a specific reason to do so)? If the baby's asleep too, and most babys are put to bed around 7 p.m., and hopefully will sleep through the night, then why should your DH stay awake? On the other hand, if it's your DH's time to be "on call" for the baby, and he doesn't get up if the baby needs him, then it's time to get a good baby monitor and put the receiver by your DH's ear, and to have a chat with your DH. On the OTHER hand, why his your DH only supposed to be "watching" the baby for 5 hours/day? If you both work full time, it's time to rethink your baby care schedules.

Max - posted on 04/16/2013

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I agree with the other posters, unless there's some medical issue that your baby has, why does your husband have to stay awake until midnight? It's not dangerous. Take a poll of parents - who stays awake to watch their baby like that (unless there's a specific reason to do so)? If the baby's asleep too, and most babys are put to bed around 7 p.m., and hopefully will sleep through the night, then why should your DH stay awake? On the other hand, if it's your DH's time to be "on call" for the baby, and he doesn't get up if the baby needs him, then it's time to get a good baby monitor and put the receiver by your DH's ear, and to have a chat with your DH. On the OTHER hand, why his your DH only supposed to be "watching" the baby for 5 hours/day? If you both work full time, it's time to rethink your baby care schedules.

Hanna - posted on 04/16/2013

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I remember being a new mom. After 13 years we learn. Making someone stay up just to watch a sleeping baby is far too much to ask. - unless there is a health risk. I'm happy my fiance is alive (with most of his hair) when I get home from work. I have 4 kids and each with their own personality. As far as helping out more, you can either tell a man what you want done or do it yourself if its not how you want it done. Be honest and upfront on everything. Being a new mom is hard. but sleep when you can. BOTH of you.

Hanna - posted on 04/16/2013

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I remember being a new mom. After 13 years we learn. Making someone stay up just to watch a sleeping baby is far too much to ask. - unless there is a health risk. I'm happy my fiance is alive (with most of his hair) when I get home from work. I have 4 kids and each with their own personality. As far as helping out more, you can either tell a man what you want done or do it yourself if its not how you want it done. Be honest and upfront on everything. Being a new mom is hard. but sleep when you can. BOTH of you.

Wintergreen - posted on 04/16/2013

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Watch the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin. There's one scene where he and his wife are in the principle's office discussing their first child, how they treated him and how they treated their third.

Helicopter parenting is not the way to go. However, you have to ask yourself why are you concerned that you feel you have to 'watch' your baby every second? That's just exhausting.

One of the modern tools is to get a baby monitor with sound, put it by your bed so you can look and hear what is happening if your baby is in another room. If your baby is sleeping in your bed then put a pillow between your husband (or you) and the baby. If you don't think a pillow is enough, put something hard instead.

Wintergreen - posted on 04/16/2013

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Watch the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin. There's one scene where he and his wife are in the principle's office discussing their first child, how they treated him and how they treated their third.

Helicopter parenting is not the way to go. However, you have to ask yourself why are you concerned that you feel you have to 'watch' your baby every second? That's just exhausting.

One of the modern tools is to get a baby monitor with sound, put it by your bed so you can look and hear what is happening if your baby is in another room. If your baby is sleeping in your bed then put a pillow between your husband (or you) and the baby. If you don't think a pillow is enough, put something hard instead.

Jen - posted on 04/16/2013

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Yeah....so if your kid is sleeping unless there is a serious health problem then there isn't any reason why someone has to be up with him/her at all hours. If you think there should be, then maybe you should be the one staying awake all the time.

Jen - posted on 04/16/2013

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Yeah....so if your kid is sleeping unless there is a serious health problem then there isn't any reason why someone has to be up with him/her at all hours. If you think there should be, then maybe you should be the one staying awake all the time.

Susan - posted on 04/16/2013

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Delilah,
If you are so concerned about your partner rolling onto the baby (which is fair enough cause the reality is this can happen) then let the baby sleep in a bassinet next to the bed, if he cries you take over, feed the baby do what you need to do and then settle him back to sleep.
I dont think it'r realistic to expect your husband to be awake watching the baby sleep, that is unheard of to me and unreasonable. You are both new parents you probably both need as much sleep as you can get, I know I did with my son who is now 2 and he was a terrible sleeper. Try to enjoy the simple things in life as much as you can this phase goes so fast with the little one, you will be okay, I think you have way too high expectations which is normal for being a first time mum. Try to seek solace in something soothing and healing for you.

Susan - posted on 04/16/2013

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Delilah,
If you are so concerned about your partner rolling onto the baby (which is fair enough cause the reality is this can happen) then let the baby sleep in a bassinet next to the bed, if he cries you take over, feed the baby do what you need to do and then settle him back to sleep.
I dont think it'r realistic to expect your husband to be awake watching the baby sleep, that is unheard of to me and unreasonable. You are both new parents you probably both need as much sleep as you can get, I know I did with my son who is now 2 and he was a terrible sleeper. Try to enjoy the simple things in life as much as you can this phase goes so fast with the little one, you will be okay, I think you have way too high expectations which is normal for being a first time mum. Try to seek solace in something soothing and healing for you.

Rose - posted on 04/16/2013

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Must be your first child, by the third one comes and it ate dirt, you'll be wondering if you still need to feed it lunch.

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