No support during daughter's ER visit

Nikki - posted on 06/29/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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A few weeks ago my daughter was in the ER for a high fever loss of appetite, no bowel movements, no urination and deydration. She was in the ER for four hours with IV fluids Enema to induce bowel movement, Catheter to test urine for kidney infection blood draw for detection of any disease or infection. It was traumatizing and a scary experience for a one year old to go through. Her father did not show up for this whole process not knowing how serious this was going to be in the end. His excuse was that he was sick also and did not want to sit in an ER the way he was feeling. My daughter was eventually released from the ER with a diagnosis of a viral infection. I was going to need to get pedialyte and Ibuprofen for her with it being late I needed to get money to get these things because the bank was closed leaving after 10 at night from the ER. He left me $20 dollars in the mailbox to pick to get these things she needed because he was at his moms doing something for her. Really? I thought you were too sick yourself to do anything. You can do something for your mom but you can't come be with your daughter during a crisis. Not only that yesterday I called him to see if he was going to keep his daughter before she goes out of town for the holiday and he told me to stop texting him because he has his son and he is sick I was so upset to this reply due to how he acted when my daughter was in the hospital and just that he could have said somthing nicer than that it was unneccessary. How would you feel in this situation. I am so tired of his favortism and narcissistic attitude. Help me ladies he is so hard to deal with I really want to stop dealing with him all together when it comes to my daughter and his relationship.

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Pamela - posted on 06/29/2012

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It sounds as if you do not live together so it is difficult to advise what to do about him without knowing more particulars.

However, what does appear to be so, from your description, is that he will be UNRELIABLE when it comes to your daughter. If this is typical behavior then I am wondering why you have not filed for sole custody and child support and moved on with your life.

Waiting around for someone to change is wasting your time and your child's time.

It is unfortunate that in this country many people get married or start relationships that they expect or want to see changes in the other person's personality or behavior. The best thing to rely upon is "What you see, is what you get". That is not to say that people cannot change, but that we are fooling ourselves if we EXPECT them to change for us or their children or anyone else.

Sounds like his interest in you, your daughter and the relationship he has with you two is non-existent. To stay in such a relationship is to lower your own self-esteem and the self-esteem and confidence of your daughter.

You say you want to stop the relationship. Act on your words. Cut the ties and move on.
Forgive all concerned and move forward. Get sole custody, file for child support, get court appointed visitation rights for him (which should be supervised) and make room in your heart, mind and soul for a man who is worth your love and energy!

The highest and best to you all!

Christina - posted on 06/29/2012

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The way he's acting shows he wants nothing to do with her. My son's donor tried to get custody of my son because I wouldn't let him control me. He lied on a sworn affidavit, CPS came in and did their investigation to find NOTHING wrong. When the judge received the report he went off on my ex for wasting the courts time, the CPS case workers time that could've been used for a more serious case and causing emotional stress to my son who was only 18 months old. He immediately ordered my son back into my custody and place sole legal custody to me and granted him visitations. After court he had nothing to do with my son and not even two months later he quit his job and moved out of state. Hasn't paid child support in 3 years now but he's going to have a very rude awakening when he's served with child support ordered papers including 3 years worth of arearments. It has been more difficult to be a single mom to not just one but two boys but with the headache gone it's easier at the same time.

You can always ask for help in busting his backside doing these things. My friend did and it cost the guy who employed the father of her 3 boys his business because it's also tax fraud.

Sharlene - posted on 06/29/2012

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The bastard, cut off the old fellow and feed it to the dog lol

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Stacie - posted on 07/02/2012

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I have been in your shoes. I know how devastating it can be not just for her but for you as well. I would do as many have said. Get custody, and my recommendation is to kill the prick with kindness. If he wants to know anything about her, let him come to you. If he doesn't show anY concern now, let him wonder. Try to forgive, but don't forget. He sounds very dipstick. Don't let it get to you and try to not speak of it around your child. Email me any time.


Staciesei@gmail.com
Stacie
Best of luck, keep your head held high! He is not worth it.

Alisha - posted on 07/01/2012

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If u can and I no its hard u have to stop calln stop textd just leave him alone. My son was hospitalized for 2 dys and my sperm donor never showed up. So that was the end for me.

Sandra - posted on 06/30/2012

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It seems like you have enough from him his missbehavings. It always happened when a women having a child with a marriage man. or a person who is commited somewhere else. those are the words of a playboy, always bursy or sick .Stop pushing him .Get him to the court their he will get orders , with you, to him you are like a music he doesnt want to hear about , find the way to fix him. if he think he is clever , he can bring a child in this world and forget about it he is a sucker.

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2012

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I suggest that you just inform him of any medical problems with your daughter without expecting anything in return as he sounds like he is unreliable and won't provide any help. Your only option is to try to find help in other places like a new man. I've learnt you can't make men do the things they are suppose to do, so I don't even try anymore and once I stop trying and fighting my ex can't do enough because he wants to the boys to see him in a good light. Don't let him see your fustration as that will tell him that his getting to you (Don't give him that power)

Nikki - posted on 06/29/2012

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i believe he is a narcissist that needs help with therapy and I know he is to stuck on himself to go there so its a wrap he made me feel so low for so long mind you i suffered from postpartum depression and from him to call me crazy and bipolar while I was going through this I was so scared because I never felt this with my previous two kids. The verbal mental and emotional abuse let me know he has no empathy and with me being in the medical field this is so opposite of my character it caused problems for all aspects of my life for him to be as cruel as he has been to me and my children and I used to worry about him finding someone new but I know he will never change and eventually the next will endure this pain even though he has told me has found somebody thats better than me and he will never date a woman of my type again. A woman of my type with good sense would run as fast as they could if they only knew what was up ahead,

Lizzette - posted on 06/29/2012

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I've had the same problem with my husband since I got pregnant! I'm divorcing him now 2 years is enough! I wouldn't let the problem escalate too much further or else you'll be in my shoes!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

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Now I can see it. He sure sounds like a treasure *rolls eyes*. Sorry you are dealing with this.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

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This is driving me nuts. I cannot see your comment. Another CoM glitch just waiting to be fixed. Hopefully I can eventually see it.

Nikki - posted on 06/29/2012

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I get child support thank goodness. That is one of the reasons he is being so spiteful towards me because he is mad at me for filing but the child needs this support or else it wouldnt have been granted could you imagine asking him for anything with this type of attitude that he has and waiting on him to do anything it would be to much to handle with such a mean and controlling behavior thats one of the reasons I had to file the child support. I am in the process of the court ordered visitation but I am told it could be costly that's why it's taking a little longer. He has five cars a house works under the table and puts things in other peoples names to hide it so that he wont have to pay as much child support. He tries to control me and the state like he knows all the ways to stay on top its just frustrating.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/29/2012

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I take it you are not married? What a jerk. I have no idea how to deal with him properly, I would just not deal with him at all unless absolutely necessary or court ordered. Do not keep his daughter from him, but obviously you cannot count on him. Do make sure child support is coming your way though.

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