Newly Married to Military Member Just moved to be with him, Need some newly wed advice.

Adiba - posted on 04/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So my husband is in the military. He got stationed in Alaska last year and I just recently followed him up here after graduating. We have been married for a year but we haven't lived together until recently becaues he was PCS'd and I was finishing school. I was just wondering if this is me being pregnant and hormonal or if it's normal. I love that he has friends here, but most of them are single friends that want to go out drinking with him, and when he goes out with them normally I don't go cause I'm the odd one out (and I'm never asked to go), the chick, and not one of the guys. I don't have many friends up here yet, but I noticed that the friends I do have are the few friends that he has that have spouses. Tomorrow is his birthday and I was planning a surprise dinner for him but I ended up telling him about it so that he doesn't make any plans, then it turned out he already had plans to go drinking with friends. That really upset me because I had planned to spend that day with him as a family, me him, and my son. Am I being overly emotional?

We've had issues like this before where he spends too much time playing his game or out with his friends. We don't go out much together, and I"m starting to think that maybe it's just that he's not use to going from living the bachlor life to being married. What should I do to get him to spend more quality time with me without having to outright ask him to? Because when I ask him to he gets a little upset, more so at himself then at me becaues I had to even mention it, so he starts to feel like he's slacking and being a jerk, and he gets upset a bit with me for bringing it up cause he says I don't give him the chance to do it, and that now that I say something it wont mean anythign when he does do it. I don't want him to feel that way, I do still want him to have his guy friends, but I want him to even out his time spent with his friends, his game and myself.

Sorry i had a mouthful going on there. I love my husband, and I know he loves me and my son. I just feel like now that I'm here living with him that maybe he's overwhelmed? He doesn't act with me like he use to. I used to feel like he wanted me there all the time, I was normally the one that felt a little smothered almost, but now it's like the tables have turned.

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Sarah - posted on 04/20/2012

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I can understand why you would be upset. Its lonely when you don't know anyone and your partner isn't around. I think you do need to talk. Marriages break down when the communication does. Plus if you don't talk and this continues, you'll begin to resent him. Maybe you could allot a certain day of the week were he could go out with his buddies, guys still need to have that guy time. Other than that, he needs to be home with you. Also have a date night, remember what it is like to be Courting? It doesn't have to stop once you marry. Marriage is hard work and you both need to make the effort. Be honest with him how you feel, than listen to him how he feels then work together to find a solotion that you can both be happy with. Also, look into joining a mommies group in your community or at the base for military wives. If there isn't one, start one Up! Put up a notice on Facebook or a notice at the supermarket for movies to get together once a week for coffee or tea or a walk. It will help you too if you meet some people to socialize with outside your marriage as well. Good Luck!

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